A Fine and Private Place: A Kincaid Story
by NevadaRose
Summary: Matt and Kitty have been together nearly 15 years - in the privacy of Kitty's room, and with advice from friends old and new, they explore the changes that might happen in their lives. The story accepts most of the series up through season 14, then makes some turns. Adult content.
1. Chapter 1: Not tonight, Cowboy

**Chapter One: "Not tonight, Cowboy." **

Kitty woke at the turn of the key in her lock. It was late, not as late as a Saturday night, but late, and she'd been asleep, not expecting Matt back from Hays until tomorrow. He came in trying for quiet, but not achieving it. She heard his hat go on the rack, his boots thump softly onto the floor, the rustle as his clothes came off and were laid across the tall chair that she kept close to the door just for that purpose. Lastly the gentle clink as his badge was laid on top of her dresser. On that cue, she sat up in bed. "Hello, Matt."

He came to the bed and she moved over, leaving him the warm place she had created under the quilts. "Hello, Kitty. I didn't mean to wake you." He always said it, but he knew that he always did. He moved in beside her and moved her into his arms for an embrace. "What happened at the trial?" she asked, her face against his chest. "'bout what we expected. The jury found him guilty, but they took their time about it. Judge gave him only five years because of his help in bringing in the rest of those fellas. I talked to Judge Brooker, and he says he'll see that Jackson is up for parole next year." Matt's hands moved on her shoulders and hair. It had been two weeks. "Anything happen while I was gone?" She shook her head against him, "Not much." And now his hands were on her face, lifting it to his mouth for a kiss that started softly and ended very deep. One hand moved down, to cup her breast, and she said the words that had been part of their language for a long time. "Not tonight, cowboy."

_flashback June 1877 c1c1c1c1c1c1c1 June 1877 flashback_

_ Their times together those first years had been less frequent, partly because of his work, and hers, partly a lack of privacy, partly because it was still such a special thing – saved for special times, times that Kitty chose with care, and sometimes a calendar. They had been together for nearly four years before the evening came when Matt, back from a week on the trail, came to her at closing time, washed and changed into clean clothes, to have a last beer with her as she wiped down the bar. "About time to lock up," he commented, holding her eyes as she handed him the mug. "Town's quiet tonight." _

_ "That's a good thing." She replied, waiting for what she knew was coming next. _

"_Want me to lock up and douse the lights so you can go on up?" _

"_Not tonight, cowboy." She told him._

_His sudden stillness filled the room. After a moment or two, he asked quietly, "Did I do something wrong, Kitty?" She smiled up at him, which brought some relief to his eyes, "Not that I remember, Matt. But there are times of the month when a lady can't entertain." She watched his hands relax on the glass. They were both still for a moment before he replied, "Shame to waste that nice soft new bed, and that nice new room, Kitty. Lot nicer than that cot back at the jailhouse." She shook her head, not blushing, but not wanting to need to explain further. _

_Matt reached over and tipped up her face to look at him, "I'm not a boy, Kitty. I hear what you're saying. It's all right. Hand me the keys and you go on up." She shrugged her shoulders, and handed him the keys from under the counter. He stood at the bar, drinking his beer, while she went up the stairs. He took longer with the closing than was usual. She had time to clean herself up and was waiting in the new room, in the new bed, when he came in a quarter hour later. She heard the click as he locked the door behind him, and all the familiar sounds as he removed his clothes and came over to where she lay. _

"_Matt…" she tried again. _

_ "Shh. Scoot over, now." He lifted the quilts and lay down beside her, his naked body next to hers in its long-sleeved, high-throated nightdress. His arms went around her and drew her back against his chest, his arm across her waist, carefully neither higher nor lower. "I missed you, Kitty. Thought about you all the way home." She felt the hardness of him against her bottom but he didn't move against her, just lay still, holding her. There was a sigh rising inside her but she refused let it out as she turned over and reached for him with her hands. But his hands were there to take hers and lift them to his mouth for a gentle kiss on each palm before he settled her again in the circle of his arms, her head on his shoulder. "Not tonight, Kitty." There were no more words as they lay snugged close together under the quilts. The solid length of him lay against her leg for a long time until he finally relaxed into sleep._

_flashback June 1877 c1c1c1c1c1c1c1 June 1877 flashback_

"Not tonight, cowboy."

He turned her to lie on her back beside him and propped himself on an elbow above her. The pause was there, but not long, before he said, "Are you all right? Have you seen Doc?" She couldn't stop the tears from falling then, but she chuckled at the same time, "Lord help me, how did I manage to end up with the only cowboy in Kansas who can count?"

"Doesn't take too much counting when a man's riding out under the moon." He replied, tracing a hand comfortingly along her hair and the side of her face. "Was it bad?" She turned her face against him, "No. Yes. I don't know. It's over." She had sworn she wouldn't cry. Sworn it, but she did, just letting the tears stream down her face, not sobbing. "Annie helped me for a couple of days. She's the only other one who knew. Doc wanted me to stay in bed longer, but once it was over, it was over."

"What else did Doc say?" Matt asked neutrally. She stiffened and sat up in the bed, arms around her knees. "Dammit, Matt, can't you just leave it?" she asked, her voice irritable, but not really angry.

He sat up and then slid his long legs out of the bed, settling the covers back around her. "You want a drink?" he asked, walking over to the table where a bottle of whiskey and two glasses stood near the window. She nodded, a subtle motion in the light that spilled through the sheer curtains from the full moon. He poured two glasses and brought them back to the bed, handed her one and then took a shawl from the back of a chair and draped it around her shoulders. He sat naked on the side of the bed, one knee propped in front of him, one foot on the cold floor, and said again, "What else did Doc say?"

"Said I was about two months. He said what he always does. It's natural. It happens all the time. No need to worry." She tossed off the whiskey and seemed about to throw the glass across the room when Matt's large hand covered hers to take the glass to set it on the floor. "What else did Doc say?" he asked again.

Kitty shrugged, then smiled at him, mischief showing through the slowing tears, "He said I needed to sleep alone for a while."

"Really? Those were his very words?"

"He told me if I let some overgrown lawman come sniffing around me before the first of next month that he'd personally slit your throat in your sleep." Now it was Matt's turn to chuckle. "That sounds more like Doc."

Matt finished his drink and, setting down the glass, moved back into the bed, holding Kitty tight in his arms. "I'm sorry about the baby, Kitty. I worry about you. This is, what, three times in the last four years?"

Her usually strong voice was tiny. "Four times."

He stilled for a moment before his hands resumed their soft stroking pattern on her back. "You didn't think to tell me?" Her voice very quiet she said, "It was after Mannon. From the timing I thought, likely, it was his, and the very thought made me sick. Doc helped me that time."

"I wouldn't have thought that of him, Kitty."

"He didn't like it, but he's a practical man."

"And I was away."

"And you were away."

They were silent for a time, sleep far from either of them. She turned at last to prop herself above him and look into his face. "I know you feel bad about the baby, Matt. Doc keeps saying he's sure that someday I'll manage to keep a baby long enough to birth it. Do you still really want that?"

"I would love any child you had, Kitty. And do my very best for the both of you." His voice was slow and deep. "It would mean some changes, but those changes are going to come someday soon anyhow. We both know that. We've talked about buying a ranch. Here if we could. California or Colorado if we need to. There's other things. I know a lot of law, Kitty, and I could read more. The governor has talked to me couple of times about appointing me as a judge. Problem with that is you have to ride circuit, and you still get shot at. And it's considered bad manners to shoot back." He wiped the last trace of tears from her face. "And you? Do you feel like you could want a baby now? You seemed so happy, the first time…"

She thumped onto her back beside him, arms folded across her chest. "Now you sound like Doc."

"I'd like to see you with a child, Kitty." He hesitated, and then went on softly, "And I know you haven't wanted that. I've kept my word to you all these years, honey, but do you feel safer now? We're older. Things are more settled." She felt more than saw his smile, "Even Kansas is more settled than it was ten years ago. You have a pretty good life worked out for yourself, Kitty. The Long Branch does good business. You've probably got more money in the bank than I do. A baby could change that life, but it wouldn't have to."

"I know women who've raised a baby over the bar, Matt. It's not against the law. But no, I don't think I'd want to do that."

The voice was small, small, coming from the large man beside her. "Would you marry me, Kitty, if there was a child?"

Kitty moved back into his arms, kissing his scarred shoulder, smoothing a hand across other scars on his neck and arm. "You know I would, Matt. We've talked about that enough before."

"But not now."

"No. Not right now. You have your badge. I have the Long Branch. We have each other."

"That we do, honey. That we do." They lay silent for a long time before they slept.


	2. Chapter 2: We have to be careful

Chapter Two: "We have to be careful."

Matt was able to rise in the morning without waking her. That seemed to be the way of it. She always heard him come in, but rarely woke when he dressed and pinned on his badge in the dawn light. Carrying his boots he softly closed the door behind him and walked down into the room below to put them on. He left through the back door, locking it behind him, and glanced up at Doc Adams' window as he crossed the alley. Probably too early, he thought, as he began his morning rounds of the slowly awakening town.

An hour later he was back at the wooden staircase, and climbed slowly up to tap on the door. "I'm comin', I'm comin'. Can't you let an old man sleep?" But Doc was fully dressed except for his coat and hat when the lock turned and he opened the door. "Hmpf. You." Doc said turning to let the Marshal enter his office. "When did you get back?"

"Last night."

"Seen Kitty?"

"Yep. Want to slit my throat?"

Doc wiped a hand across his mustache, and moved over to the stove and shook the coffeepot. "You had breakfast?"

"No. Thought maybe you and I could talk private for a bit before we did that."

Doc looked up at him sideways then nodded and sat down in his desk chair. Matt settled against the examining table, hat in his hand. "How is Kitty, really?"

"Fine, healthy woman. Nothing wrong with her at all. Mostly."

"Mostly."

"Damn it, Matt! What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me why she's lost so many babies the last few years."

Doc sighed. "Not so many. I know women who've lost more." But most of them, he thought, were worn out from child-bearing and years of hard life on the Kansas prairie.

Matt waited. Eventually Doc went on. "I don't have enough information to go on, Matt. When I have this talk with some young man and his wife, I'm pretty sure what's happening between them. You and Kitty, well, I know you sleep with her from time to time. Couldn't even say I actually knew even that, though I was pretty sure, until the first time she came to me pregnant. But I don't know much more. She won't talk about it. You sure don't talk about it." He shrugged.

"Well, what do you need to know?"

Doc turned his face to look up at him sideways. "You won't like it."

"Lots of things I don't like, Doc. Some need doin' anyway."

Doc pulled a piece of paper in front of him and put out a hand for his pen. "How long?"

"How long what?" said Matt.

Doc snorted at him in disgust. "How long have you been together?"

"Since her first year in Dodge. Going on fifteen years now. Do you have to write this down?"

"I do. But no names anywhere. Just notes and numbers. How often?"

"These days, I stay with Kitty most nights I'm in town. Unless there's something going on in town, or I have a prisoner I don't want to leave with just Festus."

"And before?" 

"Is that important?" Matt asked.

"Yes."

"Well, right at first it was mostly summertimes, when we could go out fishing or riding for a day. Sometimes she would come to the jailhouse, if I was alone. I took a room at Ma Smalley's that second year, but Ma mostly knew if Kitty came over, and she didn't like it."

"Not at the Long Branch?"

"Not until we bought out Bill Pence. He charged for visitors. I was willing, but Kitty wouldn't have it."

Doc voice showed his surprise, "We?"

"I didn't want Kitty entertaining, and she didn't want it either. Couple of times, things turned rough on her. It made me mad. And… it made me madder that she thought of it as just part of the business. So we changed that as soon as we could. But that's not part of what's going on now."

Doc ducked his head, and stared at his paper. "So now, it's just you?" He knew better, but he still asked.

Matt's hands twitched as he turned the hat in his hand. "I'm sorry you have to ask that, Doc, but yes. Just me. For a long time now." He hesitated and then went on quietly, "Me… and Mannon."

Doc looked sharply up at that. "She told you about that?" He wondered if she'd told Matt about the other times as well.

"She told me. All about it, Doc. Everything."

Doc shuffled the papers on his desk. Cleared his throat. Twice. "I'm sorry about that, Matt. Not something I would usually do. But for Kitty – and knowing the circumstances. It was safer for her to come to me than one of the madams over on Red Alley. And she swore she would do that if I didn't help her. So I did."

"I'm not blaming you, Doc. It was her choice. I'm glad you kept her safe." Matt nodded at the paper of notes. "Anything else you need to know?"

Doc's hand went up again to his moustache. He looked down at his hands, and then up and straight into Matt's eyes. "You have any children, Matt?"

Matt's eyes met his. "One. That I know of for sure. There were women before Kitty, we both know that."

Doc was writing on his paper. "Well then, that, along with Kitty's other pregnancies, leaves no reason to think you're not fertile. And she certainly is now, even if she wasn't before."

"You don't think she was… before?"

Doc sighed and tried to find the right words - words that would explain, but maybe not hurt his friend as much as the plainer ones that came first to his mind. "Matt, it's hard on a woman's body. Bill Pence wasn't bad to his girls, he protected them pretty well, and he didn't force them to take customers if they were set against it, and he kept the roughest men away. You helped with that as well, and not just for Kitty – you've kept this town pretty clean. I know Kitty was young when she came to Dodge – I doubt she was twenty – but she'd been through that rough game for several years at least. More than one abortion if I'm not mistaken. They were hard years. Scarred her mind, but scarred her body as well. I wouldn't be surprised if it's just in the last five years or so that her body has recovered enough to conceive again."

Doc looked down at his notes. Wrote some numbers down the side of the sheet, and tapped his pen against the desk. "So what I'm hearing is that you're together more now than when you two were younger. And she's been pregnant four times in the last four years – twice in the last year - but not in the years before that."

Matt ran his hand over the back of his head. "I hadn't really thought of it that way, Doc, but you're probably right. Once Kitty owned the place, and set up her own rooms, then, yeah, I came over more frequent."

"Well, that's likely part of it, then, Matt. Most couples, they're with each other more at the beginning, less and less as the years and the children move along. When you say you stay with Kitty do you mean… "

"Yes."

Doc's head came up in surprise for a direct stare. "All the time?"

Now Matt shrugged, but his voice was matter of fact. "Pretty much. There's three days, sometimes four, at moon dark when she bleeds. And, I'm always out of town some - sometimes even more days in a month than I'm in Dodge, except in high summer when the herds are coming through. And sometimes I need to be at the office at night – 'though usually I can get away for a while. So unless one of us is sick, or hurting," he sighed, "and that's usually me, yeah, all the time."

Doc went back to his scribbled notes, crossing out a line here, jotting a new one there. "Well, if there's even ten days in a month when you could get her pregnant, I'm more amazed there have been so few pregnancies than that's she's miscarried each time."

Now it was Matt's turn to clear his throat. He looked out the window, and then back at Doc. "I didn't mean to say, Doc, that there was that many times a month when Kitty could have, when I could have gotten her… damn it, we were careful. We've been careful for years."

_flashback June 1875 c2c2c2c2c2 June 1875 flashback_

_She knew she shouldn't. It was a bad time. The worst time, but it had been such a long winter, and their times so few and so short. Matt had come back from a trip down into the Nations, talking about the early summer weather and the rise in the Arkansas River. He asked her to go riding with him on her next day off, and mentioned fishing poles and a picnic, she accepted with glee._

_He drove the buggy to a private place by Carter's Creek, well shaded by cottonwoods. There was no one else about, he made quite sure of that, though he didn't expect any visitors mid-day on a Tuesday. Sunday afternoon, that would be something else. He spread out their blankets, and she sat down facing him, blue eyes shining and red hair cascading down her back. It was all he could manage not to fall on her. _

_Kitty patted the blanket beside her. "Can we talk a little first, Matt?" Her breath was short, and it suddenly dawned on him she was scared. Of him? "I won't make you wait long."_

_Matt seated himself next to her, determined that there would be no reason, none at all, for her to fear him, now or ever. "What's the matter, honey? Something wrong back at the Long Branch? Someone been bothering you?"_

"_No. Nothing I can't handle." She moved up to kneel beside him, her hands stroking his hair as she looked into his eyes. "Matt, I told Bill I wasn't going to entertain any more. In my room. He's not happy about it. He still asks me to, sometimes, but I won't do it, and he won't make me." Just let him try, Matt thought, but he kept silent. Her words came faster now. "I'm getting more pay now, for doing the books, and I get a cut on the games I deal. We're almost ready to go halves with Bill on the place."_

_There had been bounty money this winter. He hated to take money for killing, mostly didn't even file for it, but for this… to see Kitty free and on her own, he was willing. "All that sounds mighty good, Kitty," he told her, trying to understand, "I'm glad that you're not doing that anymore. You know I worried about that, about you getting hurt." About his own controlled but jealous anger at the thought of her with other men. He took a breath and went on, "Now tell me what's got you worried here today."  
><em>

_She plumped down again beside him, her lips pouting a little. "I don't want to get pregnant, Matt. That about sums it up."_

_Matt ran a hand over the back of his head. He couldn't say the thought hadn't occurred to him before, although, to be honest, it hadn't seemed to concern her. He forgot sometimes, how young she was, and how hard a time she'd had before Dodge. He looked at the fishing poles. Not the day he'd hoped for, but maybe he could manage a dip in that cold water at some point. He took her hands and smiled into her eyes, "Okay, honey, I understand. I'm just glad to be here with you today, and I won't bother you."_

_But she was laughing at him now. "Well, if you don't bother me, I will most certainly bother you! Matt, you're more than anyone like me deserves. Listen, we just have to be careful."_

"_Careful." he repeated._

"_Here, I'll show you." And she did. It was warm there, even in the shade, and they kissed and stroked, slowly divesting themselves of all their clothes. Kitty nibbled and teased him until he thought surely he would lose his mind, or something else, but when he tried to move over her she firmly pushed him back and bent over to take him in her mouth. The surprise of it, and the heat of her mouth on him, brought him over the edge almost at once. She held him with her hands and her mouth until he began to soften and then sat back, watching him, her blue eyes vulnerable. A few deep breaths and he pulled her into his arms, lying back with her hair spilling over his chest, and trying to think of what to say. "I didn't know you could do that." Well, that wasn't quite right. And "Where on earth did you learn that?" was clearly not a question he wanted answered at all. He settled for kissing her very softly on the lips, tasting the salt flavor that was surely his own, and just trying to catch his breath._

"_That was not," he said at last, stroking her back, "Quite what I thought we would be doing today." She relaxed a little against him, but the tension was still there. When his hand moved over her rounded bottom and pressed her against him, her hips moved slightly but sharply and her breath caught. Matt laid her back and looked into her eyes. "So that's being careful?" She nodded, her expression as old as wisdom and her eyes fearful as a child. _

_She could see he'd liked it, and that it was new for him. But deep inside she feared to hear him say, "A whore's trick." and push her away. What he said next was not anything she expected at all. "My Pa told me, long time ago, that a gentleman sees to a lady's pleasure as well as his own." _

_Her eyes were wide and seemed so dark as to be almost black. "I know you feel that way, Matt, and you always have, but" she looked up into the blue of his gaze, "but I'm not a lady, and there's nothing you need to do."_

"_You are my lady, Kitty. Now show me just how to be 'careful' of you." One hand on her hard-tipped breast, he kissed her deeply, and moved his other hand to the warm wetness of her mound. "I've not done this with you before and I want to get it right for you. You need to show me what you like." There was surprise there for her as well, in the skill of his soft stroking. She let herself guide his fingers to just the right place, and helped him find the rhythm she needed. Kitty cried out sharply as, touching her, he moved his mouth over her nipple and sucked it hard. And when he didn't stop, and didn't stop, her hips lifted and she spent against the pressure of his hand. _

_When she was able to breathe she found him still holding her, his eyes very bright, and himself standing large. "That seems to have gotten you pretty excited, cowboy." she purred._

"_Better than a rodeo at the fourth of July. Can you give me a little help here, Kitty?" she reached out to grasp him and his hand covered hers. A few long strokes, and there were fireworks falling all over both of them._

_They did manage to swim a bit, but it was too cold and too swift to stay in for long. They fished, and ate, and even napped spread out together under the cottonwoods. As the sun lowered in the sky, they finished dressing, and he hitched up the buggy. _

_Driving slowly back towards town, he asked her, "So that's the way it is from now on, Kitty? I'm not complaining, I just want to know."  
><em>

_Whore's trick. Whore's trick. Whore's trick. She ignored the word's pounding in her mind, and explained to him, with less embarrassment than she expected, that her fertile time came mostly at the full moon and that she would keep track and let him know when they had to be careful, and when they could do whatever they wanted. _

_What she didn't tell him, and what he wondered about but didn't manage to ask, was why, after nearly two years with each other, it was only now that she seemed concerned that he might get her with child. He didn't know what had changed, but it seemed clear that something had. He didn't want a child any more than she did at this point in his life, and the thought had worried him from time to time. If Kitty knew how to make this work for them, well, that was certainly a good thing._

_As they neared Dodge, and she saw a buggy coming towards them in the twilight, she buttoned herself up to her collar and smoothed her hair. Her hand made a last soft stroke against his thigh, and she moved over to the far edge of the seat, pulling the basket up to sit between them. Matt's back tightened and he shook out the reins. You can have some things, he thought, but you can't have them all the time. And something was far better than nothing._

_flashback June 1875 c2c2c2c2c2 June 1875 flashback_

"We've been careful for years."

Doc looked at him sternly, "Sorry, son, but if you want my advice on this, you'll have to tell me just what you mean by 'careful'. French letters?" 

Matt shook his head. "No, Kitty said that wasn't safe. Safer than nothing, but not safe. We, well we…" Doc sat silently his eyes carefully on the paper before him, waiting for the Marshal to find his own way to say what he needed to say. After a minute or two, Matt went on, but now he did blush, although he kept his voice steady, "For about ten days, five either side of the full moon, we mostly do… other things." He looked up now as he spoke, "There's lots of ways to love without me being inside her, or letting myself spill inside her. We're careful."

Doc stalled a moment. Thinking, writing. "Sounds like you probably are. Looks like you and Kitty can count better than most folks I know." Doc wondered why Matt smiled so suddenly at that phrase, but didn't ask.

Doc added a few lines to his notes, and turned his chair to face Dillon. "I'd say, hearing all this, that Kitty's body is repairing itself. She still can't seem to hold a pregnancy past the first few months, but that will probably get better as time goes on. If you don't want her pregnant, Matt, you'll need to be even more 'careful' – say a full week on either side of her mid-cycle, or just leave her alone during that time. You said full moon, and that's likely pretty accurate, but she should count days, or you should."

Matt stood up and walked over to the window. He kept his back turned now as he hadn't throughout all the frank talk before. "I think there's a few things you don't have straight yet, Doc. Question I asked you when I came in, it was why Kitty was losing those babies. I think I understand that a little better now, but if we've come this far, well, there's more you need to know. I'm not the one who doesn't want Kitty to have a baby. That's her choice. Always has been. I go along with it as best I can because it _is_ her choice, and she's got her reasons. Some are good ones as far as I can see, although I don't agree with them all." He went to the door, and opened it, putting on his hat and settling it in front. "You won't need to slit my throat. I'll take care of Kitty best I can, Doc, but I won't leave her alone."

Doc nodded. "All right, then. And Matt…" the Marshal turned back to face him, his shoulders stiff and his face stern, "Son, I'm so sorry about the baby."

All the rigid strength seemed to drain away from him, "I am too, Doc. More than I know how to say."


	3. Chapter 3: Working for Miss Kitty

Chapter Three: "Working for Miss Kitty"

Matt walked back to his office. Festus was puttering about at the cookstove making something he would call coffee. Matt had greeted him briefly earlier in the morning as they passed on their dawn walk through town. He glanced at his desk, at the stack of mail, and at the ledger books. He wanted nothing more than to sit quiet for a while and think, but he clapped Festus on the back and invited him to breakfast. As they walked across to Delmonicos, Doc joined them, and the three men sat down at their usual table, facing the door. Coffee appeared and large plates of food. Their conversation was relaxed and ordinary as Festus caught him up on the town's activities over the past two weeks, and Doc chatted about births and deaths and the interesting scars that could result if a man stuck a loaded gun into the waist band of his trousers.

"What I don' understan', Doc, is why he was a-carryin' that pistol aytal'. If he wanted to carry a gun, he coulda got hisself a gunbelt."

"Maybe he didn't want anyone to know he was carrying, Festus. Probably the reason he had that gun behind him. Good thing, though, it wasn't up front." Doc chortled as both of the other men visibly winced. Medical humor was his specialty.

Matt sat back with his coffee and let his mind drift as Festus and Doc continued to argue and insult each other. Another day in Dodge. The familiarity of the routine calmed him and moved him past what he had thought might be an awkward meeting with the doctor after the intimacy of their talk earlier. But no, his gaze rested on the short, rumpled figure of the older man, and he shook his head very slightly. Doc must know the secrets, and the heartaches, of the whole town – and decades of other towns and other people before Dodge. His own problems, and Kitty's, were part of that larger picture. That soothed him somehow, although it didn't actually make things better. His gut wrenched at the thought of what he and Kitty had lost.

Early in the afternoon he closed his ledger, folded a set of reports to send on to the governor's office, and headed out for the Long Branch. The place was nearly empty. Sam was behind the bar, and the Marshal walked over to the far end, away from where a few other customers stood drinking. Sam came down to join him. "Bring you a beer, Marshal?" Matt nodded and the barkeep pulled a beer and handed it to him.

"Is Kitty around?"

"She was down earlier, but went back upstairs about an hour ago. Said she'd be down later in the afternoon." Sam hesitated. "She hasn't been too well this last week, Marshal."

Matt took a sip of his beer then looked at Sam across the glass. "I heard that, Sam. I had breakfast with Doc." Matt drank again, wondering just how much Sam did or didn't know. "I'll go up and see her in a bit. Tell me, Sam, which one of the girls is Annie?"

Sam gestured to where a slender girl with brown curls was sitting at a table with a very young cowboy. The cowboy was drinking a beer and talking earnestly to her while she wrote in pencil on a cheap tablet of paper. "She new here, Sam?"

Sam considered that. The girls that worked for the Long Branch didn't usually stay too long. Cora, sitting at a table near the door with two young men and a pack of cards, had been around for the longest, nearly three years. "Annie's been here since about the first of the year, Marshal. Surprised you don't remember her."

_flashback January 1888 c3c3c3c3c3 January 1888 flashback_

_It was a week after New Year's Day when Sam knocked on the door to Kitty's office. "Come in, Sam." She called recognizing his knock. Sam opened the door and escorted in a very slender girl, just over medium height with brown curls and hazel eyes. _

"_This is Annie, Miss Kitty. She's looking for work." Sam stood looming over the girl until Kitty smiled at them both and said, "Take a chair, Annie, and we'll talk. Sam, I'll call if I need you."_

_Sam gave the girl a quick encouraging wink, and then retired, shutting the door behind him. Kitty looked Annie over. Her dress was neat, and high necked, but fitted closely to her body to reveal more curves at second glance than at first. She looked young, maybe twenty, but her eyes were more mature than her years seemed to indicate. "What's your name, honey?"_

"_Annie. Annie Dodge." she replied. _

"_Tell me where you're from and tell me what you do, Annie." Kitty asked. _

"_I'm from Texas, ma'am. North Texas where it's dry as bones and there are more cows than people. I grew up in a boarding house. I can bake and cook and clean and serve tables. That serving tables part, it led to working in a restaurant and then a saloon when I had to make my own way."_

"_Well, we don't do much cooking here, but there's cleaning enough for all the girls to help. Do you have any other clothes, Annie?"_

"_Yes, ma'am. I left my bag out there with the big barman – my, he __is__ big, isn't he?" Her gaze was very direct as she answered Kitty's real question. "I have a couple of the right kind of dresses, Miss Kitty. I know what to wear and I know how to sew."_

_Kitty liked the looks of the girl, but she looked just a little too… nice. She cringed a bit inside, but asked quite calmly, "Are you a whore, Annie?"_

_Annie's chin rose a little but she didn't protest the question. "No ma'am, I am not. I know about men, I've had my share, but I'm not a whore, and if that's what it takes to work here, then I'll be moving on." She did not, however, rise from the chair, just continued to look Kitty in the eye._

"_Girls who work here, Annie, they're going to be asked. Sometimes asked nice, sometimes not so nice. But you'll be asked. Every single day." Kitty replied._

"_As long as I don't have to say yes, then I'm satisfied with that." She replied, and then her eyes twinkled as she went on, "And ma'am, I can say no to a cowboy in a way that's going to make him almost happier than if I said yes, and that's going to make him pretty eager to come back and ask me again."_

_Kitty laughed out loud. "I think you'll do, Annie. I think you'll do fine. Let's try it and see how we get on. I pay ten dollars a week, and I pay on Monday morning. There's a free lunch at the bar every day, and you can help yourself. Your other meals are on your own. You go tell Sam to show you a room and tell you what hours he wants you working."_

_Annie rose and reached across the table to offer Kitty her hand. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. I'll do my best for you, Miss Kitty." Kitty, surprised, but not displeased, took her hand and they shook firmly as two men who had just made a deal on a herd of cattle._

_flashback January 1888 c3c3c3c3c3 January 1888 flashback_

"Surprised you don't remember her," said Sam.

"I probably should, Sam. Pretty little thing. What's she doin' over there?"

Sam smiled. "She writes letters for the cowboys - to their sweethearts, or their wives, or mothers." A customer at the other end of the bar called for another drink, and Sam went to get it. Matt stood drinking his beer and watching the girl Annie. Her cowboy was talking to her intently, his head bent closely over hers. Matt watched her smile and shake her head. She pulled off the top sheet from her pad of paper, folded it, and handed it to him. The boy finished his drink and went out. Watching the dejection in his step caused Matt to raise a hand to his mouth to cover a grin. It was pretty clear to him what the question had been.

Finishing his beer, Matt walked over to the table. "Mind if I join you, ma'am?" he asked.

Annie's eyes rounded just a little. "Sure, Marshal. What can I do for you?"

"Just wanted to talk with you, Annie." He sat down in the chair next to her, and said, very quietly, "And to thank you for what you did for Miss Kitty this last week."

Annie smiled at him. "Miss Kitty's been really good to me, Marshal. I'd do anything I could for her. It's no problem to help out when she was," a minor hesitation, "sick."

"I know what happened, Annie." Matt said, "But I appreciate that it's not something you want to talk about. That makes it easier for Kitty."

She nodded, smiling up at him. "For certain it does, Marshal. Some of the girls here gossip something awful." Her eyes grew rounder yet as the Marshal took her hand and closed it over a ten dollar gold piece.

"That's just for a thank you, Annie. It comforts me some to know Miss Kitty has folks here she can count on. "

Annie caught her breath at the size of the tip, but told him, "You don't have to do that, Marshal, but thank you." She looked down at the table and then up into his face almost shyly, "I'm saving."

Feeling far older than his forty some years, Matt smiled at her with real warmth. "I thought you might be, Annie. Thought you might be. Look, will you scoot upstairs and tell Kitty I'll be along in a few minutes? I've got some things to do down at the post office."

When Matt returned ten minutes later, Annie wasn't in the bar. He nodded to Sam, and walked up the stairs to Kitty's room. She was sitting on the settee with a shawl around her shoulders and her feet up. Matt locked the door behind him and went to lay a hand on her cheek before he sat down across from her.

"Feeling all right, Kitty?"

"Not bad, cowboy. I had the best night's sleep I've had in some time."

He thought about that, looking around the room. The room was all Kitty – comfortable, elegant, feminine. No one coming in to talk with her would see anything that hinted another person shared her room. But he thought about the rack on the wall near the door for his hat and gunbelt, and that tall straight-backed chair just inside the door. He settled deeper into the oversized armchair across from her settee. That chair, and the huge bed, not to mention the bathtub in the room next door, had to be the largest in Dodge. Familiar with his silences, Kitty watched his eyes as he considered the room, but waited for him to speak. "I always sleep better here, with you, Kitty, than anyplace else. I just hadn't thought about what it's like for you here alone."

She smiled and stretched. "I've made myself pretty snug. But it's always better when you're with me, cowboy. Though I wonder sometimes how you manage to get any sleep at all when you're in town. You always do the late rounds, and you're always up at dawn."

He took the late night rounds so that he could join her after Front Street had closed down for the night. Years on the trail woke him at first light, and he was always – almost always – up early so as to be away by the time anyone might see him coming out of the back door and wonder where he'd been. They both knew those things and it didn't need comment. "Sometimes I catch some sleep in the afternoon over at the jailhouse if things are quiet. And if I'm out travelling with Buck, why then we both sleep from dark to light." Most often a bedroll on the hard ground, or, if he was lucky, a pile of hay in someone's barn, but he was used to that, and usually slept well if not deeply.

Another long pause, and he said, "I talked to Doc this morning, Kitty. 

"Oh?" her look was direct, and not exactly pleased.

"Seemed to me he thought maybe I haven't been taking care of you as well as I should. I got the feeling he, maybe, thought it wasn't quite right that we're, well, together, so often. 

"That must have been some talk, Matt." Kitty said, her voice wry but eyes snapping.

"It wasn't exactly comfortable," he admitted. He could see she was upset, but felt he needed to move on. His voice was stark now. "Do I bother you too much, Kitty? Should I stay away? Or maybe," he smiled a bit with his eyes, "Just let us both get more sleep?"

"Oh, Matt." The anger that had been building drained away like water. She rose and came over to sit on his lap and hold his face directly in front of hers. "Matt Dillon, do you have any idea how, how _proud_, I am that you come to me every night? Every night you can? Do you know what it does for me to know that the tallest, handsomest, strongest fella in Dodge wants _me_? Not some young girl down in the barroom, but me?" She laid her head against his shoulder now and spoke softly into his neck, but Matt had very good hearing. "And I always want you, Matt. Always. I lay in that big bed by myself, when you're gone, feeling alone and feeling, well, empty, without you. Sometimes thinking about you, and you not being here just about drives me crazy." She wanted to reach down and stroke him, but she didn't. It wouldn't be fair at this point.

"What else did Doc say?" she asked after a quiet space.

He chuckled a bit remembering asking her the same question last night. "Well, he told me he thought likely you hadn't been able to get pregnant for a time. That your body was healing up from those bad years before you came to us. But that now, well, now you probably could. He told me I needed to be more careful of you, and he did seem pretty surprised to find we were together so often." Matt sat her up straighter on his knee so he could see her face. "You likely know more about that than I do, Kitty. Can't say I ever thought about it. Doc said that most people who are together for a long time…"

"Married couples." She interrupted him gently.

"Most of them get to the place where they don't want each other anymore." He stopped for a moment and then continued, "I can't imagine not wanting you, Kitty. As much now as ever I did when we were first together."

Kitty stroked his face lightly. "You have no idea, do you, cowboy, the compliment you've just paid me?" She rose and walked across the room, toyed briefly with a hair brush, then set it down. "I think some people, who really love each other, never get tired of each other. Look at Bess and Will. Nine babies in twelve years!" She grinned wickedly, "And Doc fusses at them about it, too. I've heard him. You should see Bess blush!" Her face straightened and she came back and lowered herself to the floor by Matt to lay her head on his knee.

"But I think Doc's right that for most people it's different. A woman trying to work a claim with her husband, and a baby coming every year when there's not enough food for the ones already there – yes, I can see how she'd want to turn him away even if she loved him. Or maybe people just grow into different lives, fill themselves up with other things 'til there's not as much room for each other." She sat back and looked directly into his eyes. "Do you think you would really want me as much if we were together every day and every night? If I had a baby every year and got fat?"

He chortled a little and chucked her under the chin. "I'd make you work too hard to get fat, sweetheart, and I would love every single one of those yearly babies." He stood, lifting her from the floor to his arms with no more effort than picking up a kitten. He settled her back on her chaise as she had been when he entered. "I have to get back to the office, Kitty. You take it easy this afternoon, and I'll see you tonight."

"Come on back about six and I'll feed you." she said, knowing that with his visit to her midday he wouldn't have time for any other meal. He nodded his thanks, but at the door he turned and told her very seriously, "I will love you, and I will want you, every day of my life, Kitty Russell. You just believe that."

"I do, Matt. I do." And only, when the door had closed behind him, did she whisper, "I just wish I didn't feel that every day could take you from me forever."


	4. Chapter 4: Nobody listens to a whore

Chapter Four: "Nobody listens to a whore."

At just after ten o'clock that evening, all hell broke loose at the Long Branch Saloon. The main barroom was busy, but not crowded, and most of the customers were locals since it was too early in the year for the herds and their attendant hordes of cowboys. Kitty was standing chatting with one of the dealers at the door of the private card room when she heard an outraged scream from the front of the room. "You lying little whore!" and the overloud sound of a hard slap echoed in the now silent room as conversation stopped and every man in the room turned to where two of Miss Kitty's girls stood glaring at each other. A young cowboy stood between them holding Dolly's raised arm and clearly restraining her from hitting the smaller Annie another time.

Kitty headed toward them with direct strides. Sam, his shotgun in his hands, was already over the bar and standing next to the girls by the time she got across the floor. Kitty took a firm grip on Dolly's upper arm and headed her towards the hallway at the back of the room. "Sam, I want all the girls in my office. Right now." She nodded at her second barman, and jerked her head at the young cowboy. "Clem, give that young fella a drink on the house." And then, mouth smiling but blue eyes snapping fire, she cheerfully addressed the still quiet room, "It's all over gentlemen, you go about your business, and I'll settle mine."

Kitty pushed Dolly into the office so hard she fell against the far wall, regaining her balance and rubbing her arm as Sam ushered the other four girls into the room. All smiles gone, Kitty stood facing them. "Now someone tell me what the bloody hell that was all about," she said with grim calm. No one spoke for a moment. Dolly looked sullenly at the floor, and Annie held her hand against the side of her face. Kitty could see blood squeezing through her fingers.

Cora gasped at the sight when, at a nod from Kitty, Sam firmly, but very gently, moved Annie's hand to show four deep, bleeding scratches standing out against the red print of a hand on the girl's cheek. "I'll tell you, Miss Kitty," Cora said, "That Dolly she didn't like it when Annie turned down her cowboy. She was just jealous, she was, and she said some dirty things about Annie, and then she slapped her and scratched her face."

"Dolly?" Kitty asked. "What's your take on that?"

Dolly, still furious, pitched her voice into a scathing imitation of a soft-spoken little girl "Oh, Johnny, I just couldn't do that. I promised my dying mamma I wouldn't. You make me want to, Johnny, you do, but I just can't."

"That what you said, Annie?" Kitty asked, and Annie nodded, "Yes, ma'am. Pretty much."

"That's a good line, Dolly. You might try using it from time to time. So what's the real problem here?"

"She's a lying little bitch, is what's the problem, Miss Kitty!" Dolly seethed, "She tells Johnny she's too good for the likes of him, when she already spent all afternoon upstairs screwing with the Marshal. And she didn't even give Sam his name for the book, Miss Kitty! You told us any man goes upstairs has to have his name in Sam's book, but she didn't do that, just took his gold and took him straight upstairs."

"I never did!" Annie's eyes were huge and she took a step towards Kitty, raising her hand as if to touch her arm. "I never did, ma'am. You know I didn't do that." Her hand dropped to her side.

"You did! You did! We all saw you." Dolly screamed.

One urgent word at a time, Kitty spoke across the room to Dolly, "Keep. Your. Voice. Down. Or you will surely regret it." She turned to the other girls, and Cora nodded regretfully, as did Patty Sue and Lizzie.

"We wouldn't have said anything to you, Miss Kitty," Cora said, "Knowing how you feel about the Marshal and all, but, well, we did see. He asked for her at the bar, and then went over and sat with her a bit. He was holding her hand, and Lizzie saw that big gold coin. Then Annie went runnin' up the stairs, quick like a little bunny, and a few minutes later he followed her up. He was up there an hour or more, Miss Kitty, before he came down and walked right straight out."

Kitty didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She most certainly wanted to do one or the other, but it wasn't the time for that. Her voice was crisp and cool. "Cora, first you go get a rag full of ice from Clem, and then you take Annie across to Doc to see what he can do with her face. I do _not_ want her scarred, it's bad for business." Cora slipped out of the room on the tail of her words, and Kitty turned to Annie. "You will keep ice on that face, and do whatever else Doc tells you to do until it heals. You're off shift in the barroom until then, but you will work both clean up and set up and Sam will show you how to help with the inventory. I won't cut your pay."

"Yes, ma'am." Annie replied, her eyes on the floor.

"And Annie?" The girl looked up at her. "Any customer you take upstairs, _any_ customer, his name goes in Sam's book, and he doesn't stay more than 30 minutes. You got that?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Kitty twisted her hands together for a moment, turning the stone of her big ring to the inside of her right hand and then without a word she stepped swiftly over and struck Dolly, hard, across the face. The ring cut her skin just below the cheekbone, and Dolly raised both hands to her cheek, crying out. "You, Dolly, will go upstairs with Sam and pack your things. I want you out of here in ten minutes. Sam, pay her to the end of the month, and give her anything she has owing on the books." Sam nodded and motioned Dolly towards the door with his shotgun.

Dolly took one step, and then turned to speak to Kitty in a low, vicious tone. "I'll tell them. I'll tell the whole town, I will." Dolly said. "Tell them about your precious Marshal Dillon."

Kitty shrugged. Her voice was ice. "You say anything you like, Dolly. Nobody listens to a whore. Now get her out of here, Sam."

_flashback November 1868 c4c4c4c4c4 November 1868 flashback_

"_What now, Kitty? You're crying again. I can't have you crying, it's bad for business."_

"_He hurt me, Monsieur, he really hurt me."_

_The small, dapper man sighed deeply, and patted the girl's shoulder. She was no more than fifteen, slender but tall, with firm breasts, already large, displayed elegantly against the blue silk of her gown. "Who did, Kitty?"_

"_Monsieur Dubois."_

"_No, child! Surely not. He is a gentleman. What did you do to cause him to be displeased with you?"_

_Kitty tried to stop crying. "He, he wanted me from behind, Monsieur, and I didn't want… It hurts, Monsieur."_

_The small man struck her sharply but almost gently on the cheek. Enough to sting but not to leave a mark. "But child, that is such a little thing. It hurts, yes, but it is soon over. And he is a gentleman, not some dirty riverman, not a soldier." He took her chin firmly in his hand, and wiped away the tears with his handkerchief. "You know, Kitty, that I save you for my best customers. Not every man is a gentleman. You wouldn't like it, would you, child, if I were to give you to some of those others."_

_She shook her head, her face stolid, but her eyes raging. "Then I will hear you say no more about Monsieur Dubois. It is wrong to speak ill of such a kind gentleman." He turned and locked the door. "Now, child, if you will learn better how to use your mouth, you will have less to complain about elsewhere." He reached to unbutton the front of his pants, "I will help you learn. A special trick perhaps. Something that all the gentlemen will like."_

_flashback November 1868 c4c4c4c4c4 November 1868 flashback_

"Nobody listens to a whore. Now get her out of here, Sam."

Kitty turned to the three remaining girls. "But in the Long Branch that is absolutely the last word of this that will be mentioned. Do you understand me, girls? It's gossip, and it's not kind to anyone involved." she sighed, "And just in case you're interested, it's not true, no matter what you think you saw. Do you understand me?"

All three nodded vigorously. "Yes, ma'am."

"Now I want you two back out in the barroom. Anybody asks you any questions, you just smile pretty and ask them if they want a drink. You know what to do, and I'm counting on you to do it. Go on now." She scooted them all three out of the room and sank into her chair. She put her head down on the desk and laughed until tears ran down her face.

Half an hour later, Kitty was working the room, smiling and joking with the men as she offered them a last round and told them the Long Branch was closing early because of the weather. When Doc Adams came in, shaking snow from his hat, she steered him over to their regular table and sat down beside him with a swish of silk and a long exhaled breath. "How's Annie, Doc? Is that cheek going to scar?"

Doc shook his head and took the whiskey she offered him. "I don't think so. She should be fine in a couple of days. Be a shame to mar a pretty face like that. What happened?"

"What did they say happened?" Kitty countered.

Doc looked at her speculatively. "Well, Carrie… Cora? Cora didn't seem too pleased with Annie. I heard her say something about her getting what she deserved and about the Marshal. Those girls been fighting, Kitty? That's a bad thing. Scratches like that could be dangerous if they're not cleaned up right. The ice was a good idea, Kitty. I told her to use snow on it tonight and tomorrow. Now tell me, what really happened? Someone threatening Annie with the law?"

"Guess you'll hear what there is to hear tomorrow, Doc." Kitty said, rising. "I'm tired, Doc, and I'm still not feeling in top shape. And there's a certain lawman I really need to talk to."

Doc rose with her, and took her wrist a moment to feel her pulse. "Goodnight, Kitty. You remember what I told you. I want you sleeping quietly tonight. I'd say sleeping alone, but Matt made it clear that's not going to happen, so I'll settle for sleeping quietly. You're really not over this yet."

Kitty nodded, but when Doc leaned over to kiss her cheek, she stepped back away from him. "Careful there, my friend. I'm not sure my reputation can stand any more tonight. Or yours either."

"What the…" Doc said startled, but she walked away from him and up the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5: The key

Chapter Five: "The Key"

Kitty was sitting at her dressing table brushing her hair when she heard Matt's key in the lock. She had been thinking on how to have this conversation with him. Part of her still wanted to be angry and to enjoy the release of a screaming fight with him for getting her into this foolishness, but fighting with Matt Dillon was never as satisfying as she wanted it to be because he wouldn't fight back. He'd get stiller and stiller and sometimes even go out and leave her for an hour or two before coming back to lay with her in the big bed. Usually by that time she was regretting her temper and welcomed him back, afraid, deep down, that someday maybe he really would stay away.

Another part of her still wanted to tease him about it, and watch him get flustered and try to explain. She shook her head. No, there really wasn't anything to explain, and she was concerned that, with Dolly's taste for nasty gossip that this was going to turn into something that could seriously bother him. So she greeted him with a smile as he hung his gunbelt and hat, taking his snow covered sheepskin coat to hang in the washroom next door.

"Cold night?" she asked.

"As much wet as cold. These spring snowstorms don't last too long" he replied, taking off his boots and coming to sit in his chair, and stretch his feet out towards the warmth of her small closed stove. "It does tend to keep things from getting too exciting on Front Street. You had already closed down when I came by earlier, and the Lady Gay was the only place still open as I walked back. Things seemed kind of lively in there, but nothing rowdy." Kitty took a kettle from the hob and poured hot water into two glasses of brandy and lemon that she had fixed earlier.

"That will warm you up, cowboy," she told him handing him one, and sitting down across from him with her own. They sipped in silence for a time, comfortable without words in the privacy of this place, the only place, where they could say anything without hesitation. Finally, Kitty sighed, no sense in putting it off farther, "We had trouble at the Long Branch tonight, Matt," she said, telling him the story as flatly as she could.

His first thought was, as always, for her. "You do know that isn't true, Kitty?"

"Of course I do, Matt." She flashed, and then sternly damped her annoyance. "Don't you know what that little bird did, sweetheart? She headed right up here to my room to tell me, and have me put away the money for her in my safe. She's helping to put a brother through school, and doing a good job of it, too." She held up her hand to stop him when he started to speak, "And yes, even if she hadn't done that, I would have known you hadn't propositioned her and taken her to her room. For one thing, Annie doesn't do that." She paused just long enough before continuing, "And you don't do that either, Matt. I know that sure as summer always comes again. But that's not our problem here."

"So what is our problem, Kitty? You think Dolly's going to try to spread that story around?"

"She most certainly will, Matt, but that's the least of our worries. The part that bothers me is that, in a lot of ways, and ways that a number of people saw, the story is true."

Matt started to speak, stopped, and tried a second time. "Maybe you better explain that to me, Kitty, I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at."

"Matt, when you came up to see me this afternoon what stairs did you use?" Kitty asked looking him in the eye. She saw comprehension begin to dawn. "And when you left my room, what did you do, and who saw you?"

Matt sat motionless, thinking the whole thing over. "Well, Sam, for one, I suppose." Kitty nodded. "And from what you tell me, your girls were…" he hesitated and almost squirmed. The notion he faced now was an unpleasant one, "were actually watching for me." Kitty nodded again. "But you really think anyone else would notice that I used the front stairs?"

"If you didn't already believe that was true, Matt, then why have you been coming in my back door for the last ten years?" Kitty asked him in a level voice.

_flashback October 1880 c5c5c5c5c5 October 1880 flashback_

_Matt Dillon had been gone for almost a month when he walked through the doors of the Long Branch saloon one autumn evening. The big room was full and men welcomed him back with enthusiastic shouts and greetings, shaking his hand, and slapping his back. He walked slowly through the room to where Kitty stood at the end of the bar, eyes shining. "Mighty good to have you back, cowboy," she said._

"_It's good to be back, Kitty," he agreed. His hand spread in a feather touch at the small of her back as he turned her to walk over to the table where Doc and Chester had risen to their feet and were waiting for them. After a round of warm handclasps between the men, Kitty took the seat Matt held for her and sat smiling, but silent, while Doc and Chester quizzed him on the details of his trip and journey home._

"_I'll want to see you tomorrow morning, Matt, to look at that shoulder wound." Doc instructed him firmly._

"_It's fine, Doc. Army doctor over in Colorado took care of it for me. Almost healed, now," he replied._

"_Almost healed, my foot, Marshal! Can't be much more than a week since we got that telegram saying you'd been shot." Doc bellowed at him. "Who's the doctor here, me or you?"_

"_May as well let him look at it, Matt," Kitty said, "He won't quit until you do."_

"_It really is fine, Kitty." Matt told her trying not to drown in the blue eyes that held his._

"_Your friends worry about you, Matt, that's all. We were all pretty upset when we got word of what happened over in Pueblo." The tiny emphasis on each "we" told him who had been upset. His smile told her how much he appreciated the concern._

_Still smiling, he stood up. "I probably should finish checking in at the other places." he said, "See you later, Kitty?"_

_But Kitty shook her head, her face solemn, but her eyes full of glee as she watched Matt's face fall. "No, I'm tired, I'm going to call it a night, gentlemen. Sam can close things down." The men stood as she yawned and rose from the table, laying a warm hand on Doc's arm and reaching up to tousle Chester's hair. "Good night, Matt. Nice to have you back," she said as she turned to have a final word with the barman before entering the back hallway._

"_Well, golly, Mr. Dillon it's not even nine o'clock. Miss Kitty don't usually go to bed that early," Chester commented._

_But the Marshal also yawned, "I think she's got a good idea there. It was a long ride and I'm pretty tired myself. Think I'll just go check on Buck and then turn in. Chester can you do the late rounds one more night? I'll take over tomorrow."_

"_Sure, Mr. Dillon. I can do that. You just go rest yourself," Chester told him._

"_And don't knock that shoulder wound around while you're resting, Matt," Doc said a little slyly, "I still want to see that early tomorrow." _

_Walking out the front door and around to the back of the saloon, Matt found the door there already open, and small hands drew him into the darkness of the back hall. Her mouth and arms made him welcome, but he felt tears on her face as well. Holding her tight across the waist Matt moved her shoulders back and used a big hand to tip her face up towards his. "Crying, Kitty? That's not like you, honey. What's wrong?"_

_Kitty arms pulled him down for another kiss. "It just makes me mad, sometimes, Matt, when every galoot in that barroom had more right to take your hand and welcome you home than I do." _

"_This is the welcome I was waiting for, Kitty." He kissed her again and she felt him stir against her where their hips were locked tight against each other._

"_Then come on up where we can do this right, cowboy." She held his hand in both of hers and led him up the stairs._

_Later, though not very much later at all, they sat together in the center of the big bed with the lamp burning low on the table and the bedclothes bunched and rumpled about their naked bodies. Kitty's fingers traced the healing wound high on his left side, and Matt's lips moved languidly over her neck and face. "I didn't hurt you, did I, Kitty?" _

"_You never hurt me, Matt. But my, you sure were ready to be home, weren't you?" His loving had been fierce, and fast, without the gentleness and foreplay that usually characterized their time together._

_Matt lifted her into his lap and curled his arms around her. "You know what I thought about when I got shot, Kitty?" he asked into the silk of her unbound hair._

"_Dying?" she said, her voice steady. It was all she had thought about when she heard._

_But Matt shook his head, "Dying doesn't bother me, sweetheart. What I thought about was leaving you."_

_Kitty's breath caught at his words. Dear Lord, she prayed silently, what did I ever do to deserve what You've given me? _

_She toppled him over into the bed, stroking and kissing his face for a moment before rolling away. A big hand reached for her as she stood up, "No, now wait, Matt, I'm comin' right back. I want to get something." _

_Kitty went over to her dresser to take something out of the top drawer, and then returned to the bed, sitting down next to Matt, but not touching him. "When I heard you had been shot," she started, "I spent a couple of pretty bad days. And then after Doc got your telegram, and I could believe that you were really alive, I began thinking about that last night before you left." Matt reached for her again, but she scooted back against the foot board of the bed, "No, honey, let me do this my own way, okay? I… I want to see you while I talk to you."_

"_All right, Kitty," he said, settling himself against the pillows to let her have her say._

"_You know, Matt, that night would have been funny, if it weren't so awful! First that fight at the Lady Gay, and then later, I heard the shots and the fuss down Front Street at the Trail's End, and I saw you come by walkin' that prisoner to the jailhouse, and I kept hoping you could leave him with Chester and come back, and then you didn't. I sent Sam home and kept the Long Branch open until two in the morning – on a Thursday! – just waiting for you to come over. And then, well, it just got too late and I locked up and went to bed. I knew you were leaving early, and I know you don't like it when I come down to see you off, and anyway, Chester would have been there, and it… it wouldn't have been private. I could have given you a smile, but not a kiss goodbye, and, well, at least right then, I was thinking that would have been worse than nothing at all."_

_Kitty sighed, "I was wrong about that, of course. Anything would have been better than not saying goodbye to you. It was what I thought of most, once I knew you were okay. I kept thinking about that one night we missed, not all the nights and days before. And I knew that was silly, but I just couldn't stop." Kitty reached over to take one of his hands, and pressed something into it - a very ordinary door key on a metal ring. "This is the key to the back door. You can put it on the ring with your other keys and no one will know or notice." Now she placed a smaller key, tied with a short length of green ribbon, into his hand. "And this is the key to my door. You probably want to keep that private."_

_Matt's hand closed over the keys. "You sure, Kitty? Sure you won't mind if I come up without asking first?"_

"_I won't mind, Matt. It's important to me for you to know that I will never mind if you come to me. No matter how late or how early. Whether we have a whole night, or just a moment. Whether we do this," her gesture indicated the messy bed, "or whether we don't. You can always come to me."_

"_Even when you're mad at me?" he asked, remembering a number of times when her temper had led to a chill between them that nearly broke him._

"_Especially when I'm mad at you. Or you're mad at me. Maybe those are the times when we need each other the most."_

_He took the keys, seemed to look for a moment for a pocket that wasn't there, and then laid them on the stand beside the bed. "Thank you, Kitty. It will comfort me, when I have to be away, just knowing." He hesitated for a moment and then asked, "Can I touch you now?"_

_Her smile was sweet and wicked. "I certainly wish you would!"_

_flashback October 1880 c5c5c5c5c5 October 1880 flashback_

"If you didn't already believe that was true, Matt, then why have you been coming in my back door for the last ten years?"

Later, lying together in the big bed as the room chilled and the wind howled outside the windows, Matt worked his way through the pieces of the puzzle. "I wasn't thinking very straight today, was I, Kitty?"

"Oh I think part of you was, Matt. And you said some things I was mighty pleased to hear, but, the rest, well, I think maybe it shows where your mind really sits, down deep, on our being together."

He chewed on that for a while. "You mean, that when I know I'm coming up to have the pleasure of you, I think that's something we need to hide. And today, when I was just thinking of you feeling poorly and wanting to talk with you, then it didn't occur to me to hide what I was doing."

"That's about the way of it, cowboy." She told him.

"I need to do some thinking on this, Kitty." he said at last. "If someone had tried to say this to me, I would have denied it, but I see it pretty clear now, and I'm not proud of it."

"I know at least two people who've tried to tell you, Matt," she said gently.

He turned to face her in the dark, genuinely surprised. "Who?"

"Well, Doc, for one. I've heard him talking to you from time to time. I've heard what he said, and what you've said."

The sigh that shivered through him troubled her. "And I didn't even understand what he was talking about. Who else?"

"You really don't know, do you, Matt?"

He shook his head in the dark, and her hand moved up to caress his cheek. "Me, cowboy. Just me." She gave him a long tender kiss and eventually they slept.


	6. Chapter 6: Will you marry me, Kitty?

Chapter Six: "Will you marry me, Kitty?"

The marshal left for Wichita on the early morning train, planning to be gone only for a night, and leaving Kitty wrung out by the emotion of the previous day and hoping vainly for peace and quiet. But it had not been a quiet day, and it had been difficult in a way she hadn't foreseen - full of sympathy she didn't want offered by people from whom she least expected it. That started with young Manuel who brought her morning coffee at Delmonicos, and moved on to Hank at the livery stable when she stopped by to feed Buck an apple in the afternoon. It seemed that every person she met had heard about the Marshal's invented escapade the previous day, and that every single one of them was determined to let her know, subtly or not so subtly, that they felt she had been treated badly. It bothered her that the whole town seemed angry with Matt for something he hadn't done, and there was no way to fight that rumor.

The story grew as the day pushed on. Sam and Doc were the only people who treated her normally all. Even Festus had sought her out in the afternoon and felt the need to tell her not to listen to gossip and that Matthew just wouldn't do anything like that. She patted his hand and bought him a drink, "I know that right enough, Festus. It just makes me mad to hear people talk about him that way."

"'Taint nothin', Miss Kitty. Things will quiet down pretty soon now. You jist wait an' see."

But they didn't, and as the evening filled the bar, voices buzzed behind her back, and others stopped mid-sentence as she came in earshot. It made her sad, and it made her mad, and it astounded her that what she had fondly believed was, if not a secret, at least a matter in which most of the town held little interest, was actually at the top of everyone's mind.

_flashback October 1884 c6c6c6c6c6 October 1884 flashback_

_ATC to Season 12 Episode "The Jailer"_

_Matt and Kitty drove slowly home from the carnage at Etta Stone's ranch - no longer even trying to keep up the wall of public formality that had grown steadily between them for years. She sat close to him on the wagon seat, her arm wrapped through his and her head on his shoulder._

"_Does it ever get easier, Matt?" she finally asked._

"_Killing?" he asked._

"_Killing." she agreed._

_He shook his head. "Best I can say is, well, eventually you learn not to let yourself dwell on it too much." Kitty remembered nights, hearing Matt wake from a nightmare and seeing him reach for a gun that wasn't there, or waking to see him lying quietly, eyes open, just staring into the darkness. Those were times when offering the solid comfort of her body seemed to help more than anything she could say._

_A while later, maybe miles later, she took a deep breath. "I think it's time we talked, Matt. Can we try to do that without getting mad at each other?"_

"_Only person I'm mad at, Kitty, is myself," he said. _

"_And why is that, cowboy?" Kitty asked._

"_All my big talk about protecting you, and keeping you safe, and it wasn't worth a damn. I'm angry that I let you be hurt, and I'm angry at the time we've wasted, the years I've let pass pretending to the world that we were nothing more than friends."_

"_Far as I'm concerned, they've been mighty good years, Matt. The best in my life. As for trying to keep secrets from the town, well, it's pretty clear that's been a failure. Otherwise, Etta Stone wouldn't have been able to set this all up." Kitty replied._

"_I've been a fool, Kitty, and it's time for that to stop."_

_Kitty sighed, "Is this the place where you start talking about making me leave you to go marry some fine, upstanding citizen, and raise a passel of brats?" Her voice wasn't angry, just tired._

"_No, Kitty, this is the place where we start talking about me hanging up my badge, and marrying you, and __then__ starting in to raise a family." Matt replied._

_Kitty moved slightly away from him so she could look up in his face. "You serious, Matt?"_

"_I am. Will you marry me, Kitty?"_

_She moved against him again, both arms curled around the arm that held the reins. She laid her cheek against him. "No, Matt. I won't marry you."_

"_Last time I asked you, you said yes," he commented._

"_The last time you asked me, I was pregnant," she replied._

_There were many miles left to Dodge, and they plodded through a few of them in silence. "You want to talk to me about it, Kitty?" he asked. Then, his voice empty of all life, "Are you going to go away?"_

_Kitty sat up straighter on the wagon seat, steel entering her spine, and settled her hands in her lap. "I spent all of last night thinking of that very question, Matt. When I thought that I would be alive today, and you would be dead. I thought about going back to New Orleans where it's green and warm and I could smell the sea. But I don't have anyone I love there, Matt, I don't even know if I have family alive there anymore. And that started me thinking about family, and people I love, and they're all here, in this God-forsaken, dirty, little prairie town. And without someone to love, life wouldn't be worthwhile." She took a deep breath and swiped a hand across the wetness in her eyes, "So I decided that, whatever happened, I would go back to Dodge and try to make the best life I could with the people I cared most about." She paused a moment and then went on, "And hope against hope, at least for the little while I could, that there might still be a child."_

"_I'm alive, Kitty." Matt said, "I didn't really think I would be, but I am, and I love you. I want to marry you, and I want you to have that child, my child."_

_She reached over to pat his arm, and run a hand up and down his dusty back. "And I love you, too, Matt. I probably don't say that enough," and here she chuckled, "I probably don't say that enough when we're not in bed together, but I do love you. But I don't think I want to be married to you."_

"_Some particular reason why not?"_

"_Well think about it, Matt. Think about the realness of it, not just the idea. What would we __do__ if we got married? How would it be different from what we have today? Where would we live? What would we live __on__? Can you see yourself living at the Long Branch, helping me run it? You'd be bored to death in a week. And can you see me living on a homestead, Matt? Think about it, really, can you see that?"_

_He actually grinned briefly at that image, and it lightened her heart to see it. "No, honey, I guess I can't see you doing that. " His voice turned stubborn again, "But I do want to marry you, Kitty."_

"_Well, that's where we differ, Matt. I know I tease about it sometimes – with you and Doc and Festus – but when it gets right down to the real thing, I've seen enough of marriage to fear it rather than crave it. I just want you. I want you more than anything else in life, but I don't want to marry you. I want you in my bed, and in my life, and in my heart just like I have you now. And I want the pride that I have in what you do, even if it comes with the fear, and the heartache, and the suffering when you're hurt." _

_She wiped the tears away again. "But, well, I thought about this a lot last night and the night before while I was struggling with myself how to be brave, and strong, so that they couldn't make me hurt you anymore than you were being hurt already. I thought, after all the years we've tried to cover up what we are to each other, would I honestly feel any different if I was left your widow instead of your lover? Could I lose you any more, if I had your ring on my finger? And for the life of me, I couldn't see that it would make any difference to either of us at that last moment."_

"_It would make a difference if there were a baby, Kitty." Matt told her._

"_Yes it would. I'm still scared of having a baby, Matt, even though there are times when I want it something fierce. But yes, if there were a child, I would want to marry you. I'm not sure what we'd do or where we'd go, but I would want to be married to you." She reached to add her hands to his on the reins and pulled with him to stop the horses, then sat looking hard into his eyes. "Matt all I can think of is that you are alive when I thought you would be dead. __We__ are alive, and we're together. Can we let that be enough for today?"_

_His big hand smoothed the hair from her forehead and he cupped her face for a soft kiss on her cheek. "It's enough for today, sweetheart," he said, "But don't be too put out if I keep thinking on it."_

_flashback October 1884 c6c6c6c6c6 October 1884 flashback_

_ATC to Season 12 Episode "The Jailer"_

An hour after Sam had locked up and left, Kitty and Doc sat at a table in the darkened bar - a lamp, a bottle, and two glasses ranged between them. Kitty poured herself another drink, and almost tried to pour into Doc's glass before she realized it was still full. Kitty didn't usually drink this much, though she had a hard head for liquor, but tonight she wanted the drinking to go on and the conversation to be contentious because it put off the time until she would have to go upstairs alone.

"I still don't think you should have hit her, Kitty." Doc said shaking his head, "It just adds to the part of the story where you beat her up and threw her out in the snow without a cent."

"Who'd you hear that version from, Doc? It's nonsense, and you know it. To my certain knowledge, Sam gave her thirty-five dollars – which was more than she deserved. As for hitting her, I've seen Matt hurt worse than that breaking up a bar fight and not even bother to wipe the blood off his face. Hell, I've seen half the men in town hurt each other worse than that, and end up the best of friends by closing time."

"Well, she's surely not acting your friend, missie, and I just don't like it. No man here on the frontier likes to see a woman hurt, no matter what he's willing to put up with for himself, and you didn't do your reputation any good when you hit her."

"I don't think I did it any harm, Doc. Not with the people I care about." She sipped the whiskey, rolling the glass in her hand, "'cept for you of course."

"She worked for you, Kitty. I know your girls are free to stay or go, but still." He shook his head. "It was discipline, that's what it was, and I don't like it."

Kitty clunked her glass down on the table and looked at Doc in rage. "Discipline. Discipline?" her voice sank to a spitting whisper, "Discipline, Doc, is bending a girl naked over a table and beating her with a leather strap – a nice wide strap that won't leave too many marks on the merchandise. And making all the other girls watch so they know what's coming to them next time."

Kitty stopped in horror. She shot out of her chair letting it fall clattering behind her. Her hands rose to cover the "o" of her open mouth and she stared at Doc from eyes suddenly dead sober. "Oh God, Curly, I'm sorry. I don't know how that came out. I am so sorry. I don't talk like that, you know I don't." She turned her back to him because she couldn't stand for him to see her face, and stood with her shoulders hunched and her hands still at her mouth.

"Turn around Kitty." His voice was quiet. She didn't want to but she turned to see Doc standing behind her. He didn't touch her, but when she finally looked into his face he held out his arms and she moved into them not crying but choking with desperation. "Dear God, Doc, what if I had said that to Matt? It would have killed him, Doc. I think it would have killed him."

"Kitty, you are drunk as a skunk, and you're still recovering from losing the baby. That does things to a woman, makes her think and feel things differently, yes, and say things different too, than she normally would. Now, what did I want you to do an hour ago when Sam was closing down?"

"Go to bed and let you knock me out."

"That's not quite what I remember saying, honey, but this is doctor's orders. You go upstairs and get ready for bed. I'm going over to the office to pick up a powder for you, and I will be back in exactly ten minutes." He shook her shoulders very gently and turned her towards the stairs. "Now will you do as you're told?"

"Yes, sir." She replied, and tiredly began to climb the stairs.

When Doc returned in a quarter of an hour Kitty had washed her face and changed into a plain long night gown. She was brushing out her hair when the door opened after Doc's quick tap. Doc stepped into the washroom, mixed the bromide with a glass of water from her pitcher, and came out to hand it to her. "Now you drink that down." She obeyed wordlessly, her mouth twisting at the bitterness.

Doc went over and settled himself on her small sofa. "You go ahead to bed, Kitty. You've got about a quarter hour until that works, and I'll just sit here with you until you go to sleep."

Kitty came instead to sit next to him where she could take his hand and hold it. "Doc, why are you so good to me?" she asked, "I don't deserve to have a friend like you."

"I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Kitty. It upsets me more than what you said downstairs."

"Doc, I did _not_ mean to say that! I haven't even thought about that in years. It's not the kind of thing I would burden my friends with, and anyway, it's over. It's been over a long time."

"Where did that happen, Kitty?" Doc asked her, stroking the back of her hand.

"East Texas. The civilized part of Texas," she said cynically. "Galveston."

"And what happened next?" he prompted.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, yes, I think I do." Doc told her gruffly. "Look here, Kitty, you've seen me cut into an infected wound, like that one Matt had on his leg couple, three years ago?"

Kitty nodded. It had been particularly nasty.

"And you saw how much cutting it open and cleaning it out hurt him." She nodded again. "But afterwards, when I sewed it up, it healed clean and it healed fast." Doc took both her hands now, and held them. "Sometimes things in your mind can fester just like that, and you have to clean them out, even if it hurts, before they can really heal. So, if you think you can do it, why don't you just tell ol' Doc what happened and maybe that will help."

Kitty turned away from him and sat, still holding his hand in her lap, but not quite touching him where he sat beside her. She took a deep breath and let it out, then she began, "I'd been working there in a house for a couple of months, but I was eighteen by then, and I had started my monthly courses pretty regular, so it wasn't as safe as it had been in New Orleans when I was younger." She couldn't see the grief and fury on his face, and the hand she held remained relaxed in hers.

"Anyway, a man came into town, and he shot down Vince, the man who ran our place. Vince hadn't been too bad. But this new fella, he was plain mean. I packed my bag, and I was going to leave, even if it meant walking to the next town. But he caught me, and he beat me, and he made the other girls watch. I guess he thought that would stop me. But it didn't."

"What did you do then?"

Kitty yawned and moved back just enough to lay her head down on Doc's shoulder, curling against him. "Oh, I killed him."

"You shot him?"

Kitty shook her head, "No, that's how men kill each other. Women have more sense than that. I put rat poison in his whiskey. And I watched him puke out his guts and die. It was pretty bad, that, but he deserved to die, he genuinely did, and he didn't deserve to die well. Then I took his horse and rode on to Houston." She seemed for a moment to be asleep, but then roused again, and said urgently, "Doc, you can't tell Matt. Promise me you won't tell Matt."

"You have my word, Kitty. I won't tell Matt. Maybe someday you'll feel ready to do that yourself."

"No, I could never do that, Doc," she said yawning, "Matt's from Texas. They take horse stealing mighty seriously there. He'd be angry with me. Really angry." Her body relaxed into the softness of sleep as the late night freight sounded a lonely whistle coming through the dark of the Kansas town.

Doc stroked her head where it lay against his shoulder and settled her more comfortably against him. It had been a long time since he'd held a sleeping woman in his arms, and it was as pleasant as he remembered. He was a little surprised, and a little sad, to find that he wasn't at all aroused. Maybe that was because it was Kitty, and maybe it was the dark topic of their conversation. He sighed, wondering how he was going to get her into bed. He certainly couldn't carry her. Well, maybe in a little bit he'd just lay her down here on the sofa and cover her up, but for a while, well, for a while it wouldn't hurt to hold her.

The sound of a key in the lock jerked him sharply awake, and Matt Dillon stepped through the door into the dimly lit room. Doc looked up at the weary man before him, and said quietly, "I'm sure glad you're here, son. Look, can you lift her up while I turn down the bed?" Matt hung his hat and his gunbelt on the rack, and came over to lift Kitty into his arms. Doc rose stiffly to ease back the covers, and Matt laid her in the bed and pulled the quilt over her. She didn't waken.

"Mind tellin' me what was goin' on here, Doc?" he asked without anger, but without warmth.

"Matt!"

"Doc, I'm pretty confident it wasn't what it looked like, but then it sure did look like more than a visit from the family doctor, so why don't you tell me just what happened, and then I'll know."

Doc's hand came up to smooth his moustache. "Things were pretty bad for her today. Everyone talking about you – and her," Doc's eyes rose to meet the Marshal's and Matt nodded his understanding, "Well, she was dead set on getting drunk, and I didn't want her to drink alone, that's not good for a man or a woman, and eventually she let me fix her something to make her sleep. We didn't expect you back tonight."

"Well, that's clear enough in any case." Matt said.

"Damnation, Matt, what's got into you? You know better than that, or you certainly ought to! I don't know whether to be complimented or insulted."

Matt scrubbed at his face with both hands, and let out a sigh. "It startled me, is all. I used my badge to get them to take me on in the caboose on the night freight. Told them it was urgent I got back tonight. And then comin' in and seeing you two like that… she loves you, Doc, and if she was going to turn to any man, it would be you."

"I suppose an old man can take that as a compliment, Matt. But you must be more tired than you look, if you even thought that."

"You're not that old, Doc."

"I'm old enough to know there's no sense in continuing this conversation. Go to sleep, Matt. Tomorrow's likely to be another difficult day." Doc picked up his bag from Kitty's dresser and went out the door.

Matt undressed and was almost to the bed when he remembered about the alley door. It was a measure of how tired he was that he thought, even briefly, of ignoring it, but he pulled his pants back on and padded barefoot down the stairs, only to find all the doors locked tight.


	7. Chapter 7: Scared

Chapter Seven: "Scared"

Kitty woke to sunlight streaming in her window. She still wore the long gown, but she was cuddled close to the back of her sleeping Marshal. It wasn't too often that she woke to find him asleep next to her. Much more often he had risen and left with no more from her than a sleepy kiss. Well, this morning he had certainly risen. Her hands on the silky skin of his hard cock sent shivers down her back, and she stroked in just the way she knew he liked best. His eyes were still closed, but his breath came more quickly now, "Kitty, you shouldn't…"

"Well, maybe I shouldn't, but there's no reason you shouldn't, cowboy," she whispered, "Let me have at least this much pleasure, Matt." She quickened her movement and it wasn't long before his hips jerked forward sharply and he came hard against the firm caress of her hands. She let him go, and moved down to spoon again against his naked back.

"You usually get up and leave early, Matt, what are you doing still in bed?" she asked.

Matt chuckled, and turned over on his back, stretching. This was the only bed he could remember sleeping in since childhood that was really big enough for him. "Well, it's still early, and I was definitely up if you remember, so…"

Kitty giggled, and he turned to kiss her lips, but left his kiss there softly without moving to the warmth and wetness of her mouth. He knew where their play would go if he let it, and that wasn't about to happen this morning.

"C'mon, Kitty. Sit up here." He said, pulling her up to sit against the pillows with him. "Now I know about your misspent youth and all, but I've never known for you to go to sleep with one man and wake up with another. What was that all about, Kitty?"

Kitty sat suddenly bolt upright in the bed and tuned to look at the settee, as if expecting to find a sleeping Doc stretched out there. Her color rose, and Matt took her talented hands and kissed them. "A little late to check for visitors, don't you think?"

"Oh, Matt I forgot Doc was here last night! Was he here when you got back? Say, how _did_ you get back? I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow, um, today."

"I finished early in Wichita and took the freight back. Came in about one, and found you sprawled there on the sofa with Doc."

Kitty's eyes twinkled. "Well that must have been a sight. Did you draw on him?"

"I did not." Matt replied, "But I thought about it." Then, deciding to try to pass off at least part of what he was feeling with humor, he said, "Might have if his first words hadn't been a plea for help."

Kitty looked at him sharply, "What do you mean, help?"

"Honey, you're a big girl, and Doc is a small man who's not as young as he used to be. You had him pinned down like a steer at branding."

"Matt Dillon, I did not!" She threw a pillow at him and started to climb out of the bed, but he pulled her back and sat her firmly in his lap.

"Listen, Kitty, seriously now, I need to know. Does Doc have a key to the Long Branch?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. 

"And to your room?"

"Yes." She said just as frankly, and then regarded him with dawning comprehension. "Matt, you're jealous? You're actually jealous of _Doc_?" He held her eyes and nodded once.

"Kitty if it had been any other man, I might have just walked away and not stopped walking until I got to the Dakotas. But it was Doc, and that made it almost worse. When did you give him those keys?"

"Oh, Matt, I gave him the keys after I lost the first baby. Didn't I tell you that?"

Matt shook his head, but began to understand. That had been a bad, painful, bloody time, and he had thought for a while he was going to lose her. He, and Doc, and sometimes Bess Roninger or Ma Smalley had spent long days, and longer nights, by her bed, but after Doc had told him she was safe, he'd had to go, thinking to be gone only a few days, but not coming back for several weeks. When he'd returned she'd seemed well, if a little fragile, and they'd moved on with careful determination from their loss.

"Then I'm sorry, and I thought I had." Kitty said. "Matt, Doc was so good to me. I missed you, and I wanted you, but I knew you had to go. And Doc had to be gone a fair bit too, you know how busy he is, but he'd come and sit with me at night, if he could, and just talk, or read to me, or…" she dropped her eyes and then lifted them to look in the steel blue of his, "Matt he held me together. And I got better, and stronger, and he stopped coming over every night, but I never asked him to give me back the keys."

_flashback November 1883 c7c7c7c7c7 November 1883 flashback _

_References to Season 11 Episode 1 "Seven Hours to Dawn"_

_ Kitty woke in the dark, her belly twisted with cramp, and feeling yet more blood warm between her legs. The sound of a key in the lock startled her into hope that maybe Matt was back, but it was the short figure of Doc Adams rather than the tall Marshal who came into the room. He lit the lamp and came over to the bed._

_ "What is it, Kitty?" he asked, smoothing back her hair._

_ "It started to hurt again, Doc. Just now. And it feels like I'm bleeding again."_

_ Doc pushed back the covers and saw the fresh blood on the folded pad of sheets beneath her, not as much blood as he'd expected, and none of the big clots that she had kept passing the week before. "That's not too bad, honey. Lot better than before. Let me get you cleaned up, and you'll feel better."_

_ He got warm water from the reservoir in the stove and gently sponged the blood off her legs, cleaning her as carefully as a mother would a babe. "Now you roll over on your side, Kitty, and I'll get you a clean bed pad." He slid the bloodied pad of sheets out from under her and replaced it with a clean one from the stack that Ma Smalley had left at the end of the bed. The bloody linen and cleaning cloths went into the tall earthenware crock of cold water that usually stood in her washroom, but now held sway near the foot of the bed. Going back to the stove he used a heavy towel to lift a flat stone the size of his outspread hand and wrap it tightly. "Here, Kitty, now you rest this on your abdomen. Put your hands right here and hold it for a while. There now, that better?"_

_ She nodded as the heat seeped into her and the cramping relaxed. Eventually, Doc let her hold the stone with one hand. He settled her nightgown around her, and pulled the sheet and quilt up over her chest. He sat on the side of the bed and held her other hand. "You hungry, Kitty? Want something to drink?"_

_ "Water?" she suggested and then more tentatively, "Whiskey?"_

_ "I don't suppose that would hurt at this point," he replied, and rose to pour a scant shot of whiskey in a glass and cut it with cool water. He piled pillows behind her so she could sit a little without moving her hips off the pad, and held the glass to her lips while she drank it down in three or four big gulps._

_ Kitty lay back in the bed letting the whiskey and the heat relax her. "Did you hear from Matt?"_

_ "Yes, that's what I came up to tell you. Got a telegram. He's up in Wyoming territory with the Earps. They found where that Johnson gang were hiding, and got every one of them. Some mighty grateful people in Cheyenne, I bet. He says he didn't take any bullets, but from the way he phrased that, I'm thinking he probably got beat up some. He hopes to be back next week."_

_ She nodded, and he went on, "Now Kitty, I need you to talk to me about this pregnancy. I didn't want to make a fuss when you were so sick, but there's no reason you can't talk about it now. It was Matt, wasn't it?" She nodded again, but didn't speak, "I've pretty much figured that for some years now, the way you two act." Her eyes went wider, "Or don't act." _

_But what he didn't say was that watching as Matt helped to care for her during those first days had assured him of the level of intimacy, as well as love, between the two of them. Although that hadn't necessarily ruled out someone else as well – another lover or, more likely, knowing well the roughness her work brought her from time to time, rape. "You were more than four months along, honey. You must have been pregnant during that whole awful time with Mace Gore. Why didn't you come to me earlier? Did Matt know? Was he going to marry you?"_

_ There was bitterness in her quiet voice, "Make an honest woman of me, Doc?"_

_ "Now you stop that right there, young lady! I've never known two people more honest than you and Matt Dillon. What I was asking is, were you going to change your lives for that child? Were you going to get married?"_

_ "We were. I don't think I've ever seen Matt so happy Doc. It…" she hesitated and continued, "It brought me joy just to give him that gift."_

_ "But you weren't happy about it?" he asked, troubled. _

_ "I think part of me was happy, I'd decided to let myself be happy, but mostly I was scared, Doc," she said, so low now he could barely hear her. "Now, I'm scared for Matt, and for me, and scared there will be another baby," she paused, "And scared there won't."_

_ Doc leaned to kiss her forehead very tenderly, and then held her hand in both of his, "I get scared too, honey. All the time." He bowed his head over their joined hands and began to recite, "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…"_

_flashback November 1883 c7c7c7c7c7 November 1883 flashback _

_References to Season 11 Episode 1 "Seven Hours to Dawn"_

"But I never asked him to give me back the keys."

"I wish I'd known, Kitty. I'm sorry now, but I guess I was pretty rude to him last night."

"Well, he'll get over it." Kitty said abruptly, rising and going into her washroom. He knew that sudden change of mood. It meant that she felt she'd been too sentimental, and that the firmly practical side of her would be in ascendance for a while.

By the time she came out, hair combed and face rosy from the cold water, he had dressed. He sat in the big chair to watch her choose and don her clothes. Matt was much more familiar with undressing her than watching her dress, and even after all their years together, it still intrigued him to see all the bits and pieces tied, tucked, and fastened. Her final action was to pin her long red hair into a loose knot. He knew she would dress again, more formally, for the evening shift in the saloon, but he couldn't imagine her more beautiful than standing tall in her white shirtwaist and long black skirt – unless it was seeing her naked with her hair falling around her shoulders.

She stepped over and ran a hand over his face, raising her eyebrows. "Yeah, I know, I need to go and shave." Matt said, standing up next to her. "Listen, Kitty, I've been thinking. Would it bother you… that is… would you mind, if I brought over a few things to keep here? Not a lot. Just my extra shaving gear, and maybe a change of clothes."

She looked at him solemnly for a moment, knowing exactly what he was asking. "No Matt. I wouldn't mind at all. You going to give up your room at Ma's?"

He shook his head, "No, I don't think I'm quite ready for that. I don't use it often, but I do need it from time to time."

"All right then." She smiled up at him, "Want to meet me over at Delmonicos for breakfast, cowboy?"

Matt shook his head. "No, but I'd be pleased to escort you downstairs for some coffee, and then over for breakfast."

Kitty tilted her head quizzically at him, blue eyes sparkling. "You know it's past nine, and that Sam will have the bar open?"

"I know."

"You feeling especially brave today, cowboy?" she asked lightly.

"Nope, I'm shaking in my boots, if you really want to know." He replied with more truth than he was willing to let on. "You ready, Kitty?"


	8. Chapter 8: Enough for just one day

Chapter Eight: "Enough for just one day"

They left the room and Matt closed and locked it behind them. His hand lightly on her arm, he led Kitty to the stairs, and she descended in front of him. He heard Sam's voice, with its usual greeting, "Morning, Miss Kitty. You sleep well?" and looked down just in time to see the smile that spread across the big barman's face and moved into his usually mournful eyes as he continued, without missing a beat, just as if he said it every morning of his life, "Morning, Marshal. We weren't looking for you until later today."

"I got in late last night, Sam. Everything okay here?"

"Yes, sir. Right as rain."

"Could you bring us some coffee, Sam?" Kitty asked calmly, ignoring the glances and stares from the half dozen men sitting in the room, and then hissing quietly at Matt, "Smile, you big fool." He looked straight down into her eyes and smiled with a warmth he thought was only for her, but that made young Annie Dodge, quietly sweeping the barroom floor behind Kitty stop what she was doing, heart stuttering at the magnitude of that one look.

Doc and Festus entered, brangling, as Kitty poured their morning coffee. "Matthew, I didn' know you was back!" Festus said, coming over to their table, "How you doin', Miss Kitty? You feelin' better today?" he turned to the Marshal and said confidingly, "Miss Kitty wasn't feeling too pert yestiddy, Matthew."

Matt nodded silently, drinking his coffee, but Festus went on, "How'd you git here so early, Matthew? I wasn't expecting you until this afternoon's train. I shore didn' expect to see you here this morning. Not here at the Long Branch, I didn'."

"He came in on last night's freight, if it's any of your business," Doc told him, pouring coffee for himself.

"Well, how'd you know that, you ol' scudder?" Festus asked him, with, as an aside to Kitty, "You mind if I have some of this here coffee, Miss Kitty?"

"No, Festus, you go right ahead," she said, sitting back, amused, to watch the action.

"Well, how did you know that, Doc? When I didn't see hide nor hair of Matthew after that train went through?"

"I had a patient, that's what I had. I was up late with a patient, and I saw Matt come back. If you were watching this town as close as you're supposed to be watching it while the Marshal's gone, you would have known. Now, what do you think of that?"

"What patient did you have, sawbones? Taint nobody sick aytall, that I know of… "

Matt took Kitty's hand and held it in his on the tabletop as the two of them listened with half an ear to the old friends squabbling loudly across from them. Kitty looked down at the hand he held in his, oh so casually. "This is what you came back early for, isn't it, Matt?" Kitty asked softly, leaning towards him just a little.

"Yep." He replied, eyes sparkling with a mischief she remembered fondly from earlier years but had seen all too little of, of late.

"You planned this." she accused.

"Well not _quite_ all of it," he agreed, "But yes, I did. At least I thought I could start the ball rolling."

At that moment, a sharp female voice outside the open front doors interrupted both conversations. "Don't you tell me I'm not going in there, Will Roninger. I need to see Kitty, and I'm going to see her whether you like it or not."

"This one will be harder, cowboy," was Kitty's low comment, but Matt just stood and took two long strides over to the door.

"Bess, Will, you want to join us for some coffee, here? Kitty would sure like to see you, Bess." He said, holding one of the batwing doors open for her.

Bess Roninger sailed past him with no more than an icy look. Will followed more slowly, removing his hat, and looking up at the Marshal with stony eyes. "Matt."

"Will."

Matt walked back to the table and set two more chairs just as Annie came up with another pot of coffee and more cups. Waiting until she had set the tray on the table, Matt reached a slow hand to tip Annie's face up and look at the long red marks on it. "I'm right sorry that happened, Miss Annie," he said. "Did you see to this, Doc?" he asked turning to the doctor.

"I did, yes, I did. You come back up to my office this afternoon, Annie, and I'll put some more of that ointment on it." Doc said, and turned to Will Roninger, dismissing the younger girl as casually as a child excluded from an adult conversation. "Bad business, that. Kitty usually keeps her girls in better order." He shook his head sadly.

Bess began in breathless anger to remonstrate with that slight to her friend, but Kitty interrupted her, "Come sit down, Bess. It's good to see you. Doc's right, I sure made a mistake hiring Dolly, and I'm glad I fired her. It's not good for business when the girls act like that."

Bess's plump form more dropped than sat into the chair that the Marshal was holding for her, and her husband sat down at her side. Bess's eyes widened as Matt returned to his chair and not only took Kitty's hand again, but raised it to his lips for a light kiss. Having heard at least five versions of the story already that morning, all of which involved Matt's betrayal of Kitty with one of her own saloon girls, she was astounded not only at this uncharacteristic show of affection, but at the warmth in Kitty's eyes as she squeezed Matt's hand. If she didn't know better, Bess would have thought they had just stepped out of…

_flashback Summer 1877 c8c8c8c8c8 Summer 1877 flashback_

_ Kitty loved to visit Bess Roninger. She loved the ranch, with its small but comfortable house already beginning to fill with children. She'd been visiting with them now for three whole days, but it was Friday and she needed to get back to the Long Branch to handle the Friday night crowd. When she had first started coming to visit, they had given her the back bedroom all to herself, but these days she shared the room, and the bed, with two little girls. Except for when she didn't share it. Like last night._

_Matt had driven in about suppertime to take her home, and, after a good meal and a pleasant evening, Bess had given him a couple of quilts and sent him out to the barn to sleep. Kitty waited until the house was quiet, and then, tucking the sleeping girls into the middle of the bed, she'd slipped out to join Matt in the barn._

_She found him in the hayloft, lying naked with the quilts both spread out beneath him and looking out of the open loft doors into the summer sky spangled with stars. A crescent moon hung framed against the trees. "You look like you might be expecting company, cowboy." _

"_Now what would make you think that, pretty lady?" he asked._

"_Oh, just some little thing or other," she replied smiling. "Or some not so little thing."_

_He stretched lazily and reached out a hand to pull her down to him. "I thought you might be by for a visit. And then I thought maybe I'd do this," he rolled Kitty over beneath him, "and this," he kissed her deeply, hands pushing up her nightgown around her waist, "and this," now his lips kissed her breasts through the thin cotton of her gown, and she gasped a little at the sudden intensity of it. Kitty moved her legs apart for him and struggled for breath as he carefully positioned her in the soft hay so that his long solid length rubbed slowly against her as he entered her. Her hips tried to move under him, but big hands held them, and that deep voice, not near so steady now as before, told her to lie still. "Let me do it for you, Kitty, just lie still and let me…" He slid the length of her again, and then again, moving sensuously against her, not stopping at all. She cried out as she spent, unable to stop herself now as she pushed against him, wrapping long legs around him, hips shivering. He waited no longer but plunged hard for his own release in her warm depth. _

_ It was like surfacing from deep water to find the world still around them. The night sky still dark, stars and moon still shining. They heard the screen door open and Will's voice call out, "Everything all right out there? Thought I heard something?" _

_Kitty held both hands over her mouth to stifle the laughter, but Matt's calm voice replied without a wrinkle, "Just fine, Will. Thought I heard some animal a few minutes ago, maybe a coyote or a vixen, you hear them sometimes at night. Goodnight, Will."_

"_Goodnight, Matt." The door closed._

_Kitty dropped onto her back in the soft hay. "A vixen!" she whispered, "You just wait, Matt Dillon, someday I'll make you pay for that!" He pulled her into his arms and they lay, wet with each other, in the heat of the summer night. _

_Matt dozed, cherishing the feel of her in his arms. He expected they'd wake and make love again, more slowly, sometime in the night, but on that pleasant thought he dropped into a deeper sleep only waking when the pre-dawn light began to silver the sky in the east._

_Early as it was, Bess was already up and starting breakfast when she saw Matt and Kitty come out of the barn and into the yard. Matt was dressed, but Kitty wore only her long white nightdress with bare feet peeking out beneath. Their arms were around each other. "Will!" she hissed, and her husband came up behind her to peer through the kitchen window just as Kitty held her face up for a kiss that Matt gladly supplied before patting her bottom and shoving her gently towards the back door. _

_Will swiftly scooted Bess out of the kitchen and into the sitting room next door. "Now why did you do that?" she whispered sharply in protest as they heard first the back door open and close, and then the door to the hall bedroom._

"_Bess, if you'd been doin' what they've clearly been doin' wouldn't you want just a little privacy?"_

"_But they're not married!"_

"_I doubt that slowed them any down any." Will replied, thinking of the cry he had heard in the night. "Bess you're a grown, married woman with four children, you don't need me explaining things to you."_

"_Will, I've known Matt and Kitty since the day I arrived in Dodge. I've never seen him do more than touch her hand!"_

"_I doubt many people have, Bess. And maybe we'd best just forget we saw anything else ourselves." Will tipped his wife's face up to look at him, "Bess, you take a minute and you think about all the things we have. The ranch, our house, the children, each other – a future here to grow old together and see our children and even our grandchildren on this place. None of that would be safe if Marshal Dillon weren't the lawman he is. But for the two of them, for Matt and Kitty, well, who knows if they have any future at all. A bullet could end that – next week, tomorrow, even today. Honey, any time they can find happiness enough for just one day, well, you just let them do that."_

_flashback Summer 1877 c8c8c8c8c8 Summer 1877 flashback_

If she didn't know better, Bess would have thought they had just stepped out of…

"All right, Kitty." Bess said in resignation, "You go ahead and tell me just how much of a fool I was to believe all that gossip I heard this morning."

"Actually, Bess," Kitty replied, "I think you and Will could do us a big favor, if you'd step over to Delmonicos with Matt and Doc and I and have some breakfast – yes, I know you ate hours ago – but then if I explained what happened, in strictest confidence of course, perhaps a few people might just happen to overhear, and…"

"I really need to get back to work, Kitty…" Matt attempted.

"Not on your life, cowboy. You started this, and you're not going to leave me to finish it without you." Kitty said with determination, "Now, Festus, if I had them send over some breakfast – just to keep your strength up - you think you could go over to the Marshal's office and just hold things down for another hour, couldn't you?"

"Sure, I could, Miss Kitty. Sure I could. I'm a-goin' right this minute, doncha see." Festus replied suiting actions to words, for once in his life.

As the others rose from the table and moved towards the door, Matt's hand on Doc's arm held him back a moment as the others stepped away. "Doc, I'm sorry for how I acted last night. I was wrong, and I was rude. Will you accept my apology, sir?" He held out his hand. Doc's hooded eyes swept him one quick look, then took the hand and gripped it tightly for just a moment. "No more to say, son. No more to say."


	9. Chapter 9: Hostages to Fortune

Chapter Nine: "Hostages to Fortune"

Kitty's version of the story, as told over a late breakfast, was short and simple. Matt played virtually no part, other than as a tool to vent Dolly's anger at Kitty. Annie was a mere bystander who got in the way of the older girl's wrath. What seemed to matter most to Will and Bess was the evidence of their own eyes that things stood well between Matt and Kitty. With that settled, their interest in the details of the gossip waned. Kitty hoped that perhaps her account, and Matt's solid presence at her side, would slow the tide of gossip and let them move on with their lives.

The story, as stories do, passed through a few more phases, some so fantastical as to be clearly untrue, before being relegated to the sidelines. It still raised its head from time to time, and Kitty would see one wrangler or another bending close around a table of cowboys to speak a few soft words as Matt entered the bar, and then see their sidelong looks at her or at Annie.

She and Matt had three more relatively quiet days, and nights, before he had to leave again, this time trailing stolen horses west towards Colorado with Newly at his side. Matt had come to her every night, and they'd spent more quiet time talking with each other than she could remember in years. She tried to think, laying by him at night, just when it was that conversations had largely given way to sex and sleep and an early morning kiss before he slipped out the door.

Matt's new willingness to be with her in public set her thinking about those early years when he would come running up the stairs to her room, heedless of who was watching. She remembered his huge smile and warm embrace that day in the barroom of the Long Branch when he'd first rode in and found her half owner of the saloon. She remembered shining eyes and wide grins from her younger cowboy and wondered when it was his eyes had turned so sad. It was as if each month, each year, had weighed him down more, not just with killing, but with a world where, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make the good things outnumber the bad.

Kitty was, if anything, pragmatic. She admitted to herself how much each passing year, with more success and more money in the bank, had soothed her own fears and built confidence in her ability to take control of her life. She knew, too, how much of Matt's soul was tied up in keeping law in Dodge. But it could have been different. It could have been so different.

_flashback Spring1879 c9c9c9c9c9 Spring 1879 flashback_

_ATC to Season 7 Episode "Miss Kitty"_

_ Although she'd been away from the Long Branch for nearly a week, Kitty didn't return to the barroom that night when she and Thad Ferrin got back to Dodge. She asked one of the girls to get some food for them, and tucked up Thad in a spare bedroom as soon as night fell. She knew he would sleep through the noise from downstairs, he'd slept over a bar most of his life, still she would have kept Thad in her own bed if it hadn't been for the coming conversation with Matt._

_Matt's tap on her door came earlier than she expected, and she ran eagerly to turn the key and let him in, but then when he stepped inside, she was suddenly lost, not knowing what to do or say. Matt closed the door behind him and stood, hat in hand, waiting on her, but the silence simply grew. Matt was good at silence, and good at standing. What she finally said wasn't any of the things she'd thought of through that long afternoon, what she said was, "I wish he were still alive so I could kill him again!"_

_Matt held her eyes with his for a long moment before he said, "I can understand that, Kitty. I've felt that way myself a time or two." The silence broken, he turned to hang his hat and remove and hang his gunbelt. "You ready to talk about it, Kitty? Or you want to wait?"_

"_Do I have a choice, Matt?" she asked._

"_Yes." he replied. "I'm not here as the Marshal, Kitty. If you're not ready for anything more tonight, I can just be here as your friend."_

_Kitty felt the corners of her lips turn up in a tiny smile. "Let's just start with that, Matt, and see what happens." She took him over to sit down, but instead of sitting beside him, she stepped away and stood looking out the window into the warm summer night. "Did you ever have something you feared so much, Matt, that when it finally happened, and it was over, you didn't know what to do with your life without that fear to hold it together?"_

"_Tell me what that was for you, Kitty." he said. "Was it Tucker Ferrin? Did he hurt you?" He knew she was hurt some, the bruise on her cheek stark evidence of a fist, but he didn't think it was the physical hurt she was talking about._

_Kitty shook her head. "No, it wasn't Tucker. I've known Tucker a long time – since he married Ellie. He was mean, and he was abusive, and I hated him, but then I killed him, and I'm glad I did."_

"_Matt?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_You know how we've talked about your badge? About what you have to do, and how you fear having someone hurt you through someone you… someone you love? Hostages to fortune, you called it once."_

"_Yes." They'd had that conversation more than a few times. It was a recurring theme that ran through their relationship – sometimes with anger, sometimes sadness and resignation, and, from time to time, on Kitty's part, with pride for what he did._

"_Every time we've talked about that, I've wanted to tell you this. Wanted to say it straight out, but I never dared."_

"_Why don't you come tell me now, Kitty?" he said quietly. He wanted to go to her, touch her, hold her, but it was clear she didn't want that, or she wouldn't have placed herself that long, long three paces away._

_She came back to stand in front of him, still not close enough to touch. "Did it ever occur to you, Matt Dillon, that men aren't the only people who give hostages to fortune?"_

_He hadn't expected that, and his eyes came up to meet hers. "No, I can't say I ever did. Did someone hold Thad's life over you Kitty?" She nodded. "You know how folks in town are saying he's my son?"_

"_Yes, I've heard that a few times today, but I knew it wasn't true. At least," he amended, "I knew it wasn't physically true. I think, maybe, in your heart, he is."_

_ Kitty tilted her head to look at him quizzically, and his lips twisted up, just a touch, as he said, "I have the advantage over most folks, honey. I've seen you naked, and I know what it looks like when a woman's had a child."_

_ "Oh." She plopped down next to him, her rigid body suddenly deflated. "I never thought of that."_

_ "What, me knowin' or me noticin'?" Matt asked with a little twist of smile._

_ "Either one, cowboy. I've been dragging myself back and forth across this room most of the afternoon trying to figure out how to make you believe that Thad's not my son, or, part of the time, to make you believe he is, but that, well it never crossed my mind."_

_ Matt reached out tentatively to run a finger over the back of her hand, "Ready to tell me the rest, Kitty?" So she did. When she was done with the story, much as she'd told it to Maddie and Horace earlier in the week, she went on to tell him how she'd killed Tucker Ferrin early that morning._

_ "Do you need to arrest me, Matt?" she asked, but he shook his head. "I told you this morning, but I don't really think you were listenin'. Ferrin's been a wanted man for some time now. I already filed the paperwork today. State knows he's dead, and the reward money will come here in a few weeks."_

_ "I won't touch it!" she swore._

_ "You won't need to, Kitty. I put my own name on the papers."_

_ "Even though you knew I killed him?" she asked._

_ "Even though I knew you killed him."_

_ "How did you know that?"_

_ "I looked at your eyes, Kitty."_

_ "And you lied?"_

_ "I lied."_

_ Kitty rose and paced across the room. "You want a drink, Matt?"_

_ "Yes," he said fervently._

_ Kitty poured two glasses of whiskey and came back to sit next to him again. They sipped in silence for a while, and finally she asked, "What am I going to do, Matt?"_

_ "About Thad?"_

_ "Yes. I can't keep him here. He's lived too much of his life already in brothels and saloons. I thought I could foster him out with Maddie and Horace, but now I'm seeing that wasn't fair to them. I don't know how to keep him, and I don't know how to let him go. Whatever I do is going to be wrong."_

_ "Is that what you meant about having something happen that you had feared for a long time?" he asked. "This has been hanging over you quite a while, hasn't it?"_

_ "Yes and no, Matt. Right this minute, it's Thad. I've got to figure out what's best for him, but the bigger thing is, well, the whole idea of a child. When a whore has a child she gives up any chance she ever had for getting more from life." She felt him tense, and went on anyway, "Yes, I know you don't like it when I say that, but please, tonight, can I just talk without having to watch my language?"_

_ Matt forced himself to relax into the waiting stillness he'd been cultivating all evening, all day. "All right." he agreed._

_ "I saw what happened when Ellie got pregnant. I'd seen it before. There's about six months when a girl can't work. If it's a good place, and she's got friends, they let her take that time helping out with cleaning, mending, doing whatever she can. But once the baby's born, she has to have money to find someone to keep the baby, and the money has to come in fast, so she's back to work before she's really ready, and the thing is, Matt, she doesn't ever again have a choice or a chance. She's no longer got any way to control her life. Everything she does she has to do to keep that baby, that child, fed and cared for and __hidden__ – because nobody wants a working girl with a child." Her eyes bored into his, "Do you know where I'd be if Thad had been mine, cowboy?"_

_ He took a pull at the glass in his hand and braced himself. "No, but I think you're going to tell me." _

_ "I'd be dead. And Thad would be dead. Only reason I'm not is because I was able to leave Abilene by walking out the door to take the night air with a customer and never look back. You ever meet a rancher down Abilene way named Tom Micah, you shake his hand and thank him for saving my life. He rode me out of town, put me on a stage, and gave me every cent he had in his pocket. If I'd had to stop for anything, Matt, anything at all, I wouldn't have lived through that night." _

_ Kitty tossed back the rest of her drink and sat regarding her glass. "So you see, when I promised Thad's mother I would take care of him, I knew it would be taking on the thing I feared the most. And that it could take away everything I've worked so hard for here in Dodge." She drew in a long shuddering breath, "When I first heard about Ellie's death, I thought, just there at first, that with money, and with friends, real friends for the first time in my life, that I could just see this through, but then this afternoon," she looked down at her hands and then up into his eyes, "I saw the people watching me, people I thought were my friends, I saw what was in their eyes. I know I can't keep Thad here. Can't let him go to school and hear other children call him names – names they'll hear from their oh so respectable parents."_

_ "Kitty…"_

_ "I have to leave, Matt. I have to leave, and I don't know where to go, and, God help me, Matt, I don't know how I can stand to leave you." She threw the glass hard so that it shattered against the wall. _

_ "Well, that's a good thing then, Kitty, because, if you leave, I'm coming with you."_

_ She looked at him in disbelief. "I promised you a long time ago, Kitty, that I would do my best, go along with everything you said, to see you didn't get pregnant. I wish you had explained it to me then, like you did today, it would have made it easier to understand. But if you remember there was another piece to that promise. You promised me that if there was a child you would marry me. When I saw you drive in with Thad today, I figured the time had come."_

_ "He's not my son, Matt, and he's certainly not yours." Kitty said baldly._

_ Matt's soft words went straight to her heart. "No, but he can be ours."_

_ In later years, she wished so many times that she had just let that happen. Every time after that day, every time when Matt was shot, or hurt, or when his soul bled with the killing, the guilt twisted her until she didn't know if her pain was at the thought of losing Matt, or at the responsibility for letting him continue to wear a badge that he had been willing to resign. She wondered what it would have been like if they had walked away from everything in Dodge that very week while they were still young and with a life ahead of them. But she didn't have to wonder what Dodge would have been like without Matt Dillon to keep the peace._

_In the morning Horace and Maddie had been on her doorstep before the Long Branch even opened. They wanted Thad back and they weren't going to take no for an answer. They had talked and planned all night, and were ready to move back to Emporia where they both had family. Matt had stood there, thumbs in his gunbelt, and raised his eyebrows while he looked at her telling her plain as plain that the decision was hers. And she, in turn, had looked to Thad, with his eyes shining and his hand in Maddie's. "Could I go, Aunt Kitty? Would you mind if I go?" What else could she do but agree?_

_flashback Spring 1879 c9c9c9c9c9 Spring 1879 flashback_

_ATC to Season 7 Episode "Miss Kitty"_

It could have been so different. Maybe it was time to think about letting that difference happen now. I can never get those years back, she thought, but there's more years to come. Do I want to look back after twenty years and see only what I didn't do, only what I was afraid to do?

Kitty woke at the turn of the key in her lock. It was late, not as late as a Saturday night, but late, and she'd been asleep, not expecting Matt back so soon. He came in trying for quiet, but not achieving it. She heard his hat go on the rack, his boots thump softly onto the floor, the rustle as his clothes came off and were laid across the tall chair that she kept close to the door just for that purpose. Lastly the gentle clink as his badge was laid on top of her dresser. On that cue, she sat up in bed. "Hello, Matt."

He came to the bed and she moved over, leaving him the warm place she had created under the quilts. "I didn't mean to wake you." He always said it, but he knew that he always did. He moved in beside her and took her into his arms for an embrace. "You find those horses?" she asked, her face against his chest. "We did. Brought one man back for trial, had to kill the other." Matt's hands moved on her shoulders and hair. It had been ten days, and long weeks before that. "Anything happen while I was gone?" She shook her head against him, "Not much. That story seems set to rest for the most part." And now his hands were on her face, lifting it to his mouth for a kiss that started softly and ended very deep. One hand moved down, to cup her breast, and her breath quickened as his thumb stroked over her hardening nipple. She rocked her hips against him, claiming his mouth with her tongue, moving to suckle on his ear, his neck, heedless of the marks it might leave.

He drew her mouth back to his, pulling at her lower lip, then moving his lips down over her neck to lick the hollow of her throat. "You're mighty eager," he commented with a breath of a laugh. "I am that," she replied, trying without success to calm her breathing. He sat her up and lifted the nightgown over her head, lowering his mouth to kiss her breasts, her fingers curled in his hair. Kitty pulled him back down to the bed, moving her legs apart, inviting him. His big hand moved softly through her lower curls, feeling to see if she was wet, and then separating her lips and using that wetness to stroke between them with his thumb. She twisted beneath him, "Cowboy if you don't get down to business, it's going to be all over before you start."

"We can always start again."

"Please, Matt, that's not what I need tonight."

He moved over her and entered her almost in one movement. Her hips squirmed against him as he moved slowly, then more quickly. It had been a long time for him as well. He held on, by a hair, waiting until her clenching muscles and the rhythm of her hips let him know, then giving up and falling into the heat of her.


	10. Chapter 10: The lady said no

Chapter Ten: "The lady said no"

Morning light came early. Summer was only a month away. Matt rose and walked to the washroom to empty his bladder. It wasn't a large room, with the big tub in the middle taking most of the space, but standing next to the small window was a new piece of furniture. He ran his hand over the smooth unpainted wood of the shaving stand, clean towels and his own razor and brushes laid out ready for use. The stand was taller than any he'd ever used, and the small mirror was hung at just the right height for him to see his face without bending over. He poured water in the kettle and set it on Kitty's small stove, trying to be quiet as he added wood to the still-red coals inside.

"I put your shirts and things in the small chest, over behind your chair." Kitty was sitting up in bed, rumpled, naked, and yawning.

"How'd you get Ma Smalley to let you into my room?" he asked.

Kitty stretched and then shrugged, "Just told her I wanted to get some of your things."

"She lets just anyone into my room?"

"Not just anyone, I'd say, but she didn't object to me." Kitty said, "Honey, no one knows better than your landlady how few nights you spend in that room. She goes to change your sheets once a week, and finds the bed hasn't even been slept in. That's been goin' on for a long time." She hesitated just a moment, and then went on, "And remember Ma was there helping Doc when I lost the first baby. Doubt there's much she doesn't know."

"Guess that puts her on the list." He went over to pull out a drawer in the small chest. Neat piles of clean socks, underwear, and folded shirts met his eyes.

"What list is that?" Kitty asked, bending across the bed to rummage for her discarded nightgown. The sight of that completely did away with his composure, but she was back up and heading into the washroom before he could turn his thoughts to action. As the door closed behind her, he took out clean clothes and began to dress. It felt odd, coming to Kitty's room and not putting back on the clothes he'd worn in. Darned sight more comfortable this way, but what did he do with the dirty laundry? But Kitty had thought of that, too. "Hamper in there for you," she said, sailing out of the washroom and pointing behind her. "Big basket thing under the window. Ming Li will pick things up at the end of the week."

"And bring them back here?" Matt asked. "Guess that puts him on the list, too."

"We makin' a list?" she asked again.

"Yep." He took the kettle and poured warm water in his shaving basin. "You want some of this?"

"Yes, please." Kitty replied, and he poured the rest into her bowl before continuing, "I was just thinking this morning, layin' there, about all the people in Dodge who happen to know, for one reason or another, that the Marshal spends his nights with a certain red-haired saloon owner."

Kitty came in to wash and to watch him shave – the process endlessly fascinating to a woman. "Well, I suppose we would start with Doc. He said he suspected for years, and he certainly made leading comments for an awful long time."

"Which we ignored," Matt replied, rinsing his razor.

"Which we ignored," Kitty agreed.

"But I'd put Sam first on the list." Matt said. "He had to know I was up here – a lot of nights and a lot of mornings."

Kitty's face behind him was tender. "Sam's a good, true friend. Not sure if I could have run this business without him the last ten years. He knows a lot, but doesn't say a word, not one word. Sometimes I think he might be even more close-mouthed than a certain Marshal I know."

"And then there's Chester." Kitty went on, her eyes lighting up, "Oh, Matt, do you remember the first time he came knocking on my back door in the middle of the night? I didn't think a grown man could be that embarrassed."

Matt chuckled, "You should have seen him when I explained to him where he could find me, if he needed me that night. Almost made me ready to just sleep at the jail and forget the whole thing."

"Almost?" she enquired.

"But not quite." Matt replied. "Which puts Festus on the list. Festus is a lot less innocent than he lets on, Kitty. Didn't fret him a bit. He just said he'd try to be real quiet when he needed me."

Kitty was sitting at her dressing table now, making up her face, "And you know, Matt, that it wakes my girls when someone calls you out in the night."

"Do they sleep here? Somehow I thought…"

"Well, some do, some don't. It's not always pleasant to sleep in the same room where you entertain. Couple of the girls have places at one of the boarding houses, but Annie sleeps here – that's how she was around to help me when things turned bad last month – and so does Cora when she sleeps alone."

Matt sat down to pull his boots on. "So over the years every working girl in this town has likely heard about the Marshal heading up or down your back stairs." The thought was not a pleasant one.

Kitty, however, took it pretty casually. "More than likely. At least they know I have someone up in my rooms. Probably wouldn't know for sure it was you, any particular night, unless they happened to hear you called and then go out."

"Lord, Kitty, I don't know what's worse, them knowing it's me or thinking it's a bunch of different men!"

"What about Newly, Matt? Does he go on your list?" Kitty asked moving away from the question of her girls.

"I honestly don't know, Kitty. I've never had to tell him to find me here at night, he doesn't sleep at the jail." Matt pondered, "But he's a bright young man, and he uses his eyes."

"So after we add Manuel, who delivers the meals from Delmonicos, and Ming Li who picks up the laundry, and old Carmela who cleans the upstairs rooms for me…"

Matt settled his hat on his head, and opened the door for her, "Then I guess it doesn't make much difference who watches me walk down into the barroom. They've all known for years."

"Oh, no, Matt," Kitty protested, "There's at least five folks who arrived on yesterday's stage. They might not have heard yet!"

Kitty was laughing and Matt was trying not to fume as they descended the stairs to Sam's good coffee and now familiar morning greeting.

Later that morning, Kitty sat in the bar with her books spread out in front of her. It was early still, but the day was already warm. Annie came over with a new Blue Willow pot of coffee for Kitty's tray. "Miss Kitty? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Annie. Sit down with me here." Kitty glanced around the empty barroom. Sam was carefully washing and wiping glasses in the far corner. She poured the girl a cup of coffee. "What's on your mind?"

Annie hesitated a moment, sipping the strong black coffee. "Well, ma'am, since I came back to the barroom, I get… I get asked a lot more than I used to."

You still sayin' no?

Yes ma'am, I am. But, even though they're asking more, they're, well, they're not makin' a fuss about it when I tell them no. And if someone starts whining at me, well, the local gents take him off and buy him a drink and talk to him." Annie's eyes twinkled, "You think they've all heard about my promise to my dying mamma?"

Kitty's eyes returned that sparkle of pure enjoyment. "That the only line you use, Annie?"

Annie sat with her hands clasped in her lap and her eyes modestly downcast, "Oh, no, Miss Kitty. There's that cowboy back in Texas who's gonna marry me soon as he brings the herd in from Amarillo. He's a strong fella, that cowboy, got bright yellow hair and he's big and quick with his gun." She shook her head in mock sadness, "Not sure what would happen if he got back and found me with some other man."

Both women laughed loud enough to draw the brief attention of Sam. He glanced at them sitting alone together laughing and then shrugged. Wished he knew what could make a woman laugh like that.

But after exchanging a few more useful lines, some of which Annie carefully stored away in her mind for future use, Kitty's face turned serious. "Annie you really don't know what's keeping the boys in line, do you? Or why more of them are asking?"

She shook her head.

"They're askin' you because no matter what anyone says or doesn't say, some of them still think you went upstairs with the Marshal, and that would make you pretty special." Annie's eyes lifted to Kitty's face in shock, and she began to blush deeply as Kitty continued, "And the reason nobody insists, and our local gents don't let them insist, is exactly the same."

"How do you… how do you know all that, Miss Kitty?" Annie asked

"Because for years that's exactly what Matt Dillon did for me, Annie." She answered quietly and without a trace of embarrassment.

_flashback Spring1873 c10c10c10c10c10 Spring 1873 flashback_

_Kitty was new at the Long Branch, and someone new, especially when she was bright, and sassy, and beautiful, had the chance for a lot of business. She smiled, and chatted, and carried drinks, and tonight she smiled some more and shook her head to each suggestion that a trip upstairs would be entertaining for them both. She'd started to bleed today, and that put her out of commission for a few days, as well as relieving her mind that she'd managed another month without getting pregnant. _

_She didn't much like that part of her job, but she did like the extra money, and she did like the fact that Bill never tried to make her take on customers if she didn't want to. His job was selling liquor, and that's where he made his money. The extra that came in from the girls was fine, and he was strict about seeing that he was paid for everyone who went upstairs, but it wasn't his main business and he more allowed it than managed it. _

_Kitty did like the saloon work. She liked the laughter and the banter with the cowboys and adding a little fun to their lives. She liked dealing for them, and she liked the money she won. Most of them were good sorts, even if they were a little free with their hands, and most of them took no for an answer if she said it firmly enough and kindly enough. And when she said yes, well, most of them didn't want much or take long to do it._

_But some of the men were a problem. She sighed when she saw Mac Vickers come into the barroom. Mac ran one of the stockyards west of town - big man in Dodge, with what amounted to big money for a small town. Mac had liked what he saw when the new girl came into the Long Branch at the beginning of the month, and he'd walked her upstairs at least twice a week. He hadn't been too rough, yet, but he was demanding, and determined to have what he wanted when he wanted it. He didn't ask. He just told her what to do. She knew he was dangerous to her._

_Kitty went over to the bar to stand next to Bill Pence, hoping that it might make things a little easier, but it didn't. Mac walked over and took her arm in his hand. "C'mon, Red." _

"_Not tonight, Mac," she told him firmly._

_Vickers ignored her, pulling her away from the bar and towards the stairs. Kitty shot a look at Bill, and then wrenched her arm free from Vickers and stepped back. "I said no, Mac. Some other time, maybe." Vickers eyes were hard although his mouth was smiling, "Now you know better than that, Red. Stop making a fuss."_

_This was sure to end badly, Kitty knew. Most likely with him hitting her, down here in the bar, if she protested further, and almost surely upstairs if she did not. Given the choice, and the hope that some of the more decent cowboys might come to her aid, she elbowed Vickers hard in the stomach and tried again to pull away. He didn't let go of her arm, and she saw him raise his hand. Closed her eyes waiting for the blow, but it didn't fall. _

_She opened her eyes to see the big Marshal gripping Vickers upraised wrist, and she backed off as soon as the hand on her arm loosened. "Lady said no, Mac," came Dillon's quiet voice._

"_The __lady__, Marshal, will do as she's told and you can just stay out of this." Vickers tone was sharp. He tried to pull his arm away, but found it held in an iron grip, high in the air, just as he'd raised it to strike her. _

"_Now, Mac, we've had this little talk before. We don't need to have it again. Plenty of willing girls in Dodge, you go find one." The Marshal released Vickers arm and let it fall to his side. _

_Vickers glance was pure venom, "I've found what I want, Dillon. Now you walk out of here and go keep the peace somewhere else." He began moving towards where Kitty stood, very straight, across the room. Dillon dropped him in his tracks with a single punch, caught him as he fell, and then slung the smaller man over his shoulder, tipped his hat to Kitty, and walked out of the bar._

_He was back half an hour later, and spent a few minutes in quiet speech with Pence that left that man pale and trying to smile feebly at his customers as he retired behind the bar. Matt came over to sit down at the table next to Kitty. The two cowboys who were sitting with her mumbled quick good byes and rose to take their drinks elsewhere. _

"_You okay, Kitty?" he asked._

"_I am, Marshal, and I thank you," she replied._

"_We've had trouble with Mac before. He beat up a girl over at the Peacock a couple months ago, and he and I had some words about that." Kitty looked at the Marshals huge hands and was sure what kind of words those had been. "I don't want to interfere in your business, Kitty, but I'd suggest you try to steer clear of Mac. He has some strange ideas."_

"_I'm aware of that, Marshal," she said._

"_Matt." _

_Kitty smiled at him. "All right, I'm aware of that, Matt."_

"_Has he hurt you?"_

"_Not enough to count, Matt, but enough to make me want to stay away from him if I can." She shrugged, "But he doesn't listen very well."_

"_I just had a talk with Bill about that very thing. Bill's got a shotgun under the bar, and he needs to be a little firmer about using it. There was no need for me to have to get involved here today. Bill could have taken care of you, and warned off Mac, before it got out of hand."_

"_Well, I'm pretty glad you did get involved, Matt. You saved me a beating I surely did not want. Bill is a nice enough fella, but he's not too concerned with anything that doesn't directly affect his own comfort."_

_The Marshal smiled down at her. "And that's part of the discussion I just had with him. Told him next time he and I had to talk it would be out back in the alley. I think he'll do."_

_Kitty grinned. "Well, that would be a nice change. Thank you, Marshal."_

"_Matt."_

"_Thank you, Matt."_

_His voice a little lower, he asked, "Why do you do this, Kitty? I hate to see you get roughed up, and there's only so much I can do to stop it."_

"_It's my job, Matt. Sometimes it's a little rough, same as yours is, but it's how I make my living. And don't worry, cowboy, what you did today will stand me in good stead for quite a while."_

_He nodded, tipped his hat to her, rose and left the bar._

_flashback Spring1873 c10c10c10c10c10 Spring 1873 flashback_

"Because for years that's exactly what Matt Dillon did for me, Annie." She answered quietly and without a trace of embarrassment.

"But you don't work upstairs, Miss Kitty!" Annie said, in real shock.

"Not any more, I don't, honey, but I surely did when I first came here. How old are you, Annie? How old _really_?"

"I turned twenty-four at Christmas, Miss Kitty." Annie replied.

"I was just nineteen, and I'd been in the trade for almost five years when I got off the stage and came to work at the Long Branch. And almost from the start it got around that anyone who raised a hand to me was likely to feel the Marshal's fist." Kitty smiled, "Matt Dillon's got mighty big fists, Annie."

"Biggest man I've ever seen, Miss Kitty! He's even bigger than my Pa." Annie said, and then hesitated, but went on, "The Marshal knew you worked upstairs and he… he let you do that?"

"Good or bad, I make my own choices, Annie. The only thing Matt Dillon ever 'let' me do, and maybe the kindest thing any man alive ever did for me, was to help me stop that trade when I was ready." Kitty sighed and reached over to take Annie's hand, looking her straight in the eyes. "Now there's one more part to this we need to talk about, Annie, and then I'll let you alone to think on it. If you stay in Dodge, then one day a gunman is going to walk through those doors, and hear that rumor, and he's going to try to force you because he wants to hurt Matt, or he wants to use you to hurt Matt. If you're lucky, Sam will be there with his shotgun to walk him out to the alley and knock him on the head. And if you're not lucky, well, then the Marshal will shoot him down, and you will have to live with that. I know this because I've been watching it happen for a lot of years."

Annie was silent for a moment, and then, her chin came up in a gesture Kitty was beginning to know. "I can live with killin', Miss Kitty. I don't like it, but I've seen enough of it. Some men need killin'. But it must be right hard on you, ma'am, getting' up each morning and wonderin' if it will happen again today, and if, maybe, well, if this time it's goin' to go the other way."

Kitty squeezed Annie's hand hard once, then stood up. "No one ever said life was easy, Annie. But every day can be good if you work to make it that way." She turned and walked over to her office, Annie's eyes following her erect back and swaying skirts until the door closed behind her.


	11. Chapter 11: You've got no cause

Chapter Eleven: "You've got no cause"

Every town has seasons, and in Dodge City spring followed winter, and heat and cattle herds followed spring. As the last late days of spring turned towards summer, the town shook itself making ready for the first of the herds to arrive late in June. Business was still steady rather than brisk at the Long Branch, but mornings started earlier as Sam and Kitty stocked and sorted their storeroom and cellar.

"You got a good deal on these last kegs, Sam," Kitty told him one morning in early June. "That beer's sure going to go fast once those cowboys head in from Texas."

"Wasn't me, Miss Kitty. Annie's the one who sweet talked that drummer into the price. It was a mighty fine thing to watch, too, ma'am." Sam said, "I thought at first she was promising him something, well, something personal on the deal, and I was ready to step in if she needed me, but he left with a handshake and a smile on his face." Sam hesitated, "Still I wouldn't swear he doesn't think there's something more waiting for him next time he comes through Dodge."

A few minutes later, as Kitty, up on a ladder, was handing small boxes of glassware down to Sam from a high shelf, Sam brought up the subject again. "You think Annie's been in the saloon business before, Miss Kitty?" he asked, "I mean, not just entertaining, but running things?"

"I reckon she has, Sam. She told me her family ran a boarding house, but seems to me there must have been a lot of liquor and a lot of cowboys in that establishment."

"Why is she here then, do you think?"

"I don't know, Sam, and I'm sure not going to ask. Maybe she's fallen on hard times and just needed a job. It's not easy for a girl alone, and maybe she feels safer here than some of the places. You and Clem do a good job with that, Sam, and I know it's tough to keep your eye on the girls and who's upstairs and for how long when the barroom gets busy."

"We going to hire an upstairs man again this year, Miss Kitty? Might be about time to do that. Heard that stringers from two herds were here talking to the Marshall yesterday. Another ten days and we're going to be mighty busy."

"You think Ol' Amos will want that job again, Sam?"

"He always does, Miss Kitty. He's quiet and he doesn't fall asleep, and his hearing's good - he doesn't have any problem movin' right in if he thinks one of those girls has a problem."

"All right, Sam. You send him round to talk to me this week. But he's got to take a bath once in a while!"

Sam chuckled. "You just leave that to Lizzie and Cora, Miss Kitty. They've got an arrangement with him that suits all three."

"Sam!"

"Just sayin', ma'am."

Late that afternoon, Matt was sitting with Doc and Kitty at a table near the bar when two dusty cowboys entered through the batwing doors. The room was beginning to fill, and it looked like a long evening ahead. Kitty was thinking about taking a dinner break before things got busier. The two newcomers stepped up to the bar and Kitty saw Sam speak to them and then nod towards the table where the three of them sat. One of the men was short, sandy haired, and plain-looking, but his young partner held the eyes of every woman in the bar, including Kitty. He was tall – maybe as tall as the Marshal – with shaggy blonde hair and a long, slim body that swung easily across the floor. Matt had risen as the two men approached, and Kitty's quick glance at his face suddenly turned into a stare. Matt's eyes watching the younger cowboy held a welcoming smile that lit his eyes in a way that caught her breath.

"Marshall Dillon," said the smaller man, "Don't know if you remember me, I'm Mike Parker from the YB spread out of Amarillo, and this is…"

But Matt interrupted him to take a step forward and hold out his hand to the blonde cowboy, "You don't need to tell me, Parker, this is Luff Barger's boy. Couldn't be anyone else." But before the younger man could take the offered hand, a wordless shout from the top of the stairs turned all their heads. Annie came almost tumbling down the stairs and the tall young cowboy moved to grab her halfway down and swing her over the rail and then in a full circle around him.

"So that's Annie's cowboy," said Kitty softly as she watched Annie's arms go around the boy's neck in a hard hug while he continued to spin her around the room.

"Yessir," Parker was saying to Matt, "That's Luff's youngest boy. You knew Luff Barger did you? Mark's sure the spit of what Luff was when he was younger."

Annie came towards them, looking tiny next to the big blonde. His arm was around her, and her head, no higher than his heart, rested for a moment on his chest. She stepped away from him to reach up and give Parker a kiss on the cheek, "Hello, Mike." She said, and then pulling the blonde forward, she introduced him. "Doc, Marshal, Miss Kitty, this is my baby brother, Mark Barger. I'm mighty pleased to have you meet him." Kitty's eyes were on Barger as her hand was swallowed up in his, but Doc saw the color leave Matt's face and the sudden quiet in his eyes as he stepped forward smiling to take Mark Barger's hand.

_flashback June 1863 c11c11c11c11c11 June 1863 flashback_

_The little girl with dusky curls watched as the tall young cowboy rode in through the gate and stepped down from his horse. "Mamma wants to talk to you, Matthew." she said. "She told me I had to stay out here. Have you been bad, Matthew?"_

_He hunkered down by her for a moment and stroked back the curls that escaped from her braids. "Not that I remember, MayLou. Don't you worry about me, honey." Then he rose and walked across the dusty yard and in through the front door of the small ranch house._

"_Rachel?" he called, "MayLou said you wanted to talk to me. Anything wrong?"_

_The woman that came into the front room to meet him was small and darkly pretty, like her daughter. She wiped her damp hands on a dish towel and reached up to give him a quick kiss, but stepped back when he tried to follow it with another. She held a hand against his cheek for a moment, and then said, "Yes."_

"_I'm pregnant, Matthew." She waited. She thought she knew what was coming next, but with a man, you never really could tell._

_It took him a moment. He looked down at her trim figure, and then into her face. She nodded silently. Then he folded her in his arms and tipped her head back to meet her soft dark eyes with his bright blue ones. "We'll get married, Rachel," he said. _

_She smiled, because she'd been almost sure he'd say that, and then shook her head, "No, Matthew, I'm going to marry Luff Barger."_

_flashback June 1863 c11c11c11c11c11 June 1863 flashback_

… but Doc saw the color leave Matt's face and the sudden quiet in his eyes as he stepped forward smiling to take Mark Barger's hand.

"I knew your parents twenty-five years ago down in Amarillo, Mark. I danced at their wedding." At this revelation, Kitty's eyebrows went up. "You _danced _at their wedding, Matt?" She'd known Matt to willingly choose a long, dark ride through a snowy night to avoid having to face a situation where he just might possibly be called on to dance.

But the smile was back in his eyes, "I surely did. Danced with the prettiest little girl in all of Texas. Is MayLou well? Married?"

Annie and Mark looked at each other and broke into laughter. "It's "Miss Louisa" now, Marshal. She hasn't answered to MayLou since I was a little girl," Annie said, "She and our brother Johnny run a place up in Virginia City."

Mike Parker faded back away, leaving the brother and sister facing Matt Dillon. Kitty noticed him leave and join a line of cowboys at the bar, but Matt's eyes remained on Annie.

"Sit down with us here, you two, and tell me about your family. Annie, why didn't you ever tell me you were Luff Barger's girl?" They sat, Annie still holding Mark's hand in hers, and she squeezed it as she said, "Pa died two years ago, Marshal. I know I should have told you that, told you who I was, but I just never did."

Matt's deep voice was quiet but he asked directly, "And your mother?"

"My ma died four years ago, Marshal." Mark Barger told him. Both of the young people watched his face, but he only nodded, and Mark went on, "That was right about the time Annie here was fixing to marry Rafe Dillon."

Matt looked at them in amazement. "You were going to marry my _brother_?" Kitty and Doc, present but excluded from this conversation, shared a look.

But Annie, smiling, replied. "No sir, I was going to marry his oldest son. Those Dillon men, they sure are handsome. We'd about decided on it, but, well," she looked down at the table and then back up at the Marshal's face, "Mamma was dead set against the match. She was pretty sick by that time, but one day she took Mark and I into her room, and she told us why it would be better if I didn't marry Rafe, or have any more to do with him." Annie's small hand came up to touch the Marshal's arm very lightly, and he covered it with one of his big ones, their eyes meeting and holding.

Kitty stood up, a tightness rising in her chest. It suddenly seemed pretty clear to her where this was going, and probably why Annie had come to Dodge City. "I'll go get us some drinks," she said, but Mark jumped up and stopped her with a hand. "You let me do that, Miss Kitty. You stay here with them, please."

"Would someone care to tell an old man what's going on here?" Doc asked looking from one to the other.

Matt looked at Annie, and then stood slowly pulling her to her feet.

But Kitty, who had been watching where Mark Barger stood at the bar, saw the look of rage rising on his face as some of the other cowboys spoke softly to him, all turning to look at where the Marshal stood with Annie. "Matt, this is going to be bad," she interrupted harshly before he could speak, and Matt quickly followed her gaze to where young Barger stood staring back at him, his face convulsed in fury.

Matt spun Annie into Kitty's arms just as an outraged shout tore through the room. "Dillon!"

"Hold her, Kitty. Don't you let her go." Matt said, and Kitty responded by efficiently pulling the girl against her with one hand while moving her other arm tightly across Annie's chest.

Matt stepped away from the table, his hands held carefully clear of his gun, and paced slowly towards where Mark Barger stood across the swiftly clearing room. "I know you're angry, Mark, but let's talk this through."

Mark's response was to move away from the bar, his hand hovering over his gunbelt. "How could you, Marshal? How could you do that to her?" Matt was startled to see tears as well as rage in the boy's eyes.

"I know what they told you, son, but listen to me, I give you my word – it's not true." His voice was steady. He'd done this so many times, talking a man down, trying to avoid a killing, but no day in his life had it ever been more important than this one. "Mark, I can see what you're thinking, and you've got a right to an explanation. But I can't let you draw that gun. I can't do it." Matt kept walking towards him, very slowly, step by measured step, his voice lowering as the distance lessened. "Now listen to me, son, I'm telling you, you've got _no cause_ for this, _no cause_. Stand down here, and we'll go have a talk. We can make this right, but you can't go for your gun."

Matt saw him hesitate, and said, deep but softer yet, "That's not what you want for Annie, son. You don't want either of us dead." He took another step, closing the distance between them. "Mark, I'll stand here, and I won't raise a hand to you. You can hit me as hard as you want, but don't you pull your gun. You feel you owe me something, that's your privilege, you've got the right, you go ahead and swing at me. But you do it with your fist and not your gun."

He took another step. He saw Barger's hands move, but not down towards his gun, and he stood perfectly still as two fists hit him almost simultaneously, one on the jaw, and one on the side of his head. Blackness settled over him, and it was welcome.


	12. Chapter 12: To be a man

Chapter Twelve: "To be a man"

Matt swam to consciousness in a strangely silent room. He heard a woman crying, and was surprised because Kitty didn't usually do that in public, even when he was hurt. He heard whispers and low voices, but none of the usual barroom sounds. He opened his eyes against flashing pain in his head and saw Doc kneeling next to him and felt the familiar hand on his wrist. He raised his other hand to his face, felt the soreness in his jaw, then moved to sit up. Voices were louder now, more people talking. He must not have been out too long. "Hold on a minute there, Matt." Doc said. "Give yourself time to get your breath back before you try to stand up. You were out like a light. Might have a concussion."

Matt sat on the floor, shaking his head slowly – which hurt like hell – and fingering his jaw. He saw Newly standing at the bar just beyond him holding a gun on a young blonde giant, and noticed with relief that Barger's gun had been removed from his gunbelt. "I'm okay, Doc. Give me some space, would'ya?" With a grunt, Matt lifted himself from the floor. "Well, that's about enough excitement for one day. Barger, I'm going to need to lock you up. You comin' quiet?"

"Yes, sir," the boy replied.

He took the gun from Newly and tucked it into the side of his gunbelt. He stumbled once and Newly put out a hand to support his arm, but Mark was there first, holding him steady. Matt stood still a moment, letting the spinning in his head stop, and then moved on to the door with his prisoner in front of him. At the door he turned to look back across the room at Kitty, who wasn't crying, but who held a weeping Annie against her. She returned his gaze with a nod that was more a movement of her eyelids than her head, and he saw her turn towards the stairway with Annie still in the circle of her arm.

"Newly?" he said, "I'm going to take this boy over and lock him up for a while. You see that things get settled here. I don't need any help with this. You understand?"

"Yes, sir, I do." Newly agreed, turning back to lift a table that had been overturned by Matt's fall. "Show's over, gentlemen," he said to the room at large, "Nothing more to see here."

Matt walked out the door with young Barger ahead of him, but halfway across the street blackness threatened him again. Barger caught him and slung one of the Marshal's arms across his own shoulders. "You going to make it, sir?" he asked.

"I need to make it. Let's go on and get off the street," Matt replied.

With the support of the younger man, the Marshal continued on to the jail, through the door, and slumped onto his own bunk before the swirling in his head took him down again. When he awoke this time, he felt like it had been longer than before. His head and jaw still hurt, but his mind felt clearer. He was laid back on the cot, and Mark Barger was sitting at the table in the center of the room, staring at him. Matt saw the boy's gunbelt, wrapping the gun, lying in a pile on his desk. Taking his time, Matt slung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. Seeing this, Mark went over and got a dipper of water and brought it to him. He drank, and it steadied him. "How long was I out?"

"About ten minutes. I was about to go get that doctor," Mark replied.

"You pack quite a punch, young fella." Matt told him lightly, and then more seriously, "You do foolish things like that often, son?"

Mark sank back in his chair and put his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. "I seem to do it all the time, Marshal. I try to stop and think, and then I just don't." He shook his head, still hiding it in his hands. "I'm sorry, sir. I should have known better. Annie would have told me if there'd been a problem, but when those cowboys said…"

"I know what they said." Matt eased his words into the flow. "And you just took off to take it out on somebody without thinking."

Mark nodded, then raised himself to sit up and look at the Marshal. "Sir, I do thank you for stopping me. I can't think, now, of anything that would have hurt Annie more. But I have to tell you, Marshal, when you was walkin' towards me, and talkin', just so quiet like, well, it was just what my Pa used to do."

"And where do you think I learned that, Mark? Luff Barger kept me from a killing once, when I was younger even than you, and every time some young yahoo with a gun wants to face me down, I remember just how he did it, and just what it felt like, and only hope I can manage to pass on the favor." What he didn't say was that all too often, he couldn't.

_flashback June 1863 c12c12c12c12c12 June 1863 flashback_

_Matthew waited outside the back door of the saloon until long after midnight. He saw the lights go off one by one until there was just one left in the back room, and when Luff Barger stepped out the alley door with a box of empties, he spoke, not the challenge he'd been forming words for all night, but just the bare thought that had been tearing him apart all day, "I'm going to kill you, Luff."_

_The older man eased the box down onto the ground, and stood up, his height and size filling the doorway behind him. "I thought you might be by, Matthew. You come on in." Then he turned his back and walked back in through the door._

"_I'm going to kill you, Luff!" His voice louder, Matthew stood his ground in the dark alley. But the door remained open, and the man did not answer. Slowly Matthew walked inside. _

_Luff Barger stood across the room, facing him. He wore a gun but he wasn't reaching for it. His arms crossed, shoulders settled against the wall, he just waited, watching the youth before him, sadness in his eyes. "I don't want to shoot you, son. And I don't want you to shoot me. Either way that goes, Rachel loses."_

"_If you're dead, she'll marry me. She's carryin' my baby. Mine, not yours. She needs to marry me."_

"_Well, you might be right, Matthew, but it's not what she wants, and I don't think killing me is going to make her any happier about it."_

"_I make her happy!"_

"_Likely you do, Matthew, but how are you going to support her, and MayLou, and a baby? Isn't it time, son, that you started thinking about what Rachel wants, and not what you want? Isn't it time for you to be a man, and think of her first?" Luff's voice was soft but firm. He asked the question as if he really wanted an answer._

_Tears stung his eyes. He hadn't cried since the day his mother died and he wasn't going to start now. "You just tell her you aren't going to marry her. Then she'll come back, and we'll be fine. I can work the ranch. I can take care of her." His hand hovered over his gun. He was young, but he knew he was fast, somehow he had to make Luff draw, had to have an excuse to fire, and if he died, well, that didn't matter much at this point._

_Luff shook his head. "That's not what she wants, Matthew. It ever occur to you to ask her what __she__ wants, before you went off half-cocked to come kill me?"_

"_She won't talk to me! I tried, but she won't talk to me. She just said she asked you to marry her, and you were willing. You didn't even ask her, you don't even want her!"_

"_Oh, I want her all right, son. Don't you worry yourself about that part." Well, Luff thought, maybe that hadn't been the best thing to say. The boy's hand was back reaching for his gun again. "Look, Matthew, do you love her?"_

_Matthew took a deep, deep breath. "I do."_

"_Then let's you and I think on what's best for her. Not for me. Not for you. For her. If you love her, then surely that's what you want." Luff sighed, "That's what loving is all about."_

_Moving his hand away from his gun at last, Matthew nodded. _

_flashback June 1863 c12c12c12c12c12 June 1863 flashback_

"…and only hope I can manage to pass on the favor."

Matt took a lungful of air. His headache almost blinded him. He drank again from the dipper of water in his hand, then laid it empty beside him on the cot. "You ready to answer some questions for me, Mark?"

"Yes, sir."

"Who else knows Annie is my daughter?" He liked the way the words felt in his mouth. He wanted to linger on them, but he couldn't. "Does Mike Parker know?"

"No, sir. Just Annie and I and Luke, he's our other brother. We kept it in the family, like."

"Why did Annie come out here, Mark? You and she plan this?"

"Annie did, Marshal Dillon. You'll have to talk to her. It never made much sense to me."

"Mark, I need to ask you to keep this to yourself. I'm hoping we can pass this off as just your feelings for your sister. If people were to know… well, it could be bad for her. Can you understand that?" Matt asked.

Mark hung his head. "Looks like I've done about as bad as I could, Marshal. I'm not proud of it. Just seems I never know when to stop and think instead of just do."

Well, he'd had his own share of that today, Matt thought, remembering how close he'd come to introducing Annie to Doc as his daughter. He shook his head, and the pain stabbed him. Matt stood up slowly and took the jail keys from the wall. "I need to lock you up for a while, Mark. If I don't people are going to start asking questions that I don't want to answer. I'll send Annie over in a little while with some supper for you, and you and she can talk some. I'll let you loose in the morning."

He walked the boy into the cell and locked the door, then he turned and said to him, "Do you love Annie, Mark?"

"Yes, sir, I do. More than all the others put together." Mark replied.

"Then, isn't it about time for you to be a man, and start thinking of her first?"


	13. Chapter 13: I should have done better

Chapter Thirteen: "I should have done better"

Matt walked out of the jailhouse into the clear light of early evening. He wanted most to see Kitty, but knew he needed to talk to Newly, and when the shooting lightning in his head left him gripping a hitching rail for dear life he knew that seeing Doc would have to take priority over anything else. He made it, eventually, to the bottom of the stairs that led to Doc's office where he found himself retching over the rail before collapsing on the bottom steps. Louie Pheeters found him there, barely conscious, and ran up the stairs for help.

The three people he needed to see were conveniently gathered when he next opened his eyes. He was laid out on the table in the outer room of Doc's office. Kitty stood on his left holding his hand in both of hers. Newly stood at the foot of the table, hat in hand, and Doc was working on the side of his head with something wet and cool. "Well, nice of you to join us," Doc said, "You going to vomit again?"

"I don't think so," Matt said, starting to shake his head, but with that motion he changed it to "maybe…"

Doc handed Kitty a basin, and she held it close to his head saying, "Try not to move, Matt." As it was he heaved twice more before his stomach settled and he was able to keep down the powder that Doc mixed with water and poured down his throat.

"That's going to put you out for a while, Matt. You've got a concussion, and I'd like to get you settled in the bed before it does – you're a hard man to carry." Doc said holding his watch in one hand while he took the Marshal's pulse with his other.

Matt turned his hand to hold Doc's wrist. "Doc, I won't fight you on this. Couldn't right now if I wanted to, but could I just go home? It's important."

"I'll watch him, Doc, I promise," Kitty added her plea to his. "I'll keep him quiet. Newly and Sam could get him up the backstairs."

Doc hesitated only a moment. "Well, Newly, you better get Sam and get him moving, Matt's going to be a dead weight in another twenty minutes."

As he followed the three men down the stairs, Newly and Sam taking most of the Marshal's weight, Doc commented quietly to Kitty, "So that's 'home' now is it?"

Her blue eyes met his squarely. "Yes. It's home." Doc scrubbed a hand across his mouth, and then nodded. "All right, let's get him settled before he passes out."

Marshal kept talking while the men got him laid out on Kitty's bed and removed his boots. "Newly, you're going to need more deputies if I'm not better by tomorrow. You come see me in the morning and we'll talk about it. You let Mark Barger out tomorrow morning, and you let Annie bring him his supper tonight and talk to him."

"Yessir," Newly agreed.

Matt dropped his head back onto the pillow, trying not to move at all, not wanting even to breathe. "Festus around?"

"Yessir," Newly replied, "We'll be fine tonight, Marshal."

"Get out then," Dillon told him, almost beyond civility, but then added, "Thanks, Newly."

"You just leave it with us, Marshal. I'll see you in the morning." Newly tipped his hat to Kitty and left the room.

"Now you two help me get his clothes off, and get him under the covers." Kitty said. Without comment Sam lifted and turned the Marshal while Doc and Kitty pulled off his clothes. The movement caused him to retch once more, but there was nothing left to come up.

"Anything more I can do, Miss Kitty?" Sam asked. She shook her head, and he moved towards the door. "I'll take care of things then, ma'am."

"Thank you, Sam. I'll be down for a while later after he's asleep."

She thought, as she pulled the quilts over him, that he was already out, but his hand closed on her arm and he pulled her towards him. His eyes opened and met hers intently. "Are you angry, Kitty? I have to know. Are you angry?"

She smoothed a hand across his forehead. "No, cowboy, I'm not angry. I'm feeling a lot of different things right now, Matt, but I'm not angry. You just sleep now. We'll talk in the morning." He nodded, regretted the motion immediately, closed his eyes, and let the swirling darkness take him.

_flashback March 1886 c13c13c13c13c13 March 1886 flashback_

_ATC to Season 14 Episode "Time of the Jackals"_

"_Why would I leave," Kitty had asked Leona, "When everything I want is here?" And later that night, Leona was dead on the street. "I've finally done something right," she had said, as she was dying, and, "Take care of him, redhead." Kitty had held Lee in her arms, there in the dust and blood of the street, with Doc kneeling beside her, tears rolling down his face. Matt had knelt briefly next to them, and then stood and walked away._

_When Festus finally came with men to take away Leona's body, Doc had helped Kitty to stand. "I need to go check out those other men, Kitty. Festus said they're all dead, but I need to look."_

"_Sure, Doc. I'm fine. I'll just go back to the Long Branch." She put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him gently on either cheek. "I'm sorry, Doc, I know she was an old friend."_

_Doc patted her hand, and then turned away, brushing tears from his eyes as he went._

_Bushwhacking and murder were good for business. The bar was full, and loud, as men bought each other rounds of whiskey to prove that they were alive. Kitty stood silently at the end of the bar. She'd liked Leona. She'd told Matt he had good taste, and she'd meant it. She'd been jealous, but she'd liked her anyway, liked her slim blonde good looks, liked her bravery in dealing with her bullet wound, liked her taking things into her own hands to shoot Jess Trevor. But she didn't like it that Leona was dead._

_As the saloon finally settled down, and customers, now tired and some a little shaky, left in ones and twos, Kitty helped Sam to pile the chairs on the tables, sweep the floor, and wipe down the bar. "You going to be okay, Miss Kitty?" Sam asked, "That was a bad business, out there. Anything more I can do to help?"_

"_No, Sam," she said, "You go along home. Sleep in. We'll open late tomorrow." Kitty locked the door behind Sam, turned out all the lights, and mounted the stairs in darkness. There was a dim glow from the lamp she kept burning low in the hallway outside her door. She unlocked the door, and then locked in behind her. She stripped off her dress and threw it on a chair. Getting out the blood and dirt would be a job for tomorrow. She removed the rest of her clothes, washed quickly in cold water at her basin, and then sat naked to unpin and brush her hair. Yesterday she'd sat here doing the same thing, curious and a little anxious about the blonde woman sleeping down the hall. Tonight she just felt sad. Dropping a thin muslin night gown over her head, she blew out the lamp and crawled into bed. She knew better, she thought, than to expect Matt Dillon to join her tonight._

_But later, hours later, she heard his key in the lock as he entered. He fumbled and knocked things down as he stood by the door taking off his clothes. He stank of sweat and gunpowder and, almost overwhelmingly, of liquor as he climbed in beside her. She didn't remember ever seeing him this drunk. She held his face against her breasts and let him hug her so tightly that it hurt. "I did love her, Kitty. It was a long time ago, but I did love her. I hated to see her come to this. Felt like, somehow, I should have done better by her. I'll always feel like I should have done better."_

"_I know, Matt, I know. It's all right. It's over. All over. She's safe now. No one's ever going to hurt her again." Tears fell wet across her face as, finally, the drink took him and he slept cushioned against her. She wept silently for Leona, and for Matt, who couldn't let his own tears flow._

_flashback March 1886 c13c13c13c13c13 March 1886 flashback_

_ATC to Season 14 Episode "Time of the Jackals"_

Kitty watched from her window as Annie crossed the street to Delmonico's and then a few minutes later stepped over to the jail with a tray of food. She moved over to stand by the bed where Matt slept deeply. Doc had pulled a chair over to sit by him. "You going to tell me what this is all about, Kitty?" he asked.

"No."

""Pretty sure I know from what went on this afternoon."

"Maybe."

"Well just tell me this, honey, are you going to get hurt by that girl?"

"I don't think so. I think maybe, just maybe, this is going to be the thing we need, the thing we both need, to start some changes in our lives."

"You think he'll give up that badge for her when he wouldn't do it for you?" Doc asked in disbelief.

"Oh, Curly, it's not about him giving up the badge. It hasn't been about that in years. You all think he loves that badge, and he doesn't. He hates it. You want to know why he's still Marshal after all these years? After all the pain, and the bullets, and the young bucks coming in to try their hands and lose their lives? You know why he does it?"

"He does it because he's good at it, Kitty. He does it to stop the spoilers."

She sighed. "Well, maybe. That's how it started. But now? These last three four years? Doc he does it because he doesn't know what else to do."

"I'm not sure I take your meaning there, Kitty." Doc said.

"Doc, why do you think Matt and I have never married?"

"Because he's a fool."

Kitty shook her head, "No Curly. He's about the smartest man I know. I'm the fool."

"You trying to tell me something here, Kitty, you better just come out and say it."

"Doc, he's been asking me anytime the last four years. Ever since I got pregnant that first time. I'm the one who's sayin' no."

Kitty came to sit on the edge of the bed between Matt's sleeping form and Doc's chair. It was full dark now, and the lamp lit the room with a warm glow. The two watchers sat silently. Dillon, flat on his back, snored quietly. After a time, Doc pulled on his ear and swiped a hand across his moustache. "Guess you have your reasons for that, Kitty, but it does surprise me. I always thought the day Matt Dillon asked you to marry him you'd go shouting it from the rafters, and drag him into church before he changed his mind."

Kitty didn't smile. "Yes, I imagine everyone in Dodge pretty much shares that idea. I, personally, find that downright insulting."

Doc stared at her through hooded eyes. "Kitty, I've known a lot of women over a lot of years, but I don't think I ever remember any one of them taking a serious marriage proposal as an insult. How about you talk me through that?"

"Oh, Doc, it's not the proposal. I'm pleased, and I'm complimented, that Matt wants to marry me. If he'd felt that way a dozen years ago we'd probably be raising children and cattle on a ranch somewhere in Colorado. Probably even be happy. But he was the Marshal, and he had a job to do, and Doc, I had a job to do too. We've both done pretty well… Doc, what's the point of getting married now?"

"I always figured that when Matt married you he would give up that damn badge and all that goes with it. Now I'm not saying that I don't admire what he's done for Dodge City, what he still does every day, but far as I'm concerned he's done enough. It's time for him to pass that job on and live his own life. There's not a person in Dodge who would blame him for stepping down."

"So that makes it my fault that he's still wearing the badge. And my fault if he gets shot or killed or maimed." Kitty's voice was bitter. "Thanks, Doc. Guess you don't need me to explain anything more. You've got the whole thing straight."

They were silent for a while after that, and finally Doc reached over to take her hand. "Sometimes, honey, a man has to do something pretty badly before he figures out how he could have done it better. Will you forgive me and let me start this conversation over?"

Kitty ducked her head, wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, and then nodded. Doc stood up and went into the washroom. He returned with a glass of water and a damp towel. After she had wiped her face, he handed her the water and laid the towel aside on the stand by the bed. He checked Matt's pulse and breathing, then pulled his chair a little closer to the bed and sat down again. Close enough to Kitty, this time, that he could reach out a hand and rub it gently up and down her back.

"So what I'm hearing is that you need the badge and the wedding to be separate things. Is that it?"

"That's part of it, Doc. Matt's made it clear for a lot of years that he doesn't feel, as Marshal, that he has a right to get married. I've put up with that so long it seems almost normal to me. Those first years, when we were just friends, and lovers sometimes when we could, well, it was like we were living out that idea. For a while," she turned and smiled at him, "but only for a little while, it was even exciting to keep things a secret."

"But as the years went by, as there were more bullets, more time on the road, more shootings, more hangings, more prisoners... Matt began to die more and more inside. And sometimes I had to do crazy things just to try to bring him back into the real world."

"Like that fool goldmine up in Pickaxe." Doc commented.

Kitty smiled. "That was one of my more public follies. And no, I'm not going to tell you about the private ones, Doc, 'cause it's none of your business. But by that time, Matt was living with me here. Not visiting, not waiting for an invitation, but coming home to me every night – when he was in town. Did he tell you that when you had that interesting conversation a few weeks back?"

"Yes, he did. Surprised me some. I'm surely not the only one who heard Chester or Festus knocking on your alley door to find the Marshal from time to time – but that didn't happen all that often. And it was easy for me to see that the two of you were sharing something more than friendship – although I suppose if it was someone who didn't know the two of you they might have just thought Matt was up there with one of your girls." Doc paused to rub a hand over his lower face, "Well, I guess mostly I just thought he came up to visit now and then."

"Now and then, and time to time weren't enough, Doc. For either of us. It's like we lived in two worlds – the daytime world where people talked and drank and fought and took shots at Matt, where the Marshal would smile at Miss Kitty and sometimes touch her hand or her arm, and then our private world where it was quiet and dark and nothing mattered but us – and where he touched a lot more than my hand."

They were silent again. Matt's snoring became louder and they worked together to roll him onto his side and brace his head on a pillow.

"Am I embarrassing you, Doctor Adams?" Kitty asked.

Doc shot her an offended look, "Of course you're not. I've been a doctor for forty years, there's very little that embarrasses me." He paused, "But you are turning some things around in my head, and I suppose I'm a little uncomfortable to think I've spent so many years willingly letting you pull the wool over my eyes." He stopped, and then started again, "So you've had that part of what a marriage would be for a long time now, and the other part, sharing a life rather than just sharing a bed, that's what you're turning down?"

"Well, you tell me, Doc. What kind of life could Matt and I possibly have while he's still Marshal here? I mean sure, a lot of the local folks know we're together in one way or another, but can you see me living in a little house on the edge of town with a garden and a white picket fence?"

"But if he gave up the badge? Gave it up first, and then asked you, would you say yes?" Doc asked.

"Maybe. Probably. Depends on what Matt chooses to do. He's only a little over forty. If people would stop shooting at him, he could have a good long life. He talks sometimes about raising horses, having a ranch, running a few head of cattle. I could live with that, I think. But, giving up the Long Branch – that would be hard, Doc."

"You think Matt would want you to do that?"

"What man would want his wife running a saloon?" she said, baffled. "And anyway, it wouldn't be mine anymore if we got married. It would all be Matt's, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to keep it."

Doc scooted forward a little in his chair and took her chin in his hand. "Well, now I think maybe we're getting somewhere." Kitty couldn't lower her head against his firm hand, but she did lower her eyes. "You're unhappy about turning your property over to a husband." She shook her head slightly against his hand and he removed it, looking still into her eyes.

"Not unhappy, Doc. Afraid."

"Afraid of _Matt_?" The Marshal moved slightly and his eyes twitched briefly open as Doc spoke his name with such emphasis. Kitty shot Doc a disgusted look and leaned over the sleeping man to stroke his face lightly and whisper to him.

"Maybe this is not the best place for this conversation," she said quietly to Doc when Matt's smooth breathing showed him again deeply asleep.

"You don't get out of this that easily, missie. He's going to be under for at least another three or four hours. And this is certainly not the first time you and I have sat a watch over him. You comfortable there? Want me to get you a chair?"

"Yes please."

The doctor pulled Matt's big chair over against the bed. Kitty removed her shoes, and then poured two glasses of whiskey. She handed one to Doc and then curled up in the chair with her feet under her.

"You know, Doc, I don't ever remember Matt's being injured in something… something personal like this before. It's always been part of his job. And it's usually a bullet."

"A head injury can be as bad as a bullet. Can be worse sometimes. No, no, you just calm down. He clearly has a concussion, but he's going to be up and around in a day or two. Now don't you change the subject here, Kitty, just as we're getting to the interesting part. I do not understand how, after all these years, you could possibly be afraid of anything Matt would do. You tell me about that."

Kitty leaned back in the chair facing Doc. Her next question surprised him. "Doc, you come from Baltimore. Did your family hold slaves?"

"House slaves, yes. My family did, and I was reared with it. I'm not proud of that, but I can't deny it."

"We had slaves in New Orleans when I was growing up. My grandfather provided them to my mother along with her allowance. All that stopped when she died. My grandfather never acknowledged my existence. And when my mother died, my father farmed me out to one friend and another until I was fourteen. Then he sold me to a house, and they trained me, and used me, and kept me there for nearly four years. Most of it wasn't too bad. I was too valuable for them to treat me harshly, but I wasn't free to come or go and I never earned a cent from all my business. I left that house with the clothes on my back, a knowledge of how to be a high class prostitute, and not a penny in my pocket."

"Your father did that? Same man I met here in Dodge ten years ago?"

"Same man, if you want to call him a man. It took me years to figure it out and track it all down. Everyone in New Orleans knew, but no one wanted to tell me. So for four years I was as much a slave in that house as any of the colored girls that worked there, and I waited for my father to rescue me. Then, well, I got tired of waiting and I rescued myself. I didn't do a very good job of it, but I've been looking to my own needs ever since."

"That must have been bad, Kitty. Real bad. I'm sorry you went through that. But I'm not sure I see how that relates to you and Matt."

"Once a woman marries, she gives up being a person, Doc. At least under the law. I know. I saw it happen in New Orleans, and I even paid an attorney once, in Texas, to tell me about it when, well, when I was considering a way out of a little fix I was in. She can't own money, or property, not even her own clothes. She can't sign contracts. Her husband, or her sons, can buy and sell anything she has. I'm not afraid of Matt, Doc, but I'm afraid of being left helpless, of not being able to make my own way. And no matter how much I joke about it – and it is fun to make Matt squirm sometimes - I am mortally afraid of marriage, and of what might happen to me if I married Matt and he were killed."

There seemed no answer to this. They sat in silence until a soft rap came at the door and Annie stepped into the room.


	14. Chapter 14: I'll always love you best

Chapter Fourteen: "I'll always love you best"

"Hello, Miss Kitty, Doc. I came to see how the Marshal was doing."

"He's sleeping. That brother of yours hit him pretty hard. He has a concussion, and he's going to be out of commission for a day or two." Doc said.

Annie stepped over to Kitty's chair and reached out a hand to her upper arm, her touch light and warm. "Ma'am? Sam says you don't need to come down. He and I, we got all the girls working downstairs – Lizzie and Sarah and Helen, they all came in when they heard about the Marshal. It's busy, but it's not bad. Tomorrow night's going to be busier, and the first herds, they'll be in on Saturday, so we thought tonight, maybe, you could just take some time off with… with him."

"All right." Kitty reached up to cover the hand on her arm. "I don't understand everything that's going on, Annie, but you know, eventually, you're going to have to stop saying 'him' and figure out what you want to call him."

"Yes, I suppose I will. But ma'am? I'm right sorry about this. Mark. I don't know what to do with that boy. He's all doin' and no thinkin'! Pa set him up with Mike Parker at the YB before he died. My older brother Johnny never could handle Mark like Pa could. Pa, he would do just like the Marshal did today. Talk to him quiet until he saw sense."

Kitty patted the hand on her arm lightly. "Well, I admit I'm not very happy with him at the moment, but he's hardly a boy anymore, Annie. How old is he?"

"He'll be eighteen this summer, ma'am. He's the youngest of us all, and I suppose we spoiled him some, but he's got a good heart. Works hard for Mike. Just doesn't seem able to keep from jumping in with both feet." Annie looked down at the sleeping Marshal, "Or both fists. Ma'am, thank you for taking care of me today. I might, well, I might have made things worse. When you told me this was going to happen someday, I surely did not think it would be my brother Mark that started it."

"You told her this would happen?" Doc queried them.

"Yes, sir." Annie replied. "She told me someday some young cowboy would come in and start a fight over me with the Marshal, but I never expected it to be my brother." Annie dropped suddenly to her knees and took both of Kitty's hands in hers, all her cool calmness gone. "How do you live with this, Miss Kitty? Over and over? I swear I thought I would die standing there today, waiting for them to shoot each other."

Kitty squeezed the hands that clung to hers. "But you didn't die, did you? A body can get used to most anything in time. You learn to keep your feelings to yourself, and save your tears for later."

Annie rose and withdrew her hands slowly from Kitty's. "Yes, ma'am. I don't know if I can do that, but I can try to learn. Do you mind if I sit with you a little, and just watch over him?"

"I don't mind, Annie. You've surely got a right if anyone does."

"No, ma'am. I've no rights at all. I should not have come here to Dodge, seeking him out. My brother Luke, he told me not to do it, but I did anyway. Then by the time I saw how things stood, well, I didn't want to leave. I still don't want to leave. I want you to know that, ma'am."

Annie went to sit at the foot of the bed and settled herself back against the footboard. She sat quietly, watching him breathe. Not touching, not commenting.

"Why did you decide to seek Matt out, Annie?" Doc asked. "From what I heard this afternoon, sounds like you've known about him for quite a few years."

"He never told you about me, Doc? Ma'am?"

"He told me once he had a child, but he never said a daughter, so I don't think he really knew." Doc answered, carefully not looking at Kitty.

"Well, that's his story to tell you then, if he's a mind to. As for me, well, I told you some lies, Miss Kitty."

"Sam and I figured that out already, honey. Your 'boarding house' was a saloon?"

"Yes, ma'am! Finest place in Amarillo! Pa owned it for a long time. His first wife died, and left him with Johnny to raise, and then, well, he married my Ma, she was a widow with a little girl, and then later there were the three of us. I grew up over the bar, came to be pretty good at the business – although Louisa was always a touch better."

"What happened when Luff Barger died, Annie?" Doc asked. "Seems like something must have happened to change everything, or you wouldn't be here."

"Johnny and Louisa, they wanted to start out new somewhere. They… they had their reasons. Luke was already away at school, he's in San Francisco and he's going to be a doctor eventually. Mark and I agreed that if Johnny and Louisa would pay for Luke's education, then we didn't need to claim anything against the property. They could sell the saloon and buy a place somewhere else. So they did. I went with them to Virginia City. They've got a good business there. I stayed for about a year, but I didn't like it, and I didn't like Louisa's way of running things."

"Saloon?" Kitty asked.

"No a parlour house, with gambling next door. Louisa runs the house, and Johnny runs the gambling."

"She wanted you working in the house?" Kitty asked, a little more sharply now.

"No, ma'am. She held the line at that, though I think Johnny made her. But there was nothing for me to do there, really. I can deal, but it's not what I do best, and I missed Texas. So I went back to Amarillo. Worked there a year or so. I knew all the saloon people. I had a good place. And I could see Mark and spend time with Mike Parker when he was in town, but, well, I got to wondering about Matthew Dillon. So I came to find out."

"And what did you find out, Annie?" Doc asked her. He had seen Matt's eyes open a little as Annie began her story, and saw them close again now, but suspected Matt was still listening.

Annie smiled at them both with a radiance that left the lamplight pale. "I found out he was a lot like my Pa. Big, soft-spoken man. Part hard, part gentle. I found he had good, true friends, and a town that depended on him. I found he had a woman he loved, and, ma'am, that gave me great pleasure because a man like that, he shouldn't be alone. I found that maybe I could love him, too, if he would let me."

The silence surrounded them again. Four people in a quiet room over a noisy saloon. After a bit, Annie rose from the bed. "I'm goin' over to the Dodge House after work, Miss Kitty, to stay with Mike. Don't worry. I know the back way in. I'll be here in the morning to help Sam open. It would please me, ma'am, if you'd just let us handle things for a day or so."

"Not that long, Annie. But tonight, yes. Tomorrow, we'll see."

"Yes, ma'am." Annie said, slipping back out the door as loud music, voices, and a smell of smoke and whiskey rushed briefly in.

Doc shook his head several times, "She is surely something, Kitty."

Kitty held her peace. She wasn't ready to comment on anything until she'd talked to Matt, but inside, she thought she might agree.

Doc shook his head again. "I can't make the years come out right, though. I've known Matt on and off for twenty years – knew him before he came here as Marshal. Unless he's been leading us on about his age, then he must have been…"

"I was fifteen, Doc," came Matt's deep voice from the bed. "Old enough."

"But not old enough to know better." Kitty commented. She took the sting from the words by moving from the chair to the bed and taking one of Matt's hands. "You feeling better, cowboy?"

"I am." He moved his head slowly. "The lightening seems to be gone from my head, and my stomach is back where it belongs. Doc do you think you could clear out? Kitty and I have some talking to do in private."

_flashback June 1863 c14c14c14c14c14 June 1863 flashback_

_Matthew knew he shouldn't sleep in her bed, that he should just move out to the bunk house until Rachel and Luff came back, but he did it anyway. He told himself he needed to be near for MayLou and Johnny, if anything happened in the night, but he knew that wasn't it. During the day he did chores, cooked, took the children out riding with him around the place, and kept them cleaned and entertained as best he could. _

_At night he slept in Rachel's bed, and his hand and his memories kept her very much alive for him. Johnny was a slug-a-bed who had to be rousted out to do his chores, but MayLou was up every morning at dawn, and sometimes in the night as well. She crawled into her mother's bed one night crying, and found only Matthew there. _

"_Hush, sweetheart, hush now. Don't you cry. You're fine. Nothing's going to hurt you." He hugged the little girl to him until her tears stopped._

"_When's my mamma coming home, Matthew?"_

"_Pretty soon now, baby. Just two more days."_

"_And will she come back here? Will Luff and Johnny live with us here? I could sleep here with you and Mamma, and Luff could have my bed."_

"_No, darlin', that's not the way it's going to happen. You and your mamma are going to move into town and live with Luff and Johnny at their place. Remember, I took you to see it before the wedding? You've got your own new room up there – remember we went way upstairs – and your room has white curtains and a red and white quilt?"_

"_Will you come and stay there with us, Matthew?"_

"_No, MayLou, I won't do that. I'm moving on. I'm heading for the Arizona territory."_

"_But Mamma needs you, Matthew! I know she does. And I do too." There was a decided pout settling on MayLou's face with this last statement._

"_I'm sorry, baby, but I have to go. Luff is going to be your daddy now, and he'll take good care of you. He's a good man, MayLou, you just remember that. He's a good man and he loves you and your mamma."_

"_I don't want you to go away, Matthew." MayLou clung to him, tears drizzling down her face, and her nose running. She popped a thumb in her mouth. _

"_Now, MayLou, you take that right out! You haven't sucked that thumb in months. You're a big girl now!" He wiped her face on the sheet and then settled her against his shoulder. After a bit he asked her, "Do you remember your daddy, MayLou?"_

_The child considered this. "Sometimes I think I do. Then sometimes I think I just remember the picture with the sword and the hat. And sometimes I think I remember him, but then it turns into you, Matthew."_

"_Well, look, honey, I want you to try to remember him. His name was William Travis Dillon, and it's all right if you remember him looking like me, 'cause he was my brother. I know Luff is going to be a good daddy to you, but you just try to remember that once you had a father named William Travis Dillon."_

"_William Travis Dillon," she repeated it. "Aren't you my daddy, too, Matthew? I know your name is Matthew Dillon. And my name is May Louisa Dillon. Doesn't that make you my daddy?"_

"_I'm just your old uncle, honey, but I do certainly love you. I thought maybe I would get to be your daddy, but your mamma wanted Luff instead."_

_The child yawned and settled tight against him. "He must be mighty fine, Matthew, if Mamma loves him more than you." _

_He stroked the dark brown curls. "You go to sleep now, MayLou. Want me to carry you back to your bed?"_

_She shook her head, eyes closing, and said sleepily. "No, I want to sleep here with you in Mamma's bed. I'll always love you best, Matthew. Matthew Dillon. William Travis Dillon. I'll remember."_

_flashback June 1863 c14c14c14c14c14 June 1863 flashback_

"Kitty and I have some talking to do in private."

It wasn't that easy, of course, but Kitty did manage to get Doc reluctantly out the door. She wondered, as she locked it, whether his care, at this point, was really as much for Matt's health as it was to hear the next part of the story. Not that he would pass it on, she knew, but, oh, Doc did enjoy knowing. She went back to the bed. "You want some water?"

"Yes. And I want you, in here with me. I need to be able to touch you, Kitty, and see you. "

"All right. You'll have to give me a minute." She undressed quickly and washed. He watched her standing naked as she took down her hair. Watched her shake out a clean nightdress and slip it over her head. She picked up her brush and pulled it through her long red hair just enough to straighten out the knots. "You want the lamp on?"

"Yes." He let her help him sit up enough to drink, and then lay back on a couple of extra pillows. Kitty settled tailor fashion on top of the quilt next to him, and took his hand. "Will this do?" she asked.

"I'd rather have you lying next to me," he said, but she shook her head. "No, I think this is better for right now. Talking's okay, but you need to just lay still. You won't do that if I'm under those covers with you – concussion or no concussion."

Matt smiled at her. She waited for him to begin. It seemed a long time. She just waited, moving her thumb slowly over the back of his wrist. Eventually he said, "There's so many pieces, Kitty. I don't know where to start."

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to, Matt. You don't owe me any explanations. Except, well, maybe, I do have one question."

"What's that, Kitty?" he asked.

"Annie's mother, is she the one who taught you manners? Bed manners? What a woman likes? How to be naked?"

She felt him relax. His blue eyes, clear in the lamplight, went far away for a bit. "I suppose she did, Kitty. Certainly no one else ever did, except you."

"Oh, you knew your way around when you first came to me, Matt. I was always curious about that. And grateful – you have no idea how grateful. Not the kind of thing I could ask about, though."

"No, I suppose not. But now, I'd really like to tell you, Kitty. Do you mind hearing? We don't have to talk about it, if it will upset you, but, well, I'd like you to know how it was."

"You go ahead and tell me anything you want, Matt. I'll listen. If I get upset, I'll let you know."

"Rachel was my brother's wife."

Kitty sat up straighter. "Well, that's a hell of a way to begin."

"I suppose I should say she was my brother's widow. Both my brothers – they were some older than me – they fought in the war. For Texas and the South. Travis, Rachel's husband, he was killed early on. My family sent me out to their place to hold things together for her and MayLou. One thing led to another. I was young, she was lonely, and there we were. My brother Rafe, he lost an eye and half a hand. They sent him home in sixty-two. Soon as he got home, he started pushing me to join the army, and I wouldn't do it. He had the home place – where my parents had lived – and Rachel had a smaller place nearby. I was happy with Rachel – foolish enough, I suppose, to think that no one suspected us – and, that aside, I wasn't interested in the army. Rafe couldn't accept that. We did not part friends, and I haven't seen him in twenty-five years."

"What happened with Rachel?"

"I came in one day, and she told me she was pregnant. I thought we'd get married, and keep on living as we had." After that Matt was silent.

The silence went on. Eventually, Kitty lay down next to him, on top of the covers, thinking perhaps this was all that he would share. She cuddled on her side against him and let him lay an arm around her shoulders. She heard the barroom begin to quiet down. The music stopped. The scrape of chairs being lifted onto the tables, and eventually, the sound of some of the girls coming up the stairs. There was a tap at the door, and Cora called softly, "Everything all right, Miss Kitty?"

"I'm fine, Cora," she said, loud enough to be heard, "You go on to bed."

"Come under the covers with me, Kitty," Matt said softly, "You'll get cold." She stood and blew out the lamp and then came into bed, lying as she had before, but this time against his warm nakedness. "I don't know why it's so hard for me to say, Kitty. It was a long time ago, but I suppose it still hurts me to think on it. Rachel didn't want to marry me. She thought I was too young. I suppose, now, looking back, I guess I was. But that wasn't how I saw it then. And I suppose, too, that she was embarrassed for people to know she had been with her husband's brother."

"I think seduced would be the better word, Matt."

"Well, maybe so. But I was certainly willing."

"I just bet you were, cowboy."

"Kitty!"

"You were fifteen, Matt. What boy that age could possibly resist what you were offered? Of course you loved her. Seems maybe, all in all, she treated you pretty well."

"Maybe she did. Rachel was always kind. She never treated me as a child. Luff didn't either. I tried to kill him, did I tell you that? But I guess I didn't try very hard."

"How did all that end, Matt?"

"Luff and Rachel got married. I stood up for her with rest of the Dillons. Then they went off on a wedding trip. I took MayLou and Johnny back to the ranch for two weeks. When Luff came out to take them back to town, I mounted up and rode out. Most of the rest of those years you know about, more or less. I never saw Rachel again."

"Then today Mark Barger walked into the Long Branch…" Kitty began.

"And all I could see was Luff standing there in front of me, young again. I thought at first when he was hugging Annie, and swinging her around, that she was his girl. I've heard that story she tells around about her blonde cowboy from Amarillo." He stopped for a moment, and then continued, "I heard part of what she said to you and Doc, when you thought I was sleeping. It didn't sound right to me. I think there's more to it, but I don't know if she'll tell us. Mark would. That boy's not exactly simple, Kitty, but he's sure not got his head on straight."

Kitty sat up in the bed. "Matt, what are we going to do about them? I'm tired of keeping secrets. We'd just about gotten to the place where we were over that."

Matt sighed. "I've been thinking on that. Depends on what she wants. I'd be proud to call her my daughter, but I'm not sure that's fair to her, or to Luff and Rachel either. Suppose we'll have to talk with her tomorrow. "

He turned on his side to face her, and Kitty stroked his face. "Why we, Matt? What's my stake in this, cowboy?"

"She works for you, Kitty. I don't want to do anything that's going to cause a problem here at the Long Branch."

"She used to work for me, Matt. Surely not anymore after tonight."

"You're going to fire her just because she's related to me?" Now Matt sat up, and even in the dark she could see that it cost him something in pain. "That's hardly fair, Kitty."

"But Matt, now that you know, you certainly won't want her working here."

"First of all, what do I have to do with where she works or what she does? She's a grown woman, not a child. She's been with you six months now. I thought she was doing a pretty good job."

"She is. One of the best girls I've ever had. Not necessarily the most honest, but one of the best." Kitty stopped. They were yelling at each other. She took a deep breath. "Lie down here please, Matt. You need to stop moving your head around."

He laid back on his side and tried to pull her to him. She moved just close enough to put her hands against his chest. "That is not going to happen tonight, Matt, so just don't you even think it."

"It pains me to say it, honey, but I don't think I could."

"Head bad again?"

"Not as bad as this afternoon, but yes. I want to go to sleep."

"We can do that, cowboy."

"I want to hold you, Kitty. You're too far away."

"All right," she said, moving into his arms. "We can do that too."

They lay close and very still. Kitty felt him relax, his breathing steady, but she knew he wasn't asleep. "Matt, you can't want her working here at a saloon, even if she's not turning tricks upstairs. You can't want that for your daughter."

"Why not, Kitty? It's what you do. Why would I object for her if I don't object for you? And you do it very well. I ever tell you I'm proud of you?"

"Not about that, no."

"Well, I am. Go to sleep, Kitty."

"Sure, cowboy." But it was a time before she did, and her face was wet with tears.


	15. Chapter 15: I owe you a debt

Chapter Fifteen: "I owe you a debt"

A compromise between Matt and Doc left him spending the following day, and the following night, sitting propped in his bunk at the jailhouse with a rifle in his hands, and Newly, Festus, and two local men quickly sworn in as deputies walking Front Street and keeping an eye on the rowdy drovers, the liquor, the fights, the gambling, and the occasional bit of gunplay. Mike Parker wasn't willing to take a deputy's badge, but he spent a good part of the evening sitting with the Marshal, handling the keys to the lockup, and filling in where needed to control his own trail crew. Kitty came by briefly in the afternoon to see him, but headed back almost immediately to the Long Branch where her smiling presence did as much to keep order as Sam's shotgun.

Saturday night saw Matt walking the streets again. Doc wasn't pleased, but was too busy stitching up knife cuts and extracting the odd bullet to give it much attention. By four on Sunday morning, as the bars finally began to clear, and weary cowboys headed back to their rooms or their trail crews, Kitty was exhausted. She finally sent the girls up to bed, and helped Sam and Clem put the chairs, those that weren't broken, up on the tables and sweep the floor. Their actions pushed the last few cowboys out the door. Annie came back down the stairs wearing the simple, long-sleeved dress that she's interviewed in six months before. "Sam, would you walk me over to the Dodge House as you leave?" she asked.

"Pleased to do that, Miss Annie," he replied, "Clem and I need to make just a couple more trips to the cellar."

Annie stood behind the bar with Kitty while they waited. "This Mike's last night in town, Annie?" Kitty asked.

"Yes, ma'am. He and Mark leave in the morning. And I'm surely sorry to see them go. Not that it isn't morning now," she commented, yawning.

"Well, you come back and get some sleep once they leave, Annie." Kitty told her, knowing full well that the few remaining hours of the night would not be spent sleeping. "You need a key?"

"I don't have one, ma'am. Cora said that all the girls had to be in before you locked up, or sleep somewhere else. She was real clear on that."

Kitty reached into the pocket of her dress, and removed a key. "You take mine tonight, Annie. We'll see about getting you your own next week."

"Thank you, ma'am. I'll take good care of it."

"Annie, I'm not trying to stick my nose into your business, honey, but where are you in your cycle?" Kitty asked.

"My… "Annie seemed confused for a minute, and then she laughed softly, "Thank you for caring about that, Miss Kitty. I'm fine tonight. Really. I know what to do and when." Then, her eyes brimming with merriment, she said, "I was wondering if you needed a little advice yourself, ma'am, seeing what happened a couple months ago."

Kitty had never been able to see a resemblance to Matt in the girl, but in those teasing eyes, she saw for the first time a reflection of her lover. She actually felt herself begin to blush, "Annie Barger!" Then she too laughed and shook her head a bit wearily, "I suppose that pays me back. I'm sorry, I'll keep out of your business, but honestly, Annie, some of the girls either don't know or don't have the sense to keep track no matter how much I try to tell them."

Sam came around the corner from the cellar. "I'm ready to go, Annie. Goodnight, Miss Kitty. I'll be here at three tomorrow to open up for Sunday hours." He took Annie's arm and walked her out the front door, Clem following. Kitty locked the doors behind them with the big ring of keys from under the bar, and, blowing out the last lamps, walked up the dark stairs.

Her heart jumped as a male voice called to her at the top of the stairs. "Evening, Kitty."

"Oh, it's you, Amos. You startled me." She made out a dim figure sitting in an armchair at the end of the hall farthest from her door, a shotgun resting across his knees. "You need me to let you out the back?"

"No, I mostly stay nights and make sure nobody decides to try an' sneak up the back stairs lookin' for a little somethin' extra. I'll be in Lizzie's room if'n you need me. I just wanted to wait and give you a message from the Marshal. He was by a couple hours ago. Said he'd be at the jailhouse if you need him. They've got all the cells full and a couple of cowboys handcuffed and bedded down out back."

"Thank you, Amos."

"'Night, Kitty. You just call out if you need anything, I'll hear."

_flashback August 1882 c15c15c15c15c15 August 1882 flashback_

_After Season 10, Episode 7 "Help Me, Kitty"_

_It was a fine warm morning in late August, about a month after Kitty returned from her adventures taking Hope Farmer home to her mother, when the door to the Marshal's office opened and a dusty cowboy walked in. Matt Dillon looked up from the paperwork on his desk, and appraised the man. Sandy-haired and not too tall. The younger side of forty, probably. Clothes dusty, but of good quality. A fine looking Colt pistol in his weathered leather holster. "Can I help you, mister?"_

"_You the Marshal?"_

_Matt rose, and extended his hand. "I'm Matt Dillon, U. S. Marshal here in Dodge City. What can I do for you?"  
><em>

_The newcomer took Matt's hand firmly. "Name's Tom Micah. I just brought a herd up from Abilene, and my boys will be hitting town tonight. Small herd, a dozen men, but they've just been paid and it's been a mighty dry run. Thought I'd stop by and let you know."_

_A smile spread across Matt's face. "Tom Micah? I don't think we've seen you in Dodge before."_

"_Nosir, my first time here. First time my herd's been big enough to make the trip on my own."_

"_Well, Mr. Micah, I think you'll find a friend of yours here in town, and I'd like to buy both of you a drink."_

"_Please, just Tom. I don't believe I know anyone in Dodge, but it's a big country, Marshal," he replied._

_Matt stood and plucked his hat from the rack. "My friends call me Matt. Come along across the street. We'll settle the dust, and maybe you'll have a surprise."_

_The two men walked across to the Long Branch and through the swinging doors. Kitty was sitting at a table with Doc and Festus, drinking coffee, and a few other men stood at the bar with Sam. Kitty looked up from her coffee, first looking at Matt and, seeing his smile and the movement of his eyes to his right, glancing at the other man. Her eyes opened wide and she pushed back her chair to walk quickly towards them, both hands outstretched – not to Matt, but to the man beside him._

"_Tom! Oh, what a pleasure it is to see you again!" she said frankly as he took her hands._

"_Kitty Russell. I've been wondering for ten years what happened to you!" He used her hands to pull her into his arms and kissed her soundly on the mouth. Kitty returned the kiss, but pushed him back after a few moments, accepting his arms around her, but holding her head a little away with two hands against his chest._

"_Tom, I've hoped for every one of those ten years that someday you'd walk in that door and I could tell you how grateful I am for what you did for me." She lifted a hand briefly to his face, and then stepped out of his embrace, letting him leave one arm around her waist. "You come let me introduce you to some friends of mine. I see you've already met Matt."_

_Still close, Tom spoke low enough for only her to hear. "He must be a mighty good friend if you've told him enough to have him recognize my name first time we met."_

_Kitty's eyes rose to meet Matt's and she replied more to him than to the man whose arm encircled her, "He is Tom. Best friend I've ever had. Now come meet Doc Adams and Festus Haggen."_

_The two men at the table rose to be introduced, shook hands, and then, while Festus stood staring at the newcomer, Doc laid a quick hand on Kitty's arm. "Thanks for the coffee, Kitty. We'll leave you to talk with your friend. C'mon, Festus."_

_Festus, hat in hand, took a slow step away from the table. "Wall, sure Doc, if you think we ought ta…"_

"_Let's go, Festus," Matt encouraged him. "You go saddle up Buck for me, I need to ride out to the Miller place before it gets any later." He tipped his hat to the lady standing before him gazing with bright eyes at another man, "See you later, Kitty." _

"_Why sure, Matthew. I kin do that, but I was just wonderin'…" Matt and Doc hustled him out the door and down the boardwalk so that his next comment met only their ears, "…if we should leave Miss Kitty alone with that there fella. I don't like to see her just go a-kissin' on somebody we don't hardly know."_

"_You just let Kitty take care of herself, Festus. She's known Tom Micah a long time. Now, you go get Buck, and I'm going to ask you to stay in the office while I'm gone. It's too busy for us both to be out of town at once." _

_As Festus jangled off towards the stable, Doc spoke quietly to Matt, "That the man who helped Kitty get out of Abilene just before she came to Dodge?"_

"_She told you that story, did she?" Matt asked, a little surprised._

"_Not all of it, I think, but part of it. Long time ago." Doc swiped a hand across his face and looked up at Matt, "How grateful you think she really is to him, Matt?"_

"_That's her business, Doc. You let her handle it."_

"_Yes, suppose so. I'm goin' back to work, Matt. See you later."_

_A short ride and a long discussion about water rights later, Matt was headed back to town. There was only one other herd in town, and it was also a small one, so he felt pretty confident that it wouldn't be too bad a night. For Dodge City. For himself, he wondered, dismissed the thought, and wondered again._

_As he made his early rounds that evening, Matt found himself leaving the Long Branch for last. It was about nine when he walked in, and the place was lively. Kitty stood, straight and beautiful in a sparkling green dress, at the far end of the bar. Matt went over to her, "Buy you a drink, pretty lady?" he asked with a smile. "I've been hoping you would," she replied. Sam moved over to answer the Marshal's raised hand, and brought them a bottle and two glasses, taking the coin Matt fished out of his vest pocket._

_Matt poured, and they drank in silence for a few minutes. "I thought I'd likely see Tom Micah here this evening, Kitty."_

"_He spent some time here earlier, Matt, and he steered most of his crew here, so business is good. He left a couple hours ago to have dinner at the Dodge House with some of the other stockmen." She saw the question that he wouldn't let out, and reached over to take his glass and lift it to her own lips for a slow sip. "Oh, he asked, Matt. You're right about that much. I turned him down. Did you really think I wouldn't?"_

_Matt's hand covered hers on the glass for just a moment as he took it back from her. 'I figured you would, Kitty, but then," his voice lowered so that it seemed they were alone in the noise and heat of the crowded room, "I always think you should have more than I can give you, even if you don't." They stood together, finishing the whiskey from their separate glasses, her blue eyes smiling up at him and his looking down at her with more love than it seemed her heart could hold. "I'll see you later, Kitty," he promised, and walked out of the Long Branch to finish his evening's work._

_As dawn reddened the prairie sky the next morning, Matt Dillon was in the livery stable saddling up Tom Micah's mount. He was leading the horse out towards the front when Tom came whistling around the corner. "You running me out of town, Marshal?" he asked genially. _

"_No just giving you a hand with your horse, Tom. Wanted a word with you."_

"_Whoa there, Matt!" he raised both hands in mock surrender, "You've no complaint against me, I spent my night at the Dodge House."_

_Matt ignored the gesture and went on with what he had to say. "I know that, Tom. Now ten years ago you did a favor for a lady that she tells me saved her life. I owe you a debt for that – likely a bigger one than I can ever repay – but if there's ever anything that I can do to help you, I want you to know that you can call on me. My word on it."_

_Tom shook his head, "You don't owe me a thing, Matt. Kitty tells me she's happy here. She's making money and she's feeling safe. I imagine you have a fair amount to do with that last bit, and maybe with the first part as well. I asked around town last night. People here like her. They like you too, and I heard your names mentioned together more than a few times. I'm glad to hear all that. I've wondered for years if she made out okay. You keep her safe and we're even."_

_Matt offered his hand and the other man took it. "All the same, Tom, you remember what I said. We'll see you next year when you bring your herd north."_

_ "You certainly will, Marshal" he replied, and then went on, "And Matt? Only one way I can think of you could know for sure where I __wasn't__ sleeping last night." He smirked, stepped up on his horse, and rode out, leaving Matt Dillon trying to wipe a grin off his own face._

_flashback August 1882 c15c15c15c15c15 August 1882 flashback_

_After Season 10, Episode 7 "Help Me, Kitty"_

Kitty woke to sunlight streaming in her window and Matt Dillon tickling the side of her face. He was dressed and wide awake. She yawned and stretched. "What time is it, Matt?"

"Nearly ten, sleepyhead. You planning to sleep through Sunday morning?" Sunday mornings, with the town quiet, and blue laws keeping the saloons closed until late afternoon, were their special time each week.

"Well, I might like to, I didn't get to bed until after four, but I bet you didn't either," she replied.

"Nope. And then the trail bosses started coming 'round about seven to get their boys out of jail and back on their way to Texas. Jail cleared out about nine, and I walked my rounds after that. Lot of things need cleaning up and fixing up, but the town's still there and pretty quiet." He smiled down at her. "Thought I'd come see if you were awake."

"You should get some sleep, Matt. You must be exhausted."

"Well, I did think about taking a little nap, if I could find someplace to do it…" He looked suggestively at the wide expanse of bed around her.

"Give me a minute, and I'll tuck you in," she told him. When she returned from the washroom, Matt was lying naked in the bed, but somehow didn't look at all sleepy. She climbed in beside him and found herself engulfed in his arms. "I thought you were tired, cowboy," she laughed.

"Not that tired, honey," he told her, kissing her eagerly. They kissed and fondled and played their age-old game in the big bed, but as his tension mounted, Kitty finally rolled him onto his back and kissed her way down over his chest and flat stomach to begin to lick and stroke him, sucking him into her warm mouth. Matt lay back, relaxing into the familiar excitement, feeling it begin to rise within him, knowing and anticipating what would happen next. What did happen then was equally familiar, but not what he expected. Between one moment and the next Kitty straddled his hips and used her hands to urge him deeply inside her. Already close, he moved with her, thrusting his hips against her rhythm, opening his eyes wide as the world dissolved in hot delight. Several shuddering breaths later, he reached up to pull her down across his chest, stroking her hair and kissing her softly swollen lips. Eventually settling her beside him he asked, still a little breathless, "What was that all about, Kitty?"

"You didn't like it?" she asked, all innocence.

"You know better than that," he chuckled, hugging her close. But after a minute or two, he went on more quietly, "Kitty, it's been better than two months since you miscarried. We've made love dozens of times and you haven't steered me clear of entering you in all that time. Today it's like you started to and then changed your mind. Want to tell me what's going on?"

"Well, that's just what happened, Matt. I changed my mind."

His voice was serious now, "About exactly what, Kitty?"

"About being careful. About trying not to have a baby. About waiting for a better time." She sat up beside him so she could look into his eyes. "Fifteen years of waiting is enough, Matt. I'll be thirty–five this fall. If we're ever going to have a life together, try to have a family, it's time to start."

He stroked a hand against her face. "You're sure about this, Kitty?"

She laughed a little, "Well, Matt, I may not be sure, but I'm determined. Are you pleased? Should I have asked you first?"

He shook his head. "Kitty, you know it's always been up to you. I admit that ten years ago, I wouldn't have been ready, but now, yes, I'm pleased." He grinned, something she hadn't seen for longer than she wanted to admit, "I'm a little scared, but I'm pleased. Silly, I guess, but it makes me feel young – like we're a couple of kids just starting out."

She held herself close against him, shedding the quilts as the room warmed in the summer sun and lying naked together on the soft sheets. She thought he was asleep, as he certainly needed to be, when his voice came gently, but not at all sleepily, from where his face was buried in her hair. "What made you change your mind, sweetheart?"

She had known he would ask, and had that answer ready to share with him. "Annie. Even before I knew she was yours, Matt. She's such a dear, competent, womanly little thing. Smart and polite, and she lies with a straight face and clear eyes. I figure if something as sweet and loving as that could grow up in a saloon, then, well, I needn't worry about any child of ours."


	16. Chapter 16: You askin' me?

Chapter Sixteen: "You askin' me?"

Doc Adams trod slowly down the boardwalk to the Marshal's office. As he opened the door he heard Matt's deep voice saying, "Well, I guess you're right about that, honey, I'm pretty sure Travis wouldn't mind, he had mighty wide shoulders." From the endearment, Doc expected to see Kitty sitting across from the Marshall at the small table in the center of the room, and was surprised to see that instead the woman was Annie Barger.

"Mornin', Doc. What can I do for you today?" Matt greeted him. "You want some coffee? Annie made it, so it's probably better than you're used to."

Doc took a swipe at his moustache. "Morning, Matt. Annie. Happy to drink any coffee that Festus didn't make."

Annie rose to pour him a cup and brought it over to him. "I'm just leaving, Doc. You enjoy your coffee. See you later, Matthew."

"You come back and talk to me before you try anything, Annie!" Matt told her urgently, but the younger woman just smiled at him and closed the street door behind her.

Doc sat down and sipped his coffee. "By golly, that's good! Think you could get her to make that every morning?" he commented.

"She has been making it every morning. She shows up here while Festus and I are out on our morning rounds, and when we get back, it's all ready and waiting. Festus is fit to be tied."

Doc chuckled. "I bet he is." He ventured a swift look up at where the Marshal half stood, half sat against his desk. "Where is Festus?"

"Out and about somewhere, Doc." Matt hesitated a moment and then went on, "He doesn't like me spending time with Annie. When she comes over in the morning, he leaves."

"Humf." Doc took another drink of coffee. "Seems like she's at least decided what to call you," he said.

Matt nodded. "Been a long time since anyone but Festus called me that. Annie says that's what her mother and sister called me, so that's how she thought of me."

"Sounds like maybe she thought about you quite a bit before she came out here." Doc observed. "She have something special in mind, looking you up?"

Matt shook his head. "I still don't know, Doc. Annie plays her cards pretty close to her chest. Some things she'll open up about, others she turns the subject neat as a pin. Seems like her sister MayLou used to talk a lot about me when they were children, only that doesn't exactly make sense because MayLou would have been a site older than Annie. I'm surprised she'd even remember me! But it does seem like all those kids spent a fair amount of time with my brother Rafe's family – he's MayLou's uncle after all – suppose he's Annie's uncle as well - and so my name may have come up there from time to time." Matt shook his head, "I can't imagine Rafe having a good word for me, though."

"You the black sheep of the family, Matt?" Doc asked, amused.

"I'm the only one didn't fight for the Confederacy, Doc. That still means a lot in Texas."

Doc shook his head back and forth. "Still means too much on both sides, Matt. And border states are the worst. I know." Doc threw a look up at him, "You'd hardly have been old enough, though, would'ya?"

"I was certainly big enough, I could have joined when Rafe wanted me to."

"Well, I suppose that's so. Why didn't you?" Doc went and got the coffeepot and refilled both their cups. Matt sat against the desk just looking at his for a while. Doc returned to the table, and sipped the strong, black brew. Waiting and not pushing.

Finally Matt sighed. "It's hard to even remember anymore, Doc. Partly I didn't relish taking orders. I was the youngest and I'd had my fill of that all my life. Partly, I suppose, I was already half in love with Rachel. When my brother Travis left back in sixty, he asked me to watch out for her and MayLou. I was just a kid, but it made me feel important. And I did watch out for her. Spent as much time working her ranch as I did on the home place - even before the family sent me out there to stay after Travis died."

"I've known you a long time, Matt. You never even mentioned you had family left in Texas. Just that your parents died. Must have been a humdinger of a fight you had with your brother."

"It was. Only reason I stayed as long as I did was Rachel. When she married Luff Barger, I lit out for Arizona, but things happened and I ended up in the Union army for the last year of the war. That was something my family could never forgive, so I just stayed away and never asked them to."

Doc shook his head sadly. "Brother against brother. That's bad. Saw far too much of that in Maryland. Here in Kansas as well." He pushed himself to his feet and shuffled towards the door, then stopped with his hand on the latch. "Almost forgot what I came in here for, Matt. Dagone, you'd think I was getting old! When's the next circuit court comin' up? Should be about time, isn't it?"

"Set for next Thursday, Doc. You ought to know that. You've got at least two cases where they're going to call you as coroner. And you might have to give evidence in Judd Cater's trial, if Mary Simons' father doesn't decide to have her drop the charges – a rape case would be mighty hard on that girl."

"I've been trying to talk Simons into letting her testify, but he's sure dead set against it. Mary's willing – she's a brave young lady, Matt. Maybe you and I ought to go out there and talk to him this week. I'd sure hate to see Cater walk free after what he did." Doc shook his head, "Oh, and Matt, it going to be Judge Brooker this time?"

"He's scheduled for it." Matt replied.

"Well, see you later, Matt. You let me know if you want me to ride out to the Simons place with you. Might bring Kitty along and let her talk with Mary. Might do Simons good to have Kitty talk to him as well. Put some spine in him."

"I'll let you know, Doc."

Doc moved more quickly than usual down the boardwalk and up the stairs to his office. Seated at his desk, he wrote a short letter, signed and sealed it, and headed back down the stairs to see that it made the noon stage.

t * h * e * * * l * e * t * t * e * r

Judge Cyrus Brooker

Hays City, Kansas

1 July 1888

Sir,

As a matter of professional courtesy, could you give me an hour of your time on a highly confidential matter immediately after the end of your circuit court session Thursday next in Dodge City?

Sincerely yours,

Galen Adams, M.D.

_flashback August 1873 c16c16c16c16c16 August 1873 flashback_

_The night was hot. The day had been even hotter. Even the beer was warm. It was Kitty Russell's first summer in Kansas. She found it no better than Texas, and missed the cool sea breezes that both New Orleans and Galveston could provide from time to time. She has been working since early afternoon and was just coming down the stairs after her supper break when she noticed Matt Dillon leaning against the railing at the bottom of the stairs chatting with several ranchers. She moved over to his side of the stairway and trailed a hand across the back of his broad shoulders as she took the last few steps._

_ Matt's eyes widened as he turned around at Kitty's touch. Instead of the short, low cut gowns she usually wore to work, the dress she was wearing revealed both more and less. Her simple black silk skirt fell all the way to the floor, but the top of the gown barely skimmed the curves of her full breasts leaving her arms, shoulders, and most of her chest and back bare. It was beautiful. It was elegant, and it made him desperately want to take it off of her. He smiled, but couldn't even manage his usual comment about how pretty she looked tonight. He swallowed hard and tried unsuccessfully to keep the lust from his eyes._

_ Kitty laughed, knowing she was the center of not only Matt's attention, but that of nearly every man in the room. "You like my new dress, Marshal?" she asked. He considered that for a moment, "I'm not sure like is the right word, Kitty." _

_ Kitty made her way to the bar, and Matt followed her. "Buy you a beer? I warn you, it's warm."_

_ "Thanks, it's been warm all day, but at least it's wet," she replied. "Wish I could think of some way to cool off."_

_ Matt's eyes lit. "When do you get off work, Kitty?"_

_ "I've got two more hours, Matt. I get off at ten."_

_ "I could bring a buggy around back and we could head down to Carter's Creek. Water's nice and cool and I know a place where it's deep enough to swim."_

_ Kitty couldn't quite believe what she heard. She'd been waiting for a private invitation from Matt Dillon for months now, and had nearly given up hope. She leaned in towards him and spoke softly, almost in his ear, "You askin' me to go skinny dippin' with you, Matt?"_

_ "I most certainly am. You want to come?"_

_ "Ten o'clock at the back door." she said, "I'll be waiting."_

_ Kitty was indeed waiting for him when he drove up to the back door of the Long Branch. She still wore the black dress, but her hair was braided into a tight tail down her back, and she carried a small cloth bundle. He gave her a hand into the buggy, and set off south out of town. "What you got there, Kitty?"_

_ "Couple of towels, for after," she replied. She gestured to the back of the buggy. "What you got there, Matt?"_

_ "Couple of blankets, for after," he told her, grinning. He liked the way she laughed at that, and the way she took his arm and pressed close to him, her bare arms and shoulders against him._

_ They drove in silence through the hot night. Kitty kept thinking of things to say, and then not wanting to say them. She chided herself for actually feeling shy. This was something she'd surely wanted, surely did want, and it wasn't as if she didn't know what to do. Finally, nearly there, she settled for, "I'm glad I'm here, Matt."_

_ He let out a full breath, as if he'd been holding it since they left Dodge. "I was beginning to wonder if you were having second thoughts, Kitty," he said. "I want this, and I want you, but if you decide you'd rather not, then you just have to tell me, honey."_

_ She laid her cheek against his arm, despite the heat. Soon Matt drew up the buggy in a grove of cottonwoods near the creek. She could hear the running water, and it already seemed cooler. Matt set the brake and then helped her down from the buggy, but didn't offer the kiss that she looked for. He reached in to pick up the blankets, and her small parcel of towels. "Let me get the horse set, and scout around to be sure we're alone."_

_ Kitty smiled in the darkness. "I don't think I'd want to be interrupted," she agreed. She walked a few paces towards the sound of the water and found a little clearing where the nearly full moon shown down and lighted a grassy bank. She sat down and shed her shoes and stockings and, pulling up her skirts, dunked her feet into the cool water. It felt better than anything had all day. She heard Matt behind her and turned to see him spreading a blanket over the grass. She caught her breath as he toed off his boots and unconcernedly stripped off his clothes. The sight of him standing casually naked set her heart racing. She hadn't known quite what to expect, but this wasn't it. Suddenly, she didn't feel like the tough young woman who 'handled' all sorts of men in all sorts of situations._

_ "You need help with that dress?" he asked._

_ She stood up. "I do. It's fitted tight so it will stay up, and I can't fasten or unfasten it myself – one of the other girls has to help me." She turned her back to him and he began slowly unhooking her. She took a deep breath when he was done, deeper than the dress had allowed, and then slowly turned to face him, her hands holding the bodice to her chest. He waited. She let the dress go and it fell in a pool of blackness around her ankles. She was naked underneath it. "I figured if we got this far, I wanted to be sure you wouldn't chicken out."_

_ Matt wasn't sure he knew how to breathe. The sight of her pale skin – all that skin – in the white moonlight nearly did him in. She was more beautiful than he had possibly imagined, and he'd been imagining for months now. He felt himself rising just from looking at her, and saw her eyes move down to look at him. Saw her eyes widen a little. He reached out for her hand, "Come in the water, Kitty. That's what we came for."_

_ "That's not what I came for, Matt," she said._

_ He chuckled, "Well, no, me neither, but it will make a good start."_

_ She took his hand and stepped away from the pile of fabric settled around her feet. He led her to the bank and jumped in. The water came up nearly to his chest. He reached up and put his hands on her waist, swinging her down into the cool water beside him before he took her in his arms and kissed her. As first kisses go, it stood out above the rest. So did he. She felt his hot hardness pressing against her belly, despite the cool water that surrounded them. Her hands moved down to touch and stroke him. She hadn't been imagining the size of him. But then, she thought, what would I expect from a man so big in every other way. His hands nearly spanned her waist as he gently moved her back a pace. "We don't need to hurry, Kitty, and if you do that it's going to be over a lot sooner than I want."_

_ She looked up at him. She almost couldn't remember when any man had wanted more from her than to take her as quickly as he could. She felt tears rising in her eyes, and that was not at all something for him to see, so she dropped into the water, letting it hold her up as she floated on her back. He dove underneath her, coming up on the other side. The water was deeper in the middle, away from the bank. She put her feet down but couldn't feel the bottom. She laid back again, looking up at the stars._

_ "Where'd you learn to swim?" he asked, standing next to her, the water up almost to his shoulders. She felt his hands under her, stroking along her back and bottom. _

_ "In the ocean. Gulf of Mexico. We'd go on picnics to the beach when I was a little girl. The Mississippi was too dirty – muddy and you never knew what trash – but the ocean was clean once you got away from the city a little. You?"_

_ "There's lakes up in the mountains. New Mexico. Colorado. I saw Lake Tahoe once – up in the Sierras west of Virginia City. Coldest water I ever felt in my life. Like swimming in snow."_

_ She rolled over and dived down. Her hair was soaked anyway. Tried to come up behind him but couldn't see in the dark water and ended coming up right against him, skin to skin. The kiss was even better this time – hot flesh and cool water – her arms twined around his neck. When they broke apart for breath she pushed him hard, dunking him under the water, and swam away. That led to more play, more splashing, more dunking, and a little more ease with their nakedness. Finally, standing near the bank, she said, "I wouldn't have thought, an hour ago, that I could say this, but I'm gettin' cold."_

_ Matt stepped easily up onto a side of the bank that seemed an impossible height to her and reached down to take both her hands and lift her out. They stood together, still holding hands, in the warm night. "Matt?"_

_ "Yes, Kitty?"_

_ "I'm not trying to back out, Matt. I want you. Oh, I do want you! But, I don't know how to do this." She looked up into his face. "It's been too long since I've been with anyone who wanted me, Kitty, not just a body in a room and it didn't matter who. I don't know how to do this for real. Will you show me?"_

_ "Let's see if we can figure that out together, Kitty." He led her back to where the blankets were spread and picked up the towels she had brought, handed her one, and then began drying her off with another. He unfastened the tie at the end of her braid and spread her wet hair across her back, rubbing water out of it section by section. She turned to face him and dried off his chest and arms, but, when she reached behind him to rub the towel over his back, her breasts, nipples tight and puckered from the cold water, grazed against his chest and it was too much for both of them. _

_They were down on the blankets, holding, rolling, touching, kissing, mouths open and tongues searching deeply. She felt his hand reaching between her legs, feeling for a wetness that had nothing to do with the water they'd been swimming in. He stroked up with his hand and heard her gasp, felt her hips buck against him. Matt buried his head against her breasts, licking and sucking her hard nipples. He knew he wasn't going to be able to last much longer, whether he entered her or not, and he tried to sit up, to pull back a little and calm down, but suddenly she was under him her legs around his waist, open and wet and there was no way to stop. He tried to go slowly, but that didn't work either and she pushed herself against him, matching his rhythm with her own. He moved his hands down to cradle her round bottom, lifted her against him, and came shatteringly hard into the softness of her._

_There was silence and the sound of their breathing, fast and then slower. Eventually she unclasped her legs and let him go, lying back and looking at the star studded darkness above them. Matt moved off of her, noticing the small sound, almost a whimper, as he slipped out of her and lay down by her side. He didn't try to caress her, there would be time for that later, just lay beside her in the stillness of the night, his arm cushioning her head, not knowing what to say._

_It was cooler there by the stream, and she shivered a little as the breeze dried the sweat from her body. She moved closer and laid her head on his shoulder, felt his arms come up to hold her. "I'm sorry, Kitty. I didn't mean it to be like that, so fast. Just lie still with me here a while. We'll make it better."_

_She did lie still. Thinking about his apology. She tried to remember if anyone had ever said anything like that to her before. She knew what he was saying. She wanted to tell him it didn't matter – and truly, she thought, it didn't – but she had been more aroused than anytime she could remember since, well, since those first days with Cole. She hadn't had a lover, a real lover, since then. She didn't know what to say, or what words to use if she did say something – she certainly didn't want to use the vulgar words that were the first that came into her mind, or the more technical ones that she'd learned early on in New Orleans. She didn't know anything in between. So she used her body instead, cuddling against him, turning her face to kiss his chest, humming in her throat like a purring cat. _

_Slowly Matt relaxed. He felt more need for words than he usually did. He wanted Kitty to know that he'd tried, that the pull of her body had been too much for him, but he didn't quite know how to speak those feelings. He made an attempt. "Kitty, I haven't been with a woman in quite a while. I wanted to wait for you, I tried. It was just too much for me. I've been thinking about you, imagining you, practically since I first met you. I wanted it to be perfect."_

_Kitty sat up, turning to face him. "Are you apologizing to me, Matt Dillon? For what we just did? You trying to tell me it wasn't good enough?"_

_He pulled her back into his arms. "Honey, you do know what I'm sayin' and don't pretend you don't. I can't imagine anything better than what we just did. For me. I just wanted it to be for both of us, and I feel like I didn't do a very good job with that part."_

_Kitty thought of a lot of things to say, and finally settled for the truth. "Matt, you might be asking me for more than I can do. I've spent years, well, separating myself from what I do with men. Mostly, I don't want it to be personal - I don't want it to be real." She stopped, hiding her face from him, "And now when I do want that, well, Matt, I don't know if I can give you what you want. I want to, but I don't know if I can anymore. Can you deal with having, maybe, a little less?"_

_He sat up, putting her on his lap and rocking her gently. "How about we just agree to practice some? See if we can make it right for both of us? Lots of things take practice to get them right. You want to try again?"_

"_Now? Tonight? But…"_

"_We'll start with you this time, honey, and then by the time you're all set, I bet I'll be ready to come along for the ride."_

_He started with just stroking her back, soothing her like he would a skittery young horse. He kissed her lips, just her lips, and her face, and then, slowly, her neck. He felt her begin to relax, but it was a long time before he laid her down beside him and started caressing her breasts. He could tell when it began for her – her relaxation turning to tension, her hips moving in tiny thrusts and swirls against him, her mouth on his neck and then searching for his. They kissed a long time, deeply, sucking on lips and tongues, he kept his hands moving on her breasts concentrating now on her hard nipples, squeezing and pinching, rubbing them with his palms. When she did reach down for him she found him hard and smooth, just a little sticky from before, but he took her hands and moved them up to his chest. "Nope. Not this time. You wait your turn."_

"_Matt," she whispered, drawing out the word, "I want you. Please. I want you in me."_

_He chuckled against her throat, "Pretty soon now" and kissed her neck again, careful despite his rising passion, not to leave marks. At last he lay back and held her hips to move her up to straddle him, gasping but determined as her wetness caressed him. No longer passive she lifted herself to sheathe him inside her, taking it slowly, moving against him different ways. "Is that good, Kitty? Is that what you want?" _

"_Mmm hmm." was the only answer he got as he pulled her down against his chest. "Move your legs down lower, outside of mine." He pushed his hands against her thighs and she obeyed, gasping as it increased the pressure where she rubbed against him._

"_Matt, I can't…" suddenly her hips were frantic, her eyes closed, her breathing harsh._

"_Of course you can, honey." He whispered encouragement and pushed hard against the base of her spine using his other hand to stroke her bottom. "You couldn't stop now if you tried." And he was right. It wasn't smooth and easy, but it was hard and lasted longer than she thought possible, falling and then rising again. She collapsed against him. She knew she wasn't supposed to do that. She'd been trained better than that, but she didn't care. And Matt, free at last to find his own release held her waist in his broad hands and let himself thrust into her with abandon for all too short a time._

_She lay on top of him and he held her there, both arms around her. He felt her tiny giggle as eventually, he softened and slipped slowly out of her. "It tickles." She whispered into his neck. He turned on his side then, still holding her, her body utterly soft and relaxed within his arms._

"_Matt?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Do we still get to practice?"_

"_Oh, yes indeed, we definitely get to practice. More. A lot more."_

"_Good." She was asleep as she said the word. He lay and watched the moon sink and the stars move above him. He thought about being happy, about what they had done, and how much he wanted to do it again. He thought about what he had to say to her on the way home, and hoped she could live with it, hoped she would want to make the effort. He thought with not a little anger of the life she led – forced to sell what should be given – and with sadness that he didn't know any way to save her from that. He gave her about an hour and then kissed her awake._

"_Kitty, we have to go."_

_Her eyes fluttered and she cuddled closer to him. "Why?" she murmured._

"_I have to be on the road at dawn, honey, and I'm barely going to get you back to town before that."_

"_Oh." She sat up. "The trial in Garden City. Jim Barkley?"_

"_He's counting on me to speak for him, Kitty. It could mean his life."_

"_Well, of course!" she yawned. "You shouldn't have let me sleep so long." She stretched and stood up, pale in the moonlight. "Give me just a minute to wash, and then you'll need to hook me back into that dress." She grabbed up one of the towels and went down into the creek again, standing in the shallow water to wash, crouching to sluice water between her legs. She climbed out and dried herself then brought him the wet towel. "You'd better do this yourself. If I start washing you, we might be here until Tuesday."_

_While he washed her off of him, she put on her shoes and stockings and then pulled the black dress up around her, settling her breasts into the bodice. He stood behind her, fastening the hooks, and then went to where his own clothes were piled and dressed quickly. They shook out and folded the blankets and he took them back to the buggy where the horse stood sleeping between the shafts. Matt handed her in and then turned the horse around and joined her on the seat as they headed back towards town._

_He wanted to wait, but he couldn't. There was only half an hour and a lot to say. "Kitty? I need to talk to you. Can you be awake for me?"_

"_I'm awake, Matt. I know what you want to say."_

"_How could you know?" he asked, mystified. "What do you think I want to tell you?" _

"_You want to tell me that I have to keep this a secret, that I can't make a claim on your time, that I can't tell anyone we were together. That I can't let the respectable citizens of Dodge City know their Marshal spent time with a girl from the Long Branch saloon."_

"_Kitty, I don't think I deserve that from you."_

"_Isn't that what you want to say, Matt?"_

"_No, Kitty, it's not. Well, some of the things I want you to do are the same, but the reasons aren't what you said." He held his peace for a minute or two. She didn't comment, and he went on, "Kitty I don't want to see you hurt. You know there are men who come to town just itching to bring me down. I don't want one of those men hurting you because it's a way to hurt me."_

"_Oh." It was all she said for some time. "You're not ashamed of being with me?"_

"_No Kitty, I'm not. I'd like to go back and tell everyone we know. I'd like to see the smile on Doc's face, and watch Chester blush. I'd like to wipe the silly grins off the other girls at the Long Branch and get them to stop trying to trip me up those stairs and into their beds. Most of all I'd like to see you safe somewhere that you didn't need to ever give yourself to a man unless it was what you wanted." He stopped, but eventually went on, "But if I did that, it would put you in danger. Kitty, if we're going to continue to be with each other, and I want that more than I know how to say, we have to agree to keep this part of our lives private. I can't risk someone hurting you."_

"_But if we keep quiet, just go on being friends like we've been before, then we can still see each other sometimes, be with each other," she grinned, "get a little more practice?"_

"_I hate to ask this of you, Kitty, but that's the way it has to be. Can you do that?" Matt asked._

"_If I'm doing it for the right reasons, then I guess I can, Matt. I don't have to like it, but I guess I can do it." _

_They drove in silence for a while. The town rose in front of them across the prairie. "Matt?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Thank you."_

"_Kitty, you've given me so much. What do you possibly have to thank me for?"_

"_Well, for one thing, you didn't tear my new dress. And for another, well, I'll just let you think on that while you're riding out to Garden City. Maybe we'll talk about it when you get back. If we can find a time and a place."_

"_There'll always be a time and a place, Kitty, we may just have to look pretty hard to find them. Kitty, can I ask you something?"_

"_You can ask, Matt."_

"_Are you happy we did this?"_

"_Oh, yes. Oh yes indeed I am. Are you?"_

"_Yes, sweetheart. I am."_

_flashback August 1873 c16c16c16c16c16 August 1873 flashback_

Annie slipped out of the Long Branch early in the afternoon and climbed the stairs to Doc's office. She entered without knocking to find him sitting at his desk writing in one of his big, bound journals. "You got a few minutes, Doc?" she asked as he looked up.

"For a pretty girl, I most certainly do," he told her. "You just have a seat and tell me what's on your mind, young lady."

"You going to be at the Long Branch tonight, Doc? Maybe about eight o'clock? Before things get too rowdy?"

"I suppose I could. What are you up to here, Annie? Does Matt know you're planning something?" Doc asked suspiciously.

She looked into his face with clear eyes, "Of course he does, Doc! He and I have been getting to know each other better the last week or so." She looked down shyly, "I kind of had the advantage on him, ya'see, 'cause I've been watching him since I got here, and he, he never even noticed me until after Miss Kitty lost the baby in April. So we've had a lot to talk about."

"What are you planning for tonight, missie?"

"Well, Matthew and I have talked about how he feels it's dangerous for people to know I'm related to him. I can't say as I agree too much with that. I've seen what it's done to Miss Kitty, keeping her distance from him. Matthew's been clear about what he wants. But still, after what my brother Mark did when he was here, I know there's a lot of talk going around, so, well, we thought we'd make a little announcement tonight. Just to the people he and Miss Kitty are closest to. To keep them from worrying..." she trailed off.

"I've known Matt for a mighty long time, Annie, and that doesn't sound to me like anything he'd do, and you know it." Doc said.

Annie's smile sparkled at him. "And that's why I'm doing the talking and he's just going to nod and smile. Will you come, Doc?"

Doc sputtered a little, but finally agreed, telling himself he would go over and run the whole thing past Matt later in the afternoon. But within minutes of Annie's return to the Long Branch, two cowboys brought their partner up the stairs with a ten inch splinter of board rammed into his leg, and by the time the wound was cleaned out and sewed up it was time for supper.

Sauntering over to the Marshal's office he found Newly sitting at the Marshal's desk working on a hand gun with a small file. "Matt around?" Doc asked him.

"Expect him back in an hour or so, Doc. Anything I can do for you?" Newly replied.

Doc scrubbed a hand across his lower face. "You by any chance seen Annie Barger this afternoon?" he asked.

"Yes, sir!" he said, his face lighting up, "She came by and asked Festus and I to come by the Long Branch at eight this evening. Said there was something special going on, but we shouldn't mention it to the Marshal because it was a surprise."

"That's what I'm afraid of, Newly. A surprise." Doc commented, "You planning on coming?"

"Yes, sir."

"And Festus? He doesn't seem to take much to Annie, is what Matt told me."

"Well, Doc, I don't think he has anything against Annie, he just didn't like the way her brother treated Matt." Newly said, "And, well, I think he's still a little afraid that somehow Annie's going to do something that hurts Miss Kitty. But Annie talked to him privately a while, and he did agree to come."

Doc scrubbed at his moustache. "Well now Newly, I don't know what she and Matt have planned for tonight, but I think I'd trust the both of them that it won't be anything that upsets Kitty."

"Yes, sir." Newly replied. "That's certainly what I was thinking, too."

At eight that night a group of old friends were gathered at one of the back tables at the Long Branch waiting for Matt Dillon to arrive. Kitty was there, as were Doc, Newly, and Festus. Annie was the center of attention for a group of young cowboys at the bar. She wore a long, shining black dress that left both her shoulders bare and barely covered the swell of her breasts. Doc recognized the dress as one Kitty had worn years ago, but only Kitty knew the hours of work that Annie and Lizzie had put in altering the tightly boned bodice to fit Annie's slender frame.

Despite her smiling attention to her cadre of cowboys, Annie was watching the entrance and when she saw Matt looking over the batwing doors to survey the room, she signaled to Sam, and stepped towards the door to take the Marshal's arm as he entered. Matt smiled down at her as she drew him over to the table. "You sure about this, Annie?" he asked her. The girl nodded somewhat solemnly in reply.

Sam came up with seven glasses and a bottle of good bourbon. "You'll join us please, Sam?" Annie asked. "It will only take a couple of minutes."

Sam looked to Kitty, "I asked Cora to watch the bar, Miss Kitty." He poured the glasses and passed them out, keeping one for himself.

Annie stood next to Matt, her whiskey in her hand. She looked up at him once, and he inclined his head in a tiny nod. "I want to thank you for joining me here this evening. I know I didn't say much when I asked you, but this is kind of a family tradition for me." She cleared her throat slightly, "My mother and my sister and I had a toast that we always drank on the first of July. If you would join me?"

The men rose, holding their glasses, and slowly, Kitty rose as well, her eyes on Matt. Annie raised her own glass, and spoke, clearly and loud enough for most of the room to hear, "To William Travis Dillon, and Texas."

"William Travis Dillon, and Texas." Kitty and the four men repeated. Matt said only, very softly, "Travis" and they all downed their drinks. The word "Texas" was repeated throughout the barroom as men heard the end of their toast and drank to it.

Matt Dillon put an arm around Annie's shoulders and she stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. A kiss that he returned gently, to the surprise of the men watching. Annie stretched out her other hand to Kitty, who took it and held it.

It was Festus who finally asked, after a silence almost long enough to be uncomfortable. "Who was this William Travis Dillon, Matthew? He kin of yourn?"

Matt felt Kitty's eyes on him, but his face was calm as he replied, "He was my older brother, Festus. He died in the war." His arm tightened just a little around Annie's shoulders and he moved his hand on her arm, "Annie's mother was married to him."

"Well, shoot, Matthew, why didn' you never tell us that before?" Festus exclaimed. "And all these weeks I been thinking poorly of you, Miss Annie. I'm right sorry about that, now. You shoulda told us, yes you should."

"It wasn't my story to tell, Festus." Matt replied. He let Annie go, and she collected the glasses and placed them on the tray as the others settled back into their chairs.

"I want to thank you all for joining me," she said, "It's a pleasure to know I have good friends in Dodge. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to work." Followed closely by Sam, she returned to the bar and the group of young men eagerly awaiting her.

Newly was the one who stated it out loud. "So she's really Annie Dillon, not Annie Barger? And young Mark Barger is her half-brother?"

"Annie's mother, remarried after Travis died," Matt answered, "I think Annie has mostly used her stepfather's name, but yes, she's a Dillon."

"Do you think that was safe, Matt, what she just did?" Kitty asked quietly, "You know enough people heard her that it will be all over town tomorrow."

"No, Kitty, I don't. I tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted. I couldn't stand by and let her do it alone."

"Well, I'm glad," said Doc, "I've thought you were a fool for years, Matt, the way you try to keep everything a secret. I like that little girl. I'd sure be proud to acknowledge her if she were kin to me."

Matt smiled, but he sighed, "Maybe so, Doc. Too late now in any case. As Kitty said, half the town will know tomorrow, though I can't see why it would interest them." He stood up, "Newly, Festus, let's go take our walk." The three men left Doc sitting there with Kitty in the noisy room.

"I'll ask you once again, Kitty, much as I like her, do you think that girl being here is going to hurt you?" Doc asked.

Kitty shook her head, "No, Doc, I don't. It's hurt Matt some, bringing up old memories I think he'd rather forget, but on the whole, he's pleased she's here."

Doc patted her hand, "Well then, I'm going to go back and go to bed. It's been a long day. See you later, Kitty."

Later that night, as Matt sat up in their room, watching Kitty get ready for bed, he said, "I recognized that dress, Kitty."

"Thought you might, cowboy." She replied continuing to brush her hair.

"I remember taking that dress off of you."

Kitty kept brushing. "That's why I kept it all these years, Matt. You know I haven't been able to fit into that in a long time."

Matt stood and came to stand behind her, his hands on her shoulders, looking at the two of them in her mirror. "I will never forget how beautiful you looked, first time I saw you standing naked in the moonlight with all that black silk pooled around your feet." He lowered his face to her neck. "Almost as beautiful as you look right now."

He raised her and turned her into his arms. "Were you ever as fragile as she is, Kitty? I wonder now how I ever dared to touch you. How did we ever manage to get through being that young, sweetheart?"

"Year by year, Matt. Just like most people do." She replied, lifting her lips briefly to his. "Do you miss being young like that, Matt?"

He returned her kiss. "I can't say that I do, Kitty. I never expected to live this long, but I wouldn't go back." His arms squeezed her tighter and this time his mouth on hers was hard with passion, his hands roamed firmly over her back and bottom, "Come to bed, Kitty, and let me love you without worrying about breaking you."

And Kitty, who had tried all night not to envy the slim beauty of the younger woman, was happy to put those feelings behind her and oblige.


	17. Chapter 17: Teeth

Chapter Seventeen: "Teeth"

Monday morning started early. Wednesday would be the Fourth of July with a rodeo in the stockyards outside of town and a busy day for all the local businesses with farmers and homesteaders and ranchers from miles around joining the trail crews and cowboys up from Texas. Kitty knew that after today, between Independence Day and the circuit court on Thursday, both she and Matt might not have time for more than a smile in passing until Friday. But this morning Doc had talked them both into a quick trip out to the Simons place just north of town. It wasn't a task she relished, but was one she felt she needed to do.

Bob Simons met them outside the front door. "Marshal. Doc. Miss Kitty. I'm sorry for the discourtesy folks, but I'm not going to invite you in."

Matt stepped down from his saddle. "We can talk here just as well, Bob." He helped Kitty out of the buggy and Doc followed her.

"No need for more talk, Matt. We've had this out before. I'll not let Mary stand up in court and advertise her shame, no matter what you say, no matter what Mary and the missus say. It's not going to happen. You may as well go on back to Dodge."

Kitty walked over to him and laid a hand on his arm. "Bob, you need to understand it's not about Mary anymore."

"What do you mean by that, Kitty?" he asked.

"What was done to Mary is done. Nothing can change that. The question now is what about the next girl?" Kitty told him. "You know this wasn't the first time Judd raped a woman. The other two that you know about were girls at the Oasis and the Trail's End. Just saloon girls, Bob, so it didn't really matter and nobody preferred charges. But the saloon owners cared. Judd Cater couldn't get a drink at any bar in town. I threw him out of the Long Branch myself at the end of a loaded shotgun."

Simons was listening now, although his face was still set, and Kitty settled herself down on the edge of the porch. She knew that Mary and her mother would be listening at the sitting room window just behind her, so she went on, her voice level but not quiet. "This isn't just a one time thing for Judd. It's gotten to be a habit. Those first two girls, well, he could have had them for money, and he had the money in his pocket, but he forced them instead. And then when all the saloons turned against him, it stopped being a spur of the moment thing for him. He broke into the Long Branch last fall. He planned that break in. Picked a time just after Sam opened up and watched until Sam went down cellar. Then he got the keys from behind the bar and locked the cellar and locked all the outside doors and went upstairs. Guess he figured after getting away with it twice that no one was going to care about another rape at a saloon, and maybe he was right, because there's sure no use in taking a case like that to court." She stopped for a moment. Matt and Doc had backed off a little, standing out of Bob's sight. Standing very still and just listening.

Kitty felt Matt's eyes on her, but she went on, "But I think Judd liked planning all that, because the next time, it wasn't a saloon, it was his neighbor's ranch house. You think it was an accident that he came over when you and your wife were over at the Garwoods, Bob? You think maybe it was just chance that he knew what room Mary was in, or that your hands were all in town that night? God damn it, Bob, he planned that rape, just like he planned the one at the Long Branch, and if you let him get away with this, he is absolutely going to do it again. The next girl he rapes is going to be as much your fault as it is his. And you're not the only one who's going to have to live with that. Mary and her mother are going to have to live with it too."

Bob Simon's face was drained of color, but he still shook his head. "I can't do it, Kitty. Judd's got an attorney out from Wichita. He came and talked to me. Told me just what kind of questions he would ask, just what he would say about Mary. I wouldn't be a man if I let them do that to her in an open court room."

"Well, you're not much of a man as far as I can see, Bob." Kitty said standing and looking him up and down, "I always used to think you were, but you're nothing but a bloody coward." She strode off to the buggy and climbed in.

Doc walked up the front steps. "I'm going to see Caroline before I go, Bob. I need to check her lungs again. Don't you worry, I won't say anything to her. Far as I can see, everything's already been said."

Matt put a hand on Doc's arm. "I'm going to take Kitty back to Dodge. You can ride my mare back when you're done. I'm sorry, Doc, I can't wait for you." Without another word he unhitched Doc's horse, mounted into the buggy, and drove away."

Kitty sat very still, her hands in her lap. "You may as well tell me about it, Kitty." Matt said at last.

"Damn," she replied fervently. "I thought I had that story all worked out. What did I do wrong?"

"If it had been one of your girls you would have told me when it happened." Matt shifted both sets of reins into his left hand and reached over to put his other hand over hers where she had them clasped tightly in front of her. He left it there until finally she gripped it with both of hers.

"I didn't want you to know, Matt."

"That's pretty clear. Maybe I'll figure that out someday, but right now, I want you to tell me what happened."

"I really, really don't want to talk about this, Matt."

Matt pulled up the buggy and turned to face her. He put his hands gently on her shoulders and looked into her face. "I am so sorry, Kitty. He must have hurt you badly."

Matt saw the color rise in her face, and finally she said, "He didn't hurt me, Matt. He humiliated me, and he embarrassed me, and he made me furious, but he didn't hurt me at all." She looked down at the hands, clenched again in her lap, and then up directly into his eyes. "It was the morning you left for Denver on the train, Matt. After we had that fight. Judd must have been watching for you to leave. You hadn't been gone ten minutes when he came for me. When I first heard the key, I thought maybe it was you coming back for something." She turned her face away and looked out across the rolling yellow-green grass of the prairie. "I was so damn wet and limp that he could have used a two by four and it wouldn't have hurt me. The only marks Doc found were bruises on my neck and teeth marks on my shoulders, and I didn't have the guts to tell him those were little gifts from you. I just let him think what he wanted to."

_flashback c17c17c17c17c17 flashback_

_They'd had a fight and it had been a big one. Kitty didn't ever remember one bigger. Matt was on his way to Denver with a prisoner. Two days on the train, three days for the trial, and two days back. He'd be gone at least a week. He wanted to take more time and look for land south of Littleton. He wanted Kitty to go with him. She refused. She went as far as to tell him he was welcome to quit marshalling and move to Colorado but she would be staying in Dodge. He could visit her when he liked. She threw a few things and yelled. Matt actually raised his voice and cussed. Then he left. She watched him ride out of town on Buck going hell for leather to the east._

_She was too mad to drink and too mad to cry. She worked the Friday night saloon crowd with frantic gaiety. She got propositioned five separate times – a record she hadn't achieved in a while. It was a local crowd, and by one in the morning the room had emptied out. She and Sam cleaned and swept and shared a last drink. "Can I do anything for you, Kitty? Get you anything? Do you want me to stop by the jailhouse and see if he's there?" Kitty shook her head. She had been listening all evening for his step on the back stairs and knew he wasn't waiting for her above. She was sure Sam knew that as well. Newly had come in twice on his rounds but had merely tipped his hat to her, hadn't stopped to talk or have a drink. He must have known about the fight. Half the town must know by now, she figured. They'd been loud enough. She laid her head on Sam's shoulder and he patted her gently, but eventually moved her firmly away from him. "Kitty that's not going to any good, and you know it. Go to bed. Things will work out. Try to keep your temper when they do." _

_ She looked up at him in surprise. Sam was always her staunchest support. "I guess that means it really was my fault." _

_ "Yes, this time, it was. Why did you do that to him, Kitty?" Sam asked._

_ "I don't want to leave Dodge. I've been happier here than anywhere in my life. I just don't think I could manage to start everything again," she said._

_ Sam lifted her chin to look at him. "Did you tell him that?" he asked. She shook her head. "Well, when he comes back, why don't you try starting with that part." She thought for just a moment he was going to kiss her, as Doc would have, but he dropped his hands and walked out the front door, locking it behind him._

_ She blew out the light and went up to her room, unlocked the door and then locked it behind her. She went through her nighttime rituals, and climbed into the far side of the big empty bed, lying in the dark, facing the wall, on the very edge of the mattress._

_ Kitty didn't know how late it was when she heard Matt come in. He undressed and came to his side of the bed, looking at where she lay. He mirrored her position, his back to her, as far away as possible. He lay very still for a long time. She let herself think probably he was asleep. She rolled over and moved towards the middle of the bed, meeting him there. They didn't speak, and they didn't make love, but held each other with quiet desperation that finally did become sleep._

_ Matt woke her at dawn with demanding kisses and his hands on her body. It was much rougher than they usually played, but she returned his turbulent lovemaking with interest. She thought that she was the one who started biting, but she wasn't sure. At some point she remembered moving her mouth up from sucking him and tasting blood as she bit his thigh. He smacked her bottom, turned her on her side and entered her from behind, sucking on her neck, biting her shoulders, rubbing his hand against her in front until there was nothing left to do but moan and cry out and still he didn't stop. When it was finally over she was soaking wet, a little sore, and limp with exhaustion and emotion._

_ They slept for an hour or so and started again. This time Matt sat braced against the head of the bed with Kitty in his lap, facing him, her legs wrapped around his back.. He entered her, holding tightly to the small of her back, letting her rock just a little, and then holding her still. "Talk to me, Kitty."_

_ "Like this?" She stared up at him._

_ "Like this." He agreed._

_ It was the most intense and possibly the strangest conversation of all their years together. She told him why she wanted to stay in Dodge. He told her his fears that if he stayed he'd never be able to completely move away from being the Marshal that everyone looked to – even if he gave up the badge. Every few minutes they stopped talking to kiss and stroke and rock against each other. They resolved nothing but ended in total agreement, finally letting themselves move freely into a concentrated passion that shook them both. _

_ They lay quietly then trying to recover, until at last Matt said, "I have to go, Kitty. Will you be here when I get back?"_

_ "Yes. And if you find what you want, I'll go away with you. I won't want to, Matt, but I will. I guess nothing else really matters as long as we can be together."_

_ He got up and washed and dressed and came back for one gentle kiss. "We'll find a way to make it work for both of us. I don't know how, but we will. I love you, Kitty."_

_ "I love you, Matt," she said, rolling over to fall into exhausted sleep among the rumpled bedclothes as she heard him close and lock the door._

_ Ten minutes later Judd Cater unlocked the hall door to her washroom and came through into the bedroom._

_flashback c17c17c17c17c17 flashback_

"I didn't have the guts to tell Doc those were little gifts from you. I just let him think what he wanted to."

She rounded on him, "And by God if you laugh at me, Matt Dillion, I swear you will never share my bed again in life. Do you have any idea how disgusting, not to mention embarrassing, Doc's treatment for rape is?"

Matt slapped the reins and started the horse forward. "I don't find anything at all here to laugh about, Kitty. But I do see that this isn't the first time this has happened." Matt left that hanging in the air, and Kitty covered her mouth with her hands and plumped back against the seat with a little, "Oh!" of surprise and consternation.

A minute or two later she sat forward, and put her hand on his forearm. "Please don't be angry, Matt. That's part of why I didn't tell you. I can't stand it when you're angry with me." Kitty said softly.

Matt's voice was dangerously soft, "I can't help but be angry, Kitty, for a lot of reasons, but please don't ever think I'm angry with you about this because I'm not. I've been a lawman for a lot of years and one of the things I've managed to learn in that time is not to blame a victim for what a criminal does." He paused and then went on, "Could you manage to tell me what happened with Judd Cater?"

Her voice was very matter of fact. "The key to my washroom was on the main key ring. That was stupid. We've changed that since. I was asleep but I heard a key, and before I realized what was happening, he had me laid across the edge of the bed and he held me down, pushed my face into the mattress, and fucked me from behind. I screamed, but it was muffled and he didn't care because he thought there was no one in the building. I swear it took him less than two minutes to finish but by that time Sam had broken through the cellar door and was up the stairs. He broke down my door and slammed the butt of his shotgun into the back of Judd's head." After a few moments she went on, "Sam wanted to kill him right there, but I wouldn't let him. He was willing to stand his trial for manslaughter, but I was afraid they would call it murder. It just wasn't worth the risk. But I couldn't talk him out of going for Doc. Sam dragged Judd out of my room, and I think he just pushed him down the back stairs, I heard his body bumping and falling, and then Doc was there."

More raggedly now, she continued on, "Doc wanted me over at his office, and I didn't want to go. As you said, I'd been through this before and I knew what was coming. But he convinced me, and got a robe on me, and after all that was over, I went back to my room. Sam had fixed the door, and he had that big tub filled almost all the way with really hot water and I sat in it for more than an hour while he kept heating more and pouring it in as the water cooled. Finally, I got out, and dried off, and got dressed, and went downstairs to do the afternoon shift."

She took a deep breath and let it out. "And it was over."

They were driving through a stand of cottonwoods as the road paralleled the creek. Matt pulled up the buggy in a shaded place, and turned to Kitty. "How many times has this happened, Kitty, and you didn't tell me?"

She looked him straight in the eye and said, "Fewer times than I've watched Doc dig a bullet out of you, Matt."

He rocked back as if she had hit him, and she guessed, really, she had. Matt handed her the reins, stepped down from the buggy, and walked away into the trees. After a while, she heard a horse coming up from behind, but she sat straight in the seat, just holding the reins, not turning as Doc pulled up beside her.

"Where's Matt?" he asked.

"He went off for a while," she answered.

"You going to wait for him?"

"Yes, I am."

Doc tugged his ear and looked at her. "Want me to stay?"

"No." Kitty said baldly. When he didn't move on, she turned to look at him. "There's nothing you can say or do, Doc. This is between Matt and me. And if you dare to open your mouth with an 'I told you so' there's going to be violence between us."

Swiping a hand across his moustache, Doc nodded, "You know best, Kitty." He kicked up the mare and headed on down the road for Dodge.

Kitty sat rigidly in the buggy, setting the brake and wrapping the reins loosely enough for the horse to crop at the short grass under the trees. Eventually she began to relax. The grove was quiet. There was no more traffic on the road. The air was warm, but not hot, and the sound of water refreshed the stillness. Matt was gone a long time. As he stepped up into the buggy with her she saw his hands were swollen, scraped, and bleeding. "You been in a fight, Matt?"

He smiled at her, just a little. "I think the tree won." Then he took her in his arms and held her close against his chest. "We have got to get you out of this business, Kitty."

"You quit first, Matt, and I'll come right along behind."


	18. Chapter 18: Someday I'll Marry

Chapter Eighteen: "_Someday I'll marry_"

The Fourth of July was probably the biggest day of the year for business at the Long Branch, and the celebration started the day before. Sales and excitement were both high, but tempers were pretty even. The next day was even better. The saloon was only moderately busy in the morning during the first part of the rodeo, but by noon the place was packed and Kitty, Sam, Clem, and all the girls together worked without stop through the day. The only time when Kitty saw Matt was when he dropped by in the mid-afternoon to tell her that Mary Simons and her mother, brought into town by Bob for the festivities had escaped his eagle eye and showed up at the Marshal's office asking for his help. He had them stashed in his unused room at Ma Smalley's. Mary was determined to testify, and her mother was supporting her.

"Mary said that her father told her if she testified, he would disown her and not let her back into his house." Matt confided to Kitty. "I'm pretty sure that he won't do that, after it's all over, but he's certainly not making it easy for her."

Kitty nodded in disgust. "He certainly isn't. You let me know what I can do to help, Matt. I promised Mary I would sit with her until they called her to the witness stand, and I'm going to do that come hell or high water. Do you know when the court will start?

"It's set for 10am. Judge Brooker comes in on the 9:17 train. Judd Cater is the first case on the docket and I plan to have them over at the Dodge House just a few minutes before ten. I'd like to have Judge Brooker actually seated in the court room before they come in so he can control Bob if he makes a fuss. Festus and Newly will walk them over, but could you and Sam and Annie show up early and get seats by that back door to the kitchen? We'll walk them in that way."

Kitty agreed. "Do they need me to bring them a meal? I'm thinking you don't want them eating at the boarding house or it will be all over town."

"Nope!" Matt told her with a big grin, "Caroline Simons is a right smart woman. She and Mary packed a big picnic hamper for the rodeo, and they took it with them when they came to my office. I don't know what Bob will be eating tonight, but they're all set."

Kitty laughed out loud at that, and then agreed to send Annie over with nightclothes for the two women sometime that afternoon. Matt headed back to the makeshift fairgrounds and Kitty returned to the bar.

Doc Adams showed up near dinner time, wanting Kitty to eat with him, but she didn't have time.  
>"I know you're really busy, Kitty, but could you give me just a couple minutes of private conversation in your office?" he asked.<p>

Kitty scanned the crowded barroom, collected a nod from Sam, and agreed. She collapsed into her chair as Doc closed the door behind them. "What's up, Doc?" she enquired.

"Will you do me a favor, Kitty?" he requested.

"You know I will if I can, Doc," she agreed.

"Tomorrow after the court session, I need you to go up to your room, alone, and wait for me. I have something important that I need your help with at just that time."

"Well, I wasn't planning on staying after Judd Cater's trial, but I may need to spend a little time with Mary and Caroline. I should have no problem meeting you after court closes." Kitty answered. "What's this all about, Doc?"

"I can't tell you now, Kitty, but it's pretty darn important. Will you trust me and be waiting for me upstairs as soon as court is over?" he requested.

"I suppose so. Sam and Annie will open up the saloon as soon as the last case is over, and I expect a fair amount of business, but it will be mostly locals – not like today. Yes, Doc, I'll meet you up in my room. How long you expect this business to take?" she asked.

"Less than an hour." Doc responded, "Thank you for trusting me on this, Kitty."

Kitty shrugged. "Any time, Doc. Look, I've got to get back to work. See you in court tomorrow."

They walked back through to the barroom together.

The evening was even busier than the afternoon, but Kitty and Annie did manage to make their way into the crowd in the middle of Front Street, come dark, to watch a few of the fireworks. "You ever been to a rodeo, Annie?" Kitty asked.

"Every year that I remember until this one," Annie said in surprise.

"Well, I never have." Kitty told her. "It was always a working day for me since I came west."

She felt Annie put an arm around her waist as they stood there in the crowded street. "Well maybe next year, Miss Kitty, we'll have things organized enough that you can take the day off and go see the rodeo."

Kitty laughed and returned the embrace. "I don't see why next year would be any different, Annie, but we can always dream."

"Next year might be different for us all, Miss Kitty. You never can tell." Arm in arm they walked back into the saloon leaving stars exploding over Kansas.

_flashback c18c18c18c18c18 flashback_

_On the afternoon that her mother died, Kitty Russell sat in her bedroom trying not to cry. She'd never watched anyone die before and she was frightened by the death as well as saddened by the loss. She was startled as the door opened and Hattie came in. "Miss Kitty, you need to do some packing mighty fast before you' grandfather's people get here," she told the girl. "We got to get you over to Miss Lucy's house just as soon as we can."_

"_Why, Hattie? Is grandfather coming to get me?" she asked._

"_Lord, no, child. You' grandfather put you out on the street if he find you here, and he be here soon, soon to take me and all these things back to his house."_

"_Take all our things? Mother's things? Take you?" Kitty had known that she would have to move to her father's care after her mother's death, but she hadn't expected it to happen right away._

"_Your mother had no things, Miss Kitty. This place and everything in it including me and my boys belong to you' grandfather. He gonna leave you with nothin', child." Hattie spread a large shawl on the bed and began opening the wardrobe and drawers. "You can't take everything, or he know, and then he come for you, and likely he beat me for helpin' you, but we just take a few things, and we move the other things around so's he can't tell anything is missing." Putting words to the actions, Hattie took a few changes of underthings and nightgear out of each drawer, and chose two dresses from the wardrobe. She tied everything up in the shawl. "Honey, you got to slip out the back way and run over to Miss Lucy's. Your daddy will find you there when he's ready."_

_Kitty took the bundle and held it in her arms. "What about you, Hattie? What about Caleb and Cairo? Can't you come with me?"_

_Hattie hugged the girl as she hustled her down the back hall towards the kitchen. "No, sweet thing, I can't. I didn't belong to your mamma, Miss Kitty, I always just belong to you' granddaddy, just like my mamma did. He'll be here soon, soon, and me and the boys will have to go back with him. 'bout breaks my heart, child, to see you all alone with no one but that Mister Russell to care for you. I wish I could stay with you, Miss Kitty, but I cain't."_

_The loss of her mother had been terrifying. The loss of Hattie broke her heart. "I'll come back for you someday, Hattie. Someday I'll marry, and I'll come back for you and your boys and we'll be together again."_

_They were in the kitchen now, and Hattie opened the back door. "You hold on tight to that someday, little girl. You just hold it tight." They both heard the front door open upstairs and the tramp of feet in the hallway. "Now you run, Miss Kitty. You run straight over to Miss Lucy's and you stay there until your father comes, you hear? If'n I never see you again, honey, you remember I be praying for you. Praying every night of my life." There were footsteps on the stairs. "Run child," Hattie told her pushing her out the back door and closing it behind her._

_flashback c18c18c18c18c18 flashback_

For a wonder, the trial of Judd Cater went not as these things normally do, but as they should. Annie, Kitty, and Sam got the saloon set up to open its doors right after court, and then walked over to the Dodge House and claimed seats in the makeshift court room a little after nine. Matt walked Judge Brooker over from the train station at quarter to ten, and Newly and Festus came in through the kitchen door with Mary and Caroline Simons just as Matt called the first case. Bob Simons walked in a few minutes later and tried to take his wife and daughter out of the courtroom but Judge Brooker stopped him cold. The case was presented. Doc testified to his examination of Mary Simons after the rape, and then she was called to the stand. Judge Brooker's questions were simple and straight forward. Yes, she understood what rape meant. Yes, she knew and identified Judd Cater. Yes, he had broken into her bedroom and raped her. When Cater's Wichita attorney attempted to insinuate that Mary had seduced Cater and invited him back to her home and her bed while her parents were away, the judge allowed Mary to answer whether or not that was true. After a resounding negative, Cater asked the jury of local men, most of whom had known both Cater and Mary Simons for years, to withdraw and give him a verdict. It took less than two minutes, and Cater was sentenced to ten years at hard labor.

Wondering what she would do with the Simons women if Bob made good on his threat to disown Mary, Kitty walked with them out of the courtroom as Matt called the next case. Bob followed, and their reunion on the boardwalk convinced her that all was well. Bob tried, once, to apologize to her, but she ignored him and crossed the street to the Long Branch. She'd consider the merits of that apology later. Kitty unlocked the front door and relocked it after she entered. It wasn't often, these days, that she was actually alone in the Long Branch – the quiet was almost unsettling. It had been her home and her workplace for nearly fifteen years. Annie's words from the night before came back to her. "Next year might be different for us all, Miss Kitty." She almost couldn't imagine any other life. But then…

Thinking about Matt, their life, and the possibilities, she walked up the stairs to her room and sat down to wait for Doc. If the next cases moved as swiftly as the first one had, she didn't think she would have long to wait.

The remaining three cases on the docket, none of them capital, took less than an hour. Hoping to make the 12:47 train, and knowing he'd promised the doctor a full hour, Judge Brooker moved things along at a spanking pace. Court adjourned just before eleven-thirty, and people spilled out of the courtroom into the streets and headed for the saloons. Festus had already taken a stunned Judd Cater over to the lockup, but Matt headed over to make sure all the paperwork was in order. He'd made his decision to ask either Festus or Newly to transport the prisoner. Knowing what he did, he wasn't sure that he could trust himself alone on the trail with the man. At the jailhouse, he kept the door to the cells closed. He didn't want to even see him if he could help it.

Doc Adams walked forward to the table that served as a temporary judicial bench while the courtroom quickly cleared through the doors into the Dodge House lobby. The men greeted each other and shook hands. "What's this all about, Galen?" Brooker asked.

"Well, Cyrus, I need some legal advice." Doc replied.

"You know you only have to ask, Galen." Brooker told him, "What's the issue?"

"Cyrus, I need to ask you to come with me for a little while. There's someone we need to see. I don't think this is going to take very long, but we need to do it privately. You willing?" The Judge shrugged his shoulders and nodded his agreement. Doc Adams led him out the door and across the street, but when Brooker would have started up the stairs to Doc's office, he found himself led across the alley to the back door of the Long Branch saloon, and watched with surprise as Doc pulled a set of keys from his pocket and unlocked the door, relocking it from the inside after they entered.

Doc led him up the stairs and down a short corridor where the Judge watched with even greater surprise as his friend unlocked one of the bedroom doors and with only a brief tap, walked in. Kitty Russell rose as they entered, seeming as startled as he was. "Doc?" she queried.

"You know Judge Brooker, Kitty." Doc asserted calmly, "And Cyrus, you know Miss Russell. Let's just all sit down here, please." Doc told them. He indicated the large armchair for the judge, and then astounded Kitty by taking her hand in his and sitting with her on the settee. "Now, Kitty, I know that we haven't discussed this lately," his squeeze on her hand clued in Kitty's poker face, "but I want Judge Brooker here to know that I've proposed marriage to you."

"Yes, Doc, you have," she replied. She also knew that Judge Brooker was surely aware of her long-term relationship with Matt Dillon, but she lowered her eyes diffidently and let Doc continue to hold her hand. Whatever he was up to it was his deal and she would play the cards he dealt her.

"Are congratulations in order, Galen?" the Judge asked trying not to let his astonishment show.

"Not exactly yet, Cyrus." Doc said, "Miss Russell has some questions and some reservations that she'd like to clear up before she gives me her answer."

Judge Brooker turned to Kitty, but it was Doc who went on speaking, "I don't know if you are aware that Miss Russell is from New Orleans. She had some unpleasant experiences there when her mother died, and her grandfather confiscated all of her mother's property. I believe there were a few other incidents dealing with the ownership of various possessions by a married woman, is that right, Kitty."

Kitty's head was up now and she was looking at Doc very directly. Her face was still blank, but he felt the tension in the hand he held. "You know it is, Galen," she told him using a name that had never passed her lips in their fifteen years of friendship.

"Well, Cyrus, you and I both know that Louisiana law is based on the Code Napoleon, and not on English Common Law. I don't think that Kitty understands the difference between coverture and the Married Women's Property Act as it was passed in the Wyandotte Constitution here in Kansas." The words rolled smoothly out of Doc's mouth.

Kitty turned to face the Judge. "I'd surely appreciate it if you could explain that to me, Judge Brooker."

Brooker cleared his throat. "You understand, Miss Russell, that each state has its own constitution and its own laws. In Louisiana, women and children are usually under the guardianship of a male relative. In general, a married woman has no legal identity outside of her husband. Other states, like Kansas, felt that this wasn't a fair thing and passed laws to keep a woman's home and property from being confiscated to pay her husband's debts. Providing for legislation to this effect was part of the Kansas constitution of 1859 – the Wyandotte constitution that Galen referenced."

"So what exactly does that mean for property that a woman holds before her marriage, Judge?" Kitty asked, "Can she continue to own it, or does it automatically become her husband's when she marries?"

"In Kansas, property that a woman owns before her marriage continues to belong to her separately. She can dispose of it as she chooses and her husband cannot sell it without her permission. The same applies to an inheritance made to her as an individual, to wages that she earns, or profits from a business that she owns." Judge Brooker looked at Kitty frankly, "Are you concerned about your ownership of the Long Branch, Miss Russell?"

"Yes, sir, I am. I've put fifteen years of my life into this place, and I'd hate to see it sold off if, for example, Galen decided to move his family back to Baltimore." Kitty said.

At the word "family", Judge Brooker's eyes went inadvertently towards her middle, but Kitty, eyes sparkling, kept her face calm and serious. "Ma'am, I assure you that any property you own before your marriage cannot be disposed of without your permission. The same goes for property you own in partnership before your marriage, or land that you have homesteaded together. As long as you live in Kansas you are free to go to court on your own behalf to protect those rights, or to create and sign contracts separate from your husband as long as they deal with property that you own separately."

Brooker cleared his throat again, "Kansas law also gives you equal rights over the custody and care of any children that you and Galen might have."

"Does that answer all your questions, Kitty?" Doc asked.

"Yes, yes I think it does. Judge, I'd like to thank you for giving us the benefit of your valuable time and knowledge." Kitty told him sweetly.

Looking decidedly uncomfortable, Brooker steeled himself to comment, "Miss Russell, I feel I must advise you that if you have any sincere qualms about Doctor Adams' trustworthiness as a husband, that you should seriously reconsider choosing to marry him. I'm sorry, Galen, I feel I must say that – whatever the extenuating conditions may be."

Still holding Doc's hand in her own, Kitty allowed herself to blush becomingly. "Thank you so much for saying that, Judge. I'll certainly take your advice into consideration in making my decision."

The two men stood, and Doc, hat in hand, bent to kiss her on the cheek. "Let me walk Cyrus back out, Kitty, and then I'll come back and talk to you."

"Yes, Galen, you do that," she replied.

"Galen, Miss Russell, may I be permitted one question?" Brooker asked diffidently.

"I'll certainly try to answer it, Judge," Kitty responded frankly. "What's your question?"

"Why did you need to come to me for this information? Surely Marshall Dillon could have given you the same answers without waiting for the circuit court session." He stopped himself, looking embarrassed. "Or perhaps you didn't want to take the Marshal into your confidence on such a personal matter…"

"Exactly so, Judge," Kitty replied, unholy glee now filling the eyes she raised to Doc's face. "I think Galen felt that perhaps Matt would be just a tad upset at our asking his advice on our marriage."

Wondering if he were going to live through the rest of the day, Doc escorted the Judge out of Kitty's room, locking the door behind him, out of the building, and out to Front Street. He shook hands with his friend, "You should have plenty of time to make the next train, Cyrus. I want to thank you for your help today."

"Are you ever going to tell me, Galen, what that was really all about?" Brooker asked.

Doc swiped a hand across his moustache, looked down at the street, and then back up into the Judge's eyes. "I honestly hope to be able to do that soon, Cyrus. You've helped me out quite a lot. And Cyrus," he looked the Judge squarely in the face, "I didn't get her pregnant."

Judge Brooker laughed warmly and patted the doctor's shoulder. "I didn't really think you did, Galen, but, my, she did play that card nicely, didn't she?" He walked off towards the train depot leaving Doc chortling and shaking his head.


	19. Chapter 19: I admit I was hoping

Chapter Nineteen: "_I admit I was hoping_"

Doc walked back in through the front door of the Long Branch and found Kitty behind the bar with Clem, pouring drinks for a full house. He made his way to the far end of the bar, and after a few minutes, she joined him. "Galen" she greeted him.

"You going to let me live, Kitty, or should I just lie down now and let them bury me?" he asked her.

"Doc, you are a dear, kind man who's done me quite a service." She told him, "And I sincerely hope that I was able to embarrass you as much as you embarrassed me. Have I ruined your reputation completely?"

"Nope. Cyrus is an astute man – he knew there was more going on than we were telling him, and he'll hold his peace." Doc said.

Kitty was called to provide a bottle midway down the bar, and to draw beers for one of the girls to take to a table. Eventually she made her way back to Doc, a glass of whiskey in her hand. She handed it to him, and said, "It's going to be like this for a while, Doc. Sam and Annie are taking a lunch break."

Doc downed the shot, and reached over to put a hand on her forearm before she could move away. "Just tell me you're all right, Kitty, and I'll head off and leave you to your work."

She patted his hand, "I'm very much all right, but it's time for me to tell you, Galen, that I'm not going to marry you. Thank you for asking, and you don't need to ask again." She smiled, "Galen. I think I might like to call you that from time to time." And she was off again to the other end of the bar. Doc smiled, admitted to himself that he might indeed like that, and wandered off to his office, smugly satisfied with his morning's work.

It was a quiet afternoon leading to a quiet night. No herds were due in until Saturday, and most of the locals had exhausted their interest in, and income for, saloons during the rodeo and the post court rush. Kitty stood out on the boardwalk about six and watched as Newly rode slowly out of town, Judd Cater handcuffed to a horse in front of him. Newly tipped his hat at her, and she nodded solemnly to him. She didn't waste even a glance at Judd.

Inside again, she asked for Sam's advice on closing early that night. Sam looked at the two tables of bored poker players and the one drunken cowboy nursing a bottle and agreed. "I saw Newly, Miss Kitty and I'm glad he's getting Judd out of town." He paused before going on. "I just wish you'd talk to the Marshal, Miss Kitty. I thought from the start you should tell him."

Kitty put a quick hand over Sam's where it lay on the bar. "I did, Sam. I'm not sure you and Doc were right about all that, but he does know now. Look, let's close her down at ten if it doesn't get any busier than this, all right?"

Sam nodded, and she headed out the front doors and up the street to the jail. Matt was sitting at his desk, feet up, his hands behind his head. Kitty came in and looked around the empty room. He rose to greet her. "Everyone gone?" she asked.

"Finally," he said. "These last three days have been about as busy as Dodge gets."

Kitty walked over to the single bunk at the far side of the room, "You remember when you slept here most every night, Cowboy?" she asked.

"Yep." Matt agreed, coming over to stand by her "I do. I've slept in it the last three nights and I'm looking forward to something much better tonight." He said. He stood behind her and let his arms wrap around her.

Kitty smiled, leaning back a little against him. "You remember when we'd get rid of Chester and I'd come sleep with you on that very cot?"

Matt's face was laid against her hair. "I remember that well. Betcha I remember every single time. I had to hold you awful close to keep you from falling off."

Kitty turned in his arms, her eyes dancing. "Want to lock the door, and try it again right now?"

Matt grinned at her and her heart lifted. "It's tempting, Kitty, and three days is a long time, but I'm not quite as desperate as I was that first year." He kissed her, not deeply, but not quickly either. "Think you can wait for tonight?"

She stepped back, and stroked his cheek. "Mmm hmm. I just dropped by to tell you we're closing early. You come by at ten and we'll walk right up those front stairs together. Can you get Festus to handle the late rounds? Town's bound to be quiet tonight."

"I'll find a way to persuade him," Matt said. "I can always buy him a drink."

Kitty drew back just a little further and looked up into his eyes. More seriously, she said, "I saw Newly take Judd off north. I'm glad he's gone. I hope I never see him again."

"I hated to ask Newly to start so late, but I just couldn't stand him being here, Kitty." Matt replied. "I know you said he didn't cause you pain, and I'm glad of that, but it was an evil, vile thing he did – to you, to Mary, and to those other girls, too." His hands slid up her arms and rested there, "Can I ask you to do something for me, Kitty?"

"You can ask, Matt. I will if I can."

"If that happens again, if someone hurts you like that, rapes you, would you let me know, even if I can't do anything about it? Just let me be with you, like you come to be with me up at Doc's when someone shoots me? Could you trust me that much?"

Kitty shivered. She took a deep breath. She reached up and took Matt's hands, still grazed and scabbed in places, and kissed each of them. "Yes, Matt. I think I could do that. I could try." She turned and walked slowly to his desk, running her hand over the two huge green bound volumes stacked in one corner. "These your law books, Matt?"

He nodded. "I don't know if I'll ever take the examination or if the governor would come through with an appointment as a judge, but it's one way out for us, and I'm not neglecting it."

Now it was her turn to nod in ascent. "I'm going back to the Long Branch. See ya' later, Matt."

"See ya' later, Kitty." Matt said as she slipped out the door and walked through the warm evening air towards the place that had been home for her longer than any place in her life.

_flashback c19c19c19c19c19 flashback_

_Kitty wasn't above eavesdropping if the cause seemed good enough. Chester and Doc had been sitting at a table at the Long Branch most of the evening planning a fishing trip out west along the Arkansas River. She came and sat with them when she got a break and managed to ask enough leading questions to figure out they were leaving at sunup the next morning and planned to be gone for a week. She flirted with them both, wished them good luck, told them how much she would miss them, and went back to work when Bill Pense signaled her with a well-satisfied smile on her face. _

_The next day she dropped by the jail on her dinner break and found Matt writing up his report about the death of cavalry scout Amos Cartwright. She asked after Chester, and Matt told her that he and Doc had indeed headed out early that morning on their fishing trip. Enticing the Marshall behind the wooden door that blocked the front room from the cells for a few brief but breathless kisses assured Kitty that there were no prisoners in the jail. She left a few minutes later, humming to herself._

_Kitty waited until she saw Matt head out on his late rounds before sneaking quietly out the back of the Long Branch. The streets were dark, and the saloons were closing or already closed. The jailhouse door wasn't locked, and she slipped inside, stripped off her cloak and the simple dress and petticoat that were all she had worn, and lay down on the cot nearest the wall, covering herself with the blanket. _

_Perhaps she should have waited longer. Kitty yawned. It had been a long day. Maybe a short nap while she waited wouldn't be a bad idea. She woke when Matt came in, and sat up as he closed the door behind him and locked it. "I came to see you, Matt," she said, a little afraid, now that the time had come, that he might not be as pleased as she hoped with her plan._

_She needn't have worried. She saw his grin before he blew out the lamp and came towards her in the dark. "Well, you know, Kitty, I wondered if you had something in mind when you came poking around here this afternoon, but I do have one question." He sat down on the cot across from her in the darkly shadowed room and reached out for her, touching her face with his big hand._

"_What's that, Matt?" Kitty asked, raising her hand to stroke his._

"_Why are you hiding in Chester's bed?" _

_Kitty giggled. She threw back the blanket and moved across to sit next to him. "I didn't know." She admitted. "Do you think he would have been surprised?"_

"_I think he just might," he said in a low voice. "Might have scared him into the next county."_

"_But you weren't surprised?" she asked._

"_Well, I admit I was hoping," he said, his breath catching as he ran his hand down the smooth skin of her back. "But I wasn't sure you would want to come to the jail." He turned her into his arms, "Are you sure you want to be here, Kitty?"_

_She raised her face to his for a kiss, and when she finally could speak sometime later, what she said was, "You sure have a lot of clothes on, Matt. Don't you think you could do something about that?"_

_flashback c19c19c19c19c19 flashback_

When Matt closed up the office and headed for the Long Branch at about quarter of ten the town seemed sagging with stillness. Only a couple of saloons were still open, and every other business on Front Street except for the Dodge House was dark and locked. Doc and Festus were sitting at a table with Kitty, but were the only customers. The rest of the tables were cleared and the chairs were up. Sam was finishing behind the bar and Annie was sweeping the floor.

Kitty smiled at Matt as he came in, closing the outside doors behind him, and she called to Sam, "You all come have a last drink with us, and we'll lock up." Sam brought over a bottle and clean glasses and he, Annie, and the Marshal sat down.

"Wonder if I'd get bored if Dodge was like this all the time?" Matt commented.

"I'll remind you of that Saturday when the drovers are in town, Matt." Kitty said.

After a few minutes of casual conversation, Matt rose and took Kitty's hand, drawing her up beside him. "Goodnight, boys, Annie." He took her arm and led her up the stairs. All four watched in silence as Matt and Kitty retired behind the curtain to her room.

"Well if that don't beat all." Festus finally said, standing up. "I told Matthew I'd do the night rounds. Suppose it's about late enough. See y'all later."

It was at that point, as Festus was jingling across to the door, that Doc, sitting next to her, noticed the tears in Annie's eyes.

"What's wrong, Annie?" he asked, "You all right?"

Annie nodded, quickly ducking her head and wiping her eyes with her fingers. "It's just, well, I guess you two won't mind if I say it, that's how it used to be with my parents. I grew up in a bar, you know. A little bigger, a little fancier, than this one, but pretty much the same. When you live above the bar, well, it's your home, you don't have any other. Once we got old enough to help with closing, then, oh, in the winter, or on quiet nights when we'd close early, we kids would just sit at the table and talk or play cards and have a drink – Pa taught us to hold our liquor early – and they would go up together, just like that."

"Sounds like you had a mighty good family, Annie." Sam told her.

Doc looked at her for a bit, "Were you hoping to find something like that when you came here?"

Annie ducked her head, but he could see her nod. "I know I'm too old for all that, Doc. Still, I didn't know a thing about him. And I thought maybe he'd have a family, and maybe…" Tears gone, Annie raised a smiling face. "You and Sam head on out, Doc. I'll lock up after you."

After the men left, Annie climbed the dark stairs, and hesitated for a moment at the top, then turned right to go through the curtained arch instead of left towards her room. Hearing the murmur of conversation, she tapped lightly on the door.

Inside, Kitty was brushing her hair, dressed in a thin cotton gown. Matt sat in his shirtsleeves, boots off, resting in his big chair and watching her. "Yes?" Kitty called out.

"It's me, Miss Kitty. Could I come in for just a minute?" Kitty threw a questioning look at Matt who shrugged his shoulders, stood up, and walked over to open the door.

"Something wrong, Annie?" he asked as she slipped into the room.

Annie shook her head. "No, I just wanted to say goodnight." She looked down, and then over at Kitty, watching her in the mirror. "I hoped you wouldn't mind."

Kitty seemed to understand, although Matt clearly did not. She walked over and gave Annie's shoulders a gentle squeeze and kissed her cheek. Following the clear instructions in Kitty's eyes, Matt did the same, receiving a kiss in return. "Goodnight, honey," he said, holding the door for her. Annie moved into the dimness of the corridor, and heard the key turn behind her. She walked towards her own room feeling more at home than she had in a long time.

"You have some idea what that was all about, Kitty?" Matt asked after she left.

"She's lonely, and she misses her family." Kitty said.

Matt shook his head, "Isn't she a little big for that?" he said.

Kitty came over and began unbuttoning his shirt. "No, I don't think so, Matt. You have to remember, that she really had family, and that they all lived together and actually cared for each other until not that long ago. That's a long cry from what you and I had, cowboy." Kitty paused a moment and then went on, "That's the gift you gave her, Matt, by letting Luff raise her."

Matt considered that as Kitty's smooth, cool hands removed his shirt. He unbuckled his belt and began unbuttoning his pants. "I guess you're better at this than I am, Kitty. I'm not entirely comfortable with having anyone see us together, like this, in our room."

"I know, Matt," she said, "This has been our very private place for so long, it's hard to open it up, even a little." She reached up to stroke his hair, "I think she knows that, too, Matt. It wasn't easy for her to do it." Kitty blew out the light, "Come to bed, sweetheart, I want to talk to you."


	20. Chapter 20: Content with their choices

Chapter Twenty: Content with their choices

Despite her request, once they lay down Matt seemed much more interested in a different type of conversation. Since they'd waited more than fourteen years for the one she planned, it didn't seem to her a problem if they waited just a little longer. Matt's hands on her were tender, stroking and fondling her, nestling her against him. Kitty lay back in his arms, accepting the gentle lovemaking that seemed to go on and on. She suspected this was Matt's way of reacting to the news of her rape, of her history of rape. "You want to talk about it, Matt?" she finally said, snuggling her face against his shoulder.

"Am I doing something wrong?" he asked, his hands halting for a moment low on her back and then traveling up to move against the sides of her full breasts.

Kitty let out a soft breath against his chest that was almost a laugh. "You're doing everything right, Matt, and you know just how to do it." She moved up a little until her face was on the pillow next to him and laid a hand against his cheek, "I love you, Matt, and I love what you're doing here, but you can't fix all the bad things that have happened over the years." She paused as his hands stilled and said, "I learned to move on from it, Matt. Now you have to learn, too."

She felt him expel a long, long breath. His deep voice was subdued. "I'm finding I just don't know how to do that, Kitty. I'm here in your bed and I want you, and I know you want me, and all I can think of is how could you possibly let me even touch you, let anyone touch you, after what you've been through."

They were quiet for a while, and, without thought, his hands began again to gently move over her. Her tone very serious, Kitty questioned him. "Is it hard for you to buckle on your gun again, after you've been shot? Or after you've killed a man who was trying to shoot you? I've always wondered about that. How you could spend a week up at Doc's recovering from a bullet wound, and then stand up, get dressed, put on that gunbelt, and go out and do it again."

He took some time with that, remembered times he'd struggled with the idea of strapping on the gun, thought of times he'd pushed against Doc's restrictions because he was afraid if he gave it even another hour, much less another day, he could never manage to go back to the job he knew he had to do. "Yes. Sometimes it's damn hard. But so far, I've always managed to do it." After a while he went on, "And then hour by hour, day by day, it gets more comfortable, and then I stop thinking about it. Is that what you're tryin' to tell me, Kitty?"

"Partly," she said, her own hands now roaming over his scarred chest, fingers moving, identifying, each of the puckered marks. "How you feel now, how you feel about knowing that men have raped me, well, Matt, you need to know that's how I feel when you've been shot or hurt. It's not just the pain, and the bullet, and Doc standing there cussing while he sews you up, it's… it's the violation of our lives, the interference of evil into something that should be good." She moved her hand to take Matt's and hold it in her own. "Is that how you're feeling now?"

"Yes." he finally said. "That and guilt. Guilt that somehow I haven't protected you well enough."

That roused Kitty and she sat up in bed, all sentiment gone. "Well, you'd just damn well better get over that part, Matt Dillon. It's time you faced a few facts, boyo. I have been safer, happier, and more protected in Dodge City than I ever have anywhere else in my life. Now you can take some credit for part of that, but you don't get it all. I get a mighty big share for taking care of myself, and don't you ever forget that. Doc, Chester, Festus, Quint, Thad, even Bill Pence – they've all helped me. And Sam, Matt I think sometimes you have no idea how important Sam has been in making a go of the Long Branch. For every time you've punched out some drunken cowboy for attacking me, Sam has foiled half a dozen attacks before they even happened. I'm in a tough business in a rough town, and by God, Matt, you'd just better learn to accept that."

She stopped and glared at him, then told him in a level voice, "You've been mighty clear, any given day, these past fifteen years that your job is dangerous and that I just have to deal with that if we're going to be together. Well, Matt, my job is dangerous too. You're going to have to come to terms with that." She sat and stared straight at him, wearing her poker face, her arms crossed over her breasts.

They stared at each other for more moments than she wanted to count, and then all the bravado suddenly drained out of her and tears started down her face. Matt pulled her into his arms and held her tight, letting her cry against him, murmuring endearments and encouragement until the tears turned to kisses and kisses to passion. After, when Matt rolled to the side to free her of his weight, she turned to lie against him, still floating high, little aftershocks flowing through her as her hips moved against him. She felt as well as heard his deep chuckle, "More?" And then couldn't find her breath as his leg moved in between hers and his hands stoked her breasts, finding the taught nipples with his fingers. She was still so roused, and so close that she felt it start to begin again almost at once, and the only words she could make were, "Yes," and "Yes," and "Oh, yes!"

They lay naked on the sheet, holding hands but not embracing, and hoping that the breeze from the window might cool them. In the lassitude after their loving, it took her a while to come back enough to remember what she had wanted to talk about. She knew he was still awake, his fingers moving every now and then against hers. After a quiet time, she began, "Doc proposed to me again today."

"Really, has it been three weeks?" Matt said with a quiet laugh. "Hold it, isn't today Thursday? Doesn't he usually propose on Mondays?" He squeezed the hand he was holding, "You gonna marry him, sweetheart?"

"Well, I thought about it, but then I figured he just wanted the Long Branch and he'd sell it off and make me live over in his office. Then where would I put all my clothes?" Kitty complained, keeping her voice light.

"Just be careful what you sign, and he won't get the saloon away from you, Kitty." Matt told her, "Much more likely he just wants to move in here and sleep in this big bed." He ran a hand casually over her breast, "But I bet you'll have more fun with me."

Kitty let herself giggle. "That's probably true, Matt." Then her voice turned serious, "Doc's sweet, and I do love him, but I told him today I wouldn't marry him. I asked him not to propose to me anymore."

Something in her tone caught at Matt, and he pulled himself up on a pillow to sit against the head of the bed. "Don't you think that will hurt his feelings, honey?"

Kitty moved to sit next to him, and shook her head. "No, I think he and I are done with that game." She took a small breath, "I've decided I want to marry someone else."

"Who?" Matt asked, voice a little taut.

"You."

Matt turned to face her, taking both her hands in his. His voice the deep velvet that Kitty loved, he asked her, "Are we still playin', Kitty?"

"No, Matt. I'm not playin' at all." She answered.

"This what you said you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes." She agreed, "It is."

Matt pulled her over into his lap where he could both see her and hold her. "You mean it, Kitty? You're ready to marry me?"

"Yes, if you still want me," she said.

"I want you," he confirmed lifting her face for a very soft kiss. "When?"

Kitty smiled at that, "I should have known you would get right to the point, Matt."

"Tomorrow?" he asked.

Not wanting to damp his pleasure, she stroked his lips with her fingers and said, "No, probably not tomorrow, sweetheart. We've got a few things to figure out first."

"Like?"

"Like where we're going to live, and how we're going to pay for it," she said.

"Couldn't we just live here and start being married while we figured that out?" Matt asked.

"We can, Matt, if that's really what you want. I think, if you can agree, that I'd rather wait until the end of the summer. You know that's going to be the busiest time of the year for us both, and married or not, we're going to be lucky to see each other even one or two nights a week, and no possible time off for either of us. I need to see about selling the Long Branch, and that's going to take a little time if I want the best possible price – although I might just go for the best possible owner rather than the best price," Kitty replied considering. "Depends on how badly we need the money, and we won't know that until we find the land we want."

"Land?" he repeated, then, "Sell the Long Branch?"

"Don't you want land, Matt?" Kitty asked, "I was thinking that when we got married, you'd probably be through marshaling. And I'd be through running a saloon." Her voice went low, "But if you want to keep on, we can work that out. If you're going to keep the badge, Matt, then I likely want to keep the Long Branch as, well, as an insurance policy."

Matt ran a hand through his hair, "Seems you've put some different thought into this than I have, Kitty. At first, I always thought we'd just wait until you got pregnant, and then we'd marry and start out a new life somewhere." His hand ran gently over her shoulder, "When you lost that first baby, and then the others, then I began thinking maybe we shouldn't wait, we should just start out. And then we had that big fight about Colorado…"

"And we never really managed to settle that, did we?" she said softly.

"Well, yes we did. We just didn't talk about it. I wouldn't take you away, Kitty, if you didn't want to go."

"Oh, Matt," she whispered her head on his chest.

He went on, "I do want land, Kitty, and I've been looking for land near Dodge for a while now. Most of the best places are taken, and when they do come up for sale, it's either too small to be profitable, or more than I can afford."

"Which is why I want to sell the Long Branch," she replied.

Matt lay back into the bed, still holding her in his arms. His breath whoofed out in a happy sigh. "I guess we do have things to settle, sweetheart, and taking the summer to do that isn't a bad idea, but can we leave all that for tomorrow, maybe quite a few tomorrows? Let's just be happy with each other tonight."

"I am happy, Matt," she said, "Really deep down happy."

They were silent for a bit, and then Kitty began laughing softly. "Care to share the joke?" Matt asked her.

"I was just thinking about what you said about the years we just waited for me to be pregnant before we started anything." Kitty said, "You know that when we get married, every old biddy in town, and half the men, are going to be counting on their fingers waiting for my belly to swell."

"Probably," he countered, "But I don't see why that's so funny."

"Well, wouldn't it be a joke on them all if we got married first, and started having babies later – just like respectable folks?" she asked.

Kitty liked his deep throaty laugh and snuggled closer to him. The heat was abating a little, making it almost comfortable enough to sleep. "Do you want a big wedding, Kitty?" he asked her, his tone carefully neutral. But she shook her head against his shoulder, "No that would be pretty silly, Matt, after all the years we've been together. And I won't buy a new dress. That's a jinx for us if ever there was one."

"Do you want to tell folks?" was his next question, a little bleary now as they both drifted towards sleep. She shook her head again. "Could we not? Could we just keep it quiet between the two of us for a little? Summer's almost half over, ya'know."

Matt tugged the sheet up over them and spooned Kitty in front of him, touching her lightly but leaving room for air. They moved slowly into sleep, content with their choices.


	21. Chapter 21: You ever done this before?

Chapter Twenty-One: "You ever done this before?"

It was already beginning to be hot the following morning as Matt and Kitty sat drinking coffee at the Long Branch. Matt had risen early and done his morning rounds, had his first cup of coffee with Annie at the jailhouse, and come to have his second with Kitty. "You got money saved, Matt?" she asked him. It was not a topic that had come up between them in more than a dozen years.

"Yes. You need some?" he asked her back.

"No. I'm just trying to figure what we can pay for land." she told him. "Feels a little funny, talking about that. Not something we've done since, well, since we saved up to buy the Long Branch."

"You bought the Long Branch, Kitty. I just helped a little." Matt said.

Kitty shook her head. "I know you couldn't have your name on the papers, Matt. I understand that. But it's always been part yours."

"I've never agreed to that, Kitty, but we stopped arguin' about that one a long time ago. No need to bring it up now."

"How much you have saved for a ranch, Matt?" she went on.

"A little over eight thousand dollars." Matt replied, filling his cup.

Kitty's own cup clattered into the saucer and she stared at him in astonishment. "Eight thousand dollars?"

"Yep. I've been claiming reward money where I could, honey, ever since Etta Stone."

"That's less than three years, Matt!" she said, letting the amazement show in her voice.

He took her hand, and held it. "Well, I told you at the time, when I asked you to marry me and you turned me down, that I planned to keep thinking on it. I remember that one of the things you asked me was what would we live on, and I gave that a lot of thought. Seemed that probably a ranch would be my best bet – for both a home for you and an income to support you – so that's what I started saving for." He hesitated, and then went on, "You know I can't take bounty if I'm assigned to bring someone in, or I go after someone as part of my job. This all came from men who came after me, or spoilers who fell into my way while I was doing something else. I've never killed a man for money, and I never will, but sometimes they forced my hand, and sometimes I brought them in to face a rope or prison. It seemed like the only way to do what I needed, Kitty, and you know most lawmen take a lot more than I do."

"I know all that, Matt, and I'd never fault you for it, but you never said a word to me, not a word." she told him, eyes sparking. "You maybe thought it wouldn't matter?"

"I was pretty sure it wouldn't, Kitty. I figured when you agreed to marry me, I'd let you know. And now you have, and I have." Matt's open face and smile met hers, and he patted the hand he held. "You going to tell me you would have married me for my money?"

She shook her head. "No, but it might have made the decision a little easier if I hadn't gone along thinking I'd need to sell the Long Branch to buy us a place." She watched his smile fade at that, and his tone was serious when he replied, "Kitty, the Long Branch is yours. I'd never ask you to sell it. It's up to me to provide a home for you, and I'm going to do that."

Kitty drew a long breath and released it with a little shudder. "I think we've got into some bad habits, Matt," she told him.

"Have we?" he asked, brow furrowed.

"We've been together a long time, but some things we've always done separately. Haven't even talked about. Like money. And making a living. And what we want out of life. Some things always seemed a little too tender to mention, and likely to start a fight. I think we're going to have to work to change that."

"All right then," Matt said, "You have something you want to tell me?"

"I've got six thousand dollars in my personal account, Matt. That's what I've been saving for us, Matt, and I've been saving it up for a lot more than three years. There's more in the Long Branch account, but that has to stay separate as long as I own the saloon – operating funds, money for repairs, or to handle a spell of bad business. If I sold the saloon, took my time to find a buyer, I could clear another seven thousand. If I sold it the way I want to, to Sam, probably on shares, I'd have less money, but I'd have more income coming in. Matt, for that kind of money we could buy any place in the county."

Matt nodded, but his face was troubled. "I don't know that I could accept your money, Kitty. It wouldn't seem right to me. I want to be the one to provide for you, and for our children. That's what a man does."

"Look at it this way, Matt." Kitty said, her gaze level, "We joined up together thirteen years ago to buy me into the Long Branch and out of the business of selling my body. That was a good partnership. We've had our ups and downs, but we're still together and we're finally agreed that it's time to get married. How about we form one more partnership before we do that, and buy you into a ranch and out of the business of killing people?"

Matt sat silent for a long time. Kitty sipped her coffee, and gave him the time. She thought she knew how it would end, but she did know that he had to have the chance to work it through for himself. She sat still, forcing herself not to fidget, telling herself it was like sitting a high stakes hand of poker and waiting for the last bet to fall. Eventually, Matt's eyes came back to focus on her. "You've been my partner for a lot of years, Kitty, and we've been mighty good together. You've kept me going through the hard times, and I like to think I've been there for you as well."

Kitty nodded her agreement. "There've been plenty of good times as well, Matt. And we've shared them, too."

"So maybe I've been a little too romantic in my notion of marriage…" he began, but Kitty interrupted him with a snort, "A little too traditional in my notion of marriage," he substituted. He shook his head. "Somehow I always had a picture in my mind of us starting out somewhere on a little spread, in a little cabin, and building it up together." He raised his eyes to hers, and she nodded slowly, letting him know she shared what he was remembering. "But we've wasted too many years for that dream to be real, haven't we?"

"I wouldn't say wasted, Matt," she countered, "But yes, I think we've spent the years that most couples spend building up their livelihoods together doing, well, other things. And not doing them together nearly as much as we'd have liked. There's no use pretending we're something that we're not, or pretending that we're starting at the beginning with all the years we have behind us."

"Will you be my partner, Kitty, as well as my wife?" Matt asked, "I may not always be good at it, honey, but I'll do my best to remember that you're both."

"I'd like that, Matt. I'd like that a lot." Kitty told him pushing years of fear and doubt behind her, and leaning forward to kiss him over their joined hands.

_flashback c21c21c21c21c21 flashback_

_ That autumn started out warmer than usual, and even though it was October, Doc thought nothing of getting Moss to hitch a team to a buckboard and load it up to drive north to the Leonard place up towards Hays. He'd promised Susannah Leonard that he'd come when her baby was due, and he was looking forward to at least a week away from Dodge. Kitty, who'd provided most of the supplies that packed the wagon, was going with him. Susannah had been one of her best friends at the Long Branch before marrying Zeb Leonard, and she had also promised to be there for the birth._

_ "You two look like you're headed out to homestead," Matt told them with a smile as he helped Kitty up into the wagon, letting his hands rest against her waist for just a few moments longer than necessary. Their real goodbyes had been said at dawn, and this last touch was all he could manage. _

_ "By golly, that's a fine idea, Matt!" Doc replied. "If we're not back in a week or so, you can just figure we've found our claim and settled in for the winter." _

_ Kitty laughed with him, "I'll make the coffee, Doc, but you'll have to take care of the cookin'. Goodbye, Matt. We'll see you in about ten days."_

_ "Wish I were comin' with you, Kitty. You take care of her, Doc."_

_ "Yessir. I surely will." Doc promised as he shook the reins and clucked up the horses. The morning was the best that Kansas could offer, and they kept the horses at a good pace, covering more than half the distance before stopping for a nooning to make coffee and eat lunch from the basket Kitty had packed. But even as they ate, a cold wind came up, flicking their fire in all directions. "Looks like the weather might change, honey, you better get a couple of blankets out. Might need them before we get to Zeb's place." Doc told her as he doused the campfire with the leftover coffee. _

_ They did need the blankets, and the light snow that began soon after turned harder as they moved further north, slowing their pace. Doc turned the tired horses into a stand of trees next to the road in the last light of the setting sun. "I'm sorry, Kitty, and I know you're not going to like this, but with this snow I just don't feel like I can keep to the road in the dark. We've got another ten miles at least, and I think we'd do better to stop now and find what shelter we can."_

_ "Sure, Doc. You tell me what to do. I haven't done this much, but I'll help with what I can." Kitty told him. _

_ "See if you can find some firewood, all you can get, and I'll unhitch the horses." Doc told her._

_ The snow wasn't as heavy under the trees, and Kitty found plenty of deadwood, dragging back armloads of it to where Doc had started a fire in a blackened circle of stones that indicated other travelers had sheltered here before them. Doc had started coffee, and had unloaded a couple of crates beside the fire for them to sit on. The horses were tied nose-first next to each other at the back of the wagon with a blanket over each. The temperature had dropped as the sun sank and snow continued to fall lightly through the trees, spitting into the fire.  
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_ "Now, Kitty, I've spread the groundcloth from the bedrolls under the wagon, and I think that will keep things dry enough for you to sleep warm. I'll keep this fire going through the night, and that will give us a little extra heat." Doc told her. "You go ahead out there behind the trees and do what you need to, and then come back and lie down before it gets any colder."_

_ Kitty followed the first part of his advice, and then came back to where he sat huddled on one of the crates, back against the wagon, and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. She looked at the neat bed he'd spread out beneath the wagon, with the tarp that had covered their supplies pulled down across the open side away from the fire and staked tight to the ground as a windbreak. Kitty poured herself a cup of coffee, and took a moment or two to decide on her best tack. "Doc," she said, "If you were traveling with Matt, or Chester, where would you sleep?"_

_ "Well, you just nevermind that, Kitty. I'll be fine here, feels like the snow might be lightening up some," he replied._

_ "Where, Doc?" she asked again._

_ "Well, we'd both sleep under the wagon, that's what," he said, "And you know I'm not going to do that with you, Kitty, so you just go on to bed."_

_ "Doc, I'm not some innocent young thing, and you know it. I've slept with a lot of men. And I'm not going to lay there in that bedroll and let you freeze sitting out here. Now I'm not trying to seduce you, Doc, but I'm sure as heck not going to let you stay out in this snow all night. Come to bed."_

_ She took his hand and pulled gently as she ducked under the wagon. "Tarnation, woman, you're too used to getting your own way," he said, but he followed her and laid down next to her on the dry groundcloth. "You ever done this before, Kitty?" he asked._

_ "Done what exactly, Doc?" she replied._

_ "Slept out in the cold trying to keep warm."_

_ "No. I've camped out a few times, with Matt, but that was different, and it wasn't cold," she told him. _

_ "Well, I can certainly believe that was different, so you just get that right out of your head." Doc told her testily. "Now look here, this is what we did in the army. No reason for this to be awkward. You take one blanket and wrap it around you good, and you lay down with your back to the fire. I'll do the same, and lay facing the fire, and we'll spread that last blanket over us both, cover our legs and feet." Suiting actions to words, he tucked her up, and lay beside her, back to back. She shivered a little, but soon settled into the warmth of the blankets and her companion._

_ "I'm sorry I made it difficult for you, Doc." She said at last, on the edge of sleep. "You're pretty good at all this."_

_ He snorted softly, "Damn well ought to be after five years with the Union army. I swore every single night that once I got out I'd never sleep anywhere but a bed again." A bit later, his voice came to her gently, "You're a good girl, Kitty. Didn't make a fuss about all this mess. You go to sleep now, but I'm going to wake you in a few hours when I put more wood on the fire and we'll trade places so you get a turn nearer the heat."_

_ It was dark and very cold when she felt him leave their cocoon of covers. The fire brightened as he built it up, and she felt the extra heat warm her cold face a little. She rolled over nearer the fire into the warm place where Doc had lain, and left her own place for him when he came back shivering and brushing off snow as he rolled over her to take his place on the far side. Kitty helped settle the blanket around his shoulders and then spooned into his back, one arm under both his head and hers, and her other around his waist. "I'm not a soldier, Doc," she told him softly, "And I like this better."_

_ He patted the hand that lay on his coat front and tucked it inside for extra warmth. "You just better hope Matt Dillon doesn't come riding up and find us like this, Kitty."_

_ "Matt doesn't own me, Doc," she said._

_ "Doesn't he? Seemed to me like the two of you maybe owned each other."_

_ She snuggled against him, "Maybe. But you know better than to ask, I know better than to comment." _

_ Doc chuckled at that. "Well, you ever decide you're done with him, honey, you come and tell me and I'll marry you straight away. Now go back to sleep, we've got three four hours left before dawn."_

_ And that was the first, but certainly not the last, time that Galen Adams proposed marriage to Kitty Russell._

_flashback c21c21c21c21c21 flashback_

"I'd like that, Matt. I'd like that a lot." Kitty told him pushing years of fear and doubt behind her, and leaning forward to kiss him over their joined hands.

"Don't you two mind me at all, there, I'm just here for the coffee," Doc said, sitting down at the table. Kitty started to pull back, her color rising, but Matt swiftly moved a hand to the back of her neck, holding her face against his and completing the kiss without a rush.

"Didn't hear you come in, Doc." Matt said at last.

"Know you didn't. You seemed mighty busy." Doc took the cup that Kitty poured for him, "Anything in particular happening that I should know about?" he asked.

"Nope. If there were, I suppose we'd tell you." Matt said easily.

"Well," Kitty conceded, "We could let Doc know we're looking to buy a ranch, Matt."

Matt considered that for a moment, then nodded in agreement. "I suppose we could do that Kitty. Doc hears a lot of what goes on in Dodge, he might know of something for sale."

Doc took a drink of his coffee. "You have anything special in mind?"

"I'd appreciate hearing about anyone looking to sell out, Doc." Matt said.

"Well, by golly, I'll just keep my ears open for ya, that's what I'll do." Doc said, his smile wide, "'bout time you thought about settling down. 'bout time indeed."

"Doc…" Matt's tone warned him and he interrupted, his words solid and sincere, "Don't you worry yourself, Matt. I know how to keep things to myself."

"Thanks, Doc," he said, rising from the table. "I've got work to do. See you later, Kitty."

He walked slowly out the door, not needing to turn back to see that Doc and Kitty were grinning at each other over their coffee like a couple of kids over a stick of candy at Christmas.


	22. Chapter 22: I will not let you pay me

Chapter Twenty-Two: "I will not let you pay me"

Matt and Kitty noticed two things as the summer waned, and they seemed to be related. There were fewer herds coming up the trail from Texas, fewer cowboys, and less rumpus. Nights were still lively, and money still flowed pretty freely into the town, but it was tame compared to the wide-open chaos of ten years before. And with the decline of the Texas herds, came an increase in local land prices and a decline in the availability good land and water. There was still plenty of land to homestead, but it was more and more marginal. The better land was owned and settled, and the kind of place Kitty and Matt were looking for seemed hard to find.

It was late August and they were both sleeping soundly when Matt woke to someone pounding on the back door of the Long Branch. It only took him a few moments to rise, pull on his pants, and grab his Colt. By that time Kitty was awake and sitting up in bed, and there was a solid knock on their bedroom door. Matt went to answer it but looked back at the bed. "Get something on, Kitty."

He opened the door a crack to find Amos, shotgun in hand, standing in the hallway wearing a pair of scruffy longjohns. "Tell whoever it is I'll be down in just a minute, Amos," he said, reaching for his shirt.

"Not for you, Marshal. Some cowboy with a message for Kitty." Amos replied, scratching. "Message from Doc Adams." He looked at the six gun in the Marshal's hand. "He's not wearin' a gun, Marshal. Seems pretty riled up though."

"Take him into the barroom, Amos. We'll be down directly." Matt told the old man. Kitty was decent by that time with a long robe tied over her nightdress, and was quickly braiding her loose hair over her shoulder. Matt buttoned himself into his shirt, replaced the Colt in his gunbelt, and ushered her out the door and down the hall to the stairs. Kitty saw four girls, in various states of dishabille, standing in the hallway and told them to go back to bed, but Annie, a long shawl wrapped over her nightdress, followed them down.

An older cowboy stood at the bar, where Amos was pouring him a shot of whiskey. "Miss Kitty! Doc and Miss Rose sent me to get you. You've got to come quick, ma'am. Quick as you can."

Kitty recognized the man as the foreman from the K Bar. "What's wrong, Bat? Is Rose sick?"

The man tossed back the drink in his hand and answered her, "No, ma'am. It's Jake. Doc says he's dyin'. Miss Rose she wants you there bad."

Kitty's hands lifted to her mouth for a brief moment, but then her shoulders squared, "Amos, go wake up Hank and get me a buggy hitched up, I'll be out front and ready by the time you get that done." She turned to Annie, "You go pack what I need for two or three days out at the Kincaid ranch. I won't need much." Annie turned without a word and ran back up the stairs.

"I'll go with you, Kitty." Matt said.

She started to shake her head, but Bat's voice stopped her. "Yessir. Jake wants to see you, Marshal. Said he had to see you. Doc and Miss Rose, they wanted Miss Kitty, but Jake told me not to come back without you. Last thing he said to me, Marshal." The man choked on that and turned his head away.

Matt nodded. "I'll come, Bat. Would you go with Amos and saddle up for me while I get dressed?"

"Yessir. I surely will," the man replied.

Matt finished dressing quickly, and, taking the small carpetbag Annie handed him, went back downstairs leaving her standing behind Kitty fastening a row of tiny buttons. Outside the front door, the town slept in starlit shadow, the silence suddenly broken by the clatter of a buggy moving up the street from the livery, Matt's horse tied on behind. But a minute or two later, when Kitty came outside, Annie, dressed now in a plain, long-sleeved dress, was with her and stepped straight up into the buggy. "You're not comin', Annie. You don't even know the Kincaids. You need to stay here and help Sam." Kitty told her.

"No, ma'am. I don't know the folks, but I know death, and there's always a need for more hands. I spoke to Cora. She'll handle the girls." Annie told her.

Matt helped Kitty up into the buggy. She took the reins, waited a moment for Matt to untie and mount Buck, and then headed her horse off to the west at a fast trot.

_flashback c22c22c22c22c22 flashback_

_ It was their first fight. It was inevitable. Kitty had known that for months, and she feared, deep down, that it might be their last. That Matt would just walk away from her. She couldn't blame him if he did, but she wasn't going to let that happen without a struggle._

_ "I have to do it, Matt. I can't stop. I need the money." she said. They were sitting at a table at the Long Branch. It was late morning, and the room was nearly empty but not private._

_ Matt took her hand and let her up the stairs to her room, ignoring the knowing look from Bill Pence at the bar. He closed the door behind them. "Kitty, I'm trying to be honest here," he said, "I don't know how much longer I can live with this."_

_ "It won't be that much longer, Matt, but I can't stop now." She refused to face him, looking instead out the small window to the alley. "How would you feel if I told you I couldn't live with you earning your living by your gun?"_

_ "That's different."_

_ "No, Matt, it's not." She told him. "This is the only trade I know. I'm good at it. I trained for it. I've been doing it since I was fourteen years old and I do NOT want to be doing it a year from now, or ever again. The only way I have to get out of this, Matt, is right down the middle and earn enough to buy my way into the saloon with Bill."_

_ She turned, at last, to face him. "Do you think I like living this way, Matt?"_

_ "No, Kitty, I don't. I've never understood how you could make yourself do it."_

_ Kitty sighed, "And that makes it worse, doesn't it? That I do manage to make myself do it." She took one tiny step towards him, and stopped herself, "Let me try to tell you something, Matt. You're not going to like it, and maybe it will make it worse for you, I don't know, but it makes it easier for me. Will you listen?"_

_ "I'll listen."_

_ "What I do for pay isn't anything like what we do together. I admit, it's harder now, since we've been with each other. Harder to separate feeling and not feeling." Matt grimaced at that, but she went on, "And I admit that sometimes there's a man who wants to hurt me, or wants something I don't want to give, but most of the time, well, most of these cowboys don't even know enough to want anything I'm not ready to handle. They want a pretty woman,_ _I'm pretty woman, and then they're done. I can just step back and let it happen and not feel a thing. It's no more than filling a dipper with cool water at the well and handing it to a thirsty man. Slakes his thirst and doesn't make the well any less full."_

_ He was silent. She hung her head. "If you don't want to be with me anymore, Matt, I'll understand that." _

_ Matt took the next step, coming a little closer, reaching out a hand, then two hands, towards her. "I'm sorry I've made it harder for you, Kitty. We could stop. If you want. I could wait. Wait until you're clear of this. If that would help you."_

_ She took another step. Touched just his fingertips with hers. "If that's what you want, Matt. I could do that if I had to."_

_ "But you don't want to? Even if… if being together makes your… your work harder?" One more short step and they were almost touching. Hands gripping tightly now between them._

_ She shook her head. There were tears in her heart but not in her eyes. She wouldn't let them be in her eyes. "Sometimes, Matt, being with you, when we can, is the only thing there is that keeps me going. The only thing that makes me a real person and not some kind of pretty doll - all full of sawdust inside."_

_ "Look at me, Kitty." She did. Sawdust or not, she was glad there were no tears in her eyes. "I can't marry you. I can't pick you up and take you away from all this. But if it's money that's making a difference, will you let me help you with that?"_

_ "I will not let you pay me, Matt." Kitty said, clear, direct, and rigid._

_ "I never suggested that, Kitty." Matt said, "And if it means us not being together for a while, I suppose I can live with that. But would you let me help buy you free of this? For both our sakes?"_

_ Kitty took the last step into his arms, and hid her face in his shirt, feeling his badge cold against her chin. He held her hard enough to bruise. "I could deal with that, Matt, I think. If it's what you really want. And if, maybe, sometimes, we could still be together?"_

_flashback c22c22c22c22c22 flashback_

Kitty took the reins, waited a moment for Matt to untie and mount Buck, and then headed her horse off to the west at a fast trot.

It took nearly an hour to reach the K Bar, and Kitty hoped that Jake Kincaid was still alive. He was. Doc had heard them ride in and was waiting at the top of the stairs to take Matt and Kitty into the big bedroom where Jake lay, breathing shallowly, in a heavy, wooden bed. Rose sat next to him, holding his hand. A small woman, thick white hair braided and wrapped around her head, she looked older than her husband, and was. Whipcord thin, his graying hair balding, Jake's usual height looked smaller, diminished, as he lay propped up on pillows, his eyes closed.

"Kitty's here, Jake." Rose told him, "And the Marshall, too."

Kitty moved to sit on the opposite side of the bed from Rose, Matt standing behind her, a little way back, his hat in his hands. She took Jake's other hand in both of hers. Jake opened his eyes, brown depths dark with pain. "Did you tell him, Kitty?"

"No, Jake, I did not. It wasn't ever necessary," she replied stroking the callused hand she held.

"There's money, Kitty. I told you years ago what I was going to do."

"That business has been over a long time, Jake. Don't let it hinder you now." Kitty told him.

"That's not honest, Kitty. I won't die with that on me. Promise me you'll tell him, or I'll do it now myself." Jake gasped.

Kitty looked up to meet Doc's eyes where he stood next to Rose and heeded the tiny shake of his head. "I hear you, Jake. I promise you I'll tell him. It was never as important as you thought." She started to withdraw her hand, but the older man gripped it with surprising strength. "Kitty!"

"Shh, Jake. I'm here."

"Rose. Give me your word. Help her."

"My word on it, old friend. Rest easy. I'll be here for her." Kitty said. She leaned forward to kiss him very lightly on the lips. She laid his hand on top of the quilt, patted it once, then rose and walked toward the door. "I'll be downstairs when you need me, Rose." Matt followed her from the room.

They found Annie in the kitchen, already cutting biscuits and laying them in a pan. Pale dawn light was beginning to silver the windows. A very old colored woman in a plaid _tignon_ sat at the table crying. Annie poured coffee and handed a cup to Matt. Kitty stood behind the old woman, stroking her shoulders. "You need to pull yourself together, Till. It's not going to be long now, and Miss Rose is going to need you."

"I always been with her, Miss Kitty. Always. Every day of her life since she was borned." the woman said, "That why I thought mebbe I cry now, then later I wouldn' need to. But, oh, honey, what we gwan do without Mistah Jake?"

"You go up and get Miss Elizabeth's room opened up, Till. See that it's aired and turn down the bed. I don't think he's going to last long, Tillie, and you know Doc is going to give her something right after to make her sleep. I'll stay." Kitty said, "I'll be here as long as she needs me."

The old woman left the room. Annie silently handed Kitty coffee and went to put the biscuits in the oven. "I don't really understand why we're here, Kitty," Matt said, "But if I can help you, you need to tell me," he hesitated, "I didn't know you were this close to Rose and Jake." He paused again, "I knew he was a regular customer of yours, long time ago…" Annie's eyes flew up to Kitty's face, but neither of them saw, their eyes holding only each other.

"Jake was never my customer, Matt. That's where it all started. Rose was the one who hired me and the one who paid me. It was all very civilized and very New Orleans. Thing was, we had a falling out about money, after it was all over. They wanted me to have it, and I wouldn't take it." Kitty sipped her coffee, "Can we talk about this later, Matt?"

"I can go, Miss Kitty," Annie said quickly and softly.

"No, honey, it's not you. I don't mind if you know. I'm just not ready yet." Kitty told her.

Matt set an arm around her shoulders, "You don't need to tell me anything you don't want to, Kitty. It didn't matter before. It doesn't now."

Kitty sighed. "No, Matt. I promised him. He finally won, you know that, Matt? He finally won. I should have just taken the money and avoided all this. But I was too damn proud." The line of her mouth was bitter, "And I guess I thought we'd all three live forever."

The sound of sudden sobbing filled the quiet house. Kitty set her cup on the table and walked quickly out of the room and up the stairs to comfort the woman who had bought her services for Jake Kincaid more than a dozen years before.


	23. Chapter 23: You know my name

Chapter Twenty-three: "You know my name"

Matt sat and drank his coffee, watching as Annie opened pantries and cupboards, feeling her way around the kitchen. Taking out the biscuits. Putting a plate and knife and butter in front of Matt, and then beginning to cook up side meat. Doc came in and joined them, and Annie sat him down with coffee and started cracking eggs into a skillet. "What killed him, Doc?" Matt asked.

"His heart. Worst of the attack was over before I could even get here, but the damage was too much for him. He was determined to see Kitty before he died. Stubborn old fool. Never could leave well enough alone." Doc buttered a biscuit, and looked up at Annie, who answered him with a dish of jam. "Although I have to say, if that's the only sin he could think of to regret when he was dyin' he lived a pretty clean life."

"Sin?" Matt repeated.

"Well, a man doesn't usually want to start a business discussion on his deathbed, so I reckon he counted it more than that." Doc stopped. He looked over at the tall man sitting at the kitchen table next to him, "Kitty never told you a word, did she?" he asked.

"No. But you sure seem to know what was going on." Matt said.

"Whole thing was my fault, Matt. You decide to be angry with anyone over this, you just be angry with me. Kitty's had enough pain from this." Annie placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him, and he began to eat. "But you'll have to get the rest from her. I've said too much as it is."

"Where is she?" Matt asked, pushing back his chair.

"She's up with Rose, but she won't be long. I gave Rose a bromide and Till and Kitty put her to bed. Three of them are saying a rosary. At least until Rose falls asleep. Don't know if they'll bother to finish once that happens." Doc replied.

"A rosary." Matt echoed.

"Praying, Matt. Prayers for the dead." Doc stared at him, "You do know Kitty's Catholic don't you?"

Matt nodded, remembering an awkward conversation with Sam some years before. "It never seemed to matter."

"No, I suppose it wouldn't." Doc agreed, "But Rose is as well, guess most of New Orleans is, or was before the war, and what you learn it as a child, well, it's the kind of thing that comes back at times like this."

"You want breakfast, Matthew?" Annie asked, four eggs in her hands.

"No, I want Kitty," he said, heading for the door.

"Don't disturb them until they're done, Matt." Doc requested quietly.

"I don't understand a lot that's going on here today, Doc, but I can understand that part. Don't you worry." He walked up the wide staircase at the side of the massive front room. The walls here were made of whole logs, big ones, floated all the way down the Arkansas from the Colorado mountains if what he'd been told years ago were true. Kincaid was probably the oldest ranch in the county - older, surely, than Dodge City or even Fort Dodge. At the top of the stairs he followed the murmur of women's voices down the hall and looked into another large bedroom.

The scene was almost a mirror image of the one from earlier in the night. This time it was Rose who lay propped against pillows, with the other two women, one old, one young, sitting on either side of her. Till held a string of beads in her hands and all three of them prayed together, "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us now and in the hour of our death." Matt stood silently, but they didn't seem to be stopping. He'd never heard Kitty pray before. Not like this. After a few minutes, as the prayers repeated, he walked as quietly as he could back down the stairs and re-entered the kitchen.

"You don't need to heat water, Annie." Doc was telling her, "There's a big reservoir behind the stove. See here, you can turn this little tap right here and get all the hot water you need."

"I'll hold off for Miss Kitty," she said, laying a stack of clean towels next to a big basin on the table. "But it's a messy job, and not one that will get any better for waiting. Matthew can you go out and ask the boys in the bunkhouse to bring us in a couple of saw horses and some boards, or maybe a door. I guess we'll need about an hour."

"I'll walk with you, Matt," Doc said. With the big front door closed behind them, Doc laid a hand on Matt's arm and spoke tersely to him. "Now, hold up there a minute and listen to me, Matt. I know you're too damn decent to be thinking about this right now, but I'm not. I'll have to file a coroner's report soon as I get to town, and I think the wolves will be howling around this place by noon. It's a sure thing that Rose is going to sell out and move out to Saint Louis to be with her daughter, and I'll betcha dollars to piecrust there's men here offering her bad bargain prices for the ranch before Annie and Kitty even get him washed and laid out proper. I happen to know, 'cause I witnessed that will that was giving Jake's conscience such a bad time, that Botkin and Judge Brooker are the executors on this place. Now you need to be thinking about two things, Matt, how can you make sure Rose gets a fair deal on the K Bar, and how can you make sure you and Kitty are the ones who buy it. Now then, I've done my part here, I'll just leave the rest of that to you."

_flashback c23c23c23c23c23 flashback_

_ Matt walked into the Long Branch early one winter afternoon, shaking snow from his hat and coat. The stove in the center of the room was blasting out heat, and a small group of oddly assorted individuals sat around it. The first thing he noticed was that none of them were drinking, even Louie Pheeters. The second was that several of them he'd never seen before and others he'd never seen in the Long Branch._

_ He walked to the bar, "Kitty around?" he asked Sam. _

_ "She's busy at the moment, Marshal, but I expect she'll be done shortly," the barkeep replied. _

_ "Is she in her office, Sam? I'll just step in for a moment. She won't mind." _

_Sam's hand on his arm halted him. "Yes she would mind, Marshal." he said, "She's in there with Father O'Malley." At the Marshal's blank look, he continued, "She's making her confession, Matt. You need to just let her be for a while."_

"_Confession? What, did she shoot someone?" Matt asked with humor. _

_But Sam answered him with utter sincerity, "Yes, she did, Marshal. You were there."_

"_You're serious, Sam?" Matt asked, lowering his voice. "That was self-defense, and everyone knows it." _

"_That's the law talking. Kitty's talking to a priest. It's different." Sam told him._

"_Then these other folks…" Matt gestured to the ill-assorted group around the stove._

"_They're waiting their turn. We only see Pat O'Malley once or twice a year." _

"_And you, Sam?" Matt asked._

"_I wait until last. You know my name, Marshal Dillon. You must know I'm Irish."_

_Matt nodded. "I never really thought about it, Sam. I'm sorry I interrupted." He turned and walked back out into the snowy street._

_flashback c23c23c23c23c23 flashback_

Matt went first to the bunkhouse, and talked to Bat about setting up a bier, and then walked on through the barn - nearly as big as the livery stable in town – and on out to the corrals, there were two, on different sides of the barn. Behind the house was a water tower, three windmills whirling beside it to pump up the water. Farther out there was a pond. He knew two creeks crossed the property. Beyond paddocks with grazing horses, fenced fields showed ripe with corn. It was the best spread in the county, and whether he and Kitty could manage to buy it or not, he was determined that Rose Kincaid wouldn't be cheated.

He found Bat again and let him know what Doc had said about the coroner's report. "I know you can't stop people from coming in to pay their respects, all their friends are going to be gathering, but you and the boys need to be out here in the yard and the barn and the corral. See to it that people head to the house and don't wander around the property. And if you see someone you don't recognize you get someone else to vouch for them before you let them light down. Miss Rose is sleeping now, but she'll be up and about this afternoon, and it's not going to be easy on her."

Bat nodded his head and looked up at Matt, eyes bright in his weathered face. "You going to take over here, Marshal? Until Miss Rose sells up?"

"Does someone need to do that, Bat? You're foreman. Can't you just keep on?" he asked.

"Well, 'course I can. If that's what Miss Rose wants, but it would be easier if there were someone with authority…" Bat's voice petered out, and then he began again, "I know you don't have time for that Marshal, but still, if there's anything you can do, well, it would be welcome. You've got respect here, and I don't like to think about anyone botherin' Miss Rose. Your words would mean more than mine."

"I'll think on it, Bat, and let you know," he said.

Matt found Kitty in the kitchen. Annie was beating batter in a big bowl, and there were cake pans out on the table. "People will start comin' in soon as they hear, Matthew," she told him, "They'll bring food, but there's never quite enough. I'm just going to get these in the oven and then Kitty and I will go up."

"You've done this before, Annie?" Kitty asked, looking at the younger woman.

"Yes, ma'am."

Matt had wrapped and buried his share of bodies out on the plains, but the formalities of this death were foreign to him. "Kitty, can I see you in the other room for just a minute?" He led her into the big front room and they stood in front of one of the twin fireplaces. "Doc says that he thinks Rose is going to get pestered to sell out. Seems to think it's our job to see she gets a square deal."

"I imagine that's what Jake was asking me, at the end. I'll stand by her. I had hoped to stay just a few days, but it might be a couple weeks." Kitty wanted to lay her head down on his chest, but she didn't. "I gave him my word, Matt, as he was dyin'. I have to honor that. I'm sorry."

"Only thing I'm sorry for is that it's going to be a lot of work for you, honey. I'll do what I can. Already started that. And I need to go into town and get some things started with Mr. Botkin, Doc says he's one of the executors. I promise you, I will be back here by evening." Matt said.

"I hope you can, Matt, but if something comes up, I'll understand. I can get pretty feisty if someone tries to put anything over on Rose. And I know you saw her at her worst today, Matt, but she's a lively thing, and very determined. No one's going to get close enough to take advantage of her while I'm here."

Matt took Kitty's hand, tipped up her chin, and spoke directly into her eyes. "I promise you I will be back this evening, Kitty. Do you hear what I'm sayin'?"

Eyes widening, she nodded slowly, "This is it?"

"This is what we've been waiting for, Kitty. This very day."

"Oh, Matt! If only it hadn't had to happen like this, with Jake dying."

He stroked the back of her neck softly. "I'm sorry too, Kitty. But not so sorry that I won't reach out with both hands for what this can mean for us."


	24. Chapter 24: You moving out?

Chapter Twenty-four: "You moving out?"

Matt rode back to Dodge. It was still early, and the bank wasn't even open yet when he arrived. Sam, however, had the Long Branch open, and Matt strode through the door and over to the bar. "Morning, Sam. Amos tell you about last night?" he asked.

"Morning, Marshal. Yes, sir, he did. You and Miss Kitty get out there in time?"

Matt sighed. "We did, but just barely. Jake had something he wanted Kitty to tell me, couldn't rest easy until she promised him she would. Then he made her promise to take care of Miss Rose. You know the Kincaids, Sam?"

"Just to speak to, Marshal. Jake comes in here every now and again. Seems like he and Kitty are good friends, but I've only met Mrs. Kincaid a few times. You think there's going to be some trouble there?" Sam asked him.

"There's always going to be men who try to take advantage of a rich widow, Sam. And Kitty's bound and determined to protect her, so I guess I am as well." Matt told him. "I expect Kitty will be staying out there for a while, she said as much as a couple weeks, but I think things will settle quicker than that. You able to handle things here?"

"Now you know I can, Marshal." Sam smiled. "Things are never the same without Miss Kitty, but the business moves right along." He hesitated for a moment, "Will Annie be back soon?"

"I expect she'll stay out at Kincaid tonight. Maybe tomorrow, if they do the burying then, and come back after." Matt replied, a little surprised at the question.

"Then we'll be fine here as long as Miss Kitty needs to be gone. Annie and I can handle whatever comes up. You want coffee, Marshal? I just made a fresh pot," Sam offered.

"No, Sam. I need to get over and see Mr. Botkin. Bank should be opening about now."

Matt crossed to the bank, and strode through to knock on Botkin's door. "Good morning, Marshal!" the banker greeted him as he came in, "Anything special I can do for you this morning?"

"Yes, there is, Mr. Botkin. I'm just back from the K Bar. Jake Kincaid died early this morning. Doc tells me you're one of his executors. I've got a proposal to make to you." Matt went on to explain his idea, and to suggest a few names. The banker pondered over it for a few minutes, suggested some other names, and then agreed to the plan. "I'll start working on this today, Marshal. I imagine my wife will want to go out to Kincaid this afternoon to pay her respects. I'd think most of the gentlemen I want to talk to will be there as well. Will you be returning there?"

"I promised Kitty I'd be back this evening, so yes I will." Matt answered.

"Miss Russell? Miss Russell is out at Kincaid? With Mrs. Kincaid?" Botkin seemed flustered.

"Yes, she is. Any reason she shouldn't be?" Matt's voice was exceptionally calm.

"Well, I just… well… I know she had dealings with Mr. Kincaid, but I would have thought…" the banker floundered.

Matt turned back to him, deliberately looming. "Rose Kincaid sent for Kitty Russell in the middle of last night because she wanted her there with her when Jake died. Rose and Kitty go back a long way. Now if you've got some silly idea that Kitty's not welcome at Kincaid, you'd best get over it. Last thing I ever heard Jake say, on his deathbed, was to make Kitty promise she would take care of Rose, so you'd just better believe that's going to happen." Matt paused, "And I take care of Kitty Russell. That understood, banker?"

Botkin had retreated behind his desk as Matt spoke. "Certainly, Marshal. Certainly. I understand perfectly."

"Good," Matt said as he turned and walked out.

His next stop was the telegraph office. He'd done this before. Each time it had felt final, but he'd never truly believed, deep down inside, that it was really over. This time there was no question. His last act as Marshal was to totally and thoroughly intimidate the telegraph operator with a detailed account of what would happen to him if any information were to leak out about the contents of his message or any reply.

Newly's gunsmith shop was next on his list, and that visit started a sight easier but got more difficult as it went along. "Marshal, I wish you all the success in the world, but I'm just not ready to do this full time. I'll take care of things until your replacement gets here, you know I will, but that's all I can promise." Newly finally told him.

"That's all I can ask, Newly," Matt said, although he'd hoped for more. "I'm going over to talk to Festus at the jail, and clear out my things. I'm going to keep the badge until I hear back from Washington, but I'm not going to wear it after today. I'm leaving you in charge, Newly, and I wish you luck."

At the jail, Matt found a box and began going through his desk. There wasn't much. His law books, a few bits and pieces from the safe, his saddle bags, not much to show for over fifteen years of work. Festus walked in as he was checking quickly through the file cabinet for anything personal that might have been tucked away. Matt turned, admitting to himself that he'd been dreading this meeting, and was greeted by the biggest smile he'd ever seen on the ragged deputy's face. "Aw, Matthew, I knew'd it, I just knew'd it. You want me to tote this here box over to the Long Branch for you?"

"You happy I'm leavin', Festus?" Matt asked.

"I shorely am, Matthew. I been a-lookin' and a-waiting all the way since last month!"

"Last month?"

"Why last month ri'tafter the Fourth o'July. When you walked Miss Kitty up to bed in front of God and evrabody. I knew then this was a-coming."

"Why's that, Festus?" Matt probed.

"Well, Matthew, I don't mean to hurt your feelins none, but you was the only feller in Dodge thought it was a secret between you an' Miss Kitty. I've known where you sleep since I first come here. Doc knew, Sam knew, even ol'Chester knew, and Newly, he's a right bright young man, didn't take him long t'figger it out. Why we've all bin waitin' just years for you t' decide what you was gonna do about it. And now ya' have, and that's why I'm happy." Festus stopped a moment, and looked at Matt a little slyly, "You know, dontcha, Matthew, that you're a pretty dadblamed lucky man she waited for you all those years while you was a figurin' things out."

Matt laughed. "And if I told you, Festus, that I've been asking Kitty to marry me for about four years now, and she kept turning me down, would you believe that?"

Festus' face fell, "Since after the baby, Matthew? I sure felt bad I couldn' say nothin' to ya about the baby. I was that mournful like when it happened. It's not a good thing for folks to be alone with somethin' like that. You an' Miss Kitty shore made it mighty hard for your friends to grieve with you about that there."

Matt simply stared at him. "Now Matthew you ain't bin thinkin' we didn' know about that did ya? 'course we did. I didn' never think less of ya' Matthew, fer keepin' silent. Sumtimes a man's just got t' hold th' hard things inside hisself, but it mighta eased Miss Kitty some ta have her friends t' share her grievin' with her. Didn' ya never think on that, Matthew?" Festus asked with obvious sincerity.

Matt shook his head, trying to clear it, feeling as if he'd been struck by a thunderbolt. "No, Festus. I never did think about it that way. I wasn't very fair to Kitty about that, was I?"

"Well, no, Matthew, I don' rightly think you were. Mebbe that's why she made ya' wait so long. Ya' think?" Festus asked him.

Matt sat down hard on the cot. He wasn't sure his legs would hold him. "Did you know about the other times, Festus?" he asked - shocked, overwhelmed, almost speechless.

"I know'd about all three of t'others, Matthew. That was a dark time, when Doc hepped her lose that outlaw's child. A dark time. And the other ones, that was just sad. But then this spring, with the lastest one, it seemed like mebbe it brought the two a'ya together a little more. Mebbe set ya' in the right die-rection."

"Festus," Matt asked, "Would you do me a favor?"

"Ya know I will iffn I can, Matthew," he replied.

"You see me being a fool like that again, you take me off somewhere and knock me down and just sit on me until I listen to you. Will you do that for me?" Matt requested.

"I will. I shorely will." Festus grinned, "Now, when's the weddin'? Today? Tomorrow?"

Matt shook his head. "You heard about Jake Kincaid, Festus?"

"I did hear that just now over t'th'livery. You an' Miss Kitty involved in that, Matthew?" Festus asked.

"We are, and there won't be any wedding until we can get that settled and the K Bar ranch bought and sold." Matt stood back up, feeling more at home on his feet. "Festus, I need to ask you to help Newly until the new marshal gets here. I don't know who they'll send, and I can't promise whoever it is will keep you on, but until he arrives, I'm going to be counting on you to keep the peace in Dodge."

"I got 'er, Matthew. You jus' rest easy, I got 'er. Now I'm a-gonna take that big ol' box over to the Long Branch, and then I'll be comin' back here t'watch out over the office." Clanking and jingling, Festus hefted the box containing a long era of Matt's life, and walked it out the door.

Still a little stunned, Matt walked over to Ma Smalley's, entered through his private door, and began clearing out his room. There was a little more here than at the jail. Some private letters and papers. A very few mementos from the years before Dodge. A few books. He looked at _A Tale of Two Cities_. He'd liked that. The guillotine, the man going to his death to save a friend, that had resonated with him. He pulled out his carpet bag and packed away the few changes of clothes that Kitty had left behind when she moved things to the Long Branch. When he pulled open the hallway door to go down to the kitchen for water, he found Ma Smalley standing there facing him. "You listenin' at my door, Ma?" he asked with a smile.

"No, Marshal, I was not! I heard you come in, and I was just about to knock and see if you needed anything," she told him roundly.

"Now don't you get riled, Ma. I was just goin' down to the kitchen for some water. I need to shave and change before I go back out to Kincaid."

"I heard about Jake, Marshal. And that you and Kitty went out there this morning early. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Matt shook his head. "Kitty's going to stay out there for a while with Rose, Ma. And I'm going back this afternoon to meet with some of the ranchers and stockmen and see if we can make it easier for her to sell up if she wants to."

"Well, I'm headed out there with Doc as soon as he comes by for me. I've got a basket of chicken already packed. In the meantime, I'll bring you some hot water, and the loan of a razor. Kitty took yours when she packed up your things this spring."

Matt looked a little chagrined. "Guess I hadn't remembered that, Ma. It's been a while since I was here."

"And don't I know it Marshal Dillon!" she harrumphed. "Looks like you're all packed, you moving out?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am. And I thank you for all the care you've taken of me over the years." He wrapped an arm around her plump shoulders and gave her a hug.

"Only care you've let me take of you, Marshal, is of your privacy," she told him flatly, but her cheeks were pink.

"And that's been a mighty important thing, Ma. Don't you ever forget that," he told her.

"I'll go get your water, Marshal."

"Thank you, and I'll send Louie over to pick up my things, Ma. He can leave the key with you when he does."

Half an hour later, shaved, dressed formally in a white shirt, coat, and string tie, Matt picked up his carpetbag and walked back to the telegraph office. There was a message waiting for him. He read it twice, smiled broadly, and sent an acknowledgement. "Now you remember what we talked about, son, and keep this all to yourself," he said sternly to the young man on the ticker.

"Yes sir, Marshal," the boy replied solemnly, still shaking inside for his earlier talk with the lawman. "Not one word to one person."

Looking up at the clock on the wall, Matt was surprised to find it still too early for lunch. His whole life, it seemed had been packed up and dismissed in less than two hours. Or perhaps his whole life was waiting for him an hour down the road with Kitty. At Kincaid.

Matt strung his carpetbag over Buck's saddle horn, mounted, and rode off into the future he had never thought to live to see.


	25. Chapter 25: I did what was needful

Chapter Twenty-five: "I did what was needful"

It had only been about four hours since Matt had left Kincaid, but people were already gathering. There were a buggy and a couple of buckboards in front of the house, and several saddle horses hitched to the front rail of the porch. Matt rode on to the barn, and found Bat there to greet him. "Can you get one of the boys to put up my horse?" Matt asked him, "And take this bag and drop it over at the bunkhouse? I'm going to be stayin' for a while."

"Yessir, Marshal," the older man replied, "I'm glad to hear that. We've got him laid out in the main room. Tope and Joe they're workin' on the coffin. The boys started on a grave up by where the babies are. In this heat…"

Matt agreed. If it were up to him, he'd already have had the body planted. He'd done that for all too many homesteaders and outlaws over the years. But it was clear Jake Kincaid was different, and he figured Bat would know best. He walked around the back of the house and across the small back porch to enter through the kitchen. Annie was still there, washing dishes at the sink. Several other women were busy at the table, arranging food on plates and chatting, their backs to the sink.

Hanging his hat by the door, Matt walked over to Annie and laid a gentle arm around her shoulders. "You doin' okay, honey? You get to have a break or you been workin' straight through here?" He felt her sag against him just a little and then stiffen as the other women turned to look at them. It wasn't a pleasant look. Matt's arm tightened supportively. "Miz Warner, Liz, Becky," Matt nodded a greeting to the women, "Have you all met my brother's girl, Annie Dillon? She came in with Kitty and I before light this morning to help with things."

The ladies nodded greetings, faces stiff, and turned back to their work. "Don't fight it, Matthew." Annie told him in a low voice. "I'm doing what I want to do, and I'm here for Kitty when she needs me. Just let it go." Matt hugged the girl and planted a quick kiss on her temple before heading for the big living room.

A makeshift bier covered with some sort of dark fabric stood alone on the far side of the room. Jake's body lay on it. Matt walked over and stood looking down. He'd never known the man well. Jake and Rose had always been more Doc's friends than his own, but he'd known him for a lot of years, admired his generosity, his good sense, and his way with horses. It was enough of an epitaph. He looked around the big room. Kitty and Rose weren't down yet. Through the open doors to the dining room, he saw a table already loaded with food. He headed up the stairs.

Kitty answered his knock on the bedroom door. The heavy wooden bed where Jake had breathed his last just hours before had been stripped but not yet remade. Rose sat in an armchair next to the empty fireplace. Matt went over and stood next to her, decided he was far too tall, and dropped to one knee, taking her hand. "Miss Rose, I'm mighty sorry about Jake. I'll do everything I can to help you get through this hard time."

Kitty came and sat on the arm of the chair, "Rose and I were just talking about that, Matt. Rose does want to sell up and go live with Elizabeth in Saint Louis. Have time to spend with her grandchildren."

"Yes'm." Matt said, continuing to hold Rose's hand. "Doc told me it would likely be that way. I hope you don't mind, ma'am, but I've already talked to banker Botkin about it. He'll be here in a couple hours. We thought we'd get a few of the most reputable ranchers and stockmen together and form a little committee to value the property. That way we could set a fair price that no one could rightly argue with."

"That was kind of you, Marshal, and very sensible," Rose told him. "Jake and I had talked, a little, about selling up, but I knew he never really would. He thought the place was worth about fifteen thousand. I felt that was high. Your way will get us some good estimates and we can find something in the middle." She sighed. "I wish we didn't have to rush it this way, but Kitty and I have been talking, and I agree that I'm probably going to be pushed to sell before Jake's even buried."

"Ma'am, Bat and your boys are digging the grave now. I don't think we should wait longer than tomorrow morning. You want me to talk to Reverend England? I saw him downstairs."

"Mr. England has already been up to talk to me. We decided on ten tomorrow morning." Rose gripped Matt's hand, looking up to hold his eyes. "Now you listen to me here for a minute, young man. I met your Annie this morning. She and Kitty did what I didn't have the physical strength to do and they did it with love and respect. I value that. Kitty tells me you two are going to be married. And she tells me you want to buy Kincaid."

Rose paused, and Matt said, "You don't have to think about that now, Miss Rose. Kitty didn't need to bring that up."

"No, she was right to do it now. So let me tell you this, and then I'll go downstairs to mourn with my friends. First you have to hear what Kitty has to tell you, and then you have to listen to the reading of Jake's will. If, after that, you still want Kincaid, and you can meet the price your committee sets, then I will sell it to you. It's a day for promises, Marshal, and you have my word on that. It would give me pleasure to see Kitty's children here on Kincaid. Maybe you'll understand that better later. Will you help me up, Marshal?"

Matt stood and assisted Rose to stand then took her arm and let her down the stairs.

Once he'd settled Rose he went into the dining room and filled a plate with food. He grabbed napkins and a couple forks and headed back upstairs. Kitty was waiting for him. She smiled at the food, "We do need to talk, Matt, but that looks mighty good. You going to share with me?" she asked. They ate in silence, Kitty sitting in one of the armchairs, Matt on the floor next to her. When they were done, she set the plate aside. "Now's as good a time as any," she said.

"Kitty I know you promised you'd tell me about whatever this is, and I honor that. I can tell this is going to be hard for you, or you wouldn't have put it off so long, but I can't imagine it's going to be all that bad." Matt said.

Kitty shrugged. "It depends on you, Matt. Rose and I settled this to our mutual satisfaction a long time ago. On the other hand, Jake and I argued about it on and off for ten years, so I think likely it's something that means more to a man than to a woman."

"Go ahead then. Whatever you want to say, I'll listen." Matt told her.

Taking a deep breath, and determined to keep things clear and simple, Kitty began. "Back the year I first came to Dodge, Jake was forty-seven and Rose was fifty-two. She'd had three stillborn babies in as many years and Doc told her if she got pregnant again it would kill her. Now you'd think, at that age – which I have to admit looks a whole lot less old to me now than it did when I was nineteen – they could have just taken separate bedrooms for a while and avoided the whole thing. Rose said they tried, it just didn't work that way for them. I can understand that part better now than I could then as well."

Matt nodded and she went on. "Rose is from New Orleans. Her first thought had been to find a young colored woman and set her up here on the ranch for Jake. Well, that's not as easy or acceptable here in Kansas as it was in Louisiana – even after the war. So she asked Doc if he knew anyone local who could take that role, and Doc suggested me."

"Doc did _what_?" Matt nearly shouted.

"Now Matt stop that and keep your voice down." Kitty told him. "You said I could tell this story, and I'm tellin' it. You have to remember when this was. I'd been in town less than a month. He knew I was turning tricks at the Long Branch and he knew I was broke. Jake and Rose had been his friends for a long time, and he hardly knew me. But he knew I was young and clean and pretty, and that I badly needed money, and that I was from New Orleans so he thought I might understand how it was supposed to work."

"He brought me out here and Rose and I talked. At first she wanted me to live out here, in a little place where their foreman used to live. I turned that down flat. But we agreed on a one year contract for Jake to visit me once a week for the whole evening. She paid me a price that was a lot more than my usual rate, even after Bill took his cut, and she added something extra. She told me that if I got pregnant then, no questions asked, she and Jake would adopt the baby. All legal. I would have done it for that alone, but I won't say the money wasn't welcome. We shook on it. Jake never even enquired as to the details and he never saw money change hands."

"Now I know you want to ask this and you're determined not to, but no, I was never in love with Jake. The more I knew him, the more I liked him, but it was never a love affair. It was a business deal. But he was gentle and he was kind, and you know that not all my customers were like that. He took exactly one hour and twenty minutes of my time once a week, and the middle hour of that was spent talking. I'd have the rest of the evening free and paid for."

"By the time that first contract was over, I was involved with you, and I was beginning to work with Bill about buying in to the Long Branch. I said I'd keep on until I made my deal with Bill. Rose wasn't happy with that. She said that if I'd stay with them another two years she would buy the Long Branch for me outright. But I wanted to stop the trade, and even though Jake and I were pretty good friends by then, it was still trade. What I didn't want to stop was the part about a baby. We negotiated, and I agreed to another year. Rose raised the price, and I didn't tell her no."

"At the end of the second year, with your help, I bought a half interest in the Long Branch, and I told Rose I was done. It wasn't that I minded Jake, that had never been a problem, but I'd told you that I wasn't taking customers anymore, and I wanted to keep my word on that. Doc had told Rose she needed a little more time to be sure she wouldn't get pregnant. We argued some."

Kitty looked down at him where he still sat on the floor beside her. "Now this is the hard part, Matt. This is where Jake and Rose and I disagreed. I felt I couldn't take money from them, but Doc, and Rose, convinced me to take on another six months or so of the arrangement. I told you I wouldn't take any more customers, and I didn't. Last money I ever took from Rose was at the end of the second year. But I kept on with Jake until Doc felt it was safe for Rose. I told them I had a lover, and that he was jealous of me, so we kept the whole thing quiet. Sometimes Jake would come to town, sometimes Doc and I would go out to Kincaid for dinner, and he and Rose would eat, and Jake and I would go upstairs. I didn't like it, and I felt dishonest, and I was afraid you would somehow get wind of it and think I was having an affair with Doc 'cause we were traveling together so much. But I also felt like I couldn't stop. So that's it."

Matt shook his head. "There has to be more to it than that, Kitty."

"Well, a couple of years later, I don't know how, Jake found out that Rose hadn't paid me for the last part. And that made him mad. Somehow – and don't ask me to explain this because I'm not a man – he felt that if I'd been hired and paid that he wasn't being unfaithful to Rose. He insisted on paying me, and somehow he'd got the idea that Rose had promised to buy me the Long Branch. I refused to accept any money from him. Told him I was willing to help out a friend, but that I'd left that business behind me. That argument went on for a couple of years, and then Jake told me he'd changed his will to leave me money. I didn't want to argue anymore, and him dyin' seemed a long way off, so we just made our peace."

"And…" Matt prompted.

"And then when Etta Stone kidnapped me, and everyone in Kansas with half a brain figured out who my lover was, and Jake decided that he'd insulted you, Matt Dillon, personally. That you had some sort of ownership of me that he'd trampled on. I never understood that part, Matt, but he was determined I should tell you, and by that time it was all long over and done with and I wouldn't. So there we sat. Until this morning. I never thought it was as important as Jake made it out to be, but clearly it mattered enough to him that he didn't want to die with it on his conscience."

She stopped and waited. Matt sat silent. She waited what seemed a long time. And then she waited some more. Finally, she laid a hand against his face and asked, very quietly, "Can we be done with this now, Matt?"

He stood up and pulled her up beside him, holding her where he could look into her eyes. "Yes, we can be done with this. I am not angry with you, Kitty, and I'm not hurt. I might have felt different ten years ago, but now it just seems like water under the bridge." He cupped her face in one big hand. "Honey, you know I never asked you to be faithful to me. I didn't feel, those first years, that I deserved that when I knew I couldn't marry you. Only promise we made to each other was about me not getting you with child, but you agreeing to marry me if I did. That was enough."

Matt's eyes fell from hers, though his big hand stayed on the back of her neck. "But I always thought, when you offered me a key to your room, well, that was what you were really offering. You were telling me that I'd never find you there with anyone else."

"Matt, there hasn't been anyone else, at least by my choice, since the last time I visited Jake here at Kincaid. And that was a dozen years ago. I never asked you to be faithful to me, Matt." She lifted a hand to his lips when he would have spoken, "And I'm not interested in hearing about it. I've had what I wanted all these years, and pretty soon, when we get married, well, then we can make another promise to each other. Can we leave it at that?" she said.

"Yes Kitty, we can just leave it there. You've kept your promise to Jake. You're done with that part. Now we just have to keep Rose safe and get her settled on her way to Missouri."

Kitty laid her head against his chest, and he stroked her hair for a minute or two before he tipped her face up to him. "Want to know what I did in town this morning, other than meet with the banker?"

Her eyes began to come alight. "Did you really, Matt? Already?"

"Yes I did," he told her. "I asked to resign as of the first of September and be on leave until then, but they actually answered right back and told me, if I would hold out until the first of October, that they would send Frank Reardon out to replace me."

"Oh, Matt!" she almost squealed, "You couldn't ask for more than that, and neither could Dodge City."

"That was my thought exactly, honey. C'mon, let's go down."

It was a long hot, afternoon. Seemed like nearly everyone in Ford County stopped by at one time or another, bringing food or flowers from a garden. Matt and the banker managed to meet with their chosen band of notables and have a little conversation. Botkin told Kitty the will would be read the next morning after people left from the funeral.

Towards dusk, the last neighbors left, leaving Rose upstairs being put to bed by Kitty and Till, and Annie still doggedly finishing the last of the dishes and already baking for the following day. Matt was drying dishes for her when Doc came in through the back door. "Matt. Annie. Any coffee left?"

"Didn't think to see you again this evening, Doc." Matt told him as Annie poured him coffee.

"I'm heading out to the Emersons after the funeral tomorrow, and this is on the way. Told Rose I'd just sleep here tonight. This is good coffee, Annie, but you look tired. You get any rest today?"

"No sir, but I did what was needful and kept Tillie from having to do it. I'm strong. She's not." Annie answered.

Matt poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Annie. "There's a nice sunset shining out over the front porch, Annie. Why don't you go and watch it and sit a spell. Doc and I need to have a little conversation out back." She looked up at him in some confusion, but at the look in his eyes and the motion of his head towards the door, she took her coffee and left.

Matt opened the back door and stepped through. "Doc." The doctor followed him.

"I suppose this means you've talked with Kitty."

"I have." Matt answered.

"Well. Go on then."

"You were right this morning. I do think the whole thing is your fault." Matt rounded on him with utter fury. "How could you do that to her, Doc? I understand it was as difficult situation, but how could you do that to her? And how could you live with yourself after it was done?"

Doc just stood there, looking down at the board floor. Eventually he spoke, but he didn't look up. "It didn't seem so bad at first, Matt. But the more I got to know Kitty, the more I regretted it. And by the time I realized what I'd gotten her into, there was no way out." He did look up then, and met Matt's eyes. "She never seemed to mind, you realize that? She never held it against me. Never blamed me. But I blamed myself. More and more each year, stuck there between the three of them. Worst damn position I ever got myself into in my life."

"There's a word, Doc, for men who do that." Matt said, his voice low and savage.

"Then you just go ahead and use it and maybe it'll give you some relief. You know damn well you can't hit me, and you can't shoot me – you may as well use any words you can find." Doc thumped his fist hard against the porch rail. "But I'll tell you one thing, Matt Dillon, I've had a damn sight more years of schooling than you have, and you're not going to find one single word that I haven't called myself this last dozen years."

The two men stared at each other with more anger than they'd ever felt or than either knew how to deal with. The screen door slammed. "Oh, that's just fine, gentlemen, fine." There was scathing sarcasm in Kitty's voice, "That is _just_ what we all need."

She stood between them, hands on her hips, a damp dishtowel in her hands. "You two just fight it out. That's going to be a big help to me. You can stand there and argue about which one of you is most at fault, but you know what you seem to be ignoring?"

She looked them both up and down in turn, and then said, "You're ignoring me. You act like I had no part in this. Sweet little Kitty – always does what someone else tells her to do – always lets someone else make her decisions for her – always needs someone around to protect her. How about you just get it through both your fool heads that it was _my_ choice? _I_ did it. No one forced me into anything. I weighed the options, and I considered the prices – oh, yes, you don't like to hear about it, but the price was damn important to me especially that first year – and I chose what I wanted to do. It was all over a long time ago. Over, do you hear me? Rose and I had settled everything to our mutual satisfaction. Women can do that, you know? And then first Jake, and then Doc, and now you, Matt – you had to just put your irons in the fire and stir things around."

She sat down hard in the rocking chair and looked up at them. "Jake's gone. And Rose will never have him to touch her or hold her or talk with her or laugh with her again. But I've still got you. Both of you. And I love you both, and I will be _damned_ if I'll let you fight with each other over something that was over and done with a dozen years ago – _and didn't matter anyway_." She put her face down in the damp towel and sobbed.

Matt went over and knelt next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders and transferring her wet face to the front of his shirt. Doc went in the kitchen and got a glass of water and brought it back out to her. He turned to Matt, "She pregnant again?"

Matt thought a moment, and shook his head. "Not likely."

They heard a deep growling noise and it took both of them a moment to realize it came from Kitty. The screen door slammed open and Annie came out, holding a glass of whiskey. "Get away from her," she demanded, and both men moved back in surprise. She handed the whiskey to Kitty, who downed the drink in a single swallow. Annie took both Kitty's hands and pulled her to her feet, slipping an arm around her waist. "You are the biggest pair of fools I've ever seen, and I've seen my share. How she has managed to put up with either of you, much less both of you, all these years I will never know. Now leave her alone, I'm taking her up to bed." Annie led Kitty to the door but stopped in the doorway and looked straight at Matt, "And I'm going to be in that bed with her, mister, so don't you get any silly ideas about slipping upstairs after everyone's asleep. Go away. The two of you. Just go away for a while and let her have herself for herself." The screen door slammed one final time and both women were gone.

Doc picked up his hat from the bench and set it on his head. "Well." he said, "Guess she told us."

"I guess she did." Matt replied. "I don't think I liked that."

"I don't think we were supposed to." Doc told him taking a step towards the kitchen door. "Good night, Matt."

"Good night, Doc," he said, and headed over for the bunkhouse.


	26. Chapter 26: Payment of a debt past due

Chapter Twenty-Six: Payment of a debt past due

The crowd assembled for Jake Kincaid's funeral was larger than the house would hold. People stood on the porch and in the yard, and then followed the six men carrying Jake's coffin up the rise to the family burying ground. Rose Kincaid let the mourners with Doc Adams on one side and Kitty Russell, a black shawl wrapped around her white shirtwaist despite the heat, on the other. Matt and Annie Dillon followed towards the back with Till Kincaid between them. Standing at the edge of the fenced plot Matt noticed the row of small stones marking the children Jake and Rose had lost, and read sadly the words on a larger memorial stone:

Lionel Kincaid, CSA

Michael Kincaid, Union

Died Morrisville, NC 1865

Brothers

They had almost made it home.

Afterwards, the house and yard cleared quickly, friends knowing that there were too many of them to stay for the usual funeral hospitality. Matt noticed that Judge Brooker, who had come out from town with banker Botkin, was among those remaining. The others were mostly close neighbors and some of the major local landowners. Aside from that there were Reverend England, Bat Ford, Doc, Kitty, and himself.

Annie, Kitty, Till, and a couple of neighbors served a mostly silent and fairly uncomfortable meal. Kitty had made known with a nod of her head that she expected Matt to stick close to Rose, and, sure enough, two neighboring ranchers approached Rose during the meal and suggested offers to buy out Kincaid – the highest bid a mere ten thousand. Rose referred them both to Judge Brooker, and the Marshal standing tall behind her chair discouraged further discussion.

By a little after noon, Cyrus Brooker was able to assemble those remaining for the reading of the will. Matt noticed that Bat was still in the room, along with Doc, himself, Kitty, the Reverend, and two neighboring ranchers with small spreads. He watched Till enter and stand behind Rose Kincaid, and took a similar stance next to Kitty. He wasn't quite sure what to expect, but Rose's insistence yesterday that he listen to the reading of the will before making a decision on buying Kincaid had him slightly uneasy. He reached down to lay a light hand on Kitty's shoulder, and she turned her face up to him briefly, her smile solid but her eyes nervous.

Standing, appropriately or inappropriately, behind the bier that had held Jake's coffin, Judge Brooker read out the will. It had been written five years before. As expected, his estate was left to his wife Rose with the exception of several individual bequests. His daughter Elizabeth received five thousand dollars, his friend and longtime foreman received a thousand dollars and his choice of any riding horse on Kincaid. Reverend England and Doc Adams, to his great surprise, both received the same. The two neighbors each received small numbers of prime breeding stock. The last request from the original will addressed Miss Kitty Russell of Dodge City, Kansas and provided her with an amount equal to one half the current market value of the Long Branch Saloon "in payment of a debt past due". Kitty, horrified, kept her face utterly calm as it seemed every man in the room turned to stare at her. Matt's hand on her shoulder gripped briefly tighter in support. Neither of them had expected anything as specific or as damning as that bequest.

But before talk could begin again, Judge Brooker announced, "There is also one codicil that was made to the will two years ago. I will read it for you. To Marshal Matthew Dillon of Dodge City, Kansas I leave his choice of any horse from the K Bar stud, in apology for an unintended offence. This concludes the reading of the will."

Years of clearing his mind as he faced down opponents kept Matt's face steady and his anger concealed. Having their names paired like that in public seemed a deliberate insult rather than an apology. Kitty rose to stand beside him, saying in a low voice, "Go walk it off, Matt. We can talk later."

Instead he took her arm, and led her up to where the judge and the banker stood. "Any idea how long that committee of ours will take to come up with a price, Mr. Botkin?" he asked.

But it was Judge Brooker who answered him. "You know the will needs to be probated, Matt, and that will take a week or two even if I push it. Plenty of time for your local men to look at the land and stock and come up with their valuations. You planning on making a bid for the ranch?"

"Yes, sir, we are – Miss Russell and I. Wondered if I could get you to write up a set of partnership papers for us before the probate is complete?" Matt replied.

"Partnership?" Brooker responded in surprise. "Wouldn't another arrangement be better, Matt?"

Dillon looked at him steadily, "No, sir. Not at this time. I'd like that partnership legal and official before we make any land purchase." Matt stated.

Botkins, standing next to them, was turning pale. "You and Miss Russell are thinking of joining your savings to buy Kincaid, Marshal?" he asked, and then with only a little stutter went on, "I… I would need… need a little time to arrange for that much cash money to be available, Marshal. Especially with the cash bequests from today's will."

It was Kitty who answered that one, saying sweetly, "I'm sure you would, Banker. The time that Judge Brooker takes for probate ought to be enough, won't it? We wouldn't want to cause any talk of…" she paused and then smiled calmly up at him, lowering her voice just a little, "of _weakness_ in our local bank, now would we?"

Matt's hand tightened just a little on her arm and shook it almost imperceptibly. She knew he was telling her to stop baiting the man, and she lowered her eyes but couldn't keep the gleam out of them. Botkin has spent years treating the most successful business woman in Dodge as some damning combination of foolish gambler and silly girl. When she'd needed money, he'd never loaned it willingly or at what she considered a fair interest - although he'd accepted her almost daily deposits with courtesy. And his wife had never once even greeted her on the street.

Judge Brooker, ignoring the interchange, was concentrating on Matt. "What kind of partnership, Matt? Even shares?"

"No, Judge," Kitty intervened, "Sixty forty in the Marshal's favor will do fine."

"Sixty forty is fine, Judge, but Miss Russell gets the high share." Matt stated firmly.

They looked at each other, and Judge Brooker looked at them, "Even shares, then?" he asked again, this time with a smile. Both nodded slowly in agreement.

The afternoon fled. Telling Kitty he would be back by dark, Matt followed the stream of visitors towards Dodge with Annie beside him in the buggy and Buck tied on behind. They were silent most of the way. "You still mad at me, Matthew?" she finally asked.

He thought a bit. Liking the fact she didn't push him for an answer. "No. Can't say I liked what you did last night, but I can't fault you for defending Kitty." He stopped again for a while. "I don't like the idea that she needs defending, Annie."

Annie hung her head, "I don't think she needed defending, exactly, Matthew. It's just sometimes I see her try so hard to make everything right for you, and for Doc, but mostly for you, that it's like she just buries whatever it is she wants, and then sometimes, like last night, it comes out in yelling. Or in tears. And I get mad too."

"How long you been watchin' us, Annie?" he asked.

"Since the day I came," she replied promptly.

"How long it take you to figure all that out?"

"Not too long, Matthew. But you need to remember that while I was watchin' you, and tryin' to make up my mind, I, well, I loved Kitty right off. I was plenty mad at you those first few months." She spoke forthrightly, and then added, a little hesitantly, "Sir."

Matt laughed out loud and reached out an arm to hug her shoulders briefly, "Child, I don't know what to make of you. I surely don't." He stopped for a moment and then said more quietly, "Except that Luff and Rachel did a mighty fine job of raising you."

Annie smiled at that, but came back with, "I'm not a child."

"Well, I do know that, Annie. But you seem younger, sometimes, than I know you are. And other times, like last night, you seem, well, a whole lot older." Matt sighed, "What am I going to do with you, girl?"

She didn't answer right away, and when she did, her voice was small, "Love me?"

That hit him like a sledge. But he couldn't lie to her. "I already do, Annie. And I'm not very good at sayin' that. I always expect that if I love someone, well, it will just get them hurt."

"Me, I think loving is the best thing that happens to us this side of heaven, Matthew, so maybe we'll try it my way instead of yours," she answered him. She tucked her hand in beside his elbow and laid her head down on his arm. And for a lot of reasons that he took pleasure spending some time thinking on, he didn't mind a bit.

Matt dropped Annie at the Long Branch and, after returning the buggy to Hank, went on to his office to pass on word of his extension as Marshal and let Festus and Newly know that Frank Reardon would be replacing him.

"Ya want that kep' private like, Matthew?" Festus asked him.

Matt noticed Newly's bright eyes on him as he prepared to answer, so he made his response to them both, "No, Festus, Newly, I don't. I've been Marshal here a long time, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about telling people I'm resigning. Might be best if the word just… got out. I'll be stayin' out at Kincaid over the next couple of days. That should give people plenty of time to talk it out."

Both deputies nodded their understanding, but he went on, "Word's goin' to be out soon about Kincaid going up for sale, and likely the rumor that Kitty and I are hoping to buy it. No way to stop that after talking to Botkin today. Sure to be some speculation, but I'd appreciate it if you boys wouldn't comment on that part." He sighed, "And there's more. I think it's going to be pretty tough on Kitty for a while when she gets back to town. People are going to be remembering about her and Jake Kincaid because of what he left her in his will." Matt went on to give them the details.

"Acourse I wasn' here back in the day, but it I allays thought ol' Jake was right fond of Miss Kitty, Matthew." Festus said, shaking his head, "Sure seems an ugly way to treat her, although ya cain't argue with the money. That's a sight of money, Matthew."

"Is Miss Kitty going to sell the Long Branch, Matt?" Newly asked.

"I don't know, Newly," Matt replied, "That's up to her. She might. I suppose that's another thing people will be talking about." He turned the topic, "Any word from down at the quarantine line? We got any herds still comin' in? Or is it over for the year?"

"Pretty much over, I think, Marshal," Newly told him, and Festus nodded agreement as he went on, "Town's been pretty steady the last couple of nights, busy but not rowdy."

"Let's hope it stays that way." Matt said, and went out to walk his town once more. The familiar rounds steadied him. Much as he wanted the change he was making in his life, clear and studied as the decision had been, the past few days had left him uncomfortable inside his own skin – not sure of his place – and that wasn't a something he was very familiar with. His walk through the afternoon bustle of Front Street, recognizing each place and each person he saw, left him calmer than he'd been. He was chatting with some of the riders from the Worth place when he saw Annie step out of the telegraph office, and was going to go over and walk her back to the Long Branch when two smiling cowboys beat him to it – tipping their hats and each taking one of her arms.


	27. Chapter 27: A piece of clean paper

Chapter Twenty-Seven: A piece of clean paper

Matt rode back to Kincaid in the late light of the summer evening and found Kitty sitting on the front steps of the porch watching as the first streaks of sunset lit the sky. He tied Buck and came to sit down on the step below her wrapping an arm around her waist. Kitty leaned into him and laid her head against his. The sunset flared gold and orange like a fire at the edge of the world.

"Reminds me of your hair spread out on the pillow when the morning sun first comes through the window." Matt told her.

"That might possibly be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me, Matt Dillon," she said softly.

"True though," he replied.

They waited until the sky was dark, sitting close with each other listening to the night sounds of the ranch around them – crickets and the nicker of horses in the corral, a door opening somewhere out past the barn and the low murmur of voices for a moment before it closed again.

"We going to make it through this, Kitty?" he asked, "Or do you want to just quit now and find some other place?"

"Oh, we'll manage, Matt. We've seen this kind of thing through before." Kitty sat up straighter and shook her head, "I just never expected that of him, Matt. Jake was never a cruel man. We argued some, over the years, but he never deliberately did me an unkind turn. From the beginning, well, it was like he respected me, like you and Doc did – made me feel stronger about myself instead of smaller."

She paused a bit, and Matt was silent, his mouth hard. "It's almost as if someone else wrote that will, Matt."

"I think someone else did," came a voice from the doorway.

Both of them stood and turned to see Rose standing there, Till, as always, behind her. Matt went to take Rose's arm and seat her in the big rocking chair, and then made sure Till was settled on the bench against the wall. He drew up a chair for Kitty, and leaned himself back against the wide log post that held up the porch roof. "Tell me about that, Rose," he said, and Kitty recognized the Marshal in his voice.

"Kitty, I never even looked at that will before today. I thought I knew what was in it, Jake and I decided on all that five years ago. He wrote the new will when he decided to give breeding stock to the Partons and the Sauers. Said they were the best young ranchers in the county and deserved some credit for it. We used his old will as a model, and wrote out the changes, and Elizabeth took it in to Dodge to mail to Judge Brooker."

"Oh, Rose, no!" Kitty said, "I know Elizabeth doesn't like me, but surely…"

"Elizabeth purely hates you, child." Rose replied resolutely, "And there's no two ways about that. She was the one who told Jake about the money in the first place, and about my offering to buy you the Long Branch."

"How did she find that out, Rose?" It was the Marshal speaking again.

"She was going over my old household books – looking for recipes she said. I keep my accounts there, and notes about what's happening, weather, crops, suchlike." Kitty nodded. Her own ledgers had plenty of notations that weren't strictly about money. "She saw the numbers for when I paid Kitty, and then for when I didn't. And there was one page where I speculated on the value of the Long Branch, trying to come up with a fair price. She showed all that to Jake, and that's when the fussing started."

"But even if she did re-write the changes she sent in for Jake's will, Rose," Matt asked, "Wouldn't he have noticed when he signed it?"

"I've been thinking on that part all afternoon, Marshal. Till and I talked about it, trying to remember. If Doc were here, we could ask him, too. He and I were the witnesses. We signed it over at the Dodge House, after some trial or other when the Judge was in town. I remember Jake putting a piece of clean paper over the middle of the page – you know those long pages that legal papers use – so that Doc couldn't see what was coming to him." Rose said, "And Jake and I, we thought we knew."

Till's voice came from the shadows behind them, "The Judge, he asked Mistah Jake to read it over, ah do remember that. I was standin' quiet-like, just waitin' fo' them to be done soes we could go home. But Mistah Jake, he wouldn' take the time, just asked if the money for Kitty was there – I remembah those words "the money for Kitty" – and the breeding stock. The Judge he said it was all there, an' Mistah Jake just put that piece of paper down, and then signed his name, and Doc Adams, he came and signed, and so did Miss Rose. Then the Judge, he took the will back with him."

Matt said, "Doc told me that Botkin and the Judge were the executors, but that would have been at the very top of the page. I suppose that was all he could see." He and Kitty shared a glance across the dark porch. They both knew Doc was insatiably curious and would have managed to read every word he could see.

"What was it supposed to be, Rose?" Kitty asked, "Do you remember?"

"Of course I do, Kitty!" Rose responded tartly, "You and Doc and the preacher each got the same – a thousand dollars and a riding horse. And no comment on any of it." She looked up at where Matt loomed with the moonlit sky behind him, "That last part for you, it was added later. And those are surely Jake's own words, but I don't think he meant to insult you, Marshal, it was just breeding stock, the best he had to give, like for the other men."

"I can accept that intention, Rose." Matt agreed, "It's only when it's right after those words to Kitty that it looks, well, it looks so bad."

Rose stood up, Till immediately at her side. "I can't change what's done, Kitty. I know it will bring the two of you some grief, but you've got the sand to sit it out. I've borne nine children, and Elizabeth is the only one left alive. I can't give her up, even knowing what she's done here. Elizabeth will be comin' in on the train day after tomorrow. You stay here with me tomorrow, Kitty, and you and I'll go over the whole house. I'll give you my keys, and show you the books, and let you know everything you need to know to set up housekeeping." The old woman reached out a hand and Kitty took it, "Then you go back to town and don't come back here until Elizabeth and I are gone. Now, Till's going to put me to bed. Don't you come up." Together the two old women walked back into the house where they'd both lived for more than thirty years.

Kitty came over to lay her head on Matt's chest, and his arms moved up to hold her lightly. "You still think we can get through this, Kitty?" he asked.

"You know we can, Matt. Won't be the first time. I just was hoping that now, well, that things would turn around for us."

"I hope they will, Kitty. We'll live through this and the next part will be better," Matt told her. "I have to know one thing, though. So I can take care of you properly."

"What's that, Matt?" Kitty asked him.

"Why does Elizabeth hate you so much that she would do a thing like that?"

Kitty sighed. "She opened a bedroom door one evening and saw us, Jake and me. That was how it all ended. She must have been about fourteen."

"So she had cause for her anger." Matt said, "Although I'd think she'd have turned it on him rather than on you."

"I thought about that a lot over the years, Matt," Kitty said, "And I finally realized it was safer to hate me than to hate him. Safer for her. But yes, she had cause, or thought she did."

They were silent for a long time after that, just holding each other. Eventually, Kitty turned in his arms, resting her back against him, his arms around her waist, she looked out at the night sky. "Can I tell you something, Matt?"

"You know you can, Kitty."

"I'm a little scared here," she whispered.

"Of what, sweetheart?" he asked her.

"Promise me you won't laugh at me?"

"I do promise. What is it has you scared, Kitty?" He wanted to know.

"Housekeeping," she said. "I'm thirty-four years old and I'm never kept house. I can cook, but I've never planned and cooked three meals in the same day, and then gotten up to do it again the next day. I can run a saloon, but I'm not sure about running a home."

Matt stopped himself carefully from saying the first things that came to his mind. That it couldn't be that hard. That if she could run one kind of establishment she could surely run another. Instead he thought back on how he'd relished the familiarity of doing his rounds in town this afternoon, where everything was familiar, and he knew just how to act, what to do. "I've been feeling much the same about running this ranch, Kitty," he finally said. "I think I know what to do, I know all the individual tasks, 'though I haven't done some of them in a while, but putting it all together, that's a big job. That's one reason I've been bunking in with the boys, trying to get to know the routine here, and the people. Kind of wish I had more time to practice, though, or that I was a little younger."

"How would being younger help, Matt?" she asked, curious.

"Well, people expect a younger man to make mistakes. Marshal Dillon, now, people think he mostly knows everything about everything, and that's kind of hard to live up to sometimes," he admitted.

Kitty smiled. "I suppose we'll have to help each other, Matt, and not let the rest of the world see when we make mistakes."

"Partners?" he asked.

"Partners," she agreed.

It was a little while before she added, "I wish we could be together tonight, Matt. I'm lonely knowing you're so near but not having you with me."

"You can't possibly want that any more than I do, Kitty, but one more night and then we can go home and be with each other again." He paused, thinking of them together in the big bed over the Long Branch, "And when we come back again, this will be home."

She squeezed her arms over his where he held her, but her tone was practical now, "You hungry, Matt? Did you get dinner in town?"

"I did not, and I surely am."

"Then let's go get you fed." Hand in hand they entered the house that would very soon be their home for the rest of their lives.


	28. Chapter 28: Shame the devil

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Shame the devil

Matt drove Kitty home the following evening, and they were both glad to be back. While Kitty took a quick bath, not bothering to ask Sam for hot water, and dressed for an evening at the saloon, Matt went to find Festus and get a feel for the latest gossip.

Festus, as usual, had heard everything there was to hear. "Seems like those hoity-toity laydees, those what won't even let their husbands tip a hat to Miss Kitty, they's all upset like, but most of the folks, you know, Matthew, just folks, they're right happy for Miss Kitty comin' into a fortune and don't care two bits how'n she come by it. I've heard some men a-sayin' that if Jake owed Miss Kitty money, he ought to have paid it before this and not waited, but then others sayin' maybe he couldn't do it while he was alive 'cause of Miss Rose. There sure is a lot of talk, Matthew, but not much of it seems to be nasty like."

Festus stopped there and squinted sideways at the Marshal. "Leastways, not the talk about Miss Kitty."

"Oh?" Matt asked, with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Festus harrumphed and coughed a bit. "Well, Matthew, seems ya' got youself a new nickname around town."

"You think anybody'd have the nerve to say it in front of Kitty, Festus?" Matt asked him.

Festus considered that, "Maybe not right to her face, Matthew, but she's sure gonna hear."

"I suppose she's heard worse." Matt said. "If they keep it to talk, then it likely won't last too long. Anything else new goin' on? Any drovers in town?"

"Tuck Parmelee, he was in town couple three days ago, Matthew." Festus said brightly.

"Thought he was still in prison. What did he want?"

"Wants to kill you, Matthew. Newly and I. we both a-told him you'd done resigned and headed out to Coloraydo, but I don' know as he believed it. He rode out yest'rd'y, though." Festus said.

"Guess, we'll have to wait and see. I'll walk early rounds tonight if you'll take the later walk. That suit you, Festus?" Matt asked.

"Suits me jus' fine, Matthew. I'm a goin' down to the Long Branch and see if there's a lady will buy me a drink to celebrate all that money she done come into." Festus told him. Matt laughed and slapped him on the back.

Festus was not the only man in Dodge waiting to congratulate Kitty on her good fortune. There were shouts, and clapping, and laughter as she descended the stairs of the Long Branch. And before long she simply told Sam and Clem to pour a round for the house, and a first round for any one that came in later in the evening. The crowd was local, every man had heard the news, and one by one they wanted a chance to chat with Kitty about it. She kept her smile, told her friends she was sad to lose Jake, but always happy to see old debts repaid, and didn't let the conversation go any further.

Kitty was sitting with Doc, Festus, and Pete Sauer when Matt came in around eleven. Sauer hailed him even before Kitty did, and pulled him into a chair. "I need to talk to you about those K Bar studs, Matt," he said very seriously, and raised his voice above the noise to call Len Parsons over to join them. Kitty listened for a few minutes, enough to determine that the men were genuinely talking about breeding horses, and not simply making violently off-color remarks, then rose and went to stand at the bar.

Doc followed her, shaking his head. "If I talked to my patients using that kind of language, they'd run me out of town on a rail."

"You think things are going to pass over this easy, Doc?" she asked him after a bit.

"No, I think you're going to hear a fair number of dirty jokes and get asked for an explanation by every person in town who feels you owe them a personal conversation, but something new will come along eventually for folks to talk about," he replied. "I thank you for the drink, Kitty, and I'm going to call it a night."

The barroom was beginning to quiet down. Sam walked up to her as Doc left, and suddenly Annie was there beside her as well. "You have time to talk to us privately for a few minutes after closing, Miss Kitty?" Sam asked.

"You and Annie?" she responded. "Certainly. You want to wait, or come on into the office now?"

Sam looked around the bar. Nothing Clem couldn't handle. He picked up a quick nod from Annie – an action that raised Kitty's curiosity to a peak – and said, "Now would be fine, Miss Kitty." Sam opened the door to the back hall and ushered the ladies through.

Kitty sat behind her desk. Annie had the other chair, and Sam stood behind her. "What's this all about, Sam?" Kitty asked.

"Miss Kitty, Annie tells me you and the Marshal are going to buy the Kincaid ranch." he said.

"Yes, I think that's pretty likely, Sam. We won't know for sure until the price is set, but I don't think it will be higher than we can manage." Kitty replied frankly.

"Does that mean you're going to sell the Long Branch, Kitty?" Sam asked her just as frankly.

"Yes, it probably does, Sam. You know I wouldn't do that without talking to you about it first, but, yes, I think I'm going to want to sell." She looked him in the eye, "You want to buy me out, Sam?"

Kitty's eyes widened and she didn't even try to stop them when Annie's small hand moved up to meet Sam's big one. "Yes, ma'am. Annie and I, we'd like to offer you $3500 for a 60% interest in the Long Branch."

"Where'd you get that kind of money, Sam?" Kitty asked, her eyes on Annie.

And it was Annie who replied. "Sam's been saving to buy into the saloon for a long time, Miss Kitty. You know that. And I sent a telegram to my brother Johnny yesterday. Got an answer today. He said he could have the money for me by next week. Two thousand dollars."

"So I'd be selling to Johnny Barger?" Kitty said with a frown.

"No, ma'am. You'd be selling to Sam and me." Annie said, "The money's due me from sellin' up the Yellow Rose in Amarillo. I didn't need it at the time, and Johnny and Louisa did, but it's mine fair and square."

Kitty took a long breath. She looked at Annie, hard, but addressed herself to Sam. "Sam, you know the Long Branch is yours if you want it. We've been together too long and too close for there to be any other answer. We can agree on a price or an arrangement one way or another. But I've heard too many of Annie's stories. I need the real truth before we move on with this, and Matt needs to hear it too." She stood up and went to put her arm around the younger woman, "You must know by now that I do love you, Annie, but loving and trusting are two different things. If we're going to do business together, I need to be able to trust your word. You think on that."

Kitty left the office and went back into the barroom of the Long Branch. "Time gentlemen!" She called, "Last round and we'll be closing in ten more minutes."

28 – 28 – 28

Sam and a very quiet Annie began cleaning up the barroom. Matt was still buttonholed with Sauer and Parsons, but when he stood and began clearing tables and putting up chairs, they did the same, talking the whole time. Matt eventually got them out the door without actually shoving them, but it was a close thing.

Matt locked the front door behind Sam and the three of them walked slowly up the darkened stairs. Matt looked down the hall but found it empty of Amos and his shotgun. "Summer herds are done, Matt. Amos won't be around much until late next spring."

Annie moved to kiss him goodnight, and then, cheeks suddenly wet with tears, kissed Kitty. "I will try, Kitty. Tomorrow morning, early. Just give me tonight to put it all together."

Kitty patted her arm, "Shouldn't be hard, Annie. You just need to tell the truth and shame the devil." Then she and Matt walked behind the curtain and into her room.

Matt stripped off his clothes and lay back onto the bed with a tired huff of breath. "God but it's good to be back," he said, watching her neatly remove, hang, and put away her dress. "You need any help there, honey?" he asked as she began untying the tapes on her petticoats.

"You can unlace me, Matt, if you can do it without getting yourself distracted," she told him, and he came over to untie and unlace her corset.

"Some particular reason we can't get distracted yet?" he asked, doing the job with the swift efficiency of long experience.

Kitty nodded, "Sam made me an offer on the Long Branch tonight, and I'd like to tell you about all that before we get busy with something else."

A few minutes later they sat, each nursing a glass of whiskey. Kitty, wrapped in a ruffled robe, was in Matt's big chair, and he sat sideways on the small sofa with one knee pulled up in front of him and the other foot resting on the floor. Kitty worked to keep her eyes on his face.

"Well, Kitty, Annie aside, isn't this what you wanted?" Matt asked after the evening's encounter had been described to him.

"Yes, it is." she sighed. "If I'm moving out to Kincaid, then I'm not going to run the Long Branch anymore. You've already given up your badge, or set a date to give it up. I told you I wouldn't be far behind. And if Sam's going to run the Long Branch, well, he needs a woman to help him." She looked over at Matt, not wanting to have to say the words they both knew.

"It's been a problem for years, Matt, you know that. You can't run a saloon without pretty girls, and if you've got pretty girls, some men are going to want more than a drink. I've never made my girls take trade, Matt. I'd quit the whole business before I did that. But a lot of girls want the extra money, and it's a hell of a lot safer for them upstairs at the Long Branch with Sam keeping an eye on things and Amos in the hallway with his shotgun when things get busy than it would be out on the street, or going up to some man's hotel room. I split down the middle with my girls, and the money goes in Sam's hand before the pair of them walk upstairs. It's a lot fairer than any other place in Dodge, and I take better care of my girls." She smiled, "I also charge more, and that keeps out the rougher business."

"You think Annie can handle all that, Kitty?" Matt said, thinking of the slender, straight-backed girl with her head of dark curls, and her polite Southern speech. He chuckled, and looked up at Kitty, "You know tonight's the first time I ever heard her call you 'Kitty' without the 'Miss' in front of it?"

"I noticed that, Matt," she said, "Didn't know if you would. But yes, Annie's as ready as I was and I took over that part of the Long Branch when I was just twenty-one."

Matt thought about that. He'd been so happy that she wasn't taking customers anymore that he'd hardly notice when 'Bill's girls' started to be 'Kitty's girls'. "So what's the problem, Kitty? Tell me straight out."

"Annie's been lying to us since she got here, Matt, about one thing and another. She's good at it, and there's a part of me that admires that 'cause it can be a necessary skill – but she doesn't seem to know who to lie to, and who needs the truth. If she's going to be my partner, and Sam's, then that's got to end." Matt recognized the firmness in Kitty's voice when she said it, and knew there would be no backing away.

"What do you want me to do, Kitty?" he asked.

"I want you to talk to her tomorrow morning. Get the whole story without any lies. And convince her somehow that she has to be straight with us. I'll be there, Matt, and Sam will be there too, but we won't make a move or say a word. I want you to do the talking." Kitty said.

"Why? Because I'm her father?" He was irritated, and fighting a battle with having it turn to real anger.

Kitty shrugged. "When you get right down to it, Matt, you _are_ the reason she's here. But I don't think that word means quite the same to us right now as it does to most families, so let's just say it's because you're both Dillons, and Dillons don't lie to each other."

She walked over and took his hand, pulling him gently towards the bed. "Sometimes, Kitty Russell, you have a way of twisting my life that doesn't leave me very pleased with you," he told her. If he'd had anywhere else to go, he'd probably have gotten dressed and gone. Dropping her robe on the floor, Kitty blew out the light, and sat down on the edge of the bed, tugging him towards her. Still fuming, he told her. "Stop it, Kitty, I'm just not ready for that right now."

"You will be," she answered him. And pretty soon he was.


	29. Chapter 29: Hold your peace

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Hold your peace

Matt was gone when Kitty woke the next morning. She had expected that. She knew that when he was troubled about something that he needed to walk, or ride, or fight, or, she smiled, sometimes just fucking was enough. She washed and dressed in a plain skirt and open collared shirt, leaving her hair down. Sam wasn't in the barroom yet, so she made coffee, and by the time it was done, she heard his key at the front door.

"Lock it behind you please, Sam," she called, and went out to meet him.

"We not opening up this morning, Miss Kitty?" he asked as he came across the room.

She shook her head. "No, Matt and Annie are going to have a conversation, and you and I are going to sit here real quiet while they do."

Sam's eyes were troubled. "I don't want her hurt, Kitty. I'd rather drop the whole thing now than see her hurt," he told her.

"Is it that way for you, too, Sam?" she asked. He nodded, meeting her eyes. "Well, do you trust Matt?"

"You know I do, Kitty." His ugly face twisted into even more of a grimace than usual. "But I'm not looking forward to it."

"I don't think any of us are, Sam," Kitty said, patting his arm. "Let's get some coffee."

They had the chairs down, and Kitty was sitting at a table near the stairs with coffee and cups in front of her, and a deck of cards in her hands when Matt came through the back door a few minutes later. Sam was in his usual station behind the bar. Kitty was handing Matt a cup of coffee when Annie appeared at the top of the stairs.

"We the only ones here, Annie?" Kitty asked her.

"No, ma'am. Cora and Lizzie are upstairs, but I asked them to stay in their rooms for a while." Annie replied. At the bottom of the stairs she turned to face Matt and Kitty. Matt put his cup down on the table, and Kitty picked up her cards and began dealing a hand of solitaire. Annie looked at them both, glanced once over to Sam, and then nodded.

"All right, Matthew. This is probably best. Where do you want me to start?"

"Start with Luff. How did he die, and when?" Matt asked.

"He died on Christmas day last year – nine months ago tomorrow. He was shot as he was opening the door of the Yellow Rose for business a little after noon."

Matt's face twisted. "Do you know who shot him, or why?" he asked.

"A useless, low-down drifter who was angry 'cause Pa cut off his whiskey the night before. He shot him through the heart without even callin' his name. Pa was wearin' a gun, he always was, but he didn't even have a chance to draw. Sherriff caught the man the same day. They tried him and hung him on New Year's day. I watched." The shy, little girl voice was gone, and the one that replaced it was hard.

Matt was ready to stop, but one glance at Kitty, black jack on the red queen, kept him going. "And your mother?"

"That part was true. She died four years ago of something wrong inside her. There was a lot of pain at the end, but she had grit, and she died well. We were all with her except Luke."

"So when did she tell you about me?" Matt asked.

"She didn't. Uncle Rafe did. He was very… protective about MayLou and me. He and Pa didn't get along well, although I never saw him fight with Mamma. I asked Mamma if it were true, and she told me the whole story. I was about sixteen then, so it's been a while that I've known."

Matt took a step towards her and tipped up her face, "Why did you come here, Annie?"

"I honestly didn't have anywhere else to go, Matthew, and I thought if I was going to work in a saloon, I'd as soon do it here as in Texas." she said. "Johnny and MayLou came back when Pa died…"

Matt interrupted her, "Where were they?"

"They've had a casino up in Virginia City for years, the Silver Penny. They left Amarillo when Louisa was eighteen," she stopped. "I don't know how to say this one, Matthew."

"Just say it out, honey." Matt told her.

"They're married. Have been since they first left."

Matt had to think about that one. "I suppose they weren't actually kin," he acknowledged and Kitty nodded, red trey on the black four. "How did your parents deal with that?"

Annie shrugged. "Pa went along with it. Helped them get set up. I thought it would kill Mamma, but she learned to live with it over the years."

"So they came back when Luff was killed?"

"Yes, sir." Her voice turned from hard to bitter. "They came back because they wanted money. I wanted to keep running the Yellow Rose. I'd been partners with Pa since the day I turned twenty-one. Louisa wanted it sold and Johnny sided with her. They wanted their share so they could sell up in Virginia City and open a place in Denver. Parlor house and a gambling place, but they needed more money. I didn't have enough to buy them out, even with Mark's share. So Mark and I accepted it, and Johnny handled the sale. We split it four ways, but Johnny and MayLou took most of it to invest in their new place. That's why there was no place for me to go."

"You didn't go back with them to Virginia City like you told us?"

Annie hung her head, "I didn't want to talk about that, so I made up something, Matthew."

Matt's voice was gentle, "What was it you didn't want to say, Annie?"

"About Louisa. She wanted me to come with them to the new house in Denver," Annie looked straight at Kitty now, her voice steel, "But she wanted me to whore, and I wasn't going to do that, Kitty, no matter how fancy a place it was. I told you that straight off when you asked me. Johnny said it wouldn't come to that, but between Johnny and Louisa, well, MayLou always got her way." Kitty returned her gaze steadily for a moment, and nodded her head, then lowered her eyes again, moving an ace to the top of the board.

"Tell me about leaving Amarillo, Annie," Matt said.

"I got Mark taken on with Mike Parker at the YB. He liked cowboyin' and Mike was a good friend to us all, 'specially to me. He knew what Mark needed – work and a peaceful place and someone to tell him what to do – and I left enough money to cover any expenses that were more than his pay. Uncle Rafe wanted Mark on his place, but I wouldn't have it. I know he's your brother, Matthew, and I don't mean to speak ill of him, but he'd raised his hand to all of us too many times when we were younger for me to trust him with Mark at seventeen."

"And then?" Matt prompted her.

"And then I packed what I needed, got on the stage, and headed for Dodge. Uncle Rafe and the aunts, they forbid me to do it." She hesitated a moment, "They spoke mighty ill of you, Matthew."

"They would," he agreed.

"But Mamma and Luff always spoke well of you. And MayLou, well, she'd been in love with you since she was a child, never really stopped talking about you – and that got her a right many bruises from Uncle Rafe."

Matt winced at that, but let her go on.

"Matt Dillon is a name that people know. A name people talk about even in Texas. I knew what you'd look like, but I needed to see if you were like Rafe, or if you were… were more like Pa. Mamma always said you were like Pa, and like Louisa's daddy, Travis. Pa didn't mind, after we were grown, if she talked about you. So I'd heard stories, but I didn't know. So I came to see."

Matt looked at Kitty for a clue, but she left him on his own, pulling in the cards to shuffle and deal again. He took a breath and let it out. "Annie, you don't have to stay at the Long Branch. You know Kitty and I are going to be married soon. You're welcome to come and live with us at Kincaid, make your home with us as long as you want."

He laid his hands on her arms, and she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I will always thank you for that, Matthew, but that's not what I want. I want the Long Branch," she lowered her eyes and then raised them again, "with Sam."

Matt threw Sam a look, but found him looking at Kitty as she laid out her cards. No clues there. He couldn't really believe what he thought he heard, but that was a question he wasn't going to ask. Instead he tried, "So the money you have to invest here is really yours?"

"Yes, sir. I worked years at the Yellow Rose, and I got my cut as we went along, but all I got from the sale was the same share as the others. I know how to manage a saloon, and how to run the girls. How to keep things honest with cards, and keep things as safe as they can be. But you have to have a man to run a saloon, Matthew. If you think Kitty could have run this place without Sam all these years, you're fooling yourself. If she'd had more brain than heart she would have married him ten years ago."

Kitty didn't comment, red six on a black seven, but she met Matt's eyes just for a moment, gave him a wry smile and a shrug of her shoulders.

Matt put that away to think on later. "Then there's only one more thing we need to talk about, Annie," he said. "Tell me about Luke."

The room was quiet so long that he didn't think she would answer. Finally she said, "I've promised not to lie to you, Matthew. I give you my word right here I will never lie to any of the three of you again, but this is all I will say about Luke. You want to know more, then you go out to California and find him and ask him yourself. Luke is my younger brother. When he was fourteen, Uncle Rafe beat him half to death. After that, Pa and Mamma sent him out to San Francisco to stay with Mamma's sister. I have not seen him since. Pa and I, from the Yellow Rose, and Johnny and Louisa, from the Silver Penny, have paid his way through a good boarding school and then through Stanford University. He's almost through with medical school now, and he's working at a hospital in the city. Johnny and Louisa are still paying his expenses, and I've helped all I could. It's why we split the money from the Yellow Rose four ways – Luke already got his cut to pay for his education. That's all I'm going to say, Matthew, and all you need to know. If you don't like that, then, well, I guess I'll go." Tears streamed down her face, and she turned away from him. Kitty reached up her sleeve and produced a clean white handkerchief that she handed to Matt.

Matt turned Annie around and gently wiped her face. It made him remember wiping MayLou's tears away when she was just a little girl. "As long as you don't lie to me, honey, you can hold your peace where you need to. Are we done here? Sam?"

"Yes, sir. I never wanted this in the first place."

"Kitty?" he asked.

"Yes, Matt. I'm done." Kitty said, pulling in her unfinished game. "I'll accept the offer Sam and Annie made and get the paperwork started on Monday. I want that business finished before we marry."

But Annie put a hand up to touch Matt's face lightly, "I'm not quite through, Matthew. If Kitty hadn't forced this on us today, I still would have had to have this talk with you." She swallowed hard, and said, her voice breaking just a little, "I expect Rafe Dillon in town any day, Matthew, and I'm hoping you can arrange things so you don't have to kill him."


	30. Chapter 30: Behind Matt Dillon's badge

Chapter Thirty: Behind Matt Dillon's badge

It was three days before Rafe Dillon arrived in Dodge. They weren't easy days. Both Matt and Kitty would have preferred to spend at least part of the time at Kincaid, but that option wasn't open to them. A letter from Rose Kincaid, delivered by Bat, had informed them that the price, averaged from the different valuations, was set at $14650 and that Rose wanted to sign the final papers the following week on her way out of town for St. Louis. Nothing was said about Elizabeth, but her presence hung over them like a pall.

The late summer weather was clear and beautiful, afternoon breezes keeping away the worst of the heat, and leaving evenings that were moderate enough to be pleasant. Seemed like all of Dodge found something to do outside on those last evenings of summer, and Kitty found herself sitting part of each one in the twilight next to Matt on a chair outside the Long Branch while one citizen or another stopped by to chat with the Marshal about his plans for stepping down. Kitty kept expecting things to feel good, but somehow they didn't. What should have been a late summer idyll – the time they had waited for and hoped for through all the long years – was somehow marred by two things, a coming confrontation with a family Matt thought he'd left far behind him, and the continued presence of Tuck Parmelee moving from saloon to saloon, drinking and talking quiet menace.

"I wouldn't mind as much," Matt told Newly, "If he were rowdy and shot things up. I'd have an excuse to run him out of town, but he's only drinking enough to pay for his seat in the saloon, and all his talk is conversation and not open threats."

"You think he really means you harm, Marshal?" Newly enquired, "Or do you think it's all just talk and that he'll take off again like he did last week?"

Matt shook his head, "I'm not sure, Newly. Five years in prison can give a man a bellyful of anger, but it can also break his nerve. The Tuck Parmelee I knew back then wouldn't have sat around talking, he would have come for me in the street. I'd rather the man just went away and tried to build himself a life, but if he forces this quarrel I'll have to meet him."

"You think he'll try to ambush you, Marshal?" Newly asked next. He'd been listening to Parmelee's talk for almost a week now, and that thought was at the top of his mind.

"I don't know, Newly. Five years ago he wouldn't have even thought of it. Now? I just don't know."

30 * 30 * 30 * 30 * 30

It was mid-morning when a very tall, broad-shouldered young man walked into the Long Branch. His curling hair was brown, and he was dressed in dun colored pants, a dark shirt, and a leather vest. A six-gun hung low on his right hip. Kitty Russell, standing at the far end of the bar working on her ledger, put down her pencil with a sharply indrawn breath, her mind transported back through the years. She'd never known Matt Dillon that young, but the resemblance couldn't be questioned. Setting herself to smile, she took a few steps forward, "Cowboy," she said, "I'd have to make a bet your name is Rafe Dillon."

The man gave her a smile so familiar that it wrenched her heart, and removed his hat, "You'd be wrong, ma'am. I'm Web Dillon. Ray is my big brother. He and my father are checking out the other saloons, but I came here first because Annie told me…" A clatter on the stairs interrupted him, and a moment later Annie had her arms around his neck and was being swung in a brief twirl around him.

"They are the huggingest family I think I ever saw," Kitty said looking over at a smiling Sam.

Young Dillon set Annie down and extended his hand to Kitty. "Not all of us, ma'am, but it's hard not to hug Annie." She was startled to see that the eyes looking down at her were dark brown.

Kitty took the hand he offered. "We've found that out ourselves, Web," she said, "Can I buy you a beer?"

"Thank you, ma'am, but maybe not right now. Annie, you better vamoose, honey. Pa's for sure going to make trouble."

Annie stepped back from him, but shook her head. "I'm not running from Uncle Rafe anymore, Web."

"I admire your gumption, Annie, always did," Web told her, "But I think you're going to find yourself on a horse headed for Texas before the hour's out. And nothing I can do to stop it."

Kitty turned to where Louis Pheeters was leaning on a broom and listening to their exchange. "Louie, would you go find Matt? Fast as you can?" she said.

He ducked out of the batwing doors just as two dark-haired men stepped through. The only reason not to call them tall was in comparison to the young giant standing next to Kitty. One was an older man, a black patch covering one eye, his hair liberally streaked with grey. The other seemed about the same age as Web. They stepped forward towards the two women, and there was something in the older man's stride that caused Kitty to move in front of Annie. "Gentlemen," she acknowledged, "What can I do for you today?"

It surprised her when Young Rafe walked away from his father and went to put his arm around Annie, kissing her lightly on the lips. His brother moved to stand on her other side. "Well, well, well," the senior Dillon said, "You boys think that's really going to make any difference in the long run?"

Ignoring the three younger folk, he turned to stare at Kitty, looking her up and down. "And you would be Miss Kitty Russell." It was a statement, and there was distaste in his voice.

Kitty nodded to him, "Mr. Dillon," she said coldly.

"I won't take up much of your time, ma'am. The boys and I are headed back to Amarillo. We just sold off the Circle X herds in Wichita," he paused, "We're just here to pick up Annie."

"So she told us, Mr. Dillon." Kitty replied, "But she's not going."

"Oh, I think you'll find she is, Miss Russell," he said, "She's my niece, and my responsibility, and she's coming with me. She's spent enough of her young life in a barroom, and that's going to stop today."

"Not unless she wants it to, Rafe," said a deep voice from the doorway, "And it seems to me like she's made up her mind to stay in Dodge."

Kitty's tension eased a little at the sight of him, and she watched as the two men approached each other. Matt was taller and younger, but there was a definite resemblance in the lines of their faces, and in the set of their shoulders. He moved forward and extended his right hand towards his brother, not thrusting it out across his body in the normal gesture, but holding it open, palm up, in front of him. For the first time, Kitty noticed the black glove on Rafe's right hand.

Rafe looked at the outstretched hand, and then at Matt's face for a long time, long enough to be an insult, but Matt didn't move or withdraw his hand. Finally, Rafe reached out with his left hand and took his brother's offered right, gripping it hard. "It's been a very long time, Matthew," he said.

Matt nodded agreement. "Probably too long. Come sit down, and let's see if we can work this out." Matt moved to pull a chair out for Kitty, and called, "Sam, you want to clear folks out for me? I think we need a little privacy here for a few minutes."

Web and Ray stayed at the bar, flanking Annie protectively, while Sam hustled the few early customers out the door and closed it.

Rafe seated himself. "It's not going to do any good, Matthew. I'm here to take Annie back home to Texas and that's where she's going. You shouldn't have let it come to this." He sighed, "Let's just have it right out on the table. You seduced Travis' widow, and when you found out she was pregnant, you left her. If I'd known that at the time, I wouldn't have let you live to leave. But you deserted that child before she was born, Matthew, leaving her a bastard for Luff Barger to cover with his name. You've no say in what happens to her now."

"I won't argue those facts with you, Rafe, and it doesn't matter now what you, or I, think. Annie's a grown woman, and she's not leaving here against her consent." It was the Marshal's voice that spoke and there were years of authority behind it. "Annie?" he called, "You planning to go back to Texas with Rafe and his boys?"

"No, sir, Matthew, I am not." Annie said firmly.

"That's all there is to say then, Rafe." Matt told him.

Rafe Dillon looked at his brother with sad contempt. "I should have known you'd try to weasel out of it, Matthew, rather than stand up to me like a man. I thought maybe, after all these years, after all the stories I've heard, that you might have changed. But you always were a coward, and I guess that's the kind of thing that never does change."

Kitty's sharp breath drew Matt's attention for just a moment, and he laid a hand very briefly on hers. "You can insult me all you want, Rafe, but you won't goad me into fighting you. I _am_ the law in this town, and I will not let you take Annie out of here unless she wants to go." Matt said calmly, but his voice chilled a little when he continued, "And from what she's told me I don't think there's much that would convince her to go anywhere with you."

Rafe stared at him. "I don't know what she's said, but she's always been a liar, Matthew. I tried for years to beat it out of her, but Luff and Rachel were always too forgiving and she never learned."

"That is as may be, Rafe, but she's learned now, and she doesn't lie to me." Matt told him.

Suddenly, from behind the closed doors, a voice came to them from the street, loud in the silence that followed Matt's remark. "Dillon!"

Four heads snapped up in answer to that call. "Damn," said Matt softly, "Man waits more than a week, and has to decide this is the morning." He raised his voice, "Sam, I've just made you my deputy. You see that these gentlemen don't try anything while I'm busy."

"Yessir, Marshal," Sam replied, lifting his shotgun from behind the bar.

Matt looked once at Kitty, but they didn't need words. The voice came again. Louder this time. "Dillon, I'm waiting for you!" Matt walked to the doors, and throwing them both open, and stepped out towards the street.

Tuck Parmelee was rattled and he was scared. His gun was already out when Matt strode through the door, and he fired even as Matt drew. The Marshal shot as he went down, killing Parmelee with a swift but messy bullet through the head. The impact of that first bullet left Matt crumpled on the boardwalk clutching his right shoulder and trying to breathe down the pain. Festus was with him even as he fell, and Kitty was beside him before Doc ever reached him.

"I thought we'd given up on this, Matt." He heard Kitty say, as Doc ripped his shirt back from his shoulder. I thought we had, too, he wanted to tell her, but the blackness took him before the words would come.

"Get him up to my office," Doc said, and three tall men helped Festus lift the Marshal and carry him across the alley and up the stairs to Doc's office. Two women followed.

They laid him on the table in the middle of the outer room, and Kitty squeezed Annie's hand, "Take the boys out of here, Annie. There's only so much room. I promise I'll let you know. I promise you." Annie met Kitty's eyes briefly and then hustled her cousins back down the stairs. Moving in a practiced drama, Kitty put water to heat on the small stove, and went to pour alcohol in a basin. Doc began cutting off Matt's shirt, and Festus was there to help remove it.

As she turned back to the examining table, Kitty heard Rafe Dillon's choked exclamation, and looked up briefly to see the shock and disbelief that gripped the older man's face. Holding the basin where Doc could reach it, and handing him a mound of cloth swabs, Kitty turned to look at Matt's chest. The bullet hole was raw and bleeding high on Matt's right shoulder, but seemed to have missed his collarbone entirely. Years of experience told her this one wasn't going to be as bad as some of the others. As Doc swiped the bloody wound with an alcohol soaked cloth, it finally came to Kitty what Rafe was seeing.

She looked at Matt's chest, so familiar to her sight and touch that she didn't even see it, anymore, for what it was – a mass of crisscrossed pink and white scars, long lines and puckered circles, twenty years of the mementos that stood behind Matt Dillon's badge. "Still think he's a coward, Rafe?" she asked softly, meeting his single eye over the body of the man she loved. The older Dillon dropped his gaze, turned, and left the room.

30 * 30 * 30 * 30 * 30

Matt came around only once while Doc was digging out the bullet, Festus holding his shoulders tight and steady, but fainted again almost immediately. When Doc had sewed up the hole – now considerably larger than the neat round entry wound it had been earlier – Kitty stepped away and back down to the Long Branch.

The doors were open now, and men were drinking at the bar. A shooting always brought in business. Annie and her two cousins were seated at a table. Kitty walked up to them and put her hands on the girl's shoulders. "He's going to be all right, Annie," she said. "I've seen him a lot worse hurt. You can come up with me now if you want." Kitty looked around and asked, "What happened to Rafe?"

"He just left, Miss Russell. Came down the stairs, mounted, and rode off. Didn't even call for us," Web told her. "I don't know what happened." Ray added.

Kitty's lips compressed in a hard line. "Well I do, and it's something you boys need to see as well. Now Doc's going to skin me alive for this, and Matt wouldn't like it either if he were conscious, but I want you two to come back up to the office with Annie. Just step in, take a good look, and then you come right back down. I don't want to hear a word or a sound. But after that, well, maybe you'd like to walk around town a bit and ask folks here how they feel about Marshal Dillon. I think it's time and more than time that we set a few things to rest."

It was late in the evening before Doc was willing to let Matt have visitors. He was propped up on the cot in the front room, his arm in a sling to keep it from pulling on his wound. Annie and Kitty had taken turns sitting with him through the afternoon, and Doc was unyielding about keeping him in the office that night to see if he developed a fever. Newly and Festus had been and gone, reporting on Parmelee's death and the general tone of the town.

Kitty was sitting on the edge of the cot when Ray and Web came into the lamp lit room, hats in hand. Doc was working quietly at his desk and ignored them all. "Boys." Matt greeted them. He'd refused laudanum, and Kitty knew he was hurting, but his deep voice was steady and cordial.

"Sir." They both replied. It was Web who stood forward to speak, "I'm sorry we never met you before this, Uncle Matthew, and I'm givin' you my apology now for what I've believed about you all these years." He paused, and his brother took up where he left off, "Our Pa's a hard man, and he's not always fair once he makes up his mind, but I've never known him to lie to us before." It was Web who continued, "That's not an easy thing for either of us to say, sir, we were taught to honor our parents, but, well…" Web hesitated, and Rafe cut in sharply, "But it's true. We found that out today, talkin' with folks here in Dodge. Wish we had known it earlier." It was Web who sighed, and finished, "Then we might could have stood up for Annie earlier. We should have done that, sir, even without knowing."

"I promise you, Uncle Matthew," Ray said, and Web injected, "I do promise, sir." before his brother continued, "That we will never let him hurt her again. We'll see she's free of him." And Web said very softly, "And maybe someday we'll be free too." "But not today," Ray ended.

"You boys twins?" Doc asked from across the room.

Rafe and Web looked at each other in surprise, and answered together, right on the beat, "Yes, sir!"

That left them all laughing, and able to converse more lightly for a while before Kitty, noticing the tightness around Matt's mouth, got ready to shoo them out.

"We're leaving in the morning, Uncle Matthew," Ray said. "Imagine we'll catch up with Pa before he goes too far." Web added. They boys came over, and, in a gesture hauntingly reminiscent of the one between Matt and his brother, they ignored the right arm and hand pulled tight against Matt's chest and each briefly grasped his left hand in their right.

"When you boys come up next year with the Circle X herds, plan to come out and stay with us at the ranch, at Kincaid." Matt said.

"Yessir, we'll do that," Web replied, as his brother nodded ascent. Ray opened the door, and they were gone.

"Nice boys," Kitty commented, "Will you make me a deal, Matt?"

"Depends on what it is, Kitty," he told her.

"If I promise to go back to the Long Branch, and sleep in my own bed tonight, all night, will you let Doc give you something for the pain?" Agreeing, he drank down the bitter glass, and she sat with him until he settled into sleep.

30 * 30 * 30 * 30 * 30

It was dark night, and quiet, when he woke with a fire burning hot in his shoulder and a soft hand holding his. "Kitty?" he asked, somehow remembering she wasn't supposed to be there.

"No, Matthew, it's me." Annie replied. "You hurting? Doc had to go out, but he left you a dose of medicine. You want it now?"

Matt shook his head. "Just some water please," he asked. "There was something I wanted to ask you. Let me think a minute." She helped him drink the water and he laid back, his mind clearer, waiting for it came to him. Annie stroked his hand and that felt odd, having someone who wasn't Kitty touching him like that. He tried to remember his mother holding his hand, and his mind was just fuzzy enough that he almost could – cool hands and being small enough to lay his head on a woman's shoulder. That was when it came to him, the question he needed to ask, the question that had sifted into his mind as Doc's medicine pulled him down. He turned his hand in Annie's to hold hers tight. It seemed the kind of question for night and darkness.

"Annie, I have to ask you. And it doesn't matter if you answer, because if you don't I'll still know," Matt said. He thought of all the ways to say it, and settled on, "Luke. How much younger is he?"

She didn't answer for so long that he was sure he had his answer in her silence, but eventually her voice came out of the blackness, "About an hour." Then, a little later, "Will you take your medicine for me now, Matthew?" She held it to his lips and he swallowed without protest. The fire cooled and sleep came creeping over him with his hand still snuggly held in hers.


	31. Chapter 31: One Moon Dark Night

Chapter Thirty-One: One Moon Dark Night

Matt let Doc keep him in bed for another day and then getting Festus to smuggle him up clean clothes, he strolled down to the Marshal's office early that Tuesday evening to sit out front and watch his town. First Festus, then Newly, and eventually Doc, his comments evenly mixed between chuckling and fussing, stopped by and sat with him in the fading light. When it was full dark, and Front Street was quiet except for the jangle of music and voices coming from the saloons down the street, Matt and Doc walked slowly back to the Long Branch for a drink, and Matt drifted up the stairs to bed while the local crowd was still in full swing. Kitty found him naked and sleeping soundly in her bed when she came in after closing, and managed not to wake him as she slipped in beside him. When the sun woke them both the next morning they managed a gentle and careful passion that left his stitches intact but a satisfied smile on both their faces.

The next day was the one set to sign the final paperwork on Kincaid. Kitty and Matt had completed their partnership papers a few days before, and the banker had set up a joint account for them in both their names for the ranch. Botkin hadn't been too happy about it all, but he'd managed to assemble the needed cash, and was trying to take the long viewpoint that the immediate loss would be offset by further business over the years. The train left Dodge for Saint Louis at 2:10 in the afternoon and their meeting was set for the Dodge House at noon, so it was with some surprise that Kitty saw Elizabeth Kincaid Carstairs walk into the Long Branch a little before eleven in the morning.

The two women hadn't seen each other since Elizabeth married and left town seven years before. Kitty was sitting at her back table, doing her books and drinking her morning coffee. Elizabeth stood just inside the doorway and looked steadily at her. Kitty returned her regard, and eventually spoke, without rising, "You need something here, Elizabeth?"

The younger woman walked over to the table, and when Kitty indicated a chair, she sat, letting Kitty pour her a cup of coffee. Kitty closed the ledger and stacked it on top her cash box. She sat straight and regarded Jake's daughter soberly, remembering the vivacious girl in short skirts and braids who she'd met when she and Doc first came to talk with Rose fifteen years ago, remembering the blushing and radiant bride who'd taken the train off East seven years before, and seeing the staid, soberly dressed young matron who sat before her now. They were silent for a long time, just looking, each, perhaps, daring the other to speak first. "You look older, Kitty," was Elizabeth's first unflattering statement.

"I am older," Kitty agreed, avoiding the retort that Elizabeth looked older as well.

The younger woman sighed, "You're still beautiful, do you know that? Not the same skinny little thing who used to come and visit us when I was a girl. You grew up, and you're still beautiful. I'm not sure that's fair."

Kitty shrugged. "It's an asset. I've used it, and I work at it."

Elizabeth looked straight into Kitty's blue eyes, "You know I was in love with you, those first couple of years? Before I knew why you were there or what you were doing?"

"I figured that." Kitty said drily, "I was pretty, and my life seemed exciting – a lot different from living on a ranch with parents nearly old enough to be your grandparents. That first year you couldn't keep your hands off of me, or my clothes, or my hair. Yeah, I knew."

"You were nice to me." Elizabeth said.

"I tried to be," Kitty replied, "I liked you. No reason not to. And I figured things were kinda dry for you out there."

Elizabeth looked down at her hands. "Mother says I need to apologize to you. She says I hurt you. Made people remember you were a whore." She raised her eyes to Kitty's. "I meant to do that. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to remember you were a whore, not a respectable person, not a friend of my parents, but a whore, bought and paid for."

"Well, you got it right, Elizabeth. I was. And yes, you hurt me. I hope that gives you whatever satisfaction you need. But I'll get over it. I've had years of practice." Kitty told her. Then she added, "You do realize that your little barb in the will ended up giving me an extra two thousand dollars, don't you? That's money that would have eventually come to you. So maybe I should just thank you for what you did."

"It was never about the money!" came Elizabeth's riposte. "It was about you! Hurting my mother! Making my father betray her! I'd die before I'd let my husband do that! I'd die!"

Kitty shrugged again, shaking her head, "Well, honey, you've had two children, guess you can make that call for yourself. But I've seen women die in childbed and it a painful, bloody horror. For myself I'd do most anything to avoid that, or to help someone I cared about avoid it."

"You can't sit there and tell me you did it for her. I don't believe that. I'll never believe that. You wanted my father. Wanted him to choose you instead of her." There were tears in Elizabeth's eyes now. The two of them had finally gotten down to the real complaint.

"No, Elizabeth. I never wanted that. At first, there was nothing in it for me but money, and I needed that money more than someone like you can even imagine. But I liked your mother from the first, and Jake, he was always decent to me, and he never hurt me, so yes, eventually we were friends – a little odd, I suppose, but we were." Kitty's voice became very intense, "Elizabeth, how on earth could you live all those years with Jake and Rose and not know… Honey, there was never anyone else in the whole world for either of them. If you can't see that, if you don't know what it's like to love someone like that, well, Elizabeth, I'm sorry for you, and that's all I can say."

Kitty stood up. She noticed now that Annie was sitting, very still, on the top step of the staircase, and that Sam, rather than retreating to the far end of the bar, was quietly wiping glasses just a few feet away. She felt their silent care wrap around her. She turned back to Elizabeth, and she smiled, "I'm going to tell Rose you apologized to me, Elizabeth, and that I accepted it. Because that will make Rose happier, and right now she needs every little thing that anyone can do to help her be happier. So you just go on back to what you were doing, and I'll see you when we sign the papers, and I bet if we both try, we can be polite to each other." And with that she walked back through the door to her office.

_flashback 31 * 31 * 31 * 31 * 31 flashback_

_Matt was away in Topeka when Kitty missed her first monthly. It worried her, she admitted that, because it had been more than ten years, since that had happened. And the last time had been in Houston and had meant an abortion that had nearly killed her. It might be nothing, and she didn't want to worry without cause, but she couldn't quite keep her mind away from it, gnawing at her thoughts like a tongue poking at a bad tooth. For almost eight years now, it had been only Matt, and despite the problems and the doubts and the bullets, they'd been happy most of the time. She remembered with warmth Matt's reaction the day a few years ago when she'd brought Thad Ferrin back to Dodge City. And she remembered the promise he had extracted from her, so long ago, that if she did fall pregnant, she would tell him, and let him marry her. Ten years she and Matt had been together. Well, maybe it was time. Maybe she'd just let things run and see what happened. So she didn't consult Doc, just hummed a bit more than usual, and smiled as she waited for Matt to come home from Topeka._

_He wondered, that month, what was making Kitty so different. She seemed almost warmer to the touch, her eyes glowing, full of little snatches of song, and, Lord, the way she was in bed! There'd always been heat between them, but now… _

_Riding in from Hays City one moon dark evening, late, he passed the lights of the Long Branch and went on to rub down Buck and give him a good measure of grain. The stable was empty, Moss probably away at one of the saloons, and Matt worked surely in the dark, settling his saddle on the wall and caring for his horse. He heard the back door open, and had a hand to his gun when Kitty, dressed for her evening shift in the saloon, came running to his arms. They were usually more discreet than that but Kitty had him backed against a pile of hay before he could even say hello, her arms around his neck and her open mouth on his, and then she toppled him over backwards, kissing and rolling. He finally managed to get on top, laying over her and holding her hands away from him so she couldn't reach any more buttons on his shirt or pants. "What the heck has gotten into you, Kitty?" he asked, breathless, as she squirmed beneath him, rubbing her hips against him in a way that was nothing short of wanton. _

"_Nothing's gotten in to me, yet, Matt," she said, "But if you'd just hurry a little…"_

"_Kitty!"_

_That stopped her. She took a deep breath and lay back quietly, holding herself still. "Okay, Matt. I'll stop. I'm just glad to see you is all."_

_He rolled to the side, stroking her face, and picking a piece of hay from out of her hair, "And I'm glad to see you, too, honey, I just didn't expect quite this much of a welcome home. You think you can wait until we get upstairs? I wouldn't want to frighten the horses."_

_She let him pull her up, and they brushed the hay off each other, laughing softly, and went out the back door of the livery and up the alley to the Long Branch. But once in her room, Matt found himself again engulfed in her as she pulled off his clothes, barely giving him time to take off his boots, and, still half dressed, she pulled him onto her, and into her, her legs hugging him close, her hips strident with passion and need. Long breaths later, he turned her around and began unlacing her corset. She sat up to remove it, and her chemise, and the pantalets that still clung around one stockinged calf. He watched her flush, when she realized that, and stand up to remove the rest of her clothes and pick up the ones on the floor. She came back to sit on the bed next to him._

"_Kitty? Are you all right?" he asked, "I'm not complaining, sweetheart, believe me, here, I'm not complaining, but this isn't like you." He took her hands and brought them to his mouth, kissing both her palms. "This isn't what I was expecting tonight…" And there he stopped. What he'd been expecting as he rode in under the bright stars of the moon dark sky, was a kiss, and, just maybe, because he'd been away for a bit, her hands or even her mouth bringing him sweet release before she cuddled against him for sleep. He sat up in the bed, reaching to hold her face where he could see it, "Kitty…"_

_She nodded silently, looking at him out of those big blue eyes. "I've missed twice, Matt. I haven't seen Doc, but I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant." She waited, expectant, for his response._

"_Oh, Kitty," he whispered hoarsely, "Oh, my sweet girl." He pulled her into his arms, across his lap, and held her, rocking her, like he never intended to let her go. "Will you marry me, Kitty? Please, honey, tell me that you'll marry me."_

"_Yes, Matt, I will," she said, hugging him hard and then beginning again with her mouth on his neck and her hands stroking against his chest, finding and teasing his nipples while she wriggled to turn straddle on his lap so that her warm wetness was moving against him once again._

_They'd only begun to make their plans, when, a week later, Mase Gore and his men rode into town, and for a lifetime of seven hours, Kitty believed Matt was dead. Herself battered and bruised from her struggle with the abusive Berens, she finally held Matt collapsed in her arms, kneeling in front of him and realized he was indeed alive, and that he, she, and their child still had a chance._

_Not caring what the town thought, she'd had Doc and Festus bring him up to her room, and for three long weeks she'd cared for him as Doc let him do a little more and a little more each day. Both of them had waited, frightened, to be sure that her rough time hadn't hurt the baby. All seemed well, and she'd missed her third monthly just about the time Doc let Matt up enough to walk down to the office and begin working on the piles of paperwork stacked on his desk._

_They'd let themselves believe, not quite with their previous joy, but with relief, that all was well. Kitty had begun to leave off her corset and was working to find clothes in her closet that would still fit, and thinking that it was about time to order something new, when, Thanksgiving evening, after the Long Branch was closed and everyone had gone home, she began to bleed. First just a little, then more, and with hard cramping pains. Matt went for Doc, and brought him back to find her on the floor, blood soaking through her nightdress. And it was the beginning of the end of that dream._

_flashback 31 * 31 * 31 * 31 * 31 flashback_

The actual transfer of Kincaid to Matt Dillon and Kitty Russell took very little time or effort. Botkin, Judge Brooker, and Doc, either as a witness or because neither Matt nor Kitty could think of a reason to keep him away, were the only people in the room other than Rose and her daughter, and of course, Till, standing quiet in the corner behind Rose's chair. The only question that came up was one neither had thought of – what brand would they use? Matt's first thought was to use the Circle X that had been his father's brand. There was enough distance between Dodge and Amarillo to make that acceptable. But then Kitty saw a twinkle begin in his eye, and she tilted her head up at him, just a little nervous. "I think, if Miss Rose agrees, we'll just continue to use the K Bar brand, Judge," Matt said. "It seems appropriate to me."

Judge Brooker looked at him questioningly, but Doc got it right away and began chuckling. "You two have been holding out in Kitty's bar for quite a number of years, I think K Bar would be a fine way to go." Even Rose laughed at that, and agreed to the transfer of the brand as well as the property. When it was all over, Rose stood and kissed both of them goodbye. "I'm counting on your children being raised at Kincaid, Kitty. It's a home that deserves children. Marshal, I wish you all the joy that Jake and I had over the years."

Kitty noticed the look of intense interest that this comment raised in Judge Brooker's eyes, but she kept her own eyes downcast and didn't respond. With some surprise she saw Elizabeth's hand held out to her, and took it cordially. The woman's smile didn't match the hardness in her eyes, but the relief on Rose's face was enough to satisfy them both. "Kitty, Marshal, I hope Kincaid will be a happy home for you." Elizabeth said.

As Doc walked the three Kincaid women up towards the train station, Judge Brooker spoke quietly to Matt. "I've been told that your resignation will take effect on the first of October, Marshal. Anything else you feel like telling me about your plans?" he asked.

Matt looked at him seriously, but shook his head just once. "No, sir," he replied briefly. "You know Frank Reardon's going to be here the end of next month. I don't think the two of you will have a problem working together."

The judge accepted that. "We'll do fine, Marshal, but you do know, don't you," he said with a smile, "that there's only one Matt Dillon?" On that note, he left the room for his own journey to the station.

"You want to ride out to the ranch, Kitty?" Matt asked her. "We've got enough light to make it out there, look around a bit, and still get back by dark."

Kitty snuck a quick look at Matt's shoulder, his right arm still bound up tight in a sling, but she really did want to go, so she said, "Okay, if we take a buggy and I drive, Matt." He agreed, and so they did.

That first drive out to the ranch that now belonged to them was one they remembered through all the years. A dry, hot summer afternoon with the brown of the prairie rolling endlessly around them. The curving dirt road, marked by occasional clumps of cottonwood, and the rushing gurgle of a creek. Sky overhead a light clear blue without a single cloud. The horse trotted a steady willing pace, and there was no other traffic on the road. Matt's shoulder still pained him, but he laid his left arm along the seat, softly touching Kitty's back. Two red-tailed hawks chased each other across the sky, and somewhere a meadowlark sang the music of the grasslands. Kitty found her heart too full for words, but Matt managed to find the right ones for both of them. "A lot of years, a lot of times, I wasn't sure we'd ever get here, Kitty, but we have."

They drove under the upright gateway with "KINCAID" burned in big letters across the top, and into the quiet dooryard. The main block of the big log house stood right in front of them with the more recent addition of painted boards forming an el to the left. The three steps up to the broad porch where they had stood watching the sunset were still the same. The big living room with its twin fireplaces looked a little barer but much the same – rugs and ornaments gone, leaving the heavy log and leather furniture that was too big to move – but the euphoria of the drive broke as they walked upstairs to see empty rooms, the beds dismantled and taken away, only the odd chest or dresser remaining standing against walls where patches of lighter paper showed that pictures had been moved.

Matt was surprised to see Kitty begin to smile. "Looks like a lot of work, honey," he said doubtfully.

"Yes," she replied, happily reaching down to grasp his hand, "But when it's done it will be ours. Not the old Kincaid, but our Kincaid."

Hand in hand they walked through the six big bedrooms and looked at the bathroom complete with water closet, tub, sinks, and running water. "I've never lived in a house with indoor plumbing," Kitty said, "But I've sure always wanted to!" Matt just shook his head. Kitty's eyes got a little distant as she stood in the room next to the large bedroom that had been Jake and Rose's. "We could make another bathroom here, just for us, put a door through that wall to connect to it to our room, and cut the room in two to make a small office on this side, or a nursery." Matt looked at her questioningly, but she shook her head, "You know better than that, Matt. Not yet. But soon, I hope."

He kissed her then, there in the empty room with windows looking west over the plains, as he'd been wanting to kiss her all day – warm and deep and close – a celebration, somehow, of how far they'd managed to come towards a dream that for years they hadn't even dared to speak. When that kiss finally ended, and it wasn't soon, Matt kept her in his arms, and whispered against her hair, "You ready to marry me now, Kitty?"

"I surely am, Matt," she told him, "But don't you think maybe it might be a good thing to wait just until we can at least get these rooms fixed up with a little furniture? I'd hate to have a wedding night without a bed."

They found the kitchen mostly intact, only a few heirloom pieces gone, and all of the ordinary necessities left in place. Kitty lit the fire and fixed an early meal for them, while Matt explored the big bedroom off the kitchen that had been Till's, and figured out, one-handed, the working of the self-filling hot water reservoir behind the stove. Bat Ford came knocking on the back door, and Matt stood with him on the little porch, facing east, and discussed the week's work. By the time they had eaten and were ready to head back to Dodge, their hearts were both too full to talk, and they just sat close, Matt's good left arm around Kitty, as she drove back towards Dodge and the Long Branch.


	32. Chapter 32: No one missed them at all

Chapter Thirty-Two: No one missed them at all

The next few weeks were fuller than Kitty knew how to deal with, and she loved every minute of them. For the first time in her adult life she willingly rose early each morning, searching through catalogs and writing letters to suppliers to find furniture, wallpaper, linens, and other household items. In the afternoons, she drove out to Kincaid, got to know the ranch hands and their specialties, and found in Tope Myers an excellent carpenter for many of the things she wanted built – including, inspired by the heavy log and leather furniture in the living room, a bed even bigger and more solid, with padded leather head and footboards, than the brass one that currently graced her rooms at the Long Branch.

She had to bring plumbers in from Wichita to build the new bathroom, but the hands did fine with the framing and woodworking to divide the room she'd chosen into two parts. Finding that the company who had made her huge tub no longer sold one that size, she had hers, to the infinite joy of every little boy in town, carried down the stairs of the Long Branch and loaded on a wagon to be carted out to Kincaid and installed in the new bathroom next to their bedroom. This caused a deal of talk, some vicious and much amused, as it became clear to the people of Dodge that their soon-to-retire Marshall and Miss Kitty of the Long Branch saloon clearly intended to cohabit their ranch at Kincaid. As the weeks went by, and no announcement, hints, or rumors of a wedding appeared on the horizon, gossip flourished more abundantly than it had in years. It was one thing for Matt to stay with Kitty in her rooms above the saloon, as he was now clearly doing, but another for the two of them to move out to their ranch and share a respectable home without benefit of matrimony.

Matt continued his job as marshal, but managed to send Festus or Newly to handle the out-of-town work. He sold off, or gave away, all of his horses except Buck, and made the ride out to Kincaid several times a week, sometimes with Kitty, sometimes on his own. He still walked rounds twice a day, still broke up fights, and answered complaints, but it was clear his job was winding down. Deep inside, he feared that one last gunfight, one last ambush, would take him down in the last days of his job, but, as he'd done for years on end, he swallowed the fear and never let it show, even to Kitty.

Sam and Annie had largely taken over running the Long Branch, although Kitty sometimes showed up, dressed to the nines, for a late evening shift. That final Saturday in September, the 29th, she drove in from Kincaid late in the afternoon, tired but satisfied that everything that could be done, had been done, to make the old ranch house their own. She walked into the saloon to find Sam serving at the bar and Annie seated at a table with a couple of local ranchers. Excusing herself, and shooting a quick look at Sam that he answered with a nod, Annie took Kitty's arm and went upstairs with her.

"I ordered a new tub, Kitty, but it won't be here for a couple of weeks," Annie told her. "You'll have to use the one down the hall. You want me to fix it for you?"

Kitty shook her head. "No need, I'm just going to wash, and then get dressed for the evening. Everything going all right here?"

"We're doing fine, Kitty." Annie said, "People miss you, but business is good. Everyone's asking when you're going to move out to the ranch and if… when… well, if there's going to be a wedding." She hesitated a little, and then confided, "There's a lot of betting."

Kitty smiled and began striping off her dress. "What are the odds?" she asked from the washroom.

"Well, Sam could give you the latest, but the respectable town folk seem pretty much convinced you're a brazen harlot, and there won't be a wedding. Most of the ranchers are sure there will be, and don't seem much concerned if it takes a while." Annie replied.

"How's the betting going about me being pregnant?" Kitty asked, coming back into the main room in her corset and petticoat.

Annie snorted. "Five to one on almost any amount that you are, but nobody's taking the bets that you're not."

"That should be some easy money for you, Annie, if you can find someone to front for you, because I'm not. You should take it." Kitty told her.

Annie looked at her shrewdly, and nodded, "I will then."

Kitty began brushing her hair out in preparation for putting it up. "Anything special you wanted to talk about, Annie?" she asked.

"Well, maybe. I haven't seen much of you the last couple of weeks. I see Matthew for coffee in the mornings over at the jail, but by the time I get back here, you're usually gone," she said. "How's the work going?"

"Work's done." Kitty told her. "Last furniture was delivered yesterday, and Bess Roninger and I cleaned through the house today. Made all the beds, laid the fires, ice in the icebox, everything ready to go."

Annie came over to stand by her at her dressing table. "Tomorrow?" she said, almost whispering.

Kitty smiled at her in the mirror. "If Matt's willing."

Annie pulled her up and twirled her around in her trademark hug. "Oh, Kitty, you know he will be." And then she started crying.

Matt came in, half an hour later, to find the two women sitting on the settee, arms around each other's waists, both laughing, but with the marks of tears on their faces. "Something wrong?" he asked, never entirely comfortable seeing Kitty undressed with someone else in the room.

Annie stood up and went to give him a kiss. He was better at accepting that now. Annie was Annie and it was going to happen. Pretty much all the time. "Matthew, I wanted to say something to you, and I think I'd better say it today." she told him.

He waited. Kitty moved back to her dressing table and began again to brush her hair.

"It's about when Uncle Rafe was here," she went on. Matt's face turned a little grim. "I know he said awful things to you, Matthew. I think part of him genuinely wanted to force you to draw on him, but I'm glad you didn't. He's not my favorite person, but he's kin, and Web and Ray and the others, they do love him in their way." She stopped, and her hand went up to touch his face, "Matthew, I want you to know that what pleased me most, well, it was that you wouldn't argue with Uncle Rafe about which of you had the right to keep me or send me away. That's the real showdown he wanted – which of you got to win me as the prize. You just asked what I wanted to do, and then you made that happen. I'll never forget that, Matthew, that's going to be part of me now as long as I live."

She reached up to kiss him again, but this time Matt put his arms around her and held her gently against him for a long minute before putting his hands on either side of her face and kissing her forehead with more tenderness than Kitty had ever seen him show to anyone but her. "You know where I learned that, don't you, Annie?" he asked, and when she shook her head, he nodded to where Kitty was watching them in the mirror. "Kitty's taught me a lot of things, over the years, honey, and that's sure one of them."

Annie smiled at them both, ran a quick hand over Kitty's hair, and slipped out the door, leaving them with each other.

32 * 32 * 32 * 32 * 32

Dressed in her favorite green satin dress, Kitty wondered if it would, indeed, be her last night as hostess of the Long Branch. She was still a part owner, and surely she would come back from time to time, but it would never quite be the same again. But instead of feeling sad, she realized that her main reaction to that thought was relief. Looking around the familiar room she saw the dirty, rough board floors, the battered tables. She smelled smoke and liquor and the odor of sweat and unwashed bodies. Hap Winslow came up to her to put a hand on her arm and whisper a suggestion in her ear. She'd been telling him no for a dozen years now, but he still asked her, almost every Saturday night, and still felt he had a right to ask because once, a long time ago, she'd told him yes one time. As she smiled and shook her head, she looked at the room through new eyes. Would she ever live down who she had been? She wasn't ashamed of it. She'd done what she needed to do, but still… there would always be men in Dodge who remembered sharing her favors. Fewer, year to year, but always some.

The worst ones were gone - like Mac Vicars who had raped and sodomized her so cruelly that Doc had had to put her under with ether to sew up her wounds. He'd died in a gunfight, and Matt hadn't even had to do the honors. Others weren't so bad. Pard Wydell. He was going to be their neighbor. For a year or so he'd been with her the first Sunday evening of almost every month while his wife was at the Ladies Aid meeting at the church. These days he would just buy her a drink and chat, and sometimes go upstairs with Lizzie or Cora, but still, the memory was there for both of them. Reggie Kroner came in the swinging doors, ready to buy a round for the house, and she let him kiss her cheek and tell her about the birth of his fourth son the previous afternoon. She remembered a much younger Reggie, seventeen to her nineteen, who's saved up for months to walk her proudly upstairs. It had been his first time ever, and she remembered showing him what to do and how to take time to do it. Family man that he was now, he'd still never forget that.

Matt smiled across the room at her from where he sat with Doc and Festus and Newly. She picked up a bottle from behind the bar to take across to them. How had Matt stood it, she wondered suddenly? Not just those early years, before and after they were first lovers, when she was still plying her trade, but all the years in between? All the years sitting here evening after evening and knowing that this man and that, friends of his, men he knew, had been with her a time or two during those early years. She had to swallow hard not to cry. "Hey there, cowboy. You ready for another drink?" she asked. All four of them rose from their chairs for her, and that courtesy almost did her in.

Matt seated her next to him, eyes smiling, "Thought you might never make it over here, Kitty. It's sure a busy night." She poured drinks for them all, her hands steady, her face bright. Never again, she thought. I'm done. This is the last night. It wasn't a bad life, she told herself. I did what I needed to do, and I made my place. I was good at it. I even liked it, at least parts of it, but now, now it's over.

The clock struck midnight, and she rose, still smiling, to tell them all goodnight. Doc kissed her cheek, as he so often did, before turning to walk out, but tonight she had a kiss for Festus and one for Newly as well. They didn't know she was leaving, but she did, and this was how she wanted it to be. "Goodnight, boys," she said, smiling at them all around, "I'm going to duck out and go to bed. I get up early these days." Matt stood with her, a quick look exchanged with his deputies, and he knew they'd do a final check on his town in an hour or so, tuck it up tight. Together they walked through the hall to the back stairs and up to their room. It was Saturday night and Dodge was celebrating. No one missed them at all.


	33. Chapter 33: You did fine

Chapter Thirty-Three: You did fine

Kitty could barely wait for the door to close behind them. "The house is finished, Matt. Bess and I did the last bits today."

Matt turned her into his arms, "So we're finally ready?"

"Yes," she hid her face against his chest, "If you still want to."

He tipped her face up to look at him, "You sound like you're not sure about that, Kitty."

Kitty tried to look away, but he wouldn't let her. "I guess I'm not, Matt. Seems to me like there's no advantage to you in it. I'm not really sure why you want to."

"I must not have been doing too good a job here, Kitty." He said, a little hurt but trying not to show it. His voice got deeper, "I do love you, Kitty."

"I know that, and I love you, Matt, but marriage… well, I want it, especially now, but I just don't always see why you want me."

"And I've never understood what you could see in an aging saddle bum who scrapes a living with a gun. Bright, successful business woman like yourself should be looking a lot higher." Matt told her.

He lifted her up in his arms and went to sit in his big chair, settling her on his lap. "You think maybe after we get this over with tomorrow, we can stop having this conversation every few months? It never seems to lead us anywhere worthwhile."

"Well, you've been telling me for a lot of years that I should go marry someone smart and safe who can take care of me, and I'd a whole lot rather be living in sin with you than married to one of those boring ranchers or lawyers or businessmen you seem to point me at." Kitty said.

Matt moved so that they could look directly at each other, "Well, Kitty, I did want to ask you about what Annie said that day right before Rafe came charging into the Long Branch. She said if you'd had more brain than heart you would have married Sam Noonan ten years ago. What's behind that, honey?"

If he had been expecting her to look guilty, he didn't achieve what he was looking for. Kitty actually grinned. "All the years, Matt, that you've been pointing me at respectable citizens and telling me I  
>"deserved better" as if you were some low-down, no 'count, scuttlebug with no prospects and no talent, and yet nearly every day you just walked right by the one man in Dodge who could possibly have made me happy – under the right circumstances."<p>

"And what circumstances are those?" he asked quite seriously.

Kitty answered him with equal candor, "If you were dead and I were pregnant."

They both sat for a moment thinking about the time when that had almost happened. Matt nodded slowly, "I suppose I should have seen that." Kitty kissed him lightly and then stood up and started taking off her clothes. Matt pulled off his boots and stretched out in the chair, watching her. "You think Reverend England will make time for us tomorrow?" he asked.

Kitty pulled a fairly skimpy, pale-blue, silk nightdress over her head and donned the matching robe. "Shouldn't take much time. I thought maybe we could just walk over to the church right after Sunday services got out, and he could marry us right then." She sat down and started brushing out her hair, "Although it might be better if you went over earlier in the morning and had a quick talk with him. Just to let him know what we wanted."

"I can do that, Kitty." Matt said, "Nothing fancy? No celebration?"

"We could come back to the Long Branch and open it up for a party, if you like. Bet the word will get out pretty fast. Sam's got his fiddle, and Doc and Festus could call some dances. People might like that." Kitty said, and Matt nodded in agreement.

"Who do you want for witnesses, Kitty?" he asked. "Law says we need two."

"I don't know how to do just two, Matt," Kitty said, a little troubled, "I can't think about getting married without Sam and Annie and Doc and then Festus and Newly as well."

"That sounds about right to me, honey. I'll go talk to Festus and Newly in the morning, and you can talk to Annie and Sam and then go up and talk to Doc." Matt came to stand behind her, beginning to unbutton his shirt. "Anything else we need to do?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Your courting coat is clean, and I've just got to pick out a dress. We might want to pack some clothes in the morning to take out to Kincaid with us. Oh, and we'll need a buggy."

"That part's taken care of, I drove one back from Kincaid middle of last week. Figured we'd need it sooner or later." Matt stood her up and turned her into his arms, "We're really going to go and do this, Kitty? Tomorrow?"

"You just bet we are, cowboy," Kitty answered him, "Tonight was definitely my last night running the Long Branch. That's up to Sam and Annie now." She slid an arm up around his neck, and felt his hands moving low on her bottom through the smooth silk, "You feel like maybe celebrating?" she asked.

Matt was in the process of answering her with a deep, wet kiss when they heard the gunfire start. He pulled away from her, and quickly stomped back into his boots. Settling his hat, he began buckling on his gunbelt. "Kitty, it's probably nothing, but I want you – and Annie and the girls – to stay upstairs here until I get back. I'll tell Sam as I go out." He met her eyes as he opened the door to leave, "Please, Kitty, just this once will you stay where I don't have to worry about you?"

Meeting his eyes, she nodded once unhappily, and he was gone.

There were more gunshots as Matt walked through the barroom. All the customers had fled outside to see what was happening and the girls were huddled around Annie at the bottom of the stairway. "Sam," Matt said, "Send the girls upstairs, lock all the doors, and then you and Clem take your shotguns out on the front walk. No more business tonight." Matt walked through the swinging doors, but turned back briefly, "Kitty told me she'd stay inside, but do me a favor and make sure that happens, will ya?"

"You can count on me, Marshal," Sam replied, the big ring of keys already in his hands. With the girls, including Annie, shooed upstairs and the doors locked, Sam doused the lights, and got out the shotguns. He and Clem took seats on either side of the closed front door. Sam heard more shots, and there were more men milling about the street. He saw Festus setting up the same arrangement at the Lady Gay across the street, and soon Clem and Sam were staring across at Mort and Jase Elliot as the crowds, and the action, and the gunfire moved further west along Front Street. It was nearly an hour before Festus came back towards the jailhouse, his gun out and three men walking slowly in front of him, with another being carried behind by four cowboys. Newly was right behind with three men who were clearly being helped along up to Doc's, and Matt, limping slightly, and with an arm slung around Frank Reardon's shoulders, was right behind them.

Jase Elliot called out to the two Marshals as they passed the Lady Gay. "Can we go home now, Marshal, or open up again?"

"Not quite yet, pilgrim," Frank replied. To Sam he called quietly, "You stay right there, Sam, and be sure Kitty stays there too. I'll be back directly."

33 * 33 * 33 * 33 * 33

It was nearly two when Frank Reardon relieved Sam and Clem outside the Long Branch. "You boys go on home to bed," he said, "We've got everything locked up, and I've just got to go deliver a message to Kitty." Sam tried to object, but the Marshal sent him off, entered the Long Branch, and took the steps up to Kitty's room two at a time. He pounded on her door. "You decent, Kitty? C'mon and let me in!"

Kitty climbed out of bed and ran to throw open the door to find Frank standing grinning outside, disheveled, smelling of whiskey, jaw blackened by a bruise, and with blood showing through a torn sleeve. He wrapped her in a bear hug and kissed her soundly. "Matt's fine, honey. Just a crease, nothin' to worry about, and Doc's wrappin' it up right now. But I wanted you to know you can't go up there 'til they get them other men stitched up and settled. Just ain't no room."

"Tell me what happened, Frank," she demanded.

Reardon stepped in to the room and started to take a seat but stopped, staring, as a big-eyed Annie came skittering through the doorway, feet and ankles showing bare beneath her light cotton nightgown. Kitty followed his look and, picking up a shawl to cover the girl, took a pace towards her as she started an introduction, "Frank, this is Annie Dillon…" She didn't get any farther.

"God damn his rotting soul to hell!" Frank's shout interrupted her, "Matt said he had something to tell me, but, shit, Kitty, how could that son of a bitch go and marry some other woman after all this time? I'll kill him myself if I hang for it. How the fuck could he _do_ that to you?" His face reddened with rage as he turned on Kitty and grabbed her upper arms shaking her as if that would somehow help him figure out what had happened, and then wrapping her briefly in his arms. He was halfway back out the door, still cussing and threatening, before Kitty was able to grab him and pull him to a stop. "No, Frank! Damn it, no! That's not how it is!" she yelled at him.

He took her hands to move them off his arm when a stern and very calm voice, accented by the cocking of a pistol, said, "You take your hands off her, mister, and you put them up high." Both of them looked up to see Annie standing next to the open drawer of Kitty's bed stand, a six gun pointed straight at Reardon's chest.

Frank shoved Kitty behind him and moved his hands up away from his gun, facing Annie with all traces of anger gone from his face. "Mrs. Dillon, I do apologize for my language. Now you just put that gun down… "

Kitty firmly stepped back in front of Frank. "Annie, it's all right," she said, "This is Frank Reardon, the new marshal. He's Matt's best friend, he's not going to hurt him. He just doesn't understand."

"What don't I understand, Kitty?" Frank asked, moving slowly to her right, away from the doorway, thinking to divide Annie's targets, but the gun in her hand followed him, aim steady on his heart.

"She's not Matt's wife, you fool," Kitty said, "She's… "

"She's my daughter, Frank," Matt's deep voice was slightly slurred. He stood propped against the door frame. "Put the gun down, Annie, we've had enough shooting for tonight." Annie uncocked the gun, set it on the bed and, to Frank's amazement, when Matt opened his arms both women crossed the room to step into his embrace.

Eventually, Matt took the shawl that Kitty was still holding, and wrapped it around Annie, covering her thin gown. He looked at Frank, and then at Kitty. "I don't know why you're half naked, Kitty, but you shouldn't be." He stopped a minute, seeming to be trying to figure out what was happening. "Did you know Frank was here?" Kitty, beginning to realize just how drunk he was, went over to the bed to pick up her robe, put it on, and tie the sash. She then carefully picked up the gun, checked it, and laid it back in the drawer. "You all right, Matt?" she asked, her eyes widening as she noticed the bloodstain dripping down his torn pants from his groin.

"I was until I got up here, Kitty," he replied, "Thought we'd had enough gunplay down at the Bull's Head. Can't I leave you alone with Kitty for ten minutes, Frank?" he asked a little plaintively.

"Well, Matt, if I hadn't knocked that yahoo's gun hand, there might not be enough of you left for Kitty to appreciate, he was sure makin' an attempt to shoot your balls off." Frank grinned and winked at Kitty.

"I'm fine, Kitty," Matt told her, then reconsidered, "Leastwise I was until Doc made me drink half a bottle of whiskey. Bullet grazed my leg, burned me some. Doc cleaned it and wrapped it up, but everything's still there." He reached down and patted himself in satisfaction, sending Frank into whoops of laughter.

Matt went and sat down on the bed. He bent over to attempt to take his boots off, but made a mull of it. Frank came to his assistance. "I think he only remembers the second half of that bottle, Kitty," he said, "Doc had me give him the first part right after I got him upstairs." He shook Matt lightly until the big man looked up at him, and then asked, "This little lady you're callin' your daughter, that what you said you wanted to talk to me about, Matt?"

"Nope." Matt waggled his head decidedly then seemed to have a hard time stopping. "Wanted to tell you Kitty and I are getting married tomorrow." He looked at Kitty for confirmation, "We are, aren't we honey? Tomorrow?"

"Well, I think it's more likely today, Matt, but yes, that was the plan. We'll have to see if you're up to it in the morning. Looks to me like you're going to be having one hell of a hangover come sunup," Kitty replied.

Turning his attention to Kitty as a more reliable narrator, Frank asked, "This is really Matt's daughter?"

Kitty walked over to put an arm around Annie, "Yes, Frank. That's not the story we tell everyone, and it's one Matt will likely share with you one day soon, but this is Annie Dillon, and she's Matt's daughter. I just sold the Long Branch to her and Sam."

"Well, damn, Kitty, how'd that happen?" Frank asked.

"My mother told me it pretty much happened in the usual way, Marshal," Annie replied, "You need me to explain that to you?" This left Frank back on the sofa convulsed in laughter, and Annie went on drily to Kitty, "Well, ma'am, at least it's good to know our new Marshal's a happy drunk. That's better than a mean drunk, any day."

"Depends, I've seen it go either way," Kitty replied with a shrug, then turning to Frank she asked, "How long you been in town, Frank? You got a place to stay?"

"Only came in about an hour or so ago, Kitty. Rode through after dark so I could be here for church tomorrow morning." He told her, "I was heading towards the Long Branch when I heard the ruckus start at the Oasis. Bunch of boys decided that since Matt was through bein' marshal, it was a good time to start a little shootin' and a little rough house. Things moved on to the Bull's Head, and then Matt showed up, and that one fella decided he needed to adjust the arrangement of Matt's britches. I grabbed his gun hand and Newly hit him upside the head with a pistol." He stopped, and suddenly yawned massively, "But I can go sleep at the livery, Kitty. Pretty much too late for anything else."

"I think we can do a little better than that, Frank," she replied, with a look up at Annie.

"Lizzie?" the younger woman suggested.

But Kitty shook her head thinking of Lizzie's long black hair. "Helen." She said, and Annie left the room.

Kitty went over and pulled Frank to his feet. "We'll sort all this out in the morning, Frank. Thank you for what you did for, Matt."

Grinning, Frank told her, "I couldn't let that son of a bitch ruin him for you, Kitty. Couldn't let that happen. Good thing I didn't, if you two are getting married."

And then Helen was standing in the doorway, a blowsy blonde with big breasts and wide hips, holding out a hand to Frank, "I hear you need a place to sleep, Marshal. I got plenty of room."

Kitty let her lead a very willing Marshal down the hall, and then locked the door behind them. She finally turned to where Matt was still sitting on the edge of the bed. He hung his head a little, "I'm pretty drunk, Kitty." he finally said.

"Yeah, you sure are, Matt, but it's not your fault." She began unbuttoning his shirt and maneuvered him out of it. "Can you stand up so I can get your pants off?" He did and she did. His left thigh was bandaged tightly, with a line of blood showing through the cloth to signpost where the bullet had grazed him. Her heart hurt at how close that shot had come to damage she couldn't even bring herself to imagine. Unable to restrain herself, she had to touch him, run her hands over his testicles, down the soft length of him, look to be sure the bullet had really missed him. He rose at her touch, and she carefully removed her hands, but it was already far too late.

"I want you, Kitty," Matt said, his voice still slightly slurred. "I want you right now." His hands were pulling up her robe and gown.

"That's not a good idea, Matt." Kitty told him gently, "Might start you bleeding again, and for sure it would hurt you."

"I don't care," he said, a little more clearly. "I don't care if it hurts. I need you, Kitty." He laid her back on the bed, and moved over her.

She knew he was beyond reason, and she didn't want to fight with him, but she also knew he'd regret this in the morning. "Can you wait just a little, cowboy? Help me get ready for you?"

"No." he told her as if it was the most logical thing in the world, but when she moved his hand between her legs years of habit took over as he felt for wetness that wasn't there and then stroked her only a little awkwardly, searching, finding, kneading. Kitty stretched to kiss him, opening his mouth with hers, tasting the whiskey. Hard to believe he was even capable of it with that much liquor, but hard was exactly what he was. Hard and very determined. She reached down to stroke him, her thumb moving slowly around the head of his cock, spreading a little wetness there herself. "Now. Right now, Kitty," was all he said, and she knew he wasn't going to wait so she opened her legs and lifted them to wrap around his waist. He had to push hard to enter her but she relaxed her muscles and let his movement trigger the excitement she always felt with him. "It hurts," he complained, his thighs clenching as he thrust into her.

"I told you it would, cowboy," she laughed softly against his chest, but then his mouth was on hers, his tongue sweeping through her lips, and she didn't talk any more, just watched his face and let her hips move with him. She hadn't expected it to take long, but it did, and she found her movements falling into her own rhythm, spreading herself, pushing back at him, moving so he rubbed against her, and letting her own passion rise and flare. Her hands clutched his back as she came, and she knew he could tell, because one more hard push in her now wet pussy and he was crying out, wordless sounds and then her name over and over.

A bit later, he rolled to the side and told her, proud as a child, "I waited for you," and then painful grunts as he tried to settle his injured leg. Kitty sat up and checked the bandage, a little more blood but nothing desperate, and helped him lay over on his back. She pulled the twisted nightdress and robe over her head, turned out the lamp, and then settled on his uninjured side, pulling the quilts over them both.

"You really going to marry me, Kitty?" he asked her softly.

"Yes, I am, Matt. No way are you getting away from me now," she replied.

She was almost sure he was asleep when he spoke again, breaking the dark silence. "I had to be sure I still could, Kitty." His voice was bleary, but his meaning was clear.

"I know, cowboy, I know." She reached up to caress his face. "You did fine."


	34. Chapter 34: Roses for Texas

Chapter Thirty-Four: Roses for Texas

It was the sound of Matt vomiting in the washroom that woke Kitty to the morning sunshine of her wedding day. Fighting a losing battle against leaving him alone, as she knew he'd prefer, and trying to help, she went through the open door to find him kneeling over the slop jar. She didn't touch him until he seemed to be through, and then handed him a glass of water and a wet cloth. He rinsed his mouth and spat, and then drank down the rest of the water. She poured him more water while he wiped his mouth and face.

Pretty sure his head would feel better sitting up than lying down, she guided him to his chair, and handed him the water to drink. "Just sit still," she said, "Don't try to move."

He surprised her, because she hadn't expected any attempt at conversation, but he said, "I may never move again."

"That's going to make for an interesting wedding day," she let herself comment, although she knew she shouldn't.

"Shit," he said succinctly. Matt so rarely used language in her presence that she knew he must be feeling truly awful.

Kitty wrapped herself in a long dark blue robe, not bothering to put anything on underneath, and went out to knock on Annie's door. "Honey, I need you to get dressed and go get Doc" she said when the girl opened it, "No, don't be scared, just tell Doc he needs to change the bandage and to bring some of those hangover powders he uses for Clem. And don't let him make a joke of it, this is serious, we've got to get Matt moving if there's going to be a wedding today. Oh, and don't tell Doc about the wedding, and don't you come in our room, not until Matt leaves."

It was still far too early for Sam on a Sunday morning so she went down and made coffee in the little kitchen behind the bar and carried up the pot and cups. Matt was still sitting perfectly still when she returned. Kitty poured him a half cup of the black coffee, but he wouldn't take it. She was just moving over to make up the bed and pick up her discarded night clothes when Doc tapped on the door and came in. Hoping the smell of vomit overpowered the smell of sex, she went on with what she was doing. Clearly it didn't. She shrugged her shoulders at the look he gave her. "He weighs a hundred pounds more than I do, Doc, and you're the one who poured a whole bottle of whiskey down him, not much I could do about it."

Doc shook his head in resignation. "Annie says he has to be up and moving this morning. Any particular reason why?"

"Yes." Matt said, letting them know he was still among the living.

"All right then, I'll see what I can do." He took a paper of powder from his pocket and mixed it in the now cooling coffee. "Matt, you need to drink this down. It might make you vomit again, or it might not, but you'll feel a lot better in another fifteen minutes either way." Matt looked at Doc with loathing, drank down the coffee, and immediately retired to the washroom closing the door behind him.

Doc looked at where Kitty was making up the bed. "I should have kept him last night, but there was just too much going on, and I thought Frank was here. Are you okay?"

Kitty looked at him hard, love mixed with impatience, "Drunk or sober, can you even imagine Matt hurting me?"

Doc watched her keenly. "Pretty clear something happened last night," he said, "And not just that." He motioned to the bed.

She smiled. "It'll make a good story someday, but not right now, Doc. We've got other things to do today. I need Matt up and walking and not bleeding by ten o'clock."

"Oh, for what?" Doc asked.

"To marry me," she answered.

They were both beaming at each other like fools when Matt came out of the washroom looking for his clothes. "May as well lie down and let me change that bandage before you try to get dressed, son." Doc told him. That process wasn't entirely free of pain, and Kitty got to see the long wound – more burn than gash – before Doc had the crease slathered with ointment and bound up again with an extra pad of cloth pushed tight over it to keep it from bleeding through.

Kitty swallowed hard, "Matt, let's wait. That's just too much for you to deal with today."

Matt took her hand. "No chance, lady. We go ahead with this as planned. I will not wait another day, not one." His leg hurt like hell, but Doc's powder had indeed helped his head and stomach. "Doc, will you walk over to the church with us a little before one o'clock?"

"Son, you couldn't keep me away," he replied with obvious sincerity, "Now if you're going to be up on that leg this morning, I suggest that you just lie right where you are for half an hour first and let the wound settle." Matt agreed, grateful for the opportunity the order gave him. As Doc left, he closed his eyes and drifted off for a few minutes, waking to find Kitty still sitting beside him.

"Kitty?" he said.

"Yes, Matt?"

"Will you get something for me? Little cloth bag, in with my shirts." She returned from the dresser with a small drawstring bag and handed it to him. "This is what I was going to show you last night, but then we got interrupted." He opened the bag and poured out two gold rings. "Now if you don't like this, Kitty, I'll get you a ring of your own, and you can help me choose it, but I thought maybe we could use these. Annie gave them to me a couple weeks ago. This little one, it's the ring that Travis gave Rachel back before the war. She took it off when she married Luff, and she was keeping it for MayLou but, well, that whole thing is better left alone, I think. She gave it to Annie before she died. And this big ring" he held up a wide gold band with a flat turquoise centered at the top, "This is one Luff wore. Kitty, I admired that man more than I can say, it would honor me to wear that ring. But you need to tell me straight, Kitty, what do you think?"

She blinked hard to keep the tears back. "I can't think of anything that would please me more, Matt. You're sure Annie wants us to have these?"

"Yes. She has her mother's second wedding ring, and I think she'll keep that for her own marriage. She offered these freely. I meant to talk to you about it, but it just never seemed the right time," he told her.

It was nearly nine, and Matt wanted to go over to the office to see Frank and Festus, and then to look up Newly before heading for the church. He got up and dressed slowly, but without help, in his good clothes. Kitty watched him, as she had so many times before, tuck himself to the right before buttoning his pants. She knew that most men dressed left, and swallowed hard as she thought what that might have meant. Matt looked at her, shook his head a little, and shrugged, so she knew he was thinking the same thing. "I'll be back for you about half past noon, honey," he said. He put both rings in his coat pocket, kissed her quickly, and headed out the door.

She hadn't even time for one deep breath before Annie tapped on the door and came in carrying a tray of food. "I wasn't sure if Matthew would be able to stand the thought of food, Kitty, but you sure need to eat if you're going to get through this day," she said. Annie put the food on the table, and started looking through Kitty's wardrobe while she ate. "Have you decided what to wear, Kitty?" she asked.

Kitty shook her head. "I don't want to wear an evening dress, or something that looks too much like the saloon, but that doesn't leave a lot other than traveling clothes," she said around a mouthful of eggs and toast.

Annie came and sat across from her and eyed her very seriously. "Now I'm going to ask you something, Kitty, and you need to tell me true – what you really feel, not what you think anyone wants to hear. Will you do that?" Kitty nodded, a little surprised. "Who are you dressing for today? For yourself? Or for Matthew? Neither one is better than the other, but they're different. You think on that a little."

Kitty finished her breakfast and took a drink of coffee, mulling the question over. Her own preference would be for her most beautiful and sparkling dress, a hat with feathers, a moderate amount of paint, and high heeled shoes. Would Matt like that? He wouldn't dislike it, because amazingly he thought her beautiful in whatever she wore, but would he like it? Would that be the memory of her as a bride that she wanted him to remember over the years? "I suppose, Annie, that what I'd really like to wear is something that Matt would like. You have ideas about that?"

Annie went through the wardrobe again and this time pulled out a dark green skirt, straight without a bustle and with only one wide ruffle at the bottom. Then she picked up a small paper-wrapped parcel, folded back one edge of the paper and began comparing what was inside to the row of long-sleeved shirtwaists. It took her only a minute or two to pick a pale, cream-colored silk shirt with a few soft ruffles but no trace of lace. She laid it beside the green skirt, and then opened the parcel to unfold a large veil of creamy crocheted lace that just matched the color of the blouse. "It was my mother's," she said, "When she married Travis Dillon. See here, around the edge, the little circles and then the exes – that's for the Dillon brand."

"Oh, Annie, it's exquisite!" Kitty breathed, "It's light as air, and the center, are those roses?"

"Roses for Texas." Annie said softly. "You could wear your hair down, well part of it down in back, and then the veil, and that silk shirtwaist. Kitty, you would be so beautiful, I might just faint looking at you."

So setting aside the thought of her normal finery, Kitty let Annie help her spend the next hour packing her clothes, and Matt's. At that point, they heard Sam come in, far too early for the usual afternoon opening, and come straight up the stairs to Annie's room. "So that's the way it is?" Kitty asked.

"Yes, ma'am, it is." Annie agreed, and went out to meet him in the hallway, bringing him back for Kitty to share her news. Sam's genuine pleasure brightened Kitty's already overflowing heart, and she finally sent the two of them away to make ready for the post-wedding party, and then followed them downstairs not two minutes later to ask Sam to find Louie and have him deliver a folded note to Bess Roninger before she went in to church at eleven.

"Be sure he knows Bess has to see it before church, not after," Kitty said.

"I will, Miss Kitty," Sam assured her, as she went up to take her bath.

And that was where their carefully laid plans began to fall in tatters.

_34 * 34 * 34 * 34 * 34_

Louie couldn't help but read the message. Had it been in a sealed envelope, he would never have opened it, but the folded paper was more temptation than he could stand. His eyes glowed as he learned the news. He found Bess Roninger just getting out of her wagon, and surrounded by children. "You need to read this right now, Miss Bess," he told her, and then he was away.

It was Sunday, so none of the saloons were open yet, but Louie knew a back way into almost everywhere, and so, as Kitty took her bath and washed her hair and then let Annie help her dress, Louie's voice whispered a word here, and a comment there. "Miss Kitty and the Marshal", "One o'clock", "Keep it quiet", "Don't let THEM know." And soon the girls at every whore house and brothel and saloon in town were searching their closets and sharing out clothes so that every one of them could be dressed decent, or something like it. The bartenders and the gamblers and the saloon owners, the skivvies and swamps and stable hands, the cooks and chambermaids and delivery boys – by noon every disreputable soul on Front Street knew that their Marshal was going to marry – marry right in church in front of God and everyone – the most admired and best-loved woman in all Dodge City.

Matt came striding slowly down the street to the Long Branch about half past noon. Newly and Festus, dressed in their best, followed a step behind, and all three were a little surprised at how quiet things were. Sunday mornings weren't a busy time in Dodge, but, other than the crowd of wagons, buggies, and horses hitched around the church at the far end of the street, Dodge seemed to be deserted. Here and there a curtain twitched, but all the doors were locked up tight. The three men found the Long Branch open to the mild autumn breeze, and inside, Annie and the girls were decorating with swaths of white fabric, ribbon, and even flowers that Matt couldn't imagine where they had found.

Kitty sat at a table with Doc and Sam drinking coffee. She stood up when Matt came in, and he went over to take her hands and look at her. He'd been expecting something bright and frilled, but the plain skirt and soft shirtwaist, with her hair pulled back in front and hanging down in back, filled him with a deep satisfaction. "You're so beautiful, Kitty," he said. He lifted one finger to touch the cameo nestled in the soft folds at her throat, and noticed that she was wearing only the bare minimum of makeup necessary to cover her freckles.

"There's more, Matt," Kitty said, and Annie came over to again unfold her paper parcel and take out the wedding veil. Before she could lift it on to Kitty's hair, Matt's hand stopped her. He took the veil in his big, callused hands and spread it out, running a hand along the edging of circles and crosses.

"This is yours, Annie?" he asked, incredulous. "Do you know where this came from?"

Kitty was looking at him now, almost scared. In all their years, she'd never seen an expression on his face like the one there now. "I don't have to wear it, Matt," she said, "If you don't like it, we'll just leave it here."

"Not like it?" He looked at Kitty, and she almost couldn't meet his eyes, the emotion was so raw. "Annie, do you know where this came from, do you have any idea what this is?"

"It was my mother's veil, Matthew. From when she married your brother Travis. I thought that would make it all right for Kitty to wear it," she said, and then couldn't stand the look in his eyes, "I'll take it back, Matthew, I'll put it away." She reached to take the veil, but Matt was ahead of her.

He shook out the delicate folds and draped it over Kitty's hair. He said, his voice low and deep, but loud enough for all of them to hear plainly, "My mother made that veil. She made one for Rafe's bride, and then she made this one for Travis' Rachel. I can remember watching her, when I was just a boy, making that lace with the tiniest little needles and hooks. Kitty, my mother made that veil with her own hands. You cannot possibly know what it means for me to have you wear that today." And then, because he was Matt Dillon, he walked out the side door and stood alone in the alley for a while until he could face his friends again with his face calm and his eyes dry. No one followed him.

When Matt came back a few minutes later, the veil was again folded away. He sat with Doc and drank a cup of coffee. Sam was back behind the bar, talking with Newly, and Festus was watching out the front doors, while the ladies continued their attempt to dress the barroom for a wedding party. "How are you feeling, Matt," Doc asked him quietly, "Leg hurting? Head steadied down? Your stomach going to get through this?"

"Leg hurts a bit, but I've had worse, Doc," he said, with his usual stoicism,"It will take my weight, and that's what counts. Head's not bad. Festus insisted on bringing over some food this morning, and I had a couple of biscuits. They've stayed down." Matt looked at Doc and asked, "Why on earth did you give me that much whiskey, Doc? Wound wasn't really that bad."

Doc grunted and grimaced a bit, running his hand across his moustache. "Well now, Matt, I really didn't mean you to have but half that much. I wasn't sure how much laudanum I had, and I didn't know until I got down to it who was going to need it most. Seemed like you'd had a scare - you sure weren't talking about it but Frank was - so I asked him to get that first dose of whiskey down you, and then when it came time to fix you up, I just, well, Matt, I just forgot how much you'd already had. I'm sorry." He hesitated before going on, "Everything okay when you got back upstairs last night? You and Frank right with each other?"

Doc knew Matt was really better when he began to grin, "Well, I wasn't sure about that for a time, myself, Doc. When I got up to Kitty's room, both she and Annie were in their nightclothes, and they weren't wearin' much to my way of thinking, and Frank was standin' there with Annie pointing a six gun straight at his heart. Seems like Kitty mentioned her name was Annie Dillon and Frank thought that meant I'd married her instead of Kitty, and he got pretty riled, and Annie didn't much like what he was sayin'." He shook his head, still smiling, and went on, "We got all that worked out, though. Nothin' wrong between Frank and me."

"Good to hear that, Matt," Doc replied, "I was just wondering why he wasn't here."

"Saw him this morning on his way to church, Doc. He said he'd wait for us there, after." Matt told him.

"At that point, Festus, who'd been staring out the door, announced, "Church is fixin' to let out, Matthew. They's all a- comin' out that front door, and some's drivin' away awready. We 'bout ready to walk down there, Matthew?"

Matt rose and went to take Kitty's arm. He looked a question at her, and she smiled and nodded. "I think we're ready, Festus. Reverend wanted us in his office there a little before one. Let's go." Together they walked out of the Long Branch and down the boardwalk towards the church at the end of the street, their friends behind them.

And as the couple moved past, doors inched quietly open behind them at every saloon and business they passed by. Eyes peered out, and about the time the wedding party arrived at the church, small groups of men and women, dressed in their soberest best, began to follow.

Matt, Kitty, and their friends walked by the people still milling about the front door, and over to the left to enter by a side door that led directly into Reverend England's study. Once they were in, Annie brought out the veil again, and arranged it over Kitty's flame-red hair, fastening it with a few hairpins. They men stood waiting, hats in hand.

Outside, the flow of people continued to move, unobtrusively, towards the church. As the parishioners left the building through the front door, stopping family by family to greet their minister and shake his hand, little clusters of town folk made their way through the small churchyard to the right of the building, and in through the side door at the back, filling the seats as they emptied. Bess and Will Roninger and their brood had kept their seats towards the left front of the church. They were there to watch Matt and Kitty get married at last. But the others… Bess's eyes got wider and wider as they filed silently in. Whores and horsemen, bakers and busboys, faro dealers and farriers – they were there to witness the finale of a legend.

About a hundred people had attended church that morning, a nice crowd for a pleasant autumn morning. By the time the minister, Frank Reardon clearing a path in front of him, re-entered the church, there were nearly twice that number crowded into the pews, standing at the back, at the sides, and in the aisle. England moved slowly forward, shaking hands, smiling, but not breaking the waiting stillness that held throughout the room. Leaving Frank standing in front of the altar, he walked through the door to the left into his study.

Reverend England cleared his throat when he entered and saw the small group waiting for him. He had thought that he'd be marrying Matt and Kitty in his office, with a couple of witnesses. "You, ah, know there's some folks waiting for you outside, Marshal, Miss Russell?" he asked.

That confused Matt, but Kitty's smile widened. "It's Bess and Will and the kids, Matt. I sent them a note this morning. Oh, and Doc talked to Ma Smalley. And maybe the girls from the Long Branch came, too."

The reverend nodded his head, "Yes, that's all true. So let's get the papers filled out here, and then we'll just walk out to the sanctuary for the wedding. That all right?"

Matt looked around the already crowded office, thought about the size of the Roninger brood, and nodded his agreement. England sat down behind his desk and pulled out a scrolled document with blank lines on it. He dipped his pen and held it ready, "Marshal, your full name and place and date of birth?"

"Matthew Caldwell* Dillon, Randall County, Texas, October 23rd 1847"

"And yours, Miss Russell?"

Kitty shrugged, the people here all knew how old she was. "Kathleen Beaufort" she stopped to spell it "Russell, Orleans Parish, New Orleans, Louisiana, October 16th 1854."

England wrote it all down. "Now I like to ask this question before we begin the ceremony, friends, because I don't like surprises. Are either of you currently married or betrothed, or is there any other objection that someone might bring up why you cannot be lawfully married?" He looked first at Matt, who shook his head, and then at Kitty who, keeping pert comments to herself, did the same.

"All right then, ladies and gentlemen, let's go on out," he said.

"One minute there, reverend," Doc said. He looked up at Matt, "Son, I've been waiting to walk this young lady down the aisle almost as long as you've been waiting to marry her. Could you at least let me have the privilege of walking her from the office here up to the altar?"

Matt and Kitty smiled at each other, and Kitty removed her hand from Matt's arm to Doc's. Reverend England opened the door, and through the doorway they could see Frank Reardon standing alone by the altar. He walked over to join him. Matt took just a moment to untie and unbuckle his gunbelt, handing it to Festus who slung it easily across his shoulder without a word. Festus and Newly walked out, glancing briefly into the church, but not slowing their steps. Annie tucked one hand in Matt's arm and led him out, Sam behind them. Matt was halfway across the room before he turned to see the packed sanctuary. All five of Kitty's girls sat in the front row on the left with Hank and his assistant from the livery, Manuel and the cook from Delmonicos, and one of the chambermaids from the Dodge House tucked in tight next to them. Annie pulled lightly on Matt's arm, and he went on to stand next to Frank, handing him his hat to hold, Festus and Newly took places slightly behind them.

Kitty appeared in the doorway of the study, on Doc's arm, and there was a rustle as everyone in the room came to their feet. At that point, Matt lost all sense and appreciation of who was around him, and had eyes only for Kitty. Doc led her forward, kissed her, and put her hand in Matt's, taking a moment to close both his hands over theirs. Matt and Kitty turned to face the preacher.

"Dearly beloved," he began, smiling warmly out of a room packed with citizens of Dodge he'd never seen in church before, and knew he might never see again. "We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and deliberately."

"If any here now can show just cause why they may not lawfully be wed, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace." There was, briefly, an even deeper hush, everyone turning to look at each other, and then, almost with one accord, back at the open door of the church. Reverend England allowed only a brief pause before continuing, speaking directly to the couple before him, "I require and charge you both, here in the presence of God, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be lawfully united in marriage that you do now confess it." Another brief halt, and then a soft sigh rippled through the room.

Turning to Matt, he began, "Matthew, will you have this woman to be your wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, forsaking all others, will you be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

Staring into the depths of Kitty's blue eyes, Matt Dillon said, "I will."

"Then repeat after me; I, Matthew, take thee, Kathleen, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

Matt tightened his grip on her hand, and said, "I, Matt, take you, Kitty, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for all the days of our life."

Without comment on the changes, Reverend England asked, "Is there a ring?" and, solemn as a choirboy, Frank took it from his pocket and handed it to Matt who took Kitty's left hand and slipped it on her finger saying, "With this ring, I thee wed."

And then it was Kitty's turn. "Kathleen, will you have this man to be your husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, forsaking all others, will you be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

Her "I will." was firm and fervent.

Wondering a little, what changes she, in turn, would make, the reverend nevertheless provided Kitty with the standard vow, "Repeat after me; I, Kathleen, take thee, Matthew, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to obey, till death do us part."

Looking all the way up into Matt's steel blue eyes, Kitty said, surprising him just a little as he listened hard to every word, "I, Kitty, take you, Matt, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to obey, for all the days of our life."

And Reverend England, who had been warned by Matt that morning, asked Kitty, as if he did it during every wedding instead of for the first time that very day, "Is there a ring?", and Annie handed her Luff Barger's ring and she slipped it on Matt's left hand, "With this ring, I thee wed."

"I think it's wise to end a marriage ceremony with a reading from the Bible," the reverend said looking out over the packed church, and wishing fervently that his congregation was this large every Sunday morning, "and when the Marshal came to me this morning and asked me to marry him and Miss Kitty today, I had to think a little bit about what reading to choose. I thought to myself that, well, since this wedding was surely something both long-expected and much anticipated by both the parties involved, and by the people of this town, that I would read from the book of Tobit, though I know that's a part of the Bible that some of you are perhaps a little less familiar with." There were a number of chuckles at that, but also a number of people, Frank and Doc among them, who nodded seriously.

And so Reverend England ended the ceremony saying, "It is not good for a man to be alone; thus I now take this my beloved to wife, not out of lust but in true marriage, that she and I may find mercy and grow old together," pausing very briefly, he went on, "Matt and Kitty, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

If the church had been hushed before, it was totally silent now. Not a sound marred the stillness as the Marshal turned to Kitty, and for the first time there in public, in daylight, with the entire town watching, he lifted her face for a kiss. Their lips met lightly, his hands touching only her face, but then Kitty's arms came up to circle his neck, and his moved around her body, first hugging her, then lifting her off her feet and holding her wrapped against him as their mouths opened and the kiss deepened as if all the years of thwarted gestures and hidden love could somehow be left dead and buried by this one joyous, extravagant kiss.

The first sound was a collective intake of breath as all those seedier and less exemplary citizens of Dodge watched the open demonstration of a love they'd known about for years on end. Then there was clapping, and stomping, and enough shouting to frighten the few horses still tied to the rail outside. When Matt's left leg went out, he nearly dropped the bride, but Newly was there to catch her, giving her a moment to recover, and then placing his own kiss on her cheek. Festus' shoulder was solidly under Matthew's left arm before he could do more than stumble. It was the new Marshal who raised his voice to fill the room, "We've got some papers to sign here, folks. Party at the Long Branch in half an hour. Leave your guns at home, and every one of you come for a drink!"

34 * 34 * 34 * 34 * 34

The party was a doozy. On Doc's orders, Matt sat with his leg up on a chair, and, with no chance of being required to dance, he listened with pleasure as Sam fiddled and Doc and Festus took turns calling squares and rounds, and then took a break while couples danced a waltz. Even though free liquor was flowing at the Long Branch, the people who worked at the other saloons said their good byes around three and went to open their own establishments. And about that time, with Sunday dinner over, the word finally made it through the grapevine to the more reputable and distinguished among Dodge's citizens, and they began to drop by to kiss the bride, shake the Marshal's hand, and have a drink or a dance or both. About four o'clock Matt made one last walk up the stairs for Doc to change the bandage on his leg, and, soon after, Festus had the Kincaid buggy at the back door, and Newly stowed the bags that Kitty and Annie had packed early that morning. Knowing that Buck would be on a lead in back, Frank managed to chase away the youngsters, and some not so youngsters, who wanted to tie tin cans and other noisemakers to the buggy. Kitty met her husband at the bottom of the stairs, and they ducked out the back hall to the alley, where only Doc and Frank awaited them.

Matt shook hands gravely with Frank, then reached up to remove his badge for the last time and hand it over to the new Marshal. Frank looked at it, lying in his hand, and then set it carefully in his coat pocket. "Take care of my town, Frank," Matt told him, "There's no one who I think could do it better." Frank nodded solemnly, and turned to give Kitty a much sweeter and more serious kiss than the exuberant ones he'd bestowed the previous night. "Be happy, darlin'," he told her, and walked away. His party was over and there was work for him to do.

The music stopped and Annie and Sam appeared through the back door. Annie hugged and kissed them both with her trademark verve, and then Sam shook the Marshal's hand and, for the first time in his life, kissed Kitty very softly on the lips. "I know you're going to be happy, Kitty," he said, "Just try to remember how very much you deserve it." They turned and went back inside.

And that left Doc. "It's just occurred to me," he said, ignoring the tears rolling down his face, "That finally getting the two of you married off means I'm going to see a lot less of you."

"There'll always be a meal and a bed for you at Kincaid, Doc," Matt said, "Anytime you're driving out that way. No need to let us know, just come in and be at home."

Doc shook his hand warmly and turned to Kitty. "Little lady, you take care of that big lummox. And no more gunshot wounds! You let this one be the very last." He wiped the tears from her eyes with his handkerchief, and then kissed her cheek, with the same casual lightness he did on leaving the Long Branch at the end of an evening.

"Get on in here ya' ol' scudder," called Festus from the doorway, "Sam, he's a-gittin ready to start playin' agin, and ma voice is plumb tuckered out." With a big wink for Matt and Kitty, he drew the protesting doctor back into the Long Branch, and then they were alone.

The ride out to Kincaid was now familiar enough to seem shorter than it really was. They chatted a little, and were quiet a little more. One of the hands came out as they drove in and led the horse and buggy, and Buck, into the barn. Matt and Kitty climbed the steps to the porch and, despite her protests, he swept her up in his arms to carry her over the threshold into their home. They made comfortable conversation in the kitchen, while Kitty fixed them something to eat. Matt walked over to talk briefly with Bat while she washed the dishes, and came back through the kitchen door just as she finished.

The sun was nearly down, and despite the early hour, Matt took Kitty's hand and led her up to bed. They stopped briefly, halfway up the stairs, admiring the last red shadows in the big room. "I can't wait to see the things that are going to happen here, Kitty," he said, "Here in this very room."

Kitty squeezed his hand, "I was thinkin' more about what might be happenin' up in our bedroom, in that big new bed." She laughed a little, "Doc gave me some medicine for you this afternoon, and made me put it in my bag. Said you might need a little something for the pain tonight, after."

Matt grinned as they continued up the stairs, "After? That's really what he said?"

Kitty gave a low chuckle, "That's really what he said."

THE BEGINNING

*Footnote:

Matthew Caldwell, a signer of the Texas Declaration of Independence, was also known as the organizer of what later became the Texas Rangers. He raised a troop of thirty-two men, known as the Gonzales Ranging Company of Mounted Volunteers, who were the only band of reinforcements to make it through Santa Ana's lines and into the Alamo during the siege of 1836. The company died to a man, earning them the name "the immortal thirty-two".


	35. Chapter 35: Absent Friends

Chapter Thirty-five: Absent Friends

Usually, Kitty took a nap on Saturday afternoons, but that day in the fall of 1922, there wasn't time. Luke brought Annie out from town mid-morning, and she and Bessie firmly maneuvered Kitty out of the kitchen and onto the front porch where the men were already gathering. She sat next to Matt, watching their two tall sons talking and laughing with Luke. "Not hard to believe they're brothers, is it?" Matt said, and Kitty nodded as she always did, because he always said it when he saw Luke and Travis together, but to her mind, they looked more like father and son – Luke not quite sixty and Travis not quite thirty. Still, the two of them looked so alike in height and shape and face, that no one could doubt that a relationship was there. Both looked so much like the cowboy she remembered at different times in their life that occasionally it took her breath away. And red-haired Micah, well, Micah was always just a little apart from the others.

She looked over at Matt, seventy-five today, and admired him. His hair was all grey now, but it still curled thickly back from his forehead. He was a little leaner now than he'd been in his middle years, and even after more than thirty years she still noticed the lack of a badge pinned to his chest. His face was craggy and worn, but she still found him handsome, and his steel blue eyes flashed just as brightly as they ever did. Kitty took his hand and held it in her own.

Matt glanced over to meet the dark blue of her eyes when she did that, and stroked his fingers against her wrist. He never did know how he'd managed to find and keep the most beautiful woman in the world, but he never failed to be thankful for it. Her once bright hair was roan now, streaked with white, and she mostly wore it pulled back in a heavy knot at the back of her neck. Sometimes, he'd lift that knot just a little to kiss her neck. He smiled and did that now, and was pleased at the shiver it gave her. Her figure was fuller now, after three babies, but so were her lovely breasts, and it took some restraint not to just reach over and cup them in his hands.

Newly was the first of the real guests to arrive, and he did that in a motor filled to the brim with family – his daughters, their husbands, and a variety of young children all crammed together in the big two-seater. Luke and their boys went down to admire the car, as Newly walked up to Matt and Kitty. Matt shook his hand, and Kitty kissed his lips. "Feeling old yet, Judge?" he asked. "Not so much, Newly." Matt replied, "Fifty felt old. Seventy-five, it just feels seasoned." They laughed, and after a little conversation, Newly went on in to find Annie in the kitchen.

"You think he's sleepin' with our Annie?" Kitty asked him.

"None of our business if he is." Matt told her firmly, but then relented at the sparkle in her eye, "Yeah, I think he is. It's been quite a few years now since Janie died. I think they make each other happy."

From then on it was a constant stream as friends and neighbors arrived, on horseback, in buggies, and a few in motor cars. Just before sundown, the hands uncovered the pit where a calf had been roasting since early morning, and Annie and Bessie laid out a huge meal on tables in the yard. All the furniture in the big front room had been pushed against the walls or moved out to the porch, and the young people were beginning to choose up partners as two fiddles, a harmonica, and a guitar began tuning on the stairs.

"Guess it's time we went in and let them get things started," Matt said, tucking Kitty's hand into his arm. They crossed the yard, stepped up through the porch, and stood in front of the fireplace at the near end of the room. Electric lights blazed over head as the room slowly came quiet, all attention focused on the couple in front of them. Matt and Kitty both held shots of whiskey, and no one had the grit to comment, although most of the women and some of the men carried glasses of bright red punch. Annie and Newly stepped over to be near them, though Luke held his place on the other side of the room. Micah, Travis, and their wives moved forward as well, and the grandchildren wriggled their way close.

Matt's deep voice could still fill a room. "I'm pleased to have all of you with us this evening. Now you know this party wasn't my idea," he looked over at Travis and Bessie, and there was a quick bit of stifled laughter in the room, "But I'm glad to be here, and to have so many of you here to celebrate with us. Seems right tonight that we should drink to absent friends."

"Absent friends," Kitty echoed, as the toast went round the room, and she and Matt both lifted their glasses to swallow their whiskey in one pull.

_flashback 35 * 35 * 35 * 35 *35 flashback_

_The first was Festus. About a year and a half after Matt and Kitty married, Festus, acting as Marshal Reardon's deputy, captured Virgil Bonner and brought him in for trial. When the state of Kansas hung Virgil, his outlaw brother Jude swore vengeance. Jude, along with his troop of Dog Soldiers, came into Dodge late on a Sunday afternoon. Kitty was staying at the Long Branch with Annie and Sam while Matt, deputized once again, was out on Bonner's trail with Frank Reardon. _

_Festus was with them in the barroom drinking a cold beer when Bonner and his men pulled up their horses on Front Street and called him out, threatening to burn the town to the ground. Festus drank down his beer, wiped a hand across his mouth, kissed Kitty once – right on the lips – and took himself out to the street. He walked to the middle, turned west and faced the riders against the lowering sun. He glanced back at Kitty, standing tall in the door of the saloon, and dropped his right eye in a wink. Kitty gave him the biggest smile she had and returned the wink. Then Festus stared straight into Jude's eyes, without a word, as the outlaw and his men riddled him with bullets. Sam, with Annie's face held hard into his shoulder, put his other arm around Kitty and held her to his side until the last of the Dog Soldiers had ridden away. Then she walked into the street, sat down in the dirt, and cradled Festus' head in her lap, closing his eyes, until Doc brought over half a dozen men to carefully lift the deputy and take him over to the undertaker._

_Frank, Matt, and the rest of the posse caught up with the Dog Soldiers two nights later – killing Jude and three others and capturing the rest in their sleeping camp. They didn't know about Festus' death until they returned to town. A silent Matt took Kitty home to Kincaid and lay with her that one night. At dawn he left, telling her he would be back when he could. She didn't try to hold him, just kissed him and told him to take as long as he needed. By the time he returned seven weeks later she was sure she was pregnant, and they moved on to the next phase of their life. Micah Festus Dillon was born at the end of 1890._

_a * b* s * e * n * t * * f * r * i * e * n * d * s_

_To everyone's surprise, except possibly Kitty and Matt, Annie Dillon married Sam Noonan the same year they bought the saloon, and they lived with every evidence of happiness in Kitty's old rooms above the Long Branch for six good years. Sam died, shotgun in his hands, protecting one of Annie's girls from a drunken cowboy. Although her name was linked with a variety of men over the years, including, at various times, both Marshal Reardon and Marshal O'Brien, Mrs. Noonan never married again.  
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_a * b* s * e * n * t * * f * r * i * e * n * d * s_

_Doc delivered Kitty's first son, and then her second two years later. He told her that she'd likely not have another, but he was wrong, and six years later she was pregnant again. Doc turned his practice over to Doctor Luke Barger and moved into Kincaid to supervise her late pregnancy – she was forty-four. Rose Adams Dillon was the last baby he ever delivered, but he lived another eight years quietly at the ranch, reveling in the three children who called him Papa Doc, before Matt went up and found him dead in his room one autumn morning when he didn't come down for breakfast.  
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_a * b* s * e * n * t * * f * r * i * e * n * d * s_

_Frank Reardon gave Dodge twelve good years of rowdy nights, fast guns, loose women, and a front row seat in church every Sunday morning. He almost managed to live through them. The trend towards less gunplay and more law and order continued, and as the railroads moved further west and south, the annual cattle drives petered out to nothing. Frank scheduled his retirement, like Matt he was one of the few marshals to live to do so, but as the century turned he died in one of the last gunfights ever held on Front Street just days before he was set to leave the business. His draw was still faster, but his aim not what it had been ten years before. Newly and Matt loaded his coffin on a wagon and drove it north to Montana to bury him next to Maria.  
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_a * b* s * e * n * t * * f * r * i * e * n * d * s_

_Rose Kincaid lived to be nearly eighty, and Till died a week later. Elizabeth brought both their bodies back to Kincaid where the two women were buried next to Jake. Elizabeth left her three boys with the Dillons for that whole summer where they learned a way of life far different from that they'd led in Saint Louis, and returned for school in the fall browner, tougher, and more honest with themselves and the world than they had started out. Ben Carstairs was the only one who returned to Kansas, first working for Matt as a hand, and later buying a small ranch and marrying one of the Ronninger daughters. His children and Travis' were cousins, a fact that gave Kitty Dillon no end of satisfaction._

_flashback 33 * 33 * 33 * 33 *33 flashback_

By ten o'clock, with dinner over but the party still going strong, Matt could see that Kitty was beginning to be tired. He took her arm, and they made one last round of the guests before heading upstairs. Most of the younger people hardly noticed, but there were eyes that followed them. Annie and Newly, sitting over in a corner drinking glasses of suspiciously dark punch, smiled knowingly at each other and, after a brief whispered conversation, made their own goodbyes and headed back to Dodge together.

Micah and Travis, standing by one of the fireplaces with glasses of bootleg whiskey, also smiled, and Micah commented, shaking his head, "You'd think, looking at them, that they actually had a reason for going up there together."

Travis looked at his brother shrewdly, "You really think they don't?" he asked.

"Lord, Travis, he's seventy-five years old and mother's almost seventy!" was his brother's shocked reply.

"Well let me tell you, brother, Bessie and I live here with the two of them, and I'd sure put money on what's going to happen up there tonight. Most nights, in fact." He looked seriously, and with a little pity, at his older brother, "You're the one whose wife asked for a separate bedroom, Micah."

"And didn't get it." Micah reminded him.

But Travis only grinned and chuckled, "You finding the bunkhouse not to your liking, Micah?"

"Annalee doesn't want more children, Travis, and I respect that." Micah answered a little huffily, not sure how they'd managed to get on this subject.

"You could have had mother talk to her. Not a trick in the book she doesn't know," his brother returned admiringly.

"It was after mother talked to her that she locked her door on me. Wouldn't even tell me what Mamma said, just looked at me like I was some sort of wild animal." Micah confessed staring hard into the embers of the fireplace.

Travis slung an arm around his brother's shoulders and said, with considerably more sympathy than he'd felt originally, "You made your bed, Micah, up to you to lie in it. Or not. Let's go get another drink."

Up in their room, Matt and Kitty lay comfortably together in their big bed. The music and laughter from downstairs made a pleasant background. "Reminds me of those years at the Long Branch." Kitty said, "When we'd sneak up to bed early, and Sam would close for me."

Matt kissed her neck and moved his hands against her breasts, "And I'd buy Festus a drink to do the late rounds for me." They lay, touching and stroking each other for a while, no longer full of need, but solidly sure of their pleasure.

Kitty seemed a little pensive afterwards, and Matt cuddled her against him, "You okay, honey? I do something wrong?"

Kitty gave a low laugh. "We've been doin' this for almost fifty years, Matt. I don't think you'd know how to do anything wrong." A few minutes later, her voice more serious, she said, "I was just thinking of those old years. When it seemed like I'd wake up every day wondering if that would be the day I lost you."

Matt rubbed a hand slowly across her back and shoulders. It wasn't a subject that came up often, but every now and then she'd make it clear there were things she still found hard to remember. Now she spoke to him very directly, "Matt, I've been thinkin', and I know there's no way to be sure of things like this, but if there's a way, when it comes time, could you let me go first?"

"Why would you want that, honey?" he asked her a little sadly, "I'm older than you, Kitty, so you know the odds are against it."

"I know the odds, Matt," she replied, "I'm still better at cards than you are, but, well, sometimes people do get some choice." Her voice was very low as she said, "I'm not afraid of dying, Matt. Dying's easy. Only thing I've ever really, truly feared these last fifty years was losing you and being alone." She rolled over on her back, "Oh, I know, Matt, there were other things. I was scared of having a baby for the longest time, and there were men and guns that scared me, too, but losing you – that was the only thing I didn't think I could survive. And now, well, I wouldn't want to survive it." She stopped, then just a whisper, "I'm not as brave as you are, Matt, or as strong."

He moved her back into his arms, and said the only thing he could, "You know we can't always choose, Kitty, but yes, if it comes down to it, I'll stay behind." That satisfied her, and they snuggled together, tired but not sleepy, listening as the music and voices eventually stopped, and their sons stood on the porch calling goodbyes as friends and relations left – the clop of hooves and the stuttering of motors mixed.

They heard the familiar sound of Travis and Bessie moving past their door, stopping to check the children's rooms as they went on down to their own, and then, with some surprise, heard Micah's heavy steps as he walked his wife up the stairs and opened the door across from theirs. There was some rustling that might have been a goodnight kiss, and then Annalee's low, embarrassed voice, "Micah, no…" and his clear reply, "Yes, sweetheart, at least tonight, yes," before the door closed behind them.

That brought Matt and Kitty together again for a quiet laugh and a hug, and that led to a deeper embrace. They kissed again, and then more deeply, and Kitty's hands found, with a bit of surprise, that he might indeed be convinced to a little more activity yet that evening. "You lookin' for a special birthday present, Matt?" she asked, humming against his neck.

"I always like what you give me, Kitty," he said, voice catching at the touch of her experienced hands.

"Well, then, let's see what we can do."

35 * 35 * 35 * 35 * 35

There were seven more years for them after the party, and before Kitty got her wish. They lived each one of them full to the brim. Kitty's hair turned slowly white, but she kept it long and Matt still loved to brush it for her. Saturday evenings continued to be their special time, and though things were slower and less lively than in past years, their enjoyment of each other was just as complete and fulfilling. They were resting one evening, after, Kitty lying in Matt's arms with her head against his scarred chest.

"You know those damn kids are planning another party, Matt," she said. "For my seventy-fifth birthday next month."

"Yeah, I know," he said, laughing softly in her hair, "But I don't know any way to stop 'em."

"How'd we get to be so old, Matt?" Kitty asked, seeming to really want an answer.

"I gave up thinking on that when I turned fifty, Kitty," he replied. "I sure never expected to see eighty."

"I remember when I was thirty-four, Matt," she reminisced softly, "That first year Annie came to us. And I thought I was so old and used up. That was the year I decided we had to change things, that I had to face up to marriage and a family if we were ever going to have one. We'd been together fifteen years then and it seemed like a world of time."

"We've had almost forty more, Kitty. God's been kind to us. Those early years, though, I look back and they seem brighter somehow, and darker too, more vivid. I don't know how to say it."

"I think it's that we were so alive then, Matt. We were so alive because every day we thought maybe we'd be dyin' before the next day came along," she said, "We don't think much about dyin' anymore, Matt, these days, even though we're old."

"Dying doesn't much matter, Kitty," he told her, "Only thing that would bother me is leaving you alone."

"I hope you never do, Matt." Kitty said, almost asleep.

"We'll just have to wait and see, sweetheart," he told her drifting off.

It was towards the end of their morning ride when Kitty began to feel the pain in her chest. Matt got her home and off her horse, but she collapsed on the front porch. Bessie and Travis came running at his yell. "Help me get her inside, Travis," Matt said, ashamed. "I'm not strong enough to pick her up anymore."

Travis lifted his mother and took her into the house. Matt sat on the old leather couch and let his son set Kitty in his arms. "It hurts, Matt," she told him. "I need Doc."

"Just lay still, Kitty. I've got you, honey." Matt said, and, knowing that Bessie had already telephoned, "Luke is on his way." He remembered when the five miles from Dodge had taken Doc Adams an hour in his buggy, and counted the minutes, stroking her and talking to her softly, until Luke's car pulled up in front of the house.

Luke gave her nitroglycerin, and wanted to take her to the hospital. Matt looked him straight in the eyes, Kitty's head cradled on his chest. "Will she get better if you do that, son?" he asked.

"No, Matt. We can treat her pain a little better there, but I think the damage to her heart is just too great." Luke replied steadily.

"Can't you give her something for the pain right here?" Matt asked.

"Yes, sir, I can."

"Then you just do that. We'll stay here at home."

Luke found what he needed in his bag, and gave Kitty a shot. Within minutes, her pain eased, and she relaxed against her husband's body. "Is this it, Matt?" she asked, a little plaintively.

Matt stroked back her hair. "I think it is, Kitty. We've had a good long run." She saw the tears in his eyes, and wanted to reach up to wipe them away, but her hands seemed too heavy to move.

She closed her eyes for a few minutes, just feeling his hands on her hair and face and back, and then the tightness in her chest pushed harder. "Oh, Matt, I want Doc," she said.

"He's in the other room, Kitty. He'll be here in a minute." Matt told her, thinking she meant Luke.

"The room with the lighted door?" she asked, struggling to see through the growing darkness around her in the sunlit room, "Doc's in through that bright door?"

Knowing now, Matt answered her in the deep, velvet voice she loved, "Yes, Kitty. Right through that door. Doc's waiting for you."

Kitty opened her eyes one last time and looked straight up at him, "You comin' too, Matt?"

"You go on first, Kitty," he said, "I've got a couple things to do here, but I'll be with you directly."

And so she did.

35 * 35* 35 * 35 * 35

Matt lived six more years, and he never wore a gun again. He rode almost every morning of his life, but he left the management of the ranch to Travis and his growing family. He enjoyed letters and photographs from Rose, and even managed to get through the two visits that Micah made without much commotion. Arguing seemed more trouble than it was worth. Annie, with or without Luke, came out frequently to visit or to stay overnight. She'd go up to his room at night, and sit propped against the end of the big bed and they'd talk, for hours sometimes, until at last he'd fall asleep, nearly content. And it was Annie who saw to it that, despite prohibition, there was always a bottle of good whiskey available for him. On Saturday nights, Matt would sit in Kitty's big bathtub with a glass of whiskey and a slow hand and think of the woman he'd loved more than living, and all their years together.

One late summer evening, he was sitting in his big chair on the front porch as he had so many times before and watching the sunset stream across the prairie. It was an exceptionally good one that evening. The bright orange filled the sky and reminded him, as it always did, of her hair spread out on his pillow in the first bright rays of the morning sun. Matt reached in his vest pocket and took out the lock of hair she had cut and given him so many years ago when he'd headed out to the hills after Festus' death. There was something else in the pocket as well. He pulled out her key, still tied with that piece of ribbon. He didn't even remember putting it in his pocket, although he looked at it, lying on the bureau, every morning as he dressed. He held it now in his hand, wanting nothing more than to turn it in the door of her room and walk inside to find her waiting for him. The sun was gone now, and it was dark, but it seemed there was a dimly lighted corridor – the one outside her room with the lamp turned low. Not rising from his chair he walked towards the light and used the key one last time, opening her door and seeing her sitting up in the big bed.

"Hello, Matt," she said.

"Hello, Kitty," he told her with a smile, so glad the waiting was finally over.

E * P * I * L * O * G * U * E

The Dillons were a long lived family. Annie and Luke, living together in a small house in Dodge City, Kansas weren't even ninety yet when, one May night in 1952, Annie turned on the radio and heard the sound of hoof beats followed by a deep voice saying, "Around Dodge City and in the territory on west, there's just one way to handle the killers and the spoilers, and that's with a US Marshal and the smell of gunsmoke." She called to Luke, and both of them listened in amazement as, after a brief bit of music, the voice went on "The story of the violence that moved west with young America, the story of a man who moved with it, Matt Dillon, United States Marshal." Amazed and disbelieving, they listened, rapt, for half an hour to a story that could have been one of those their father told his grandchildren around the big fireplace at Kincaid.

"They made him bigger than life," Luke said, shaking his head.

But Annie disagreed. "No bigger than he really was, Luke," she said, "Hearing this, though, no one's going to believe that he and Kitty were real people."

Luke had more faith. "Maybe some people won't, Annie, but there'll always be a few who know they were real. Who will understand what they did and how important it was."

Annie rested her curling white hair against the padded back of the chair. "I suppose you're right, Luke. There'll always be a few who understand."

THE END


End file.
